I do not like the term "gender dysphoria" :/

[Complete]

Not so much the danger in the possible generation of false memories as making the mind recall it is not ready to know. Hypnotherapy and EMDR could be extremely dangerous at this point, but Trauma recoveryPTSD therapy may be an option.

We all do what we need to do to get through the day, Allie24. You are in my thoughts & prayers. Love Flytrap

In regards to this train of thought,  It should be considered that projection is also an unhelpful exercise. Projecting one's own experience onto others may very well not reflect what is going on with them. As l mentioned earlier each individual has their own personal experience and l believe it is up to them to describe and define that experience as they see fit and not try to shoehorn that experience into that of some one else, no matter how much they might want to feel or express inclusiveness.

[flytrap]

The last psych eval I had gave no diagnosis of PTSD,,,I did, however receive an official diagnosis of gender dysphoria, as well as bipolar disorder (Type 1).
I show common physical signs of classic transsexualism...By the 6 month mark I was passing 98% of the time.

(You are not going to want to hear any of this)
My male alter's therapist was a research psychologist who works out of our State Medical College. She administered the following:
Minnesota Multiphase Personality Inventory-II (MMPI-II)
Million Clinical Multiaxial Inventory-III (MCMI-III)
Beck Depression Inventory-II (BDI-II)
Beck Hopelessness Scale (BHS)
Beck Anxiety Inventory (BAI)
Marital Satisfaction Inventory-Revised (MSI-R)
Multidimensional Health Profile- Health and Psychosocial Functioning Scales

There was no indication of Primary having PTSD in any of the tests. His psychologist's official diagnosis was that he was a bright and otherwise well adjusted married guy with extreme gender dysphoria.

Primary's GT pointed out that he had all the tell tale physical signs of being transsexual at his first session:
Androgynous facial structure
Small Adam's apple, hands and feet
Long index finger (2D:4D ratio)
Long arms (high arms span to height ratio)
Typical female angle in the elbows for carrying babies
He even has severe idiopathic scoliosis which is 10X more common in women and his Mom took DES when she was pregnant.

There were only 2 times someone thought I was guy in the first 100 hours I spent out in public living my life. And that was 6 months BEFORE Primary even started hormones!

[flytrap]

@Complete
I am confused. Doesn't projecting one's own experience basically apply to every post on the forum? I mean, isn't that kinda the point? To share our different experiences so other people can see it is useful in describing and defining their personal experience?

[Sno]

"Dysphoria" and explaining to people "it's the opposite of euphoria" certainly doesn't suggest the hell it can actually be to live with every day.

So true.

Personally, I dislike the word disorder - the implication is that our thinking isn't rational, and our discussions here prove that to be far from the case.

This is one of the (many), reasons my preference is genderqueer - the language is accessible, it's implications are clear -something in my world of gender doesn't match up with what society expects, and it is a chronic condition. It also doesn't invite further questions or disclosure, it's a closed statement. A gender based equivalent, of I'm gay or I'm lesbian.

It would be lovely to arrive at something that we could use in a similar manner, without us having to resort to medical terms, or terms that are vague, (hence my tongue in cheek response earlier).

Rowan

[Allie24]

(You are not going to want to hear any of this)
My male alter's therapist was a research psychologist who works out of our state medical college. She administered the following:
Minnesota Multiphase Personality Inventory-II (MMPI-II)
Million Clinical Multiaxial Inventory-III (MCMI-III)
Beck Depression Inventory-II (BDI-II)
Beck Hopelessness Scale (BHS)
Beck Anxiety Inventory (BAI)
Marital Satisfaction Inventory-Revised (MSI-R)
Multidimensional Health Profile- Health and Psychosocial Functioning Scales

There was no indication of Primary being PTSD or being bipolar in any of the tests. His psychologist's official diagnosis was that he was a bright and otherwise well adjusted married guy with extreme gender dysphoria.

Primary's GT pointed out that he had all the tell tale physical signs of being transsexual at his first session:
Androgynous facial structure
Small Adam's apple, hands and feet
Long index finger (2D:4D ratio)
Long arms (high arms spa to height ratio)
Typical female angle in my elbows for carrying babies
He even has severe idiopathic scoliosis which is 10X more common in women and his Mom took DES when she was pregnant.

There were only 2 times someone thought I was guy in the first 100 hours I spent out in public living my life . That was BEFORE primary even started hormones!

However, Complete does have a point in that there is some possible projection going on here. The posts I have made in regards to how I feel about my appearance, as well as my experiences with dissociation are not really enough to go off of. Unless one can see me in person and monitor all of my behaviors, there's little basis for anything as radical as PTSD, especially without memories.

