Faith's Progress

[Faith]

First, not sure where to post this so I'll let the mods decide if it needs to be moved.

I'm posting this because I want to have a single thread for discussing how I progress from this point on. Online diary of sorts to share.

At this point: I prefer female presentation however I'm fine presenting male, I do not feel like I'm 'lying' or in a costume, etc. I can be male in the world, at work and such. Being able to shed it at home is enough right now. I guess I'm a 50/50.

Brief summary,
A while back I really hit the crossing point disliking my look, I fought my hair (head as-in managing), body hair, genitals, You guys know the drill. I started tucking (told the wife it was for comfort without details). That evolved into a total unexpected discussion with her about how I feel and the real why .. which led to her helping me find panties, jeans, some shirts/blouses, etc. Comfort ensued for a bit. I am not a dress/skirt person, whether that changes or not doesn't really matter. I covered her responses in other posts, I'll not reiterate.

Next came little things, for daily expression. No need to expound. I have changed my diet (not for 'herbal' feminization) for blood pressure and kidney support. Well, this enhanced what I was already feeling. My wife very much has noticed the change in me the past year culminating to this point. She very much likes the emotional changes and, at the start, struggled with the rest. Last night I was talking (read blabbering) and she just looked at me and said  "I think you want breasts". Well, that opened up a whole new conversation.

I held nothing back. I explained everything that I'm feeling, everything I've learned thus far in regards to transgender and the various stages and how everyone is different in what they are looking for to feel comfortable with themselves. I covered, the best that I could, the effects of HRT and what it would/could do.

Her comments? She told me I should find a forum to read through and get support .. she also said I should get a Dr appointment to discuss it with to see about what treatment to get that best suits me and my health.

I was shocked. We've come so for in a short time I can barely believe it. My loving wife, in no uncertain terms, told me to figure out what HRT process to pursue and we'll deal with the changes as they come.

I never thought I'd describe myself as giddy but that seems to be the best word to use. I'm floating so high at the moment that I'm waiting for the bubble to burst with underlying dread.

I'm sure I've skimmed a bit and glossed over details. It's enough for now.
Thanks to all of you for helping me get to this point, whether you know that you did or not.

[KathyLauren]

I am so happy for you that you have your wife's support!  I know just how wonderful that feels.

[steph2.0]

 Fantastic! As I see it, that's the definition of true love. My wife is just as cool. We have another new member, Jayne01, who also has an awesome spouse. I seem to be seeing this more often lately.

Congratulations!

Steph

[Toni]

That's wonderful!  You'll notice that you can't help but want to tell more people you know how you feel, and if they're good friends and accept you, that reinforces that it's OK not to be afraid and encourages you to move further down the path.  I very specifically noticed that when I had that first opening up to my wife, and she didn't run into the bathroom crying, it was like opening the floodgates and we were off to the races.  It was sort of the one, most important, approval I needed to feel free to find myself.  Don't under estimate for one second the effort your wife is making here.  We're doing well and supporting each other during this change.  It's not just you, but both of you that will experience changes and stresses on the trip.  Nothing is guaranteed as you will be changing continually for quite some time, depending upon how far you choose to go.  You have the best ally you could ask for.  Very happy for you.  Toni

[Faith]

I'm fully aware how lucky I am to have such an understanding wife. And it's not just this. 35 years of me doing stupid 'man' things (not infidelity, I haven't and would never!) and still have her love and support is something that I do not dismiss and am thankful for every day. Now I can bring myself to say it to her instead of just grunting and mumbling

I know that we are two sides of this change and that I can't really move forward any further than shes's also ready for as well. She keeps me in check.

she still wants her husband and I have no problem with male presentation (plenty of practice there). I'll never get SRS/GRS/GCS (choose your preferred acronym) but an orchidectomy was discussed along with HRT. We'll see what the Dr has to say.

I'm still dazed and disbelieving right now ..

[Jayne01]

I am very happy for you. Having a loving and supporting partner is a blessing. Jayne

[Faith]

I am very happy for you. Having a loving and supporting partner is a blessing. Jayne

Thanks and I agree. I read through your thread as well, I was going to reply but didn't. I couldn't find the right words. Suffice to say, I am glad for you that you are finding happiness.

