Faith's Progress

[Jayne01]

Yay! Great news except for the extra lab work, but you expected that would happen. One more week! That isn't long. Before you know it, you will have your prescription. I'm glad the whole doctor visit went well.

Woooohoooo!!!


Jayne

[Sarah_P]

YAY!! Congratulations! My first doctor appointment was pretty stressful, too (no traffic fun, thankfully!). I actually had a mild panic attack in the parking lot. My first visit was also supposed to be more ($150), but ended up being much less ($85).

I've had many times trying to get to various appointments only to be slowed or outright stopped by traffic. I remember when that would send me into apoplectic rage! Now I just sigh in frustration and start planning possible detours.

[Faith]

Nice walk/chat with Lori last night. Mostly about her and how it relates to me.

The reconciliation of my changes and her religious beliefs has her struggling. She says unequivocally that shes here for me and in 'for the long haul'. By the same token, I don't want her to be divided and miserable because of me. She appears OK and happy but I know how easy it can be to hide internal struggles. I don't want her to give up herself for me, there's also no question that I want her with me.

We bounced around just separating ourselves from our 'friends and acquaintances' by simply changing our days out habits. There is very little that draws us into that part of town except our choice to go. Then we waffled back and said screw it, let them ponder and wonder while we enjoy ourselves.

The downside to continuing our current outside activities is that it puts Lori on the front lines of questions regarding me. Sure I told her to answer in any way she feels but it will pile up on her. How much is too much?  Do I 'dress down' when we go out to minimize the effect and exposure? I don't want to, I want to be me. I've hid too long as it is.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting here at work, again all in pink . I didn't think I'd like this much pink, I think it suits me. I also like purple, red, blue, orange .. well, heck, OK I like colors. I've worn black and gray neutrals for so long to hide myself that I just don't want to any more ... although, I look pretty darn good in all black

Ok, back to work .. maybe ..

[steph2.0]

You'd look good in anything, girlfriend!

If Lori says she's fine you have to take her at her word. Just keep the lines of communication open and be sure she knows it.

If someone asks questions you can intercept them. If they wait until you leave the room, she can just tell them to wait until you get back. Otherwise you could do something like I did, which is have a postcard with a full explanation she can hand them. It's up to you how much you want to explain.

Stephanie

[Faith]

Steph, I stole snippets of 'coming out' letters, leaning heavily on your friend's note. Once Lori peruses it I'll print some out and she can hand them to anyone that asks questions. I'll use it as a baseline for emails as well for the last few that I need to inform more directly.

That should take care of one aspect that is still hanging out there unfinished.

[Anne Blake]

Hi Faith,

In most cases I agree with Steph. If Lori says she is fine, you need to trust her wiliness to speak truth. But as far as the, "If someone asks questions you can intercept them", goes, I have found that I need to allow my Debi to live and respond as her heart directs her. If she wants me to run interference, no problem, but if we are going to live as two equal women, I need to let go of the way the man I was directed things and let her appreciate her independent equality. Just my humble opinion. By the way, my Debi is really appreciating her growth as an independent woman rather than identifying as the wife of the man that was. For what it is worth.

Tia Anne

[Faith]

Hi Faith,

In most cases I agree with Steph. If Lori says she is fine, you need to trust her wiliness to speak truth. But as far as the, "If someone asks questions you can intercept them", goes, I have found that I need to allow my Debi to live and respond as her heart directs her. If she wants me to run interference, no problem, but if we are going to live as two equal women, I need to let go of the way the man I was directed things and let her appreciate her independent equality. Just my humble opinion. By the way, my Debi is really appreciating her growth as an independent woman rather than identifying as the wife of the man that was. For what it is worth.

Tia Anne

I agree, I have already told Lori to answer or not or anywhere in between on details based entirely on her comfort level. The note is for those times she doesn't want to get into it, for whatever reason.

