I do not like the term "gender dysphoria" :/

[Allie24]

"Gender dysphoria" is such a weak term, to me. Maybe it's because I feel it's used so often that it loses its weight and becomes a poor descriptor of my experience. It's like how "love" gets used so often that it doesn't often carry the heavy meaning it used to. "Dysphoria" is the same way.

Maybe there is another term someone else uses? I have resorted to just describing the feelings rather than saying "I'm dysphoric" because a feeling someone else might describe as dysphoria may not be anything close to what I feel is "dysphoria".

I don't know... what do you think?

[FlightlessFootwear]

I think you hit right on the mark when you said that dysphoria can mean something for one person while that definition doesn't apply at all to someone else. I'm not sure if there is another all encompassing term out there, but describing what dysphoria means to you might help you find one.

For me dysphoria is depression and self loathing linked to how I feel others perceive me and to certain body parts. Presenting as male for any length of time starts making me feel depressed and a little numb, leading into self-hatred and feeling broken inside and not wanting to be around others, as well as low energy. Things like my voice in its lower range, feeling my genitalia, seeing myself in a mirror, or any number of other things can start setting it off, and it usually gets worse and worse throughout the day. By contrast, on the few opportunities I have been able to present as female in public I have felt great about myself and found my confidence and happiness soaring.

[Allie24]

Well, for me it has evolved since transitioning. At first it was what I can only describe as a "close" feeling. Like there are a ton of camera lenses pressed up against my skin, scrutinizing every aspect and making my skin crawl all over. My head would feel large and I would feel all too conspicuous. I would dissociate and feel myself sink back, like I was leaning back inside of my skull and casually watching the world through my eye sockets. On top of that there was the stress surrounding sex and my extreme dislike for it, and the anxiety caused by the onset of puberty and resulting spike in my sex drive. But then I became religious for a period and would turn those feelings outward and criticize LGBT folks internally, while simultaneously inflicting self-harm on myself as a form of penance my own perceived deviance. After that I tried to rid myself of all my feminine aspects. I voice-trained so I would have a lower voice and sound like a guy, and I threw out all my form-fitting androgynous wear for looser clothing and I cut my long hair short, but this resulted in my isolating myself more and more and, again, resorting to self-harm to purge myself of "deviance" and internally criticizing LGBT folks. Also, throughout this time I had what I could only call an "identity obsession," that is, my focus, constantly, was attempting to construct a male identity for myself based on celebrities I admired or I felt like I resembled, and I had an overwhelming feeling of being something of an invalid... just an awkward sticker slapped onto a photograph that would be better if it was peeled off. After beginning transition, the identity obsession dissipated, as did the feelings of being an invalid, and some of my other anxieties have diminished (the sexual phobia--a little bit, the trans/homophobia--entirely, the self-harm--mostly, the "close" feeling--mostly). Really, it is in the realm of sexuality from which all of my distress stems... I can't even tolerate sex scenes in films/TV/books because the very thought is unsettling (but that has been my problem for a long time, since sex is the MOST gendered activity there is... which is what kept me from having relationships before because I feared I would be pressured into doing things I did not like doing and would be rejected for my inability to perform). My symptoms are so severe they have made me wish for a past sexual trauma (abuse/molestation/rape) so that I could pin everything onto that... but no, it feels like the only thing assaulting me is my own body.

These are feelings so extreme and persistent that "dysphoria" just comes across as lame in comparison

[sarah1972]

I rarely used the term gender dysphoria. Maybe I am just to blunt but I am usually pretty straight about being transgender.

However my story is also a bit different. While I was depressed, there have been very little times in my life where it was really bad. Up till figuring out I am trans I never particularly liked my body or myself. I am much happier now, but I do have to admit if I would have never figured out, I would somehow moved on too..

Back to topic: I think the term is too technical. Better than GID since it takes out the disorder and replaced it with a friendlier term.

I do think everyone needs to use the best term to describe how you feel aside from the technicalities...

