Navigating changing relationships

[Artesia]

Got home last night.  Sat and talked with my wife.  She is going to be leaving me.  I don't know exactly when we will part ways, but she can't stay with a woman, and wants me to be happy.  It's fresh in my mind, and heart.   This is going to be hard for me.  I love her, and wish we could stay together, but I understand that she needs to be happy too.  I just wish we could have been able to stay together.

I didn't sleep well, up most of the night crying.  Still feel the tears.  Just want to get it out.  Needed someone to talk to.  Everyone here is so supportive, I figured it might help, at least a little.

[Laurie]

 Hi Artesia,

  I am so sorry of this lousy event in your life. It hurts, really hurts. With me being escorted from my home an being served with a restraining order was the first of several things that's sent be into a 2 year+ depression, the worst in my life.  I was devastated as I am sure you are. I urge you to talk to your therapist as soon as possibly.
  As you know many of us here have been in the place you are now, It is survivable and you can get through  this Artesia. I have faith in you, girl. Others here will probably be of more help to you than I could be and I hope you accept their help.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Paige]

Hi Artesia,

I'm so sorry to hear this.  I'm figuring this is in my future if I transition, this is the only reason I held back but it seems inevitable that I will need to do it and we will need to break up.  It's a tough road we walk.

Wishing you all the best,
Paige

[MaryT]

Hi,
I hardly know what to say.  It feels strange seeing you happy and smiling in those recent photos, and then to find that you have just received such sad news.
I wish you happiness in the future.

[Megan.]

Hugs from me. X

It's hard for all parties when this happens, PM me if you need to talk.

Megan.

[RobynD]

So very sorry. It hurts so much. My own spouse and i are going through a distant period and i'm not sure what the future will bring. Feel free to reach out to me also via PM.

Robyn

[Artesia]

Thank you all.  I will probably reach out periodically over the next few days.  I know this will pass, in time.  It is fresh in my mind.

Then this morning she curls my hair.  It looked really good!  Except the tears.  Been having a hard time smiling at all, today.  Managed to pop one or two off, but they were short lived.  My next therapy appointment is on the eleventh.  First one with the new therapist, so it'll be a totally new experience.

I am so confused, and hurt.  I just need to figure things out.  She says she loves Steve, but hates Claire because she killed him.

At least, I get to go get my beard burned off on the first.  Still not a substitute.

[Becca Kay]

I know how you feel.  When I told my wife she said to me that she's "not a lesbian."  So we're splitting up. 

[LizK]

It is very sad when this happens and my heart goes out to you both.

I understand your confusion as on the one had they love you but not the "real" you...is there any possibility of you staying together as friends for awhile to ease the emotional and financial burden on you both...at least in the short term

[Artesia]

It is very sad when this happens and my heart goes out to you both.

I understand your confusion as on the one had they love you but not the "real" you...is there any possibility of you staying together as friends for awhile to ease the emotional and financial burden on you both...at least in the short term

I honestly don't know.  We have a dog together, she's not going to understand why we don't stay together anymore.  We're staying at my parents house until we find a place....I just always assumed it would be together.  I don't know how long she will be staying with me.  I'm kind of in the dark about how things will progress.  To make matters worse, my dad wants us out of the house ASAP, and I still haven't found a real job.

[Dani2118]

Hang in there Artesia! I think we live on a crazy roller coaster. Remember the good times on the bad days and make more of those good  memories when you can. You'll miss her and think your gonna die, but you will survive. I used to scoff at 'patience' but I'm learning it the hard way. It sounds like your dad is your biggest problem. You need a job ASAP so you can get on with life! The hardest thing we have to do in life sometimes is to let go of loved ones.

[Charlie Nicki]

So sorry for that, but if it's any consolation it has happened to many of us. It happened to me 2 and a half months ago and I'm already feeling so much better, so you can definitely get through this. Focus on yourself and your journey and most importantly, don't ever blame yourself for what's happening. We tend to do that and it is not healthy or real.

[tgirlamg]

Hi Artesia!

So sorry you are going through some hard stuff right now sister... This process of transformation is filled with some of the hardest times but please keep hope in your heart because you will get through this dark period and new, unexpected, joyful and amazing things lay ahead...

I've told people when I do speaking engagements that starting transition is much like telling everyone you know that you are climbing a huge mountain...

Some of them... even those closest to us, may not want to make the journey with you....Others may try to climb with us with the best intention of completing the journey with you...but find along the way, that their path is elsewhere and does not lead to the top where we are going... Bless them for being a part of your life and bid them safe travels... We can lose people along the way but new faces take their place to care for us and to be cared for by us... this journey is about our connections to others and the world around us.... Have a good climb sister!!!


Onward we go...

Ashley

[Artesia]

Hi Artesia!

So sorry you are going through some hard stuff right now sister... This process of transformation is filled with some of the hardest times but please keep hope in your heart because you will get through this dark period and new, unexpected, joyful and amazing things lay ahead...