[steph2.0]

as far as the, "If someone asks questions you can intercept them", goes, I have found that I need to allow my Debi to live and respond as her heart directs her. If she wants me to run interference, no problem, but if we are going to live as two equal women, I need to let go of the way the man I was directed things and let her appreciate her independent equality. Just my humble opinion. By the way, my Debi is really appreciating her growth as an independent woman rather than identifying as the wife of the man that was. For what it is worth.

I hadn't thought of that. And what I mean is, the thought of directing things as a stereotypical man would, just never occurred to me. I guess Sue and I have always had an unusual relationship in that regard. She's usually been the one who makes more money, and I end up doing most of the cleaning and all of the cooking. Our joke has always been that she's the one who is out hunting and gathering, and I'm the one who's at home barefoot and pregnant. So when I suggested that Faith take on the burden of explanations, it was with the assumption that Lori didn't want to do it. I absolutely agree, Tia, that if Lori wants to direct the conversation, her choice should be respected.

So see? We do agree after all. I knew you were smart!


- Stephanie

[Faith]

if Lori wants to direct the conversation, her choice should be respected.

fyi, so far she just answers, adjusting details based on the person, and says she doesn't mind. I feel better with the insurance of a note that she can use to escape if necessary.

update.

No news from PP (I know, impatient, what can I say ... I'm ready ...). I had planned some retail shopping with Lori last night, not to buy so I guess retail window-shopping? I generally get home first. I get home and .... 5 yr old granddaughter running around. My son had to go get her from school because her parents were working. Since no one was home, she came to our house.

needless to say, that threw a curve into my plans. My granddaughter is really great, a holy terror, but great. too smart for her own good, and mine. Anyway, I walk in and the first thing she says?, "You look silly" (wearing my all pink). I'm like, "What? You don't like pink?" her favorite, of course.

I'm catching up a bit on my computer a few minutes later and she comes in and says, "You're wearing makeup on your eyes!" .. why, yes I am ... kids, sheesh ...

I went overboard on dinner, ate too much. The topper was the toaster waffles and Canadian light maple syrup. mmm, yummy, downside: sugar headache .. ARRGGHH .. it lasted the rest of the evening, I can still feel it lingering today.

As we, Lori and I, are taking her home .. a text. No rush, we're not home yet. *shoot* Alright, lets window shop a bit at Bealls Outlet. Let me tell you, there is nothing fun about wandering a clothing store with a piercing headache and a wound-up 5 yr old. I really wanted to find some new slacks, no way was I messing with fitting rooms and the trail/error process. Some other day. I did find some shoes, however.

As we pick up different items, I'll grab one and she'll go, "That's too girly" or Lori grabs one and she'll go, "That's for boys". She has a very specific idea of girls wear and boys wear. It has to be inherit because I know for a fact that there is nothing in my daughters family that teaches gender-specific dress codes. Maybe it's school, schools love to pigeon-hole people and teach stereotypes.

That leads up to my progress for the day: I am sitting here at my desk at work for the first time ever wearing open toed footwear and painted toenails. for the curious:

(no, the pinky toes aren't squished - they're twisted. An odd genetic trait in our family)
I picked up a more dressy pair to wear on the 14th when I dress up specifically for Valentines Day .. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER ...WOOO .. I'm excited. Such a simple thing but I spent my life avoiding any sort of dress-up.

Now to get the nerve up to walk around. It'll happen, something always comes up that requires me moving from my desk.

That's all for now.

[Faith]

another step.

I just sent the hardest email so far. Two very close friends that we don't want to lose. Their religious beliefs may totally conflict with what I'm going through. If that's the case, they will no longer be friends. I cannot hold back or hide, if they cannot accept me then so be it.

I'll post if I get a response, until then life goes on.

[Faith]

Phone call response from my sister-in-law (my older brother's wife).

First you have to understand my brother a little. He does not express love and affection outwardly, and not a hugger, etc .. etc ..

Anyways, call from her. I had sent them an email so that they could think about things. I knew that she had likely told him already (she found out last month w/o real details) but I hadn't heard anything more.

... Full acceptance if not understanding ...