I still find it amazing how similar peoples stories are and then at the same time so completely different.

[Jayne01]

Thanks and I agree. I read through your thread as well, I was going to reply but didn't. I couldn't find the right words. Suffice to say, I am glad for you that you are finding happiness.

Thank you.

I still find it amazing how similar peoples stories are and then at the same time so completely different.

I was thinking that exact same thing earlier today.

[Faith]

note 1:

We've never had a shared Primary care physician before. My wife's Dr. recently retired and another took over the practice. She really likes him -and- he's adjusted her meds and she already feels better .. that's a big plus in my book.

So, before all my current 'issues' that led me here, I was considering going there (previously only a walk-in clinic).

I now have an appointment in one month. I have my list of things to discuss, last, not least, of which is the hormonal questions. I have no idea if he's comfortable with that but I figured: get a central care for referrals. Referrals help with insurance if I'm lucky enough to have any of it covered (doubtful).

Anyone willing to comment ... Would/Did you find talking to a male Dr harder? I am seriously anxious about taking the step ... dread comes to mind.

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Note 2

My wife is now comfortable with my current stage. Helps me with the little things, nails, shaving, hair, etc. I have not shaved my legs yet although I want to. My hair. That's easy. I've always liked long hair and would go a year w/o a hair cut (my hair grows fast) it is currently shoulder-length with a slight wave/curl. I am letting my bangs grow out.
surprise comment: she mentioned thinking of doing some of this stuff for me but never seriously thought it would happen .. weird. Did I mention that she's one of the most emphathic (empathetic) people that I know? Makes me wonder if she picked up on things that I didn't even know/admit over the years.

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note 3
Weight loss. I am on a kidney-friendy diet (similar to vegan, but not exclusive). My wife went on the same diet (it's easier that way). It's an easy diet to maintain, couple that with more walks and stretches and ... I've lost 23lbs in 3 weeks. My wife lost about the same in body weight percentage. She's ecstatic.

For me I see it as a way to get thin in preparation, hopefully, for hormonal changes to add weight without excess. Hey, one can hope!!

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Final note
Overall I feel lighter (figuratively). I'm much happier and smile more. My wife has noticed that and also that I look years younger (odd that one but I'll take it) I'm making solid slow progress towards a goal I may never reach but enjoying getting there.

Have a beautiful day! 

[KathyLauren]

I am glad it's going well for you.

Would/Did you find talking to a male Dr harder?

Yes, I would find it harder to talk to a male doctor.  I am just more comfortable around women.  Always have been.

There is an insane doctor shortage here.  (There are 30,000 people on waiting lists for doctors, out of a population of 950,000.  And that's not counting the people who don't have doctors that aren't even on waiting lists.)  So, if I needed a doctor and a male doctor was willing to take me, I'd accept him, out of desperation.

Luckily, I have a female doctor as a GP, a female doctor to supervise my HRT, and a female gender therapist.  Also my dentist is in an all-female practice.  She freezes my mouth prior to electrolysis around the lips.  My electrologist is female, too.

No, I'm not sexist, but it does make a difference.

[Faith]

I am glad it's going well for you.
Yes, I would find it harder to talk to a male doctor.  I am just more comfortable around women.  Always have been ..<snip>.. No, I'm not sexist, but it does make a difference.

I'm with you there. I've always been predisposed to female Dr's. I always felt that they were less judgmental. Which, of course, is not dependent on the gender but on the person. I'll do the first visit and approach it depending on how I feel about him after talking about the 'normal' stuff.

[Meghan]

My doctor has been treating me for a while now. When I approach him about my transgender he immediately setup for me to talk with my Therapist in the same building, and he requested for my Thyroid activity test which also in the same building. Since my doctor already have all my blood work done prior for my next appointment so next meeting I will begin my HRT.

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

[Jayne01]

I was seeing a male Doctor before. When I first started to address my gender issues, I made an appointment with one of the female Doctors in the same building to ask for her help in finding a gender therapist. I was thinking it would be easier to speak to a female. As it happens, the first therapist I saw was male. He had no gender issues experience and was helping me manage my depression while I was on a waiting list to see a gender therapist. I was honest with him from the beginning about my gender questioning and he was great. Although he had no previous experience with this subject, he did his best to research and find information between sessions to help the best he could. I was comfortable speaking with him. My endocrinologist is make and feel very comfortable discussing things with him.

