My analogy for gender dysphoria

[Another Nikki]

An analogy for GD
For a while I've been trying to think of analogy for the flavor of gender dysphoria I experience to share with people in my life. I had a long drive to my first therapy appointment today (diagnosis = gender dysphoria!), which not surprisingly I spent ruminating on gender stuff. While enroute I came up with the following, which I shared with my therapist, and later this evening my spouse:

You know when you have some medical symptom, or maybe you find a lump or a bump someplace, and you're kinda scared? And it gives you that slight sick feeling in your stomach once in a while, and you think you should go see your doctor. So you do, and your doctor is basically non-committal, maybe says "hmmmm", and tells you they need to run some tests? So you amble off to the lab, where they do their thing. And you make a nervous joke with the lab tech about it, and the lab tech tells you they are just a tech, but not to worry too much, because when the docs are really concerneed they put a rush on it, but your results will be back in 2-3 weeks.

And until you get the results, the whole issue is on your mind. Sometimes when you're occupied with a task the medical issue fades into the background, but it's still there. And quite a bit of the time you're totally preoccupied with the medical issue. And when you consider the implications of a positive test, your stomach drops a little or gets that tight feeling.

That's pretty close to what GD feels like for me.

[Gertrude]

For me , I knew it was always there. It was a matter of admitting it and dealing with it. I never thought I had a medical issue and on some level knew/believed I've been like this since birth. The preoccupation and dysphoria come from living inauthentically. The older one gets, the worse it gets until it's dealt with. Some choose to live authentically, while others self medicate or participate in diversionary activities. Not being genuine has its consequences though. I can't imagine what it was like 100 years ago or even 50 or 60.


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[Bari Jo]

until you get the results, the whole issue is on your mind. Sometimes when you're occupied with a task the medical issue fades into the background, but it's still there. And quite a bit of the time you're totally preoccupied with the medical issue. And when you consider the implications of a positive test, your stomach drops a little or gets that tight feeling.

That's pretty close to what GD feels like for me.

I can relate, that feeling is when its only minor though.  When its major its having whatever you are testing is causijg you pain in an area thats embarassing or shameful to admit, like a rash in the groin.  It rears its ugly head and you just want to cry and hide, not showing yiur face or yourself in public.

Then at the end of the test it comes back as inconclusivs and more tests are needed.  Never ending until treatment of whatever is ailing you, which in our case is transition.

Bari Jo