They are both fully ready to accept me and do their best on New Name and pronouns. How they feel about me hasn't and won't change. He has to wrap his head around it other than that, no problem. I told her that it is hard for people to understand if they aren't going through it.

I gave her the imagine story of "Think how you would feel if you woke up tomorrow with a penis"  .. oh yeah, got a response on that one

We spent about an hour on the phone with q/a information and curiosity questions. It's a good progress step.

I'm off to my bath soak.

[Jayne01]

Great news with your brother. Things are moving along nicely for you.

Jayne

[Cassi]

Great news with your brother. Things are moving along nicely for you.

Jayne

s

OMG Jayne!  Have you been swallowed by quicksand?

[Faith]

Valentines Day theme at our music club jamboree. I almost didn't go not wanting to face any one.

Well, We ended up going to church, a bit of shopping at a local thrift store (for the homeless coalition) and found lots of cool stuff. Ended up wearing a Valentines themed outfit out of the store, to match my red velvet finger and toe nails. Picked up some more nice slacks for work and a couple tops that I didn't need.

At the church, no side glances but one OH look. A older gentleman trying to get my attention and say Hi/Welcome .. His face went open OH and he turned away quick when I looked up. Ah well, not everyone can handle a full blast of my face.

At the thrift store I had two ladies ask about clothes they were picking out, one a full on conversation about sizes all being different and how's this look etc. just casual conversation.

Made it to the jamboree.  Had a few avoidance's, several, "Hey, I didn't see you" clueless chats (or apparently clueless) and several WOW, you look great. Along with hugs. I got one sit down, I'm not avoiding you, how are you doing, I have clients going through the same thing .. she's an electrologist .. I had no idea.

Other than eating stuff off our diet and feeling sick (wife actually got sick) it was a very good 'out' day. I'm glad I went. It really settled a few uncomfortable feelings I've had about going out as me.

Oh, and the two good friends went pretty much as expected. the wife is, Still love you, I don't agree. Odds are she'll be civil to me and avoid but still socialize with my wife. I may be wrong, we'll see. The husband, I didn't see any change in demeanor or how he talked to me. No hugs but he shook hands and looked me in the eye .. or he stared at my makeup, I'm not sure. My makeup came out well for the day so that could be it.

That's a quick summation, I'll post more if I think of it before bed.

[Laurie]

Valentines Day theme at our music club jamboree. I almost didn't go not wanting to face any one.

Well, We ended up going to church, a bit of shopping at a local thrift store (for the homeless coalition) and found lots of cool stuff. Ended up wearing a Valentines themed outfit out of the store, to match my red velvet finger and toe nails. Picked up some more nice slacks for work and a couple tops that I didn't need.

At the church, no side glances but one OH look. A older gentleman trying to get my attention and say Hi/Welcome .. His face went open OH and he turned away quick when I looked up. Ah well, not everyone can handle a full blast of my face.

At the thrift store I had two ladies ask about clothes they were picking out, one a full on conversation about sizes all being different and how's this look etc. just casual conversation.

Made it to the jamboree.  Had a few avoidance's, several, "Hey, I didn't see you" clueless chats (or apparently clueless) and several WOW, you look great. Along with hugs. I got one sit down, I'm not avoiding you, how are you doing, I have clients going through the same thing .. she's an electrologist .. I had no idea.

Other than eating stuff off our diet and feeling sick (wife actually got sick) it was a very good 'out' day. I'm glad I went. It really settled a few uncomfortable feelings I've had about going out as me.

Oh, and the two good friends went pretty much as expected. the wife is, Still love you, I don't agree. Odds are she'll be civil to me and avoid but still socialize with my wife. I may be wrong, we'll see. The husband, I didn't see any change in demeanor or how he talked to me. No hugs but he shook hands and looked me in the eye .. or he stared at my makeup, I'm not sure. My makeup came out well for the day so that could be it.

That's a quick summation, I'll post more if I think of it before bed.

