Faith's Progress

[Anne Blake]

Faith,
Your last post says so much about you. Your credibility as a person has allowed those around you to "get it". You have helped your coworkers to want to understand and learn about you and that extends to helping the cis folks out there want to learn about "us". Your manager understands that you are having to struggle....he doesn't know why but he must see that this is not a choice for you. Well done sister and thank you for helping us all in the eyes of some cis folks.

Tia Anne

[Faith]

Anyone who received my written note, the last line is/was:

I am now comfortable enough as myself that, if you like, I am willing answer any questions that you have

While I not any good as an activist, I believe the best way to mitigate ignorant reactions is with knowledge. All the knowledge in the world won't help stupid but if we don't try, we don't know for sure which one they are.

I didn't add a disclaimer. The stupid will go into the questions not even appropriate for CIS. I do draw a line 

[KathyLauren]

Congratulations, Faith!  Being out at work is a huge step!

While I not any good as an activist, I believe the best way to mitigate ignorant reactions is with knowledge.

You are an activist.  Just by being out, you are are informing those around you.  I think that being visible is one of the best forms of activism.  Well done, sister!

[steph2.0]

Anyone who received my written note, the last line is/was:

While I not any good as an activist, I believe the best way to mitigate ignorant reactions is with knowledge. All the knowledge in the world won't help stupid but if we don't try, we don't know for sure which one they are.

At my very first therapy session, my therapist told me that like it or not, I would become an advocate and educator. That certainly wasn't my goal, but I've tried to make sure everyone knows that I'll answer any respectful question. I'm surprised at how many people just accepted me with no questions asked, but those who do ask really appreciate my candor. I love the fact that you seem to be enjoying a similar situation.

I saw a quote yesterday that we should all keep in mind: Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Congratulations for getting to the other side, Faith.

Stephanie

[LizK]

Today marks the first 'official' day utilizing Faith as my preferred name, along with pronouns. A memo went out to the department that I work in. I also handed out a couple letters to managers of other departments. I have not met any resistance whatsoever. Reasonable questions about 'what if we forget' Hey, mistakes happen, it's OK. After a few months though .. should have it right by then .....

I have no intention of pushing the bathroom rights issue. There is an available unmarked privacy bathroom, I will use that as exclusively as possible. Secondary is a private bathroom that is marked for men but since it's single use/private it'll do when I can't wait. (which happens all too often any more ). I have no desire to make any women uncomfortable by forcing the issue. I point out that no one has said anything one way or another, this is just my thoughts and decisions.

Congratulations on your milestone. I hope your colleagues take to it without too many issues. You have to work in the environment and you know what will work best for you in your circumstances. Maybe as people get to know Faith a bit more hopefully the bathroom may not be any kind of issue for you at all.

Take care

Liz

[Faith]

small snag yesterday. When it came to my first restroom trip ..... it was out of order So, back to the private mens room I went.


On to new/old things. I decided last night to retake some measurements. The results were a bit disappointing

Before:
11/08/2017
Weight  ~200 lbs
Shoulder  Width  20
Over-bust  40
Bust  42
Under-bust  39
Waist  40
Butt  41
Nip2nip  9

After:
07/30/2018
Weight  ~156 lbs
Shoulder  Width  18.5
Over-bust  38
Bust  39.5
Under-bust  37
Waist  34
Butt  37.5
Nip2nip  10

[KathyLauren]

Actually, Faith, those numbers look remarkably good.  You have lost a significant amount of weight and it shows in reduced bulk.  That is all good.

I understand the disappointment over the bust measurement going the wrong direction, but that is no doubt the result of the weight loss.  For more than a year after I started on HRT, my bust measurement didn't budge at all.  I was 38-1/2 as a guy, and remained at 38-1/2 while my boobs started growing.  It is only at a year and a half now that I can see a change in the measurement (39-1/2).

Hang in there, hun.  You are doing fine.

[Anne Blake]

Faith, I will agree with Kathy on this. The weight loss is fantastic! And the narrowing of your waist over your hips is giving you more of an hour glass figure.....something, bye the way, that many of us are quite envious of. Good going girl!

Tia Anne

[Faith]

Thanks Kathy, Tia Anne.

I guess I'm just impatient. I'm actually OK with the bust. I can look down and see breasts. That, more than anything, helps my dysphoria calm down. My disappointment comes from waist to hip/butt. To see myself as I envision, I need more butt. Putting weight on in the right place is a roll of the dice. I doubt my waist will get any smaller (due to lower rib cage). I haven't had a 30" waist since my late teens. And, compared to my chest, it could but doesn't really need to be any smaller.

I do measurement charts and they place me at 'rectangular or banana' (¿banana?). I look in the mirror and see a big V. I look at pictures from the back and I see the same thing. My wife makes comments from behind me that she can see the shape just fine ... I'm so confused ......

Work today thus far.
* One dead-name and gender from someone in my dept. who didn't get the memo ... corrected that.
* One dead-name and gender from someone in a different dept who, really, couldn't know. I received a pat and a hug from the gal next to me (who does know) when she heard it. Granted, I did say 'not him, please' under my breath a few times that she overheard .. thus the hug. Once informed, that same gal used the right name 10 mins later to get my attention on something.
* Popped my head in on the manager that sent the email (posted above) to say how much I appreciated it. He looked up and called me Faith with no hesitation at all before I even got a word out.
Couple other Faith's in casual conversation.

The gal that got it wrong, now corrected, I swung by a little later to drop my letter on her desk. Told her to read it and pass it around to anyone who was interested? Should know? Whatever, all I know is that it got passed around to all the gals in that department .. which, by the way, led to a stuck out tongue, a compliment on the letter, and another hug.