I think it is not so important whether they are male or female but whether they as a person and medical professional make you feel comfortable to be open with them.

Jayne

[RobynTx]

Congrats on the loving and supportive wife.  They are a blessing to say the least.  Mine has been with me at my side through all my changes. A few months ago we discussed re-newing our vows next year when we hit the 20 year mark.  She made a comment about both of us wearing dresses for the occasion.  I have to say my heart skipped a few beats and it left me breathless. I feel so giddy thinking about next year now.

Doctors are a different animal.  I have a male doctor but I haven't seen him since I started my journey.  I had to call his office last week to get some blood work done and I had to explain to them about me being transgender now.  I have to go in for a wellness check soon to update everything.  It will be awkward but I'm not worried.  Everything HRT related I go to Planned Parenthood in Austin.  They have been great in most everything I've asked.  I don't know your location so I don't know if that is an option for you to consider.

I'm happy that everything else has been going good for you.  I wish you a beautiful journey to your true self.

[Sarah_P]

That's so great!! Sounds like you're on your way. I definitely feel more comfortable with a female doctor, but it really all depends on the doctor - there are a lot of male doctors that are just as if not more understanding about these things than the female ones.

[LizK]

I was shocked. We've come so for in a short time I can barely believe it. My loving wife, in no uncertain terms, told me to figure out what HRT process to pursue and we'll deal with the changes as they come.

I never thought I'd describe myself as giddy but that seems to be the best word to use. I'm floating so high at the moment that I'm waiting for the bubble to burst with underlying dread.

I'm sure I've skimmed a bit and glossed over details. It's enough for now.
Thanks to all of you for helping me get to this point, whether you know that you did or not.

It was so great to read how this went for you. Great outcome, clearly your wife loves you for you and wants you to be happy. You certainly do have an exciting time ahead of you. I can only applaud your openness with your wife and consider myself one of the lucky few to have like you a very supportive wife.

Hope it works out well for you

[Faith]

thanks all for the comments, it really helps to read them. I like getting responses, I'm horrid and making them. I think all kind of things and never type them. Just know that I'm thinking positive thoughts to everyone here across the internet ethers.

Nothing much new to add today, my trim the fat diet took too much potassium. OWW the leg cramps (we won't mention the other symptoms). Easy enough to fix, just glad the Dr gave me a verbal heads-up when he saw the results of my test rather than waiting for my appointment. I knew what was going on when the symptoms hit.

Oh, one thing ... not sure to be happy or not .. I'm choosing happy?  My wife has been calling me her Hot Chick when I put on my more feminine evening/walking attire. Now, I know how she means it (thus the happy) but I keep thinking of the movie "The Hot Chick" ... ugh ..

[RobynD]

Support of loved ones is invaluable. Congrats

[Faith]

nothing moving forward with regards to physical, Dr's appointment is still a ways off. Mental, I'm still struggling trying to define myself. Maybe I never will.

For exercise, my wife and I have been taking evening walks, mornings as well when we can. This morning we went on a long walk and just talked randomly about whatever came up. Of course, for me, gender issues are top of my head so that came up a lot. She's finding it much easier to talk it though. Interest, not disbelief. She's 100% ok with facial hair removal and says she'll work out the money (she does the books) to go see a local electrologist. The rates seem OK, how good she is remains to be seen. I hope to start that soon.  YAY!

We talked about bottom stuff and how much it bothers me. We discussed how much removal would be OK for her while easing my discomfort. She didn't comment and I didn't press, I'll let her think about that for a while. She is ok with an Orchi. That'll depend on how far I get with the Dr., I need to cross that hormone bridge first.

Speaking of, I have discussed with her the effects of hormones from mild to the extreme (I believe I've mentioned that somewhere) and is not put off by it at all. She just says we'll deal with the changes as they come.

That's all for now except to say, I love my wife

[jill610]

That is an amazingly accepting woman you have there, I wish you the best of luck keeping her at your side if you do move forward! Mine is trying to be accepting and open and o car has overcome a lot, but it's a big nugget to chew for anyone.