[Complete]

Actually what you are describing is in fact well defined by the term dysphoria.  In your case, and similarly in mine,  what you are describing is an extreme dysphoria with your male body.  I think it is inaccurate to describe what you currently experience, and what l experienced so very long ago as *gender* dysphoria. It had nothing to do, (at least in my case), with my gender role in society. What l found so to totally wrong,  what made me so completely uncomfortable and frankly unable to cope. ...was my male body.
I could dress up like a girl and go out and interact with others as a girl,  but it was all a sham. I was not a girl or a young woman. I was a young man in a dress. Nothing more. Until I finally crashed and was rescued by whatever you'd care to call it, l was on a fast track to destruction.
In my opinion, what afflicts you is not gender dysphoria. It is more like a sexual dysmorphia. In other words your genitals, your primary sexual characteristics are all wrong.
Fix that, and then you will have a fighting chance for a normal life.

[Allie24]

Actually what you are describing is in fact well defined by the term dysphoria.  In your case, and similarly in mine,  what you are describing is an extreme dysphoria with your male body.  I think it is inaccurate to describe what you currently experience, and what l experienced so very long ago as *gender* dysphoria. It had nothing to do, (at least in my case), with my gender role in society. What l found so to totally wrong,  what made me so completely uncomfortable and frankly unable to cope. ...was my male body.
I could dress up like a girl and go out and interact with others as a girl,  but it was all a sham. I was not a girl or a young woman. I was a young man in a dress. Nothing more. Until I finally crashed and was rescued by whatever you'd care to call it, l was on a fast track to destruction.
In my opinion, what afflicts you is not gender dysphoria. It is more like a sexual dysmorphia. In other words your genitals, your primary sexual characteristics are all wrong.
Fix that, and then you will have a fighting chance for a normal life.

You hit the nail right on the head, here. The "gender" aspect has always been problematic for me. I have used the term "sexual dysphoria" to describe it before, but I felt like that would confuse people and maybe make them think I was talking about confusion around my sexual orientation rather than my actual sex.

The frustrating thing about prevailing trans terminology/rhetoric is that it forces me to use terms I dislike -- such as "transgender" and "gender dysphoria", as opposed to the preferred (and more accurate) "transsexual" and "sexual dysphoric" (or dysmorphic) -- in order to properly explain my condition, because those are the terms that people know best and require the least explaining, but in no way have anything to do with what I am going through.

[Complete]

You hit the nail right on the head, here. The "gender" aspect has always been problematic for me. I have used the term "sexual dysphoria" to describe it before, but I felt like that would confuse people and maybe make them think I was talking about confusion around my sexual orientation rather than my actual sex.

The frustrating thing about prevailing trans terminology/rhetoric is that it forces me to use terms I dislike -- such as "transgender" and "gender dysphoria", as opposed to the preferred (and more accurate) "transsexual" and "sexual dysphoric" (or dysmorphic) -- in order to properly explain my condition, because those are the terms that people know best and require the least explaining, but in no way have anything to do with what I am going through.

I have never found the need to conform to the explanations or the definitions of others. I know who l am and l could care less if feathers are ruffled if l define myself as l am and that fails to conform to some trans narrative. I believe it is your right,  and yours alone to define yourself.  Personally,  I think it is a mistake to allow others to define who you are.

[Allie24]

I have never found the need to conform to the explanations or the definitions of others. I know who l am and l could care less if feathers are ruffled if l define myself as l am and that fails to conform to some trans narrative. I believe it is your right,  and yours alone to define yourself.  Personally,  I think it is a mistake to allow others to define who you are.

It is, but one of the things I am still working to overcome is my learned passivity. I had a particularly toxic relationship with my mother that deeply affected me in childhood and affected my relationships with others, since. She would apply terms like "selfish" and "narcissistic" to me often for very innocent preferences that contradicted her expectations. As a result, I have difficulty saying "no" and a tendency to put the wants of others ahead of my own (which put me in some very negative situations down the line).

I have the desire to stand up against expectations in order to be true to myself, but in some ways still wince that the possibility of being scolded/punished/ridiculed for doing so. My coming out and transitioning are a testament to my ability to overcome much of this, but it takes time to undo something so ingrained in me.

[Complete]

Yes. It takes time to develop yourself and the necessary self confidence. Be patient and try to walk quietly. You will find your way if you remain true to that little voice inside.  Trust it.

[SadieBlake]

The word transexual is still perfectly valid. You say potayto, I say potahto. I identify as transexual, however some folks these days won't understand anything but the term transgender. Ultimately, I need the terms to.communicate.