I've told people when I do speaking engagements that starting transition is much like telling everyone you know that you are climbing a huge mountain...

Some of them... even those closest to us, may not want to make the journey with you....Others may try to climb with us with the best intention of completing the journey with you...but find along the way, that their path is elsewhere and does not lead to the top where we are going... Bless them for being a part of your life and bid them safe travels... We can lose people along the way but new faces take their place to care for us and to be cared for by us... this journey is about our connections to others and the world around us.... Have a good climb sister!!!


Onward we go...

Ashley

That is beautiful!  Are you a poet?  You craft a very appealing metaphor.

Still a bit down, but that made me cry in a different way than yesterday.  I know all things will pass.  It's just so hard to see it when the moment is so fresh.  At least I can look forward to tomorrow.

I really wish I could meet all of you ladies, your words have been so helpful, before, now, and I'm sure in the future.

[Toni]

So sorry to hear that, Artesia.  My wife and I are still together, but we both realize that we can't predict how we will feel in the future because we have never been there before.  It's easy for us to think "I'm still here, the real me hasn't gone away", but I have come to realize that that's not true.  We are different than we used to be and living with us is different than it used to be.  It's no ones fault but it doesn't hurt any less when the differences become too much for someone to accept.  As you become more of who you really are you will start to see many things through different eyes, doors will open that you couldn't see before and of the billions of people on this planet, others will see and accept you.  It will happen.  Keep talking and getting your feelings out in the open and you'll get through this.  Hugs, Toni

[tgirlamg]

That is beautiful!  Are you a poet?  You craft a very appealing metaphor.

Still a bit down, but that made me cry in a different way than yesterday.  I know all things will pass.  It's just so hard to see it when the moment is so fresh.  At least I can look forward to tomorrow.

I really wish I could meet all of you ladies, your words have been so helpful, before, now, and I'm sure in the future.

Thank You Sister!!!... I certainly wouldn't call myself a poet but putting myself in a place where I am speaking to rooms full of strangers about the things I've experienced, led me to seek out ways to describe it in terms that would be relatable, understandable and visual...

I have seen so many, here on this forum and elsewhere, paralyzed with the fear of moving forward because they don't want to face situations like you are now immersed in.... fear can be such an obstacle to happiness... in the end though, it is an obstacle of our own making... I always loved the words of Ranier Maria Rilke in Letters To A Young Poet...

"Our fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures"

I commend and celebrate you for facing the dragons my dear sister... you WILL find the treasure that lays beyond them.... the treasure of a life well lived and one that is truly your own


I hope you will continue to post on this aspect of your journey! There are many here who would benefit to see that it is possible to let go of the familiarity and security of our long time relationships and move forward with courage and hope!!!

All will be well

Onward we go brave sister!

Ashley ❤️

[Artesia]

Thank You Sister!!!... I certainly wouldn't call myself a poet but putting myself in a place where I am speaking to rooms full of strangers about the things I've experienced, led me to seek out ways to describe it in terms that would be relatable, understandable and visual...

I have seen so many, here on this forum and elsewhere, paralyzed with the fear of moving forward because they don't want to face situations like you are now immersed in.... fear can be such an obstacle to happiness... in the end though, it is an obstacle of our own making... I always loved the words of Ranier Maria Rilke in Letters To A Young Poet...

"Our fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures"

I commend and celebrate you for facing the dragons my dear sister... you WILL find the treasure that lays beyond them.... the treasure of a life well lived and one that is truly your own


I hope you will continue to post on this aspect of your journey! There are many here who would benefit to see that it is possible to let go of the familiarity and security of our long time relationships and move forward with courage and hope!!!

All will be well

Onward we go brave sister!

Ashley ❤️

I will continue to post about this part of my journey.

As of today, I am feeling a twinge of sadness, but my wife....dang it, close friend, has sat and talked with me about things.  She still wants to spend time together, just not as spouses.  She wishes to continue helping with my transition, and wants us to share our dog.  She wants us to live in the same apartment complex, but not live in the same apartment itself.  She has been mindful of my feelings, and has been pretty caring about how we discuss the break up.

[Denise]

Artesia, it's okay to cry.  Cry long and let it out.  I have spent hours crying but it has slowed down and it only happens on occasion now.  But as I move on with my life and she with hers we are both discovering our true selves.

You will come out better in the end and so will she.  It sounds like you can remain friends and that's important.  My soon-to-be-ex and I see each other whenever we can.  She may actually stay the night on Friday at my place "in the city".

Let it out, remember all the good and the bad it's what has made you who you are.

Love and Hugs
- Denise

[Colleen_definitely]

I've spent so much time crying it's not even funny.  I couldn't imagine being in your situation Artesia.

The good news is you're tough and you can make it through, and she sounds willing to help.  It's not exactly what you want but it might just end up being exactly what you need.

[tgirlamg]

Wise words Denise and Colleen!!!

Artesia... You are moving through the darkness but the dawn of a new life is arriving just ahead

Hugs!!!

A 😀❤️🌻