All in all, work is smooth. I'm sure that there'll have to be a few more reminders, I've worked here as 'him' for a long time.

When the time comes, I don't think I'll have any home issues on legal name change. Which I have no intention of doing until I do gender at the same time. I am not going through that twice.

That's all for now, thanks for reading.
Faith

[mm]

Faith, just let the restroom issue stand as you are doing now.  Sooner or later one of woman will invite you to go the restroom with her and then you know it is ok to use the women's

[Faith]

smile moment.

Walking through a hallway with one of my co-workers (female) when we bumped into one of the gals that I mentioned from yesterday. A smile and hey guys for both of us and she introduced us to her daughter ... she said Faith with no hesitation at all.

That's about all that's good today. Nothing trans related, this is just a sucky day at work. It all started when I left my coffee at home and went downhill from there.

One up moment was when I texted Lori about the crappy day and her reply was, "Keep your chin up Faith, Love You".

[Faith]

And I finish off the day with a thud.

today was the day for my new name tag, which meant a new photo. And ... the ugly shines through. I almost fell apart at work looking at it. It goes to show, you can't fix ugly.

I'm going to bed.

[LizK]

Days feeling like that suck...in fact anytime you feel like that sucks. Getting past our own self hate can sometimes be the hardest part of transition. It takes awhile for your brain to finally catch up with your body but until it does it remains difficult to see ourselves in the same way that other do. Hope you are feeling better

Liz

[Jessica_Rose]

And I finish off the day with a thud.

today was the day for my new name tag, which meant a new photo. And ... the ugly shines through. I almost fell apart at work looking at it. It goes to show, you can't fix ugly.

I'm going to bed.

Faith, within a few days after realizing I was transgender I looked in the mirror and was convinced I was going to 'make one ugly woman'. Despite my concern, I knew this was the right path. It has taken quite a while for me to begin seeing what others see. When I look at my badge (taken on my first day as Jessica), or my new drivers license I cringe. It has only been a little over five months since those photos were taken, but now I love what I see. Give it time. Eventually your beauty will shine through all the noise in your mind and you will finally see the beautiful woman others see.

I am sure you have seen other 'before and after' photos, mine is here (March 2017 vs March 2018):
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233104.msg2092927.html#msg2092927

[Faith]

Hey Liz and Jessica. Thanks for the words of support. I really bummed out. When I got home from work I didn't even dress. I just stripped off my day clothes, threw on the top that I sleep in, bundled myself on the couch under pillows and blankets with all the lights off.

There I was until Lori got home. She told me that as soon as she pulled in the drive that she started feeling down and by the time she entered the house she was almost in tears. That's how empathic she is. I was seriously projecting too much.

Because she held herself together, by the time we went to my daughters and then a little bit of shopping, I was feeling much better, mood-wise. I still can't think about that photo.

Anyway, I don't know how I deserve such a strong loving wife. I'm certainly not earning it but I very much am thankful for it .. um, her ... um ..... grammar, it's hard ......

Jessica, (well, you too Liz) while I don't really post, I've read through all your posts and followed your thread(s). Ima thread-peeping-tom .. err .. Toma? .. Thomasin? .....

[Michelle_P]

Hey Liz and Jessica. Thanks for the words of support. I really bummed out. When I got home from work I didn't even dress. I just stripped off my day clothes, threw on the top that I sleep in, bundled myself on the couch under pillows and blankets with all the lights off.

There I was until Lori got home. She told me that as soon as she pulled in the drive that she started feeling down and by the time she entered the house she was almost in tears. That's how empathic she is. I was seriously projecting too much.

Because she held herself together, by the time we went to my daughters and then a little bit of shopping, I was feeling much better, mood-wise. I still can't think about that photo.

Anyway, I don't know how I deserve such a strong loving wife. I'm certainly not earning it but I very much am thankful for it .. um, her ... um ..... grammar, it's hard ......

Jessica, (well, you too Liz) while I don't really post, I've read through all your posts and followed your thread(s). Ima thread-peeping-tom .. err .. Toma? .. Thomasin? .....

Faith, in a partnership such as yours, there is support for each other in their worst moments, and the whole is made stronger for it.  The two of you each bring their own strengths and frailties into the partnership, and can aid one another.

When one is suffering, the other brings comfort and aid.  As a team, both can move through life more easily than one alone.  This is not always easy for the individual partners, but recognizing their greater strength together helps each fulfil their greater purpose as a team.

Faith, you and Lori are blessed with each other, recognize this, and will do very well.  I am so glad to see this partnership in action, as it is a rare and wonderful treasure in our lives.

Thank you for sharing!

[Faith]

I spent most of today trying not to break down (mostly successful). I put black duct tape over my badge photo ... it didn't help, I know it's under there waiting to spring out like a terrorizing jack-in-the-box clown.

I am most definitely in 'depressed about my appearance' dysphoria mode. I recognize it, try to distract myself, it's not working. My mood is not as bad as yesterday. My mood is actually fairly good it's just tamped down by UGGAHLEE!!

Maybe if I put a bag over my own head

[Anne Blake]

Faith, just a thought, can you take a photo that you do like (or perhaps dislike less) to your security department and have them make a new id badge for you?

[Faith]

Faith, just a thought, can you take a photo that you do like (or perhaps dislike less) to your security department and have them make a new id badge for you?

well, ahem, .... it's my department. My immediate co-worker usually does the badges but I could do them
Those inductive ID cards aren't cheap, hate to waste them. My other badges, except for my original (which is all yellow and faded) are re-purposed left-overs with tape covering erroneous info.

Here's the image on my back-up badge:

[steph2.0]

Here's the image on my back-up badge:

Umm, I did NOT give you permission to use my picture...