Faith's Progress

[Faith]

I'll try not to be too grumpy in my replies. Yep, it's one of those mornings. I woke up late, very late, had to rush through everything. Hit the closet and nothing was suitable. No matter what I tried it wasn't a match or fit for whatever the heck my head wanted. I ended up with a black top and jeans. Suits my mood, I suppose, all dingy and dark. I feel like curling up but I don't think that'd go over well at work.

Stephanie, I know you can't go over the top, there's nowhere to go from the top of the fridge.

I want to thank everyone on their compliments about my profile pic. I am not sure how long I can leave it up. While I agree that it's one of the better pictures of me, I don't think I can handle that guy staring at me every time I post even with a smile on his face.

JUDI!! Sorry, I missed mentioning you earlier. Welcome to the abyss, I hope I don't drag you down. There's a whole bunch of 'don't do it like I did' in my thread. Thank you for the compliment (I'm still trying to learn how to accept compliments, I'm a WiP)

Liz, as always, a voice of straight talk. Thank you for that. I hope I don't chase you away. Yes, Lori is amazing. I feel bad that she's set aside some of her own misgivings to help me becomes whomever I need to be. I do believe I would have dug a deep hole and jumped in without her here beside me to hold my belt.

With that said, let me recount something that happened yesterday evening that should make me feel good today still ... but doesn't.

Lori had to work late, short lunch so no time to come home. I packed up a few edibles and met her at work. I was early (still wearing my work outfit) so I had to wait. There was a bench seat conveniently across from where she was so I plopped down and proceeded to wait. She noticed me after a bit, I think her smile got bigger when she saw me. Hard to tell, she smiles all the time.

After she finished up and clocked out for lunch, she told me that one of the gals asked "Who is the woman waiting for you?" O.O Her answer was, "That's my husband" exacting a silent response. Maybe someday the response will be, "That's Faith" and leave it at that. spouse/so/partner don't sound right for me. Husband is fine, just sometimes let it slide with less info, you know?

I wasn't going to log in today. I didn't want to leave my thread hanging with unacknowledged compliments so here I am.

[Jayne01]

Hi Faith,

Sorry you were having a couple down days. They happen. Lori is a great lady, always thinking of you. You are a very lucky gal to have her.

Love your new profile pic. That is definitely the best photo I have seen of you. That is a lovely, genuine smile. You look very happy and totally feminine. There is no man in that picture at all. I hope you leave it as your profile picture long enough for you to start seeing what the rest of us see. I would really love for you to see what we all see, because there is a very lovely woman looking back at you.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Faith]

Hi Faith,

Sorry you were having a couple down days. They happen. Lori is a great lady, always thinking of you. You are a very lucky gal to have her.

Love your new profile pic. That is definitely the best photo I have seen of you. That is a lovely, genuine smile. You look very happy and totally feminine. There is no man in that picture at all. I hope you leave it as your profile picture long enough for you to start seeing what the rest of us see. I would really love for you to see what we all see, because there is a very lovely woman looking back at you.

Hugs,
Jayne

It'll work out, hopefully, eventually. In the meantime there's **boobage**  They are most definitely more full .. fuller? .. have fullness? ... rather than just pointing, and they haven't stopped yet. It's still up in the air where it'll end. My family has both sides of the size spectrum so I have no idea what to expect long term.

A little bit of gain in the hips and shrinkage in the waist helps the overall ratio. They still don't come close to balancing out my shoulders though

[Northern Star Girl]

It'll work out, hopefully, eventually. In the meantime there's **boobage** They are most definitely more full .. fuller? .. have fullness? ... rather than just pointing, and they haven't stopped yet. It's still up in the air where it'll end. My family has both sides of the size spectrum so I have no idea what to expect long term.

A little bit of gain in the hips and shrinkage in the waist helps the overall ratio. They still don't come close to balancing out my shoulders though

@Faith
Dear Faith:   
Yes indeed, your picture that you posted as your new Avatar/Profile photo look amazing as all of your followers have been telling you.  It is nice for us to see a picture of you when we come to your thread and to your various postings around the forums... always good to put a face to the words that we all exchange with each other.

