The Roll Show! (Filmed Live in Front of a Studio Audience)

[Roll]

Oh also my extrovert side continues to grow as I am now friends with a woman who works at the hotel in the guest lounge, and she gave me her card and told me to call her when I move up here! Which I am 100% doing. She gave me a big hug and everything!;D

[Northern Star Girl]

Oh also my extrovert side continues to grow as I am now friends with a woman who works at the hotel in the guest lounge, and she gave me her card and told me to call her when I move up here! Which I am 100% doing. She gave me a big hug and everything!;D

@Roll
Dear Ellie:   Good for you....  this is really great news for you.  CONGRATULATIONS
Here are a couple of quotes that applaud your new extroverted endeavors.

This is the "title" that appear on my profile above my Avatar photo:
      "If you want friends, be friendly, be the first to smile and introduce yourself.''

.... and here is one that appears on the @Jessica profile:
      "If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

I am always eager to see your latest updates, please keep them coming.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Laurie]

  Okay Ellie, I'll admit I just had to read 4 pages to catch up with your shenanigans. I do try to keep up if intermittently.( I do hove some of my own life going on if you haven't noticed.
  Who are you and what have you done with the real Ellie? I do not see her anywhere in these 4 pages. I see a completely different young lady than the one too afraid to come out and meet me only a few short months ago. WHAT a change!! I loved reading about you getting out for pride and opening  yourself up to the possibilities of what you can be in life as you transition in body, mind and soul. Girl you ROCK!
  I do have to question your sanity however when it comes to going to New York. Are you Crazy? You have to be. To me it is a nightmare come to life. No "Old Snotnose" be damned New York ain't for me. I preferred doing it my way somewhere else altogether. You can have it Ellie but don't expect me to come visiting you there.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[JudiBlueEyes]

Ellie, I have got to agree with Laurie that this is a completely new side we are seeing.  It's pretty cool, eh?  I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.  This is what life is about!  Go Girl!

Judi

[Allison S]

Hunks? As in better looking men in your area? Lol do share details on that with us [emoji23]

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[Jayne01]

Ellie, glad you are enjoying New York. My wife and I regularly transit through New York when we go to visit her family in Nova Scotia. It's on the way and breaks up the long trip from Australia.

Loving the way you are coming out of your shell. It's like a bright light has turned on inside you and the world can see the real you. Congratulations on all the big steps forward you are making.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Jessica]

I'm so happy you have had this experience.  You are ready for being a full time woman, and it feels so good to just be you.  I've found the more you practice all the variables, the more it's hard not to be presenting as who you are. 

Hugs and smiles, Jess

[Bari Jo]

Oh also my extrovert side continues to grow as I am now friends with a woman who works at the hotel in the guest lounge, and she gave me her card and told me to call her when I move up here! Which I am 100% doing. She gave me a big hug and everything!;D

Hey Ellie, it's amazing how we feel and what we do once we aren't closing ourselves off.  My therapist friend brought that up with me yesterday.  She thinks I'm no longer introverted and now am becoming an extrovert.  I love it and the attention I get:).  I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels it.  New York huh?  I think I'd pick that over TX, but only barely:)

Bari Jo

[JudiBlueEyes]

Hey Ellie, it's amazing how we feel and what we do once we aren't closing ourselves off.  My therapist friend brought that up with me yesterday.  She thinks I'm no longer introverted and now am becoming an extrovert.  I love it and the attention I get:).  I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels it.  New York huh?  I think I'd pick that over TX, but only barely:)

Bari Jo

Yes!  Harboring the secret about ourselves is suffocating and once free we can be who we really are. Enjoy life!
Judi

[Roll]

Whew. Sad to say that my trip to NYC is over. Got back last night, but was so exhausted and had to rush out this morning to do a few things so didn't get a chance to post somethings I wanted to!

  I do have to question your sanity however when it comes to going to New York. Are you Crazy? You have to be. To me it is a nightmare come to life. No "Old Snotnose" be damned New York ain't for me. I preferred doing it my way somewhere else altogether. You can have it Ellie but don't expect me to come visiting you there.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Well, I've always wanted to visit the pacific northwest...

Hunks? As in better looking men in your area? Lol do share details on that with us [emoji23]

Well that was an interesting auto correct I didn't catch.



So I realized I neglected something... SEVEN MONTH UPDATE! Every month I'm shocked how long it has been. Quick one because I am still dead tired and am going to go take a long, long nap.

