Definately its been the reaction from guys mainly.
I started worrying about how I was being seen as soon as I started HRT and had already shaved the "denial beard" away. When I was working and still thinking I had everything well covered, there were a couple of times entering a gas station when a man would hold the door open for me. The two times I can think of I was a good distance away from the door and once I motioned he should go ahead and he insisted I go first. I was never sure what to make of that because when I did sport a beard that NEVER happened. Speaking of gas stations, there was also one time at a convienence store I stopped at often to use the bathroom where as I walked to the back, one of the female clerks said to the other "did you see that girl?". The other responded, "you mean that guy?" Followed bya "that's a girl". There was no one else in the store at that moment aside from 3 employee's and me. My reaction was an internal 'WTF is going on'. I really didn't think I was not-passing as a regular guy at that point. Did she think I was FTM?
On the job a few times things seemed different. I worked a large region doing repairs at the customer location. In a machine cab, when doing instruction or diagnostics, the "trainer seat" is really small. I normally keep my knees far to my side and guys running the machine keep a distance. You know, its not "normal" for guys to let their knees touch. Weird thing is a few times, guys let their legs over so near mine I had to pull my legs together all the way and keep them against the cab door. Then there was this time a guy came up and put his hand on the small of my back. Way weird for me to have that experience.
So right now I'm still on disability from work. In the community we are staying in now, my kids are going to the Catholic church grade school. Everyone knows I'm trans there. The rumors must have traveled like the wind. So a couple of times when walking up to get my kids, I have noticed guys may see me then just turn away averting their eyes. The other mom's seem to never drop their current conversation, like I'm just a person, which is so nice. Last week though, I was picking the kids up from after school care. The kids were in the cafeteria under the gym. The door used is from the playground and has a small flight of stairs down like 5 steps or so. Two dads were already waiting for someone to open the door or buzz them in. The closest one went ahead and held it open for the guy next to him but continued to hold it and looked up at me. I said thanks as I quickly passed by him. So again, so strange to have the door held open, even though they know I'm trans here.
Although strange to get used to, its been reaffirming especially since I know I don't pass as female really.
