I guess that is that.

[Megan.]

When I came out to my parents (in their 70's), they initially seemed accepting if not supportive, but my Mum's position rapidly changed, to the point she stopped all communication with me,  though I have been meeting with my dad occasionally to keep in contact; he's not been supportive,  I think he views that he is humoring me.

A month ago a wrote a second letter to my mum (following one a year ago), trying to explain my feelings and make amends; this morning I finally received a response.

I won't publish the contents here but it is outright rejection. It echos the same X/Y chromosome,  "dressing doesn't make you a woman" rhetoric many here have encountered.

I am on the whole a positive person,  and had always hoped for a reconciliation,  this is not to be [emoji853].

I am angry (I would never treat my own children like this),  and sad. Her health is failing,  and she will not likely be with us much longer.

I'll move on with my life. In some measure I'd already expected this outcome,  but there was always hope,  now that is gone.

When i see others receiving acceptance from parents I am soooo happy for them,  but it's always tinged with my own sadness.

X

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[Bari Jo]

Megan, I'm so sorry this is the outcome.  I agree with your assessment, I'd be happy for those with support, but would also be filled with sadness.  I'm sure many of us would be proud to be your honorary parent, myself included.  I won't even make you clean your room or do dishes.  Hugs.

Bari Jo

[Laurie]

 Megan.

  I am so sorry you have to go through this. It hurts and it hurts a lot. No matter how "expecting" or "prepared" you believe you were is has to hurt deeply. You know in my case it is the reverse and you also know it is affecting me dearly. Yes, I have some other baggage come back to haunt me too, but I feel I do know your pain.
  You are welcome to talk with me anytime you need to.

HUGS
   Laurie
 

[Megan.]

Bari Jo,  thank you. There were some pre-hrt age-play fantasies I had,  but I guess that's not what you're taking about [emoji23]

Laurie, in an odd way,  it's nice to have a finality. I didn't know where things stood with my mum,  but she's made it very clear,  so now I can move on. Not what I wanted,  but as my mum(!) always said "Life is never fair".

I'll be fine. X

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[Laurie]

Bari Jo,  thank you. There were some pre-hrt age-play fantasies I had,  but I guess that's not what you're taking about [emoji23]

Laurie, in an odd way,  it's nice to have a finality. I didn't know where things stood with my mum,  but she's made it very clear,  so now I can move on. Not what I wanted,  but as my mum(!) always said "Life is never fair".

I'll be fine. X

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  Well I sincerely hope so but I am here if you do need someone to talk to. Don't let it get to be a problem like I have.


Hugs,
   Laurie

[Paige]

Hi Megan,

I'm very sorry to hear this.   You deserve better.   I can never understand how people can treat their children so badly. 

Take care,
Paige

[Bari Jo]

Bari Jo,  thank you. There were some pre-hrt age-play fantasies I had,  but I guess that's not what you're taking about [emoji23]

Hah, no, not what I meant.  I did try out age play before, but quickly found it wasn't for me.  Still I feel for you .  I might be in the same boat with my dad.  We shall see.

Bari Jo

[Megan.]

Hah, no, not what I meant.  I did try out age play before, but quickly found it wasn't for me.  Still I feel for you .  I might be in the same boat with my dad.  We shall see.

Bari Jo

Thank you. Well I do hope your dad is accepting, but we can always be surrogate parents for each other!

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[Megan.]

Thank you to everyone for all the support. Having this resource is such a wonderful and valuable thing to me. X

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[The Flying Lemur]

I'm so sorry, Megan!  I was out of communication with my own parents for quite a while, over non-transition-related issues.  It's incredibly painful when relationships with those who gave you life turn toxic.  I know it's no substitute, but at least you have the support of everybody here.

[MaryT]

I really feel for you, having to sacrifice so much just to be the person you really are.  From your intro, I know that you have had to suffer much more even than what you covered in this post.  I never lost contact with my parents, precisely because I was too afraid to permanently transition while they were alive. 

At the risk of sounding twee, all I can say is that you are obviously one of the most valued members of Susan's Place, so you will always have a sort of family.

