Imatacrossroad

[Iamlost]

So im 14 born male.....
Ive been looking at this cite for a couple of months now but havn't had the courage to actually sign up. Ive been thinking about this for nearly a year now and feel i should really take action and decide.
     Being young i didnt really feel dysopheria it really only effected me when puberty started. But when i look back at my childhood i can see many times where i did something more female then male. I heavily disliked sports (my dad tried to get me into basketball soccer baseball and tenis) however i didnt like any of them and still dont today.  Secondly, I found myself different to people like my older brother.... while he climbed trees ran and played soccer i stayed indoors with our mom following her around and tried to do things that she did (wash the dishes, water the plants, ect), i also remeber this time when i got interested with my moms bra and when she wasnt in the room i tried to put it on... it felt good but i imdediately took it off, this was my first and inly instance of cross-sex clothing.
     Eventually i hit middle school and everything became terrible. At first i thought all this anxiety and depression i was experiencing was from fitting into a new school and all these new things but then when i was 13 i found out about transpeople and at first thought "no im not like them" but i still searched on and found how many similarities i shared with other transpeople.
      Firstly i just find i hate it when people gender me (like they call me a man or he) and i also had this weird feeling that all of a sudden i would turn into a girl and kept feeling around expecting my penis to disappear (yeah i dont know about that)
      Secondly, i hated when i first got puberty and wished that section on my body was just flat.... and i'd also get very nervous when im in a boys bathroom or boys locker room as if i was a outsider and shouldnt be there.
      When i found out about ->-bleeped-<- i felt like i could breathe, i hated myself and hadnt felt like taking care of my body (brushing my teeth, bathing, ect) but now i feel less depressed just knowing i wasn't alone.

       However i have some concerns....
1. I like gaming - i hate fps games like csgo or cod and prefer mmorpgs and at times minecraft.
2. Costs - im only 14 so i dont have to worry about funds for other things yet...i feel i can get a part time job but in the 2 1/2 years i will have im not sure if i can make 20,000$+ in that amount of time. Anyways i actually have a lot of body hair... even in my rectum i have hair which is very unlike my entire family. I hope that can go away mostly from hrt as i dont have much facial hair, so could i expect below average costs cause im 16?
3. Family - i havnt come out to anyone, and have really hidden my actual emotions till now, my mother would most likely say no, but my dad might be convincable, as for my brother.... the news would be out to my entire school the first day he finds out about this.
4.  School - my school emphasies we should all be treated equally... i tleven think theres a lgbt club in our school, but i feel id still get heavilly insulted.
5. Medical - i'd prefer to have a long life, does hrt cause anything that could possibly shorten it?
6. Effects - i'd like to kbow how i stack up... im going for hrt asap (age 16 i year, and on another note do we need both our adults permission or just 1 is required?) Either way id hate to look half boy half girl for the rest of my life. As of now im 14, 5 foot 3 and weigh 114 lbs, however i find my hips/but oversized already and can notice sleight curves. My family has a nice history of late puberty (my oldest brother is 18 and has no armpit hair yet) but were also asian. My mom has acceptable size (B/C) and my little sister hasnt hit puberty so i cant tell. I also have tan skin, it use to be white but i hear hrt can lighten your skin. If i get some sunscreen could i possibly pass for white skin?
7. Acceptance - im not sure what could be accepted as gender dysopheria and i'd probs want to kms if i get rejected, so from your expereince do you think i have gender dysopheria? I cant really tell mysepf but id like to be sure, and when you were able to pass for female did anyone ever question your identity? I hope i could pass when i enter college.
8. Clothing - one key thing is i havnt really cross dressed (since that time when i was little) and dont really care to much about what i wear (probs because i never cross dressed before and it would be too much to explain even if i tried) i feel this really puts a wall on having gender dysopheria im not really sure.
9. Others - i have a deep voice, could that ruin voice theropy (i can still hit a high falsetto though) ive been on growth hormones (i plan to quit asap because i dont want to be 5,7 but could this ruin my chances)
Ive been rambling on long enough, i think this is mostly everything really...
Ps. Sorry if i spell wrong, im typing on my phone keyboard and im really bad at spelling.
So tell me... do i have dysopheria? Could i expect good results on hrt?

[V M]

Hi there 

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V M

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place.
1. Gaming doesn't have anything to do with being transgender however we have a minecraft server if you would like to play.
2. Normally most treatments have to wait until age 18 however the exception is a testosterone blocker which will stop puberty until you reach the age of 18. A that point you can consider if you would like to transition or remain in your birth role.
3. We can help you with information and coming out letters. It will be up to you to decide when you want to come out.
4. Some people chose not to come out in school while others chose to live in the opposite role for the remainder of their schooling. You need to decide what is right for you.
5. I am 66 years old and I had surgery when I was 30. I don't smoke, eat health, control my weight, don't drink and I exercise. My blood work is alway good and the doctors remark about how healthy I am. If you have good genetics and you take care of yourself, you will live a very long life.
6. You will probably need both parents permission but your results are difficult to determine. The early you start treatment, the less difficult the treatment.
7. I suspect you are transgender or you wouldn't be looking this site. This site "the transition channel" might help you answer some of your questions.
8. Cross dressing isn't a good test of being transgender. Most of us do sooner or latter but not everybody does.
9. Voice and appearance issues can be handled however they are easer to handle if you are on the blockers shortly after starting puberty. I wasn't and my voice was so bad I needed surgery to help it. Most people can produce an acceptable voice with therapy alone. I wasn't able to start hormones until I was 26 but yet I am passable much of the time.

[Allie24]

A good start would be to find a therapist and discuss your anxiety.

Adolescence is a scary time and so is puberty. Given that you are averse to the changes occurring in your body, it couldn't hurt to bring this up in a session and figure out what exactly upsets you so much about them.

My family also has a history of "late bloomers." I transitioned at 20 and have responded exceptionally to HRT. There is no harm in taking your time to think this out.

No one can tell you whether or not you are really transgender. That is for you alone to determine. But it is vital that you do your research into EVERYTHING involved in medical transitioning (and that includes stories of regret and some really gruesome surgical videos).

I can throw together a bundle of links if you like to help you get started.

You are young, though. Understand that puberty is a distressing time in general and that the distress you feel about your changing body now, may not be how you feel afterward.