Faith's Progress

[Laurie]

Hi Faith,

  For what it is worth I think you are doing the right thing on both topics. Trying to understand and help Lori as she is also helping you is the right thing. It will take exploring the issues and helping each other to come to acceptable resolutions for both of you. I have faith that you two can do it if anyone can. I believe in both of you..

  As for your friends having a talk with them is a good step with them and as you say you want to answer their questions to help them understand but you are who you are and they also need to know that will not change. Ultimately the choice is their  to decide to continue the friendship. Religious beliefs can be as strong as your belief in yourself. They may not be able to reconcile the friendship with their religion. I know this from first hand experience. Granted there were other complications involved but that was one of my daughter's stated issues. It could not be reconciled and therefore I am no longer part of their lives. This may also happen with your friends and again that is their choice. You however don't have a choice in who you are. Be happy in knowing that you are who you are. You are right with the world now.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Faith]

The talk with friends went as  I expected. They both relied heavily upon their bible interpretation of right, wrong, and sin. Despite me trying to steer the conversation to just education and information inevitably it went back to bible study time. It went as far and them bring up the LGBT(how many more letters?) community. Citing how our current cultural is to 'embrace and accept and don't judge' and it's all wrong. Wait, what? I thought that the underlying concept of the bible meant exactly that.

To be clear, I do not have a problem with biblical studies and beliefs. I do have a problem with stringent close-minded interpretation based on translation made by man and from a culture centuries past. Translations suffer enough from one language to another, add to that a cultural interpretation and the original meaning and/or context becomes shrouded or lost. For every person that reads a bible, there are that many interpretations. Like minded cling together and reinforce they're own interpretation based on what they feel is acceptable or not.

To sum it up, They went with the whole 'we love you and accept you. Your body is right because God doesn't make mistakes, it's all wrong and a sin and you're sick in the head and need help'. Friends lost, I have given up on them. They feel sorry for me but not as sorry as I feel for them.

I threw up the crow, I shouldn't have eaten it.

What I really had problems with though, is that Lori is very empathetic so she picked up on their 'vibes' which reinforced the stringent upbringing that she had. It would have been better to not have met with them at all. I feel we've taken a huge step backwards. I wonder if my bags of guy clothes are still at the house somewhere.

Time to go bury my head in my work and try to pretend last night never happened.

[steph2.0]

For every person that reads a bible, there are that many interpretations...

...God doesn't make mistakes.

And there it is in a nutshell. I have a (ciswoman) friend who is religious, and she uses that exact quote to justify transitioning.

As you know, my beliefs parallel yours, but as I mentioned to Lori, if religion centers on the immortal soul, then the body isn't important. If God creates everything, (s)he created that body for you, and put that soul in it. (S)he also gave you the intelligence to know what to do with your life to live as the best person you can be. If (s)he doesn't make mistakes, all of that is intentional on his/her part.

I cannot stand the hypocrisy of stating, "We love you and want the best for you, so we're going to wound you deeply by rejecting you." You are a better person than they are, and they don't deserve your respect or friendship.

I threw up the crow, I shouldn't have eaten it.

By trying, though, you again proved you are the better person. They didn't reach out to you.

I wonder if my bags of guy clothes are still at the house somewhere.

Nope nope nopity nope. Don't even think it, girlfriend! You said it yourself: you know who you are. Those clothes, and everything they represent, are not appropriate.

Call or write me any time...


- Stephanie

[Sarah_P]

I'm sorry it went poorly, Faith. I expected to get a lot more of that type of lack of thinking here than I did, but there was some. I'll just never understand people who are that closed-minded, and let others or an old book (that's been changed throughout time to suit the needs of whoever was in charge!) determine what they should think. I especially will never understand those who think their religion gives them the right to judge or discriminate against others. I truly feel sorry for them, but I just can't deal with them myself. One 'friend' of mine is apparently that way (I've had no idea for years!), including thinking that someone has the right to treat me like garbage just because of their 'beliefs'. So I'm just going to leave him out of my life.
Sigh... I could go on with my problems with people like that or religion in general, but that would go on way too long & might upset someone. Oh, one thing - on the whole 'God doesn't make mistakes' thing. OK, so God MADE you transgender, and gave you the challenge of finding yourself to make yourself a better person.

Despite the outcome, I think you did a good thing talking to them. Some people are capable of coming around, especially when it comes to someone they know. Others, not. Now you know for certain where they stand. Lori sounds like an amazing person, I'm sure you two will work this out.