[RobynTx]

I like to think that I finally come out to myself because my dad is no longer with us.  It's been a few years and I really believe he wouldn't like what I want to be.  I don't know, he likes to surprise us all the time.  Now my mom is another story.  I haven't come out to her yet, never a good opportunity it seems.  With her I'm fine either way.  Yes holidays will be interesting to say the least. 

It hurts to be rejected by anyone, even more so when it's a family member, much less a parent.  I would just send them cards or presents for holidays and see how they react.  You probably won't know but it will show them that you are still around and caring about them.

[big kim]

You can choose your friends but not your family. Sorry to read this

[MaryT]

I would just send them cards or presents for holidays and see how they react.  You probably won't know but it will show them that you are still around and caring about them.

I think that's a great idea.  Just because someone seems to stop loving you, it is not a crime to keep loving that person, and show them that you do.  At least, if the worst happens, you will know that you did everything you could, right up to the end.

[Megan.]

I think that's a great idea.  Just because someone seems to stop loving you, it is not a crime to keep loving that person, and show them that you do.  At least, if the worst happens, you will know that you did everything you could, right up to the end.

I've been doing this,  but have now been asked to stop even that; all communication is to cease.

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[Charlotte F]

I'm so sorry to hear this Megan, you truly deserve better.  What you are going through strikes fear in me, I should have come out to my parents in September, then I put it back to October and now we're about to go in to November and I'm no further forward

To me, parents should love their kids unconditionally so it really is sad when that falls down

Thinking of you

Charlotte

[Rowena_Ellenweorc]

I'm so sorry to hear this.  Its so hard when family (especially parents) are unsupportive and detrimental to our health. My parents were toxic so much of my life, and I eventually had to cut them out (not in relation to coming out though). We've repaired some fences now.  But its definitely hard.  Though you are right, at least there's that finality.  Not exactly comforting, but its closure.

Part of it comes with their age too though, mine are also in their seventies (Yes... my parents are in their seventies and I'm not even 30 yet... shhhh) and while my parents are accepting (to some degree.  The whole, 'Well at least you're not gay' thing still sits in the back of my mind lol) I also realize, the truth is they will never understand.  Its just not something they ever came across. My parents barely know how to use a computer, let alone the internet, so they aren't informed on what its like in the present either. (Even though dad's a lawyer lol.) My parents will probably look at all the lgbt news the same way they always have... Without sympathy. As wrong to support us.  Forgetting that they know people VERY close to them the news affects.  My cousins can marry their partners now legally.  If I change my gender marker (not likely to happen, partly cause I also live in Utah where being trans is made even harder.  We have judges who'll grant name changes but not a gender marker change), my marriage will still be valid. But that doesn't mean my parents accept it.  In fact, they probably agree with Trump policies...

So hopefully that you can find your peace in knowing you're still not alone in your journey. We all still love you, and you are a very beautiful woman. Don't listen to the whole chromosomes argument and whatever other arguments are thrown at you, and be proud of who you are. Chin up! And who knows... Nothing in life is certain. They may find their way back to you still.

[Sinead]

So sorry to hear that Megan . You've really helped me since I joined the forum, so if you need to talk, feel free to message me . I think you're wonderful, brave and really strong

[Tessa James]

Hey Megan,  So sorry that some significant folks in our life will react this way.  It's harsh and sadly not uncommon.  It's one thing for the greater populous to be indifferent or discriminatory but when it's your parents?  For them to be willing to cut you off takes a closed mind approach or willful ignorance. 

Too many of us have been there.  I didn't have a chance with my dad or fundamentally religious mom and left home at 16.  They didn't really want to know me or understand and that's how they died. 

Your parents may yet come around and if not, i consider it their great and unrealized loss.  Hope and trust you keep your head up and dreams in sight.

[Michelle_P]

Megan, I was sad to read of that harsh rejection by way of schoolhouse science. (I generally wind up explaining how chromosomes actually work, but epigenetics is too much for most folks.)

But, I think you have the right attitude. Now that they have asked for no further contact, anything that touches on them or their opinions is no longer an issue for you.

We don't get to choose our original family, but many of us have gone out into the world and found or built new communities, new families for ourselves and our lives. This in itself can be a rich and rewarding experience.

I've found a new community for myself that I very much love, and after just a year I feel that I may be about to coalesce a new family about myself. [emoji1288]



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