I'm sure there are other women and men on this site who have had experiences similar to mine.

At the same time I am a bit confused as to what your input is intended to have me believe: is it that I am not transsexual and merely a victim of sexual abuse?

Also, you suffer from DID, a disorder I can say with 100% certainty that I do not have. I have never experienced any lapses in memory, nor fugue states, nor have had anyone comment on sudden and dramatic changes in behavior. I also have never experienced any hallucinations (aside from the common auditory/sensory hallucinations many people experience when they are overstressed, such as hearing your name called, phantom phone buzzes, etc.). The "identity obsession" I mentioned before was just me copycatting others, thinking that would suffice as a "true male identity" I could live with for the rest of my life.

[Lisa_K]

I was originally "diagnosed" before the term gender dysphoria came into use or before any of this was even in the DSM.

At 17, my folks were told I had "primary transsexualism" as if it was something I had to have. Several years later, after the phrase was coined in 1974, I then had gender dysphoria syndrome. Prior to having SRS in 1977, then they said I had gender identity disorder.

I find it amusing to be so many different flavors. Stuffy old men in little white coats are never going to understand it no matter what it is called.

[Complete]

I was originally "diagnosed" before the term gender dysphoria came into use or before any of this was even in the DSM.

Stuffy old men in little white coats are never going to understand it no matter what it is called.

[Complete]

@Complete
I am confused. Doesn't projecting one's own experience basically apply to every post on the forum? I mean, isn't that kinda the point? To share our different experiences so other people can see it is useful in describing and defining their personal experience?

I do not agree.  I certainly do not project my experience onto others.  How could  l? There is so little in common. Your experience is clearly different from mine. Might that not suggest that there also exists a difference in etiology or taxonomy?

[Allie24]

I do not agree.  I certainly do not project my experience onto others.  How could  l? There is so little in common. Your experience is clearly different from mine. Might that not suggest that there also exists a difference in etiology or taxonomy?

Very true.  @flytrap Again, I will mention that while you suffer from DID, I do not. This makes our experiences extremely different. The side of yourself that desired transition was not your primary self, as you have said before. However, all decisions I have made and all things I have experienced are done so by primary (and sole) self. They were consciously made and done so with a lot of research. I also did not receive the official diagnosis until after I had been on hormones and living full time for two years, with my legal name and gender marker changed.

Complete has also mentioned that she notices similarities between her narrative and my own. Would you say that she must have repressed memories of sexual abuse?

I do not mean to attack or criticize you, I know that everything you express are done so with the best of intentions, I feel, however, that perhaps a mistake has been made.

[mm]

Lisa_K, medical people like to redefine and rename conditions so they can say they are improving treatment.

[SadieBlake]

Allie, disorder was removed because more trans people would rather not be pathologized. And some term is needed because without a diagnosis you can't get a medical fix. I'm cool with this, it got me to surgery. Optimal, no, words are never fully descriptive of all people.

You and I both identify as transexual, hugs and hail friend,well met.

[Allie24]

Allie, disorder was removed because more trans people would rather not be pathologized. And some term is needed because without a diagnosis you can't get a medical fix. I'm cool with this, it got me to surgery. Optimal, no, words are never fully descriptive of all people.

You and I both identify as transexual, hugs and hail friend,well met.

I am at a point in my life where I no longer believe the transgender movement has anything to do with me :/ but to go any further on this matter would be to enter treacherous waters.

[Chloe]

because
. . . more trans people would rather not be pathologized.

Wholeheartedly agree with THAT statement. Allie, 'dysphoria' seems like such a mild, otherwise comfy term don't understand your displeasure with it?  It's like preferring to simply distance oneself from what is otherwise considered 'normal reality' and wanting to go off and sit on a cloud somewhere, observing the insanity of 'the world below' with a self-enforced silence.

Always felt constantly talking about certain things is not only not helpful but detrimental !!

LOL Had to look up the 'official definition' (surprised nobody has done this already)

" State of feeling unwell or unhappy; a feeling of emotional and mental discomfort as a symptom of discontentment, restlessness, dissatisfaction, malaise, depression, anxiety or indifference "

Not such a BAD thing? Could describe a lot of people? I, for the last 40yrs, am more-or-less happy with my body's naturally feminine features and hold an extreme dislike of anything 'establishment', especially having to depend on so-called 'medical doctors' for anything!

You mentioned the "transgender movement" . . . lol reminds me of old Uncle Carl who always used to say "how yer bowels today"? As long as you feel "regular", know what's right for you, all the rest really doesn't matter!!

Personally, I think "dysphoria" can be a Healthy Thing!!!