[Sarah_P]

As you know, my beliefs parallel yours, but as I mentioned to Lori, if religion centers on the immortal soul, then the body isn't important. If God creates everything, (s)he created that body for you, and put that soul in it. (S)he also gave you the intelligence to know what to do with your life to live as the best person you can be. If (s)he doesn't make mistakes, all of that is intentional on his/her part.

This too! Seriously, God gave you a brain and intelligence, why do you deny them and not use them? (not YOU obviously - those people). Science and the advancement of knowledge are just people using those gifts, understanding the world that (S)he created. How is that wrong?
Arrgh! Sorry... it just gets on my nerves.

[Anne Blake]

Hi Faith,

I am sorry that you were treated so poorly by your religious (ex)friends. God tells us that we are to love on another, not to judge others. It seems that they didn't read that part. While I am a devout believer you will get no preaching from me. Though I do agree that God does not make mistakes and that they did not make a mistake when they created you, all of you as the caring heart that you are. And you showed how much bigger your heart and compassion is by reaching out to your friends to help educate and form a bridge between two worlds. You are the on that is obeying the command to love one another. I am proud to know you Faith!

Tia Anne

[Faith]

thanks everyone, you all keep lifting me up. I'd like to make a personal response to each of you ... nasty headache tonight so more more tonight. I'll see what I can make up for it with tomorrow

Lori and I have talked some more. Just one more bump in the road on our journey but we're still moving.

[Laurie]

Faith,

   To be honest this is the result I expected. I am proud of you and Lori for trying. As fruitless and disappointing as it was I believe you needed to try and try you did. They however did not. They stuck to there dogma and training as they were taught. Such is the blind faith of organized religion. It is the very part of religion I could not accept when I was interested in such things. As I said above they are now your EXfriends by their choice not yours. You and I and all the rest of us didn't have a choice in who we are. They cannot see nor understand that nor are they capable of overriding their religious beliefs. You are who you are and is just is. I'm proud of you for trying. I tried with my daughter and failed there too.

Hang in there girl.

Hugs,
   Lori

[Jayne01]

Faith,

I am long overdue to reply to you. I have just posted in my thread the reason for my absence. I want you to know that I have been keeping up to date with your progress, although I have not been able to reply to you, or anybody else.

You have been making some awesome progress. I am so proud of you. Too bad about your (ex) friends who were unable to get past their own prejudices. You did the right thing by trying to straighten things out with them, but at the end of the day, it is their loss to lose you as a friend.

Take care.

Jayne

[Faith]

Jayne! Welcome home! (temporarily). I didn't know whether to respond here or in your thread. I'm lazy so all in one place. You just keep holding yourself together. Changing your outward appearance may show the world who you are but just remember, you're always you on the inside. No reason you cannot give Jayne free reign in thought if not in presentation. Enjoy your VayKay, I expect lots of stories to make up for the many days of nothing. Seriously, no posts? I run out of things to read ......

Lori is still looking for guidance and answers, I fear she'll find the wrong ones. Yes, I expressed this to her. My single biggest fear is losing her. If she should find that her answers lead her to leave, I would be devastated. I've told her that that's why I hesitate to dig too deeply into scripture. We all read and interpret it based on our history and culture. Her history is a strict interpretation.

two hurdles to cross, reconciliation with 'faith and 'Faith' and also woman-woman. Lori still cannot handle the thought of being wife-wife. Spouse-spouse means the same thing to her. How that stacks up to having a reverse-dressed vow-renewal ceremony, I have no idea. To be honest, I am hoping that once I start meds that the dosage is enough to settle my head, make just enough change to satisfy the inner me, and leave enough old me on the outside to ease Lori's concerns. Right now I do feel that I'd be OK with minor changes that let me out without going 100% female in presentation. I'm close now. I can feel the edginess when I sit still so I know I'm not there yet. I really believe that an androgynous presentation will likely be my outcome ... let people wonder who/what I am.

I've stated repeatedly, and I'm sorry if this offends anyone but I am speaking for myself only, I do not and never want to look like a man in girls clothes. If that works for you (whomever you may be), that's great. It will not work for me. BUT, if I'm dressed up and people are unsure, I'm perfectly OK with that .. let confusion reign

Back to the (ex)friends. The whole conversation is a bit foggy now. Really, since they couldn't focus on me and my handling of how I want to be it kind of shut my brain down from paying much attention to anything that they said. I did confront one thing that was said and they refused to accept my answer. What was it? well .....

... The male friend looked at me and asked how my children were taking it. I had already said they were fine so I deflected and told him Lori could answer that question. She told him the same thing, our children are fine with it so long as I am happy. Well, he didn't accept it. He stated straight out .. No way, they are lying to you. It is like their Dad is dying and they are losing him. They are just afraid to tell you the truth because it will hurt your (my) feelings.

