Another day, another bout of sniffles. Nope, not tears .. freakin' cold. Laurie, I hope you made it out without dragging it with you. I don't want to hear from your
victims hosts that they all got sick when you went through. They can blame that other Lori, she gave it to me in the first place. Maybe it's just severe allergy in which case, no contagion.
I've been lurking in the background thinking to myself, not much to add, kind of stuck in one zone with no changes. I don't feel exuberant so the 'happy' threads don't suit me, I'm not miserable (except the aforementioned cold!) so the 'poor me' threads don't fit me either .. no offence to those posting them, I'm sure I'll take another turn at some point and then it will be 'poor me'.
Yesterday afternoon was another 'feeling down about things' period. No need to expound, you've all felt it. It built up through the day culminating with me crashing on the couch with my head covered for a few hours. No, this isn't a 'poor me' moment. I was hoping that by zoning out thinking about Lori coming home would clear my head ... yep, it worked. Nothing like thinking about a loved one coming home to lift you up.
Speaking of, we went for a late walk and I mentioned the mood I was in, just to get it out. I did promise full disclosure after all. It brought up the mirror I put in the bathroom. OOP, I didn't mention that yet. So, I put a larger mirror in the bathroom. Lori has made a few comments about missing the big mirror we used to have (which I had gotten rid of). Now this person glares at me in my peripheral vision and straight at me when I step out of the shower. Now I have to learn not to look. Lori said I didn't need to put it in but we do live in the same house and it's as much hers as it is mine.
Anyway, back to the walk. It led to bible translation discourse and views. Lori's views about the bible and how it's interpreted has changed so much recently. If nothing else what we are going through opened her eyes more on the disparity in it and how many people mangle it's words.
Enough of that, the point I mean to make is that I no longer feel apprehensive about Lori, her beliefs, and my changes. She's accepting, there for me, ready to tackle the future. We're a couple and staying that way. A couple of what? Well, we'll have to define that over the next months/years. Speaking of the future, the vow renewal 'wedding' is still intended.
We talked about simple things, makeup, jewelry, earrings and pierced ears, tattoos. Not about getting/not getting or using/not using, just about what we think about it now in regards to what we've thought in the past. Wearing a dress in public came up, not around the house and for walks, but 'out'. I'm not ready, not off the table either. While a dress is a right of passage and 'feels right' to some, I don't have that driving need. It doesn't define who I want to be. Again, not meaning to offend anyone, I have no desire to look like 'that guy in a dress' .. it's just how I feel. I've seen plenty of cis-woman that shouldn't wear the dresses that they do. It's more about what's suitable for a body style, I suppose.
I know, I know, wear what you like and makes you feel good.
On a friends note. We haven't been going out this past little while. I just didn't feel welcome and didn't want to subject people to me when it's just as easy to stay home (or go shopping
). In any case, Lori has gotten messages and phone calls asking where we are, we're missed. etc. etc. Many I should make another foray into the familiar public eye .. we'll see.
I think I've regurgitated enough for one day .. back to lurking.
JAYNE !!!!!!
Thinking of you, hang in there. I need you all pulled together and fem'ed up for my vow-renewal-wedding