Gender dysphoria is what used to be called gender identity disorder, the change was I tended to remove wording that makes us sound pathological.

[Sno]

....
Gender dysphoria is what used to be called gender identity disorder, the change was I tended to remove wording that makes us sound pathological.

It's so clinical, and Latin-y though, and just so, so, General. That invites the 20 disclosure questions and then the standardised TMI response, after the third yawn. Could we just say that with the long term help of doctors, we are on a hardware upgrade?

Rowan

[MaryT]

Gender dysphoria is a dangerously weak term but it is inclusive of several related conditions, and could even be used to include cases where someone is happy with their body but unhappy with their gender. 

For example, I felt that I was a girl for as long as I can remember but I can't say that I was dysphoric, or dysmorphic, about my body until I was eight, as until then I didn't know that boys and girls had different bodies.  Even then, I am not sure that "transsexual" would have exactly described how I felt, as it was almost another two years before I had any idea about sex or how babies are really made.  Even then, I didn't really have any idea, as my first clue was in a changing room when a boy, jokingly I'm sure, put his thing against my bum and said "now you'll have a baby".

When I was growing up and even as a young adult, the terminology was limited, though.  In my teens and early adulthood, I learned what I could about myself from salacious newspaper stories and occasional articles in my mother's magazines.  I first learned about "sex changes" and transsexuals in 1968, from the back page of a Sunday newspaper, still gossiping about April Ashley several years after she was first outed.

At least as late as my thirties, this was what I THOUGHT I knew about the subject:
"->-bleeped-<-s are people who like to wear the clothes of the opposite sex.  Some ->-bleeped-<-s do it for a reason that can't be discussed on Susan's Place (I didn't know the scientific word for it then).  If ->-bleeped-<-s actually want to be members of the opposite sex, they are transsexuals, unless they also want to have sex with members of their birth sex, in which case they are not transsexuals but deluded cross-dressing homosexuals."  (To be fair to psychiatrists at the time, "sex change" definitely meant an end to physically enjoying sex, so surgery was not a decision to be made lightly.)

Before I turned thirteen, I knew enough to know that I am transsexual (although I fought against it like mad, as such a future seemed hopeless - SRS and even full-time transition [both terms I had never encountered] seemed unlikely).  I suppose, though, that "gender dysphoria" encompasses the feelings I have had for my whole life. 

[Kylo]

"Dysphoria" and explaining to people "it's the opposite of euphoria" certainly doesn't suggest the hell it can actually be to live with every day.

[Allie24]

You know it is that inclusivity that does it for me. Because what I experience is nothing like that of someone who is happy with their body and unhappy with their gender role, and for someone like that using the term "gender dysphoria" to describe their feelings, I sense the need to find a new term to describe mine because, as stated before, it has always been about my sex, not my gender role.

As far as the changing of the name from "gender identity disorder"... I feel like disorder should be in the name, somewhere, because, honestly, what I experience feels like one. A disorder is an unpleasant condition that requires treatment, and that is exactly what this is.

[Kylo]

As a medical term for medical people I think it works just fine. They are just using it as a marker to describe scientific observations and we need those. But for everyday use it's a woeful term.

I tend to use stronger terms as well. I prefer transsexual than transgender to describe myself, because my problem is severe enough to require treatment and the latter seems to have become a blanket term to include people who don't. Gender ID disorder is also preferable in my book to "dysphoria" and I agree, I personally think of it as a disease, not a "lack of happiness with" my gender/sex. I wouldn't be being medically treated if it wasn't, etc.

[Allie24]

As a medical term for medical people I think it works just fine. They are just using it as a marker to describe scientific observations and we need those. But for everyday use it's a woeful term.

I tend to use stronger terms as well. I prefer transsexual than transgender to describe myself, because my problem is severe enough to require treatment and the latter seems to have become a blanket term to include people who don't. Gender ID disorder is also preferable in my book to "dysphoria" and I agree, I personally think of it as a disease, not a "lack of happiness with" my gender/sex. I wouldn't be being medically treated if it wasn't, etc.