I told him straight out, "You don't know how my children feel, you are projecting your own issues onto them" OH No! not doing that. Your children are lying to you.

That shut me down. I lost all interest in hearing anything they had to say at that point. It was proof that no matter what they said about love and acceptance it was clear that they had no comprehension or understating of the situation and did not want to know. They just want to 'fix it' their way. I don't need your fix, no thank you very much.

Anyway, back to work. As ME .. not him, not her, a mixture that is ME.


ps.

This post may sound a little depressive or down. Nope, I don't feel bad really. Not really happy but I blame that lingering headache. Still, my headaches are so much less frequent now that they bother me more when they come. I used to have chronic 24/7 headaches so it became a ritual of 'ignore it, work around it, treat it when it's unbearable'. To actually go days w/o one is still strange to me.

[Faith]

Not worthy of a 'happy moment' post. More a continuation of moving forward at work.

One thing, no one that has seen me recently at work is unaware unless they are blind. This is about me specifically informing people that I want to give more personal attention.

first was another direct co-worker. He's never said anything amiss nor looked at me any different. Also obvious he knew but didn't ask. I initiated the conversation to allow for questions. I gave him my 'out' letter to cover the basics. No problem, done deal.

the second one today was our main receptionist. She's always been very friendly. Anyway, When I walked in she had other people there, so I handed it to her and said don't read it now. She folded it under her phone and I walked out. Likely she read it as soon as I walked out, I just didn't want to be in there.

Later I went back and asked what she thought. I did not get a brave or courageous or anything. I did get a big smile and a congratulations. Well, that's the first congrats that I've received We did a little small talk and she mentioned another girl, I forget her name, that liked my boots but was afraid to ask me .. HAH! .. No problem, told her where and told her to tell the other girl to ask anything. I also said I am open to critiquing. Her response? You're doing fine. I guess that's a positive on my presentation at least.

[SarahFehrman]

Happily take your roses when they're given to you! Don't worry about the thorns. You go, honey - I'm so glad for you. And a teeny bit envious! [emoji182]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Faith]

Happily take your roses when they're given to you! Don't worry about the thorns. You go, honey - I'm so glad for you. And a teeny bit envious! [emoji182]

Hey Sarah, welcome to Susan's!! Oh, and welcome to my little corner of nonsense. It's true, and I have been thorn-stuck a few times, not nearly as bad as most here. I've been pretty lucky overall,  I don't know about being enviable though

Work transition has been painless, even supportive. Friends, well, if you managed to get through any of my garbage you know there's issues there. Those issues though I am brushing aside as not worthy of fixing.

[Faith]

Another day, another shift of the pendulum.

Lori and I walked again last night, a long walk that seemed short. We just talked and listened. We got to the point of finances and all the things we need to spend money on. She began unloading about all the things on the agenda, financial concerns that shes been stressing over. I let her vent and as it washed over me I felt the guilt and sadness in me build in how much I am the cause of it. Years past I would have cut her short in anger.

Once she got it out and we talked some more, she felt better, my guilt eased off and my sadness lifted. A lot of our financial struggles can be laid at my feet but not through fault, it's just the way it worked out. By evenings end we were both back on track and feeling good.

I showed her some stuff I've found, we chatted about possible upcoming changes and what they mean for us. I showed her a faceapp picture (ya, I know, bear with me here). The picture was not a dramatic change like some are. You could see what the app had changed and it was minor. The overall effect was huge. She was like, WOW, that looks great. Were I to change towards that picture, she would be fine with it, so would I. Time and HRT will tell.

She came to the conclusion, on her own, that we are better off not worrying or sharing with others about my changes. She is good with it until we talk with others and then we go off-track. She said, enough of that, I will think for myself not what others think for us.

I've mentioned before, my wife is very empathetic. When she talks to others she picks up their feelings and along with that, any certainty they have of their views and takes them on as her own .. until such distance and some time passes and she's back to herself. She came to this realization on her own and told me, "You know, in older times I would have been burned as a witch for things I do". Yep, I couldn't argue there, she can be a witch HAH!!, no seriously, I didn't say that .. but I couldn't argue, that's true. She has accepted that fact that her upbringing and the strict religious interpretations of certain ex-friends are closed minded and wrong.

Today during lunch (she came home from work to eat with me) she stated straight out that the misgivings are past and ready to work with me to help towards becoming the person that I need to be.

We've been at this point before, the strength of it is much stronger now. She has realized that the waffling and second-guessing and doubt was not coming from inside her, it was coming from others. Now that it's been identified, she can ignore it and move forward.