HRT Related
- Boobs are a-growin'. Might have cross over to B territory, hard to say because of excess fat regardless of boobage.
- Sexual drive is just... gone. Guess that's that for the ol' Testosterone.
- Body hair definitely slower and slower, less and less.

Not Specifically HRT
- Freaking weight just does not really budge. I'm going to talk to my Dr. about it when I see him in about 2 weeks.
- 6 lasers down on face. Beard much lighter, shaves much smoother.
- Hair transplants are still early, about a month and a half-ish?, but some thickening for sure! 3 month mark will be the big indicator.

[Roll]

I've been a busy girl lately!

After getting back from NYC I turned around and went to Atlanta to find apartments. Managed to find a really, really, really great place, perfect price range, seems almost too good to be true. I can't remember who it was exactly, but I was told that there is a trans member of management even! (So I feel if there is a problem, I will have management's support, not that I expect one. Atlanta is like NYC, no one cares at this point about being LGBT at all.)

I spoke with one guy there about their local church which is an affirming inclusive church he and his partner go to nearby, that does stuff like sponsor the black gay community's pride stuff and trans outreach. I am not a church goer, but that is very comforting and I might give it a try. It's not that I'm irreligious per se, just more of a philosophical Deist.

Seriously though, I can't believe I got this place. Lease signed and holding fee down and everything, setting up utilities and all on monday. As per my previous extrovert stuff, I have really stepped up and been proactive. I am proud of myself for being able to do so now, because I definitely would have never done so in the past.

[Laurie]

Ellie,

  My dear introvert friend, too afraid of her own shadow to go outside to meet a friend from all the way across this country.,,,  Where have you gone? Have you been hidden away and an imposter taken your place? Has your human body been taken away so it could be alien clone feed in a pod? Or have you been transformed into someone I no longer recognize? I fear the last is true, but I cannot lodge a complaint for the one I see in my minds eye is a far better version of the Ellie I knew. More outgoing. More assertive. Eager to not only meet the world but embraces it head on. She is such an improvement on the one I would have met only a few months ago. Well done Ellie.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Bari Jo]

Ellie, you are awesome.  Pretty soon you are going to be one of the leaders at these outreach programs! I can hardly believe you are the same girl, well you aren't.  You are a better girl!  BTW, in glad you chose Atlanta over NYC:)

Bari Jo

[Maddie86]

that's awesome!! I'm glad everything seems to be coming together for you!

[Roll]

Ellie,

  My dear introvert friend, too afraid of her own shadow to go outside to meet a friend from all the way across this country.,,,  Where have you gone? Have you been hidden away and an imposter taken your place? Has your human body been taken away so it could be alien clone feed in a pod? Or have you been transformed into someone I no longer recognize? I fear the last is true, but I cannot lodge a complaint for the one I see in my minds eye is a far better version of the Ellie I knew. More outgoing. More assertive. Eager to not only meet the world but embraces it head on. She is such an improvement on the one I would have met only a few months ago. Well done Ellie.

Hugs,
  Laurie

That is what I feel, I'm the same person... just a better version of that person! Honestly, my avoiding meeting that time was a huge turning point for me, as I alluded to previously. It was my "what the hell am I doing? I've come this far, what do I have to be afraid of?" moment that made me admit what I was still missing out on. Make no mistake though, we're gonna meet up yet!

Ellie, you are awesome.  Pretty soon you are going to be one of the leaders at these outreach programs! I can hardly believe you are the same girl, well you aren't.  You are a better girl!  BTW, in glad you chose Atlanta over NYC:)

Bari Jo

Oh, Atlanta is just a short term destination to finish degrees for sure! Long term while it's still obviously way off so hard to say, I am definitely thinking NYC still.    A lot of it is going to depend on the next year and a half to two years I suppose. If my brother leaves Atlanta, which he is already wanting to do, I definitely won't be staying.

And I dunno if I've mentioned it previously, but I do have an idea in my head of returning to this area in the coming years (with both more experience and more money under my belt) and trying to start support stuff here. I hate the idea that there just isn't resources for people, when I have learned first hand those people are here. Places like NYC and Atlanta... they're covered at this point. It's the smaller areas that we desperately need more outreach in.

that's awesome!! I'm glad everything seems to be coming together for you!

I really feel like it is! I mean, there are still struggles. Finances are not great, illnesses in the family are worse. Transition wise I am still struggling with hair and muscle/fat, but I feel positive overall about those I'm just sick of waiting (as are we all).