Exactly. Dysphoria has been used to describe things such as "not wearing clothes that feel right", which I feel diminishes the impact it has when used in the context of feeling as if your entire body is a stranger's. I could honestly care less what clothes I wear. The only time I cared about female clothing was at the start of the actual transition, pre-HRT, when it was really the only thing that gave my body some semblance of being female. After six months, I stopped caring and pretty much wore whatever I wanted. The feeling then went to the only thing left unchanged, which was the bottom half.

[flytrap]

My heart goes out to you Allie 24.
What you experience is nothing like that of someone who is happy with their body and unhappy with their gender role. It is nearly identical to what my primary alter experienced before he began to recover his memories of childhood sexual abuse.

His psychologist explained the first clue she had that he was a survivor of past sexual trauma (abuse/molestation/rape) buried deep in his mind was how strongly he protested he wasn't.

Two full years of therapy later he realized he had been raped by his cousin.

It took another four months of probing and prodding for his Mother to admit she knew.

And another year for him to begin to remember the ugly details.

A year and a half after that to remember he was molested by his Mom.

The best current statistics are that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse.
http://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics

From this and other posts you have written about self image, your experience seems to run much deeper than gender dysphoria. No one wants to think these terrible things exist or that anything like this could have happened to us when we can't even remember it. You mention your ability to dissociate. Until a person experiences it for themself, it is not possible to understand how completely the mind can keep us from knowing and feeling things that happen to us. Please stay in therapy. 

Love, Flytrap

[Allie24]

My heart goes out to you Allie 24.
What you experience is nothing like that of someone who is happy with their body and unhappy with their gender role. It is nearly identical to what my primary alter experienced before he began to recover his memories of childhood sexual abuse.

My primary alter's psychologist explained the first clue she had that he was a survivor of past sexual trauma (abuse/molestation/rape) buried deep in his mind was how strongly he protested he wasn't.

Two full years of therapy later he realized he had been raped by his cousin.

It took another four months of probing and prodding for his Mother to admit she knew.

And another year for him to begin to remember the ugly details.

A year and a half after that he remember he was molested by his Mom.

The best current statistics are that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse.
http://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics

From this and other posts you have written about self image, your experience seems to run much deeper than gender dysphoria. No one wants to think these terrible things exist or that anything like this could have happened to us when we can't even remember it. You mention your ability to dissociate. Until a person experiences it for themself, it is not possible to understand how completely the mind can keep us from knowing and feeling things that happen to us. Please stay in therapy. 

Love, Flytrap

I have considered the possibility of repressed memories in the past, however, there is a lack of evidence that any molestation in my past had occurred, and there is a danger in trying to dig up repressed memories, since it opens up the door for the possible generation of false memories. Transsexualism is the best explanation for what I experience, since medical transition has been the most effective treatment. The dissociation has lessened greatly since beginning treatment. The only times I experience it now is within sexual contexts, or when sexual topics are being discussed.

I do have a strong, visceral response to rape/sexual assault/molestation/etc. and can become very angry or sad by the thought of it, but I have always attributed it to the idea of having one's body violated and taken from their control, which is often how I felt in regards to my own body's changes during puberty and the oppressive presence of the male libido.

[flytrap]

Not so much the danger in the possible generation of false memories as making the mind recall it is not ready to know. Hypnotherapy and EMDR could be extremely dangerous at this point, but Trauma recoveryPTSD therapy may be an option.

We all do what we need to do to get through the day, Allie24. You are in my thoughts & prayers. Love Flytrap

[Allie24]

Not so much the danger in the possible generation of false memories as making the mind recall it is not ready to know. Hypnotherapy and EMDR could be extremely dangerous at this point, but Trauma recoveryPTSD therapy may be an option.

We all do what we need to do to get through the day, Allie24. You are in my thoughts & prayers. Love Flytrap

The last psych eval I had gave no diagnosis of PTSD. I'd be wary requesting treatment for a condition that even a trained doctor would be unable to identify. I did, however receive an official diagnosis of gender dysphoria, as well as bipolar disorder (Type 1).

I know that SRS will help me with my sexual anxiety, since my bodies functions will be as close to female as medicine will allow.

Also (and Idk how much research there is on the topic, but it is certainly something worth investigating) I show common physical signs of classic transsexualism, being that at the age of 20 I retained many feminine features, and the response to HRT yielded no negative side effects and suited my body perfectly. By the 6 month mark I was passing 98% of the time.

Does anyone else in the forum have any input on this?