When you hear the saying, "3 steps forward 2 steps back" I feel that we just made a bunch of steps forwards not just 3 with no steps backwards looming.

Sorry if I rambled in the telling. some of this was thoughts and feelings, very hard to put into words that portray the same thing.

[steph2.0]

Faith,

After meeting Lori and seeing how strong and smart she is, I was pretty sure she'd reach this conclusion. I'm so happy for you both!


- Stephanie

[KathyLauren]

Don't apologize for rambling.  It was a delightful ramble to read.  Lori is a thoughtful person.  I am glad that she is working through her feelings and is still by your side.  You are a lucky lady!

[Laurie]

 Hi Lori and you too Faith,

   We have seen how this bad encounter with your suck in the dark ages religious ex-friends had on the two of you. I must say the outcome was sad, stressful and hurtful for the two of you. I expected the outcome because as you know I have have some direct experience along those lines myself with someone much closer to me.
   In several of your previous posts you mentioned this empathy think with Lori and you've related some of the negative effects from it. But I was wondering about the flip side. I assume your visit with Sue and (S)te((p)han)(ie) was a good vibe affair. How did that effect you, Lori? Was it reassuring that you and Faith will make this work? Did it help your own acceptance of the changes possible in Faith. Was it even a good experience for you? And one more Lori question,  Have you thought of getting your or account here  for support from other SOs? It could help.  ((Hugs))
   What? This is Faith's thread? But I thought the two of you are inseparable... Besides I didn't have much to say to you Faith except to say you are doing good and what's for lunch when I get there?

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Faith]

well, I may let Lori read this. This is my online diary and as such is kind of private. 

Lunch? bread and water, If you smile even a little I'll give you a glass of water to wash it down with.

Seriously, Lunch, hmm ... Better post a few options, we eat pretty bland around here. I've seen what you guys post for eats. Best to plan ahead.

ps, we also plan on being in Virginia the first couple weeks of June.

[Faith]

another tiny nudge forward, at least it's ?progress?  . I posted in the happy/unhappy thread, either no one saw or no one cared. Eh, no biggie. I'll just post in here to my audience of, hmm, is it 4 or 5 now? Does Jayne still count? Extended vacations, sheesh. Vacations aren't supposed to include Susan's.

Rather uneventful weekend, Lori had to work Saturday. I vegged in the morning watching CRAPTV. I had to wait for my son to get all ready for work and leave before I could tie up the bathroom. Once he left it was too close to Lori's lunch hour, so wait a little more. After a nice lunch I hit the bathroom for my epilator session and long tub soak .. mmm, nothing like a tub nap to take the edge off. After the bath nap I worked on my nails. What a waste of time that was. I tried a different brand .. huge mistake. I totally understand why it was in the mark-down isle. There was no way to apply that stuff right, I tried that night, redo on Sunday, strip it all on Monday night and go with a tried-and-true polish. Not the color I was going for but at least it went on right and set properly.

Sunday she didn't work, rather out of the norm. We lazed around together in the morning then off to window-shop. OK, I've said this before, we cannot window shop together .. we spend too much money no matter how many times we say we're broke. Not only did we break open the piggy, we smashed it to dust and can't use it any more. I got a few more tops, a nice night gown and another dress. Yep, a dress. It looks goood, not on me but the dress looks good. Lori and I both agree, wearing dresses around the house is good for both of us, I like them, she likes them, neither of us feel like wandering the public in one.

Monday, I did a work from home due to having a follow-up at PP. What a waste of time. I really think they 'Plan' things to cost you more in the long run. Blood pressure taken, no change. "No we can't give you Spiro until you GP clears it or you stop taking hydrochlorothiazide" Oh and "No injections, here's a prescription for low-dose estradiol pills. Take them for 3 months and we'll follow-up with more labs and revisit the spiro".

Summary, There was absolutely no reason for an actual visit to PP that cost me more money. What it did do was send me into a funk. Once the words came out about 'no spiro', disappointment hit hard. My primary focus was T-blocker. Nothing said after that mattered at all and, seriously, probably won't have any effect at all. It took hours to break the mood but I finally did ... with Lori's help.

Monday evening, nothing. laundry and a little grocery shopping.

there you have it, another blah weekend in the life of us.

[SaraDanielle]

Faith,

Just read most of the posts in your journal.  Just wanted to thank you for sharing.  I'm still at the non-transition/maybe low dose HRT stage - but it has been real insightful to see how your wife reacts and the steps you are taking.  My greatest fear in all this is my wife.

Additionally, I am a conservative Christian, so I fear losing my community, not to mention the internal conflict.  It must be somewhat like your wife is experiencing.

Again - thanks for sharing,

Sara