Hi Faith,

  Yeah I am still around and have read some of eeveryone's posts when I could. Michelle kept me pretty well tied up. I'm caught up with your thread and must say you arr making some good progress girl. Progress in dealing with the reality of being yourself with the help of your better half. Listen to Lori!

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

[Faith]

Law-rie!! Glad you made it home safe, You deserve those get-outs. There's a whole fresh world out there waiting to meet you.

Yes, I am getting more comfortable with myself. I'm still self-conscious a lot. It should fade in 15-20 yrs or so. I pulled my day dress out of the back of the closet to wear again. I love wearing it, I did avoid mirrors and didn't take any pictures though.

Lori's still struggling within herself a bit. She obviously loves and supports me, her christian beliefs get in the way of full acceptance. The 'wife friend' mentioned above asked if she wanted to get together to bible study to find answers to what I'm going through. Well, I'm no help there, I just asked her to please not let someone's interpretation taint the words. You can twist the meaning of the printed word so easily to mean something completely opposite of intent.

Still no word on my prescription. It's early yet, they did say a week to get the results, I'm impatient. Tomorrow is a week .. HURRY UP!!!

[Faith]

So, I remembered a couple things from yesterday.

an acquaintance friend sitting at another table hollered for me. I looked up and he said, "Hey, -DN-, How's it going?" I gave the generic hello, I'm fine response.

Why is that anything to mention, well, I also saw the look on his wife's face. I think she prodded him to at least say HI and pestered him until he did it. I was kind of sitting alone (wife off having discussions, some about me :/ ) and I think she felt that I was being ignored .. which I was for the most part.

The other thing. The one friend that asked about it last jamboree, she takes the entry money at the door, official greeter and all that. Anyway, I walk in, she gives Lori a kiss and a hug and turns to me and ... I get the same. She is very outgoing but that doesn't change the fact in the years we've known her she's never had more than the basic hello hug for me. It felt good. I think that, in itself, made yesterday's jamboree an easier one to get through.

[Laurie]

Hi Faith,

  It is so nice to see you beginning to get used to being yourself. Yes it can be difficult at times if you let it be. You will get even more comfortable with being yourself the more you live as yourself.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Faith]

Things are going pretty much as I expected with the two friends that are married. The female friend is basically concentrating on finding bible verses to convince Lori how wrong it all is. The male friend just summed up that he can't accept it and how bad it is for my family.

I didn't mince words, I texted back that I'll stay away from shared functions. I have no desire or need to force myself upon others. I thanked him his past friendship and told him that I'd miss it but I have to be who I am.

It hurts, I'm trying not to break down at work. Even so, it's the right thing for me. I won't stop Lori from socializing with them. I won't ask Lori to avoid them, I will ask her leave me out of the conversations. There are plenty of shared interests that they have that has nothing to do with me. I don't need saved, I need love and support. If they cannot offer it, I won't be around. People don't need to agree with me, just accept me for who I am.

[steph2.0]

Things are going pretty much as I expected with the two friends that are married. The female friend is basically concentrating on finding bible verses to convince Lori how wrong it all is. The male friend just summed up that he can't accept it and how bad it is for my family.

I didn't mince words, I texted back that I'll stay away from shared functions. I have no desire or need to force myself upon others. I thanked him his past friendship and told him that I'd miss it but I have to be who I am.

It hurts, I'm trying not to break down at work. Even so, it's the right thing for me. I won't stop Lori from socializing with them. I won't ask Lori to avoid them, I will ask her leave me out of the conversations. There are plenty of shared interests that they have that has nothing to do with me. I don't need saved, I need love and support. If they cannot offer it, I won't be around. People don't need to agree with me, just accept me for who I am.

Exactly Faith. Exactly! You are better and stronger than any bigot, zealot, or hypocrite. Your goals are clearer, your horizons are wider, and your determination is stronger. You don't deserve, and shouldn't accept, their hate. You have too many people who love you to tolerate that.

You are much too big a person to tolerate small ones (well, except for me, of course).

- Stephanie