[Paige33455]

There are a series of articles/essays written by Anne Vitale, Ph. D that may be of interest to those who, like me, prefer not to associate with the term " Gender Identity Disorder".  I'm not confused about my gender identity and it's not confusion that causes my dysphoria. Rather it is the incongruity between my identity and its current physical manifestation - I am in the process of transitioning so I haven't fully aligned my external with my internal yet. That fact combined with the inability to outwardly express my authentic gender identity full time - I'm not there yet - are the major causes of dysphoria for me. I don't mind the term dysphoria because it accurately describes how I feel at times. I do however subscribe fully to Dr. Vitale's position that "gender expression deprivation" rather than confusion about gender identity can be a primary cause of dysphoria.  For much more on the topic I recommend checking her website - avitale.com - especially "Gender Expression Deprivation Anxiety Disorder".  Also, her book "The Transgendered Self" really helped crystallize my thinking on the issue.

[Daisy Jane]

I am at a point in my life where I no longer believe the transgender movement has anything to do with me :/ but to go any further on this matter would be to enter treacherous waters.

Honestly, I often feel the same way. The only trans friend I have seems to have no interest in being part of the movement either. I wish I had more transgender friends, but because I don't have "perfect politics" I feel unwelcome in those circles. Thankfully, I have plenty of cis friends who treat me the same as before I came out.

[Allie24]

Honestly, I often feel the same way. The only trans friend I have seems to have no interest in being part of the movement either. I wish I had more transgender friends, but because I don't have "perfect politics" I feel unwelcome in those circles. Thankfully, I have plenty of cis friends who treat me the same as before I came out.

My whole intention going in was pretty much to change sex and move on in the world as "practically cis." Yeah, that's a good way to describe it: I'm "practically cis." I look cis, sound cis, and post-op will be indistinguishable from all the other cis people...

I was at a trans beach party when I realized I didn't fit in at all. Here you have all these people celebrating being between genders, while I'm busy conforming to "the binary." I have more in common with my cis friends than with my trans friends... it's weird :/

[SadieBlake]

Not weird to me, you're at a point I feel when I'm happy. I have to let go of the fact that I don't even vaguely pass and I surely wish I could be passable and I already gave both testicles but cute femme wasn't part of the bargain. I consider the rest of my life will be a teachable moment that being female, binary identified is about what's inside, not about looks.

[Chloe]

Really, it is in the realm of sexuality from which all of my distress stems...

Allie just read this thread again - other AM was cursive as heading out door to work.

          Repressing one's sexuality has consequences, perhaps you just haven't found your 'comfort zone' yet? I've been basically celibate for at least the last eight years but only after 25+ years of marriage, two children and various gay relationships prior. At young age (18 or so) was addicted to identifying with girls and the only thing I knew for sure is I liked the physical attention(s) of men but wasn't 'gay', never wanted to reciprocate (which, of course, in the end caused many problems).

          Can it be you just haven't experienced any positive, reinforcing relationships yet? Contrary to popular American TG notions I don't feel it's healthy to disassociate 'gender identity' from sexuality either. You mention 'cis friends' my 'ex' of 5 years is back and while strictly 'platonic' now I too cannot underestimate the value of some sort of social 'normalcy'.

[Allison S]

The hardest for me are "gender roles". I think some of them are silly but some are innate in certain people too (Everyone is different of course).

Everything that's happened up until starting hrt was subtlety leading me to transition. I hadn't dated for years- had a female online/social media persona during those same years.

I guess I always knew how to combat "dysphoria" in some way until I was tired of hiding. I still am tired of hiding but that's another story lol 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Allie24]

Allie just read this thread again - other AM was cursive as heading out door to work.

          Repressing one's sexuality has consequences, perhaps you just haven't found your 'comfort zone' yet? I've been basically celibate for at least the last eight years but only after 25+ years of marriage, two children and various gay relationships prior. At young age (18 or so) was addicted to identifying with girls and the only thing I knew for sure is I liked the physical attention(s) of men but wasn't 'gay', never wanted to reciprocate (which, of course, in the end caused many problems).

          Can it be you just haven't experienced any positive, reinforcing relationships yet? Contrary to popular American TG notions I don't feel it's healthy to disassociate 'gender identity' from sexuality either. You mention 'cis friends' my 'ex' of 5 years is back and while strictly 'platonic' now I too cannot underestimate the value of some sort of social 'normalcy'.

The relationship I am currently in is positive and reinforcing. However that doesn't change things. Just because my gf says PIV won't make her think of me as a guy, doesn't mean I wanna do it. No matter what, that part of my body will always be male to me, and until that's fixed there's really not anything I can do about it.