As of right now I'm just over 7 months on HRT. By the time I move I will be 9 months in, just over 3 months post hair transplants. 2 more months of potential weight loss, 2 more lasers (will be up to , etc. I hope to be in a position where I feel more confident just being me out in the wild without the wig and makeup. Makeup is definitely getting there, my final day in NYC I was walking around with just BB cream and lipstick and it wasn't a big difference from full coverage because of how light the beard has gotten. Still dark hair on pale skin so noticeable, but almost comes across more as bruising or vascular issues or something. Weight distribution (and boobs to be proportional) definitely need to kick in a bit more, but there has definitely been progress. Hair... I won't have a full head of hair by then or even in a year, that's just reality. But I think I can get to the point I can get what I have styled (which is getting quite long) and when I wear the hat I just look like... a girl wearing a hat. It will be fall and winter so that is good timing for wearing beanies or knit caps or something fun.

[Sarah_P]

Wow, congrats on everything! Glad your trip went well! And an apartment? Seriously, you're no introvert. You just forced yourself to be introverted, and you've finally let yourself be free.

[davina61]

Well this is my 7 month new avatar and my new hat, nice to have your own place and please yourself. I would send the cheerleaders round but its a bit far, hhhhuuuuuggggssssssssss (that's a big hug) anyways Elliewould have cropped it but not skilled enough

[Roll]

Odd, I swear I replied to Sarah and Davina. No idea what happened to the post.

Love the hat Davina!! I need to start wearing mine more, can see it in some of the pride pictures! It's fun to wear.

Wow, congrats on everything! Glad your trip went well! And an apartment? Seriously, you're no introvert. You just forced yourself to be introverted, and you've finally let yourself be free.

It was sort of funny, I know it's pseudo science and I can't remember if I mentioned it, but I redid the Meyers Brigg thing and I went from INTJ to ENFJ. Like, not even just slightly shifted over, a massive shift.

So tomorrow I am really excited for. My old friend (the childhood friend not the NYC friend) is picking me up and we are going to go see his mom, who was basically family to me growing up (likewise my mom with my friend). She is the one that came out as lesbian since last I saw her, and I am excited to be able to ask her experiences. She is the only person I know that came out after I'd known them well first.

[Roll]

So yesterday and today have been interesting!

First, the simple stuff: I have continued to iron out apartment details, most services setup (2 months in advance, apparently I'm more prepared than most people by the responses I'm getting? ) and everything is going great.

Second, I saw my hrt doc yesterday early. My T is 105, my E is about uhhh, crap what was it. Well, was about 150ish. So I'm just a teeny tiny bit out of target ranges, even on a non maxed out dosage. I'm switching to sublingual for Estradiol and adding Progesterone!

Which leads into Third... MEDICAID ACTUALLY COVERED MY PROGESTERONE! I am going to try the other two again tomorrow. If they cover it, I save a TON of money.

Ok, so fourth. Badish one here? I found myself in a war with a certain group with a four letter acronym on twitter the past two days. They descended upon my tweets like a biblical plague. The plague of sad, hateful lives and healthy dose of simple stupidity. I survived unscathed, arguing them into corners and then just making stupid jokes when they started repeating themselves. It was sort of fun. This will come into play in a second...

Fifth, the big one (yes, bigger than HRT followup). I had a WONDERFUL visit with my friends mom, someone who I consider family. She and her partner were very accepting and sweet, and she was overjoyed to see me. It brought back a lot of wonderful memories of my mom (they were best friends for a long time until we moved), of childhood trips where she and my mom chaperoned all of us kids to Disneyworld, and of just days before I began to sink into my dysphoric agoraphobia nightmare. She was continually blown away by how happy I was and how much progress I made. I talked to her about her experiences coming out a bit, and told her about mine and then about my mom's final years. My favorite part was when I showed her pictures and she said "Dang, if I wasnt with (her girlfriend) I'd date you!"

This is a bit of a repeat of something I said on twitter but whatever...
So online I'm getting attacked by hateful people en masse. Yet meanwhile in the real world, I sat in the home of an older lesbian couple who show nothing but love and acceptance. Just a reminder that vocal online minorities are not worth taking to heart, they are a tiny minority of the larger feminist and LGBT communities.

[Laurie]

Hi Ellie,

  Well young lady 4 out of 5 is still 80% (I think) and that's still a good score. Besides that other 20% was not too bad for the wisdom you gained from it. You are doing well,Hun. And I agree one of these days you can entertain this old ladt lesbian Transgender wandering waif. I look forward to it. Your growth in self is amazing. You have taken the world by the horns and met it head on.

hugs,
   Laurie