Partially Out of the Closet...Family Denies It

[GlassUnicorn]

This post will involve many potentially triggering subjects, including being physically beaten. So fair warning!


As of fairly recently, I made a new Facebook specifically for my identified gender. That is to say, once I got my hair cut, I made a new Facebook for myself, under my preferred gender and under my preferred name. I added friends who I knew would be accepting of me being transgender, and joined a few transgender groups.

Everything was going fairly well, albeit somewhat slowly, until one of the roommates physically beat me up, and told the police I didn't live there (and framed me, and said I beat myself up), and so I was unjustly kicked out, and had to come back and live with my parents, as these roommates were awful and unsafe. Unfortunately, it was two against one. This jerk and his girlfriend, so the police listened more to them Even though I had bruises, not them. I have many choice words for these roommates. Their excuse was that they could beat me up now that I'm a guy (despite never using the correct pronouns or name prior). Not only is that horribly sexist, but also why punch anyone?

All that aside, sorry for the details and rambling...

My parents refuse to accept me for being their son, not their daughter. They misgender me and deadname me all the time. They aren't bad parents, per se, and I think my mom is doing her best to understand. My dad, on the other hand, tells me I'm far too girly to be a guy. He tells me I'm just going through a phase, and that I'm doing all this for "fun". How such drastic changes are "fun", I fail to see. I have yet to start testosterone, and my beard is from hirsutism/PCOS. My mom tells me frequently to shave my "awful beard". On top of all this, I can't leave and live somewhere else. I'm disabled, not yet on Disability, and currently have no car. I have yet to find a consistent job I can actually keep and function in.

My question is basically, "How do you explain being transgender to parents who seem unwilling to listen?" It's like they're in their own little world still. Every time I try to explain it to Dad he walks off or tunes me out.

[Elis]

Basically I wrote a detailed email ti my dad about how I felt in the past about my assigned gender, how I felt now about it and my future transition plans. Then I included some helpful websites to help them understand.  Even though this was the best way to come out my dad still said some hurtful stuff, still misgendered me until I texted him saying it was hurtful and to stop doing it and still doesn't really acknowledge it.

Some parents are just crap and no amount of trying to get them to understand it or giving them time or space will help. Sometimes you've got to just ignore them and do what you know is best for you. I ended up moving into a hostel just to get my own space.

Btw awesome beard . My dad has told me to shave off the few dark hairs on my chin but it's all I can grow atm and has taken two years to do so; so not gonna happen

[Dena]

What you  posted about might not be winnable so you might want to consider a third option. Contact your local LGBT center and see if they have members who need a roommate. It's also possible if you are a member of a transgender group somebody in the group might need a roommate. I suspect your parents might come around some day but the process can take years so you should seek an alternative for now.

[JoanneW]

What you  posted about might not be winnable

...and even if it is winnable the price paid might outweigh the prize received. Personally I "parked" my transition for so long because of family issues that my final outcome (physically at least) will likely not be as good and I am facing major surgeries in my 50s rather than my 20s.

[GlassUnicorn]

You must all understand, though, that I have absolutely no income and no way to earn income. So therefore I need to at least be on Disability before I can be out of here.

[Gertrude]

You must all understand, though, that I have absolutely no income and no way to earn income. So therefore I need to at least be on Disability before I can be out of here.

What's your disability?


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[kayla1618]

Family is always the hardest when it comes to acceptance.

Part of it is them thinking they know you better than you know yourself, and denying everything.  Which is utterly annoying. 

The other part of it is they are afraid of losing "their daughter/sister or son/brother", in exchange for this "pretend persona", that they think is fake, or they say things like "its because youre shy, you're just not comfortable, you just need to learn to love yourself", to rationalize reasons why you may be feeling this way.

The ironically funny/wierd thing about it is, that they don't actually realize that they've been dealing with the "fake you" this whole entire time.  The person they think they know, is quite literally the pretend version of the true you.     

How people, especially family,  can't accept/see that, boggles my mind. 
But then again, we can't really expect people who have no idea what it feels like, to ever fully understand. 
Maybe support is the best we can hope for.....but truly understand?? Im not so sure.

[GlassUnicorn]

What's your disability?


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Severe generalized anxiety. Bipolar unspecified. Moderate autism. All are professionally diagnosed.

I also have other smaller things that make holding a job really hard. Aside from an inability to understand and remember directions, I get sick every few weeks with oftentimes severe illnesses. This would make for a ton of sick days needed.

By severe illnesses, I mean many worthy of needing to stay home or work not likely wanting me there. Stuff like bronchitis for three weeks recently, very high fever in June for three days, and many more. I'd be more than out of sick days by now.

[Meghan]

This post will involve many potentially triggering subjects, including being physically beaten. So fair warning!


As of fairly recently, I made a new Facebook specifically for my identified gender. That is to say, once I got my hair cut, I made a new Facebook for myself, under my preferred gender and under my preferred name. I added friends who I knew would be accepting of me being transgender, and joined a few transgender groups.

Everything was going fairly well, albeit somewhat slowly, until one of the roommates physically beat me up, and told the police I didn't live there (and framed me, and said I beat myself up), and so I was unjustly kicked out, and had to come back and live with my parents, as these roommates were awful and unsafe. Unfortunately, it was two against one. This jerk and his girlfriend, so the police listened more to them Even though I had bruises, not them. I have many choice words for these roommates. Their excuse was that they could beat me up now that I'm a guy (despite never using the correct pronouns or name prior). Not only is that horribly sexist, but also why punch anyone?

All that aside, sorry for the details and rambling...

My parents refuse to accept me for being their son, not their daughter. They misgender me and deadname me all the time. They aren't bad parents, per se, and I think my mom is doing her best to understand. My dad, on the other hand, tells me I'm far too girly to be a guy. He tells me I'm just going through a phase, and that I'm doing all this for "fun". How such drastic changes are "fun", I fail to see. I have yet to start testosterone, and my beard is from hirsutism/PCOS. My mom tells me frequently to shave my "awful beard". On top of all this, I can't leave and live somewhere else. I'm disabled, not yet on Disability, and currently have no car. I have yet to find a consistent job I can actually keep and function in.

My question is basically, "How do you explain being transgender to parents who seem unwilling to listen?" It's like they're in their own little world still. Every time I try to explain it to Dad he walks off or tunes me out.

Just give him some books explained about Transgender to slowly approach.

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