Ups and downs

[MeTony]

My husband is thinking alot. He says he has a hard time to imagine himself living romantically with another guy. I can buy that.

He has started to send me pictures of our kids as toddlers and early school years. I think he wants me to accept myself as I am and continue living like a guy in a womans body. He said I am a guy in a woman's body. But if I decide for a change in names and physical changes, he is unsure about the outcome for us as a couple.

It feels like he thinks it is a decision I can make just like that. Well, I can decide to be me and be happy or continue as I am now and be unhappy and depressed.

He also admitted himself to be the "woman" in our relationship. He has a lot of female traits and habits. It is propably because of that we have been together for 19 years.

He also said our friendship will not be crushed because of this. We are best friends and will be even if I decide to change to Tony.

I guess it is a lot of ups and downs before we find a perfect solusion. He has looked at apartments in our area, if we decide to split. It is about 8 years waiting time for an apartment in the less attractive areas. But that is in the future.



Tony

[Megan.]

Tony,  these are tuff times. Our partners simply want the person they love back,  it can seem selfish on their part but I don't think it is.
But neither is it really a choice for us when we get this far,  and get a real glimpse of how it could be.
All my ex-wife wanted was her husband back,  and I would have done (and still would do) anything for her,  but that one thing was no longer in my power to give.
Keep talking,  take things slow,  and give him an opportunity to adjust.
I'm happy for you that your husband wishes to keep your friendship regardless, we all need good friends in life. X


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[Cindy]

This is absolutely the worst time for everyone.

Our partners want the person they fell in love with and so often we hid our terrible secret and when it is revealed how can we all deal with it?

Compassion, understanding and communication are all that I had. There  are no easy ways; there are lots of tears and hard words and anger. There are a zillion 'if only' - but the man you loved and who loves you needs every support he can have , just as the woman who fell for me.

It is a hard time.

Keep posting and talking and make sure you keep communication with your partner open and understanding. Be aware that he will have anger.