This is a good first step in accepting yourself... thank you for sharing all of your latest photos... and keeping us updated with regard to your transition progress.

ahhhhh.......  **there's boobage**
In my own experience my breasts started to grow within a few months of starting HRT... beginning with lumps under each nipple.... and sore and erect nipples.....  then by ONE YEAR I had A Cups and by 1 1/2 years things had progressed to a B Cup, at that point I was able to go to full-time and my boobs keep growning until now, 3 1/2  YEARS into HRT they are a C Cup.   I  think and I hope that they have stopped there.... I lead a very active lifestyle and I do not want any more.

So, Faith, have faith in yourself, please stay positive about yourself.
Thank you for keeping your thread updated.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[mm]

Very true, Danielle, boobs are great but can get in the way when they are too large, C's are probably best for most girls who are active like you.

[Faith]

stuck at work today, no time to play. But, a quick update won't hurt

I posted that on 07/30/2018, my bust size was 39.5"
Well, last night we remeasured (had to brag to a family member) and I am 40.5"

Also, an addendum:
It is now Faith 0, everyone else 111111 ... whatever.

So far I am the only person that sees a guy in my profile picture (or the source image)

I'm such a loser ... I'll take it with a smile

[Jayne01]

stuck at work today, no time to play. But, a quick update won't hurt

I posted that on 07/30/2018, my bust size was 39.5"
Well, last night we remeasured (had to brag to a family member) and I am 40.5"

Also, an addendum:
It is now Faith 0, everyone else 111111 ... whatever.

So far I am the only person that sees a guy in my profile picture (or the source image)

I'm such a loser ... I'll take it with a smile [emoji4]

Hi Faith,

Boob growth!! Yay!!!

Don't beat yourself up about being the only person to see a guy in the photos. As has been stated before, we are always our own worst critics. It takes more time for our own brains to be "reprogrammed" with the changing visuals we see in the mirror or photos. The physical changes happen quicker than our brains can keep up. There is a lifetime of "stored" images of ourselves in our minds that interfere with what is actually in the mirror now. You are NOT a loser. Please don't refer to yourself that way.

At least you are taking it all with a smile. That is a positive sign. [emoji846]

Hugs,
Jayne

[Faith]

YAY!! oh, and loser .. a positive loser .. it's OK

I fixed a typo in my post if you want to fix it in your quote

One more neato bit of information ... Last night we decided to go out to eat. Simple IHOP breakfat/dinner. Anyways, Lori wasn't quite ready so I turned to the waitress and made my order. I thought nothing of it. I turned to Lori and she had an odd look on her face.
I said, "What?"
She goes, "That was weird, I was going to order for you and you did fine."
"Why?"
"You sounded like a girl"

WOOT, without even consciously trying.

Hi Faith,

Boob growth!! Yay!!!

Don't beat yourself up about being the only person to see a guy in the photos. As has been stated before, we are always our own worst critics. It takes more time for our own brains to be "reprogrammed" with the changing visuals we see in the mirror or photos. The physical changes happen quicker than our brains can keep up. There is a lifetime of "stored" images of ourselves in our minds that interfere with what is actually in the mirror now. You are NOT a loser. Please don't refer to yourself that way.

At least you are taking it all with a smile. That is a positive sign. [emoji846]

Hugs,
Jayne

[KathyLauren]

"You sounded like a girl"

WOOT, without even consciously trying.

Wow, Faith, boob growth and sounding like a girl without even trying!  You are on a roll!

[Jayne01]

What Kathy said ^^^^^^^

Wooooohoooooo!!!

Jayne

[Faith]

...Also, an addendum:
It is now Faith 0, everyone else 111111 ... whatever ....

So far I am the only person that sees a guy in my profile picture (or the source image)

I'm such a loser ... I'll take it with a smile

I just lost another vote, my ratio is horrible. This is one vote, though, that I am more than happy to lose.
On the downside, I still don't see it for myself

[LizK]

I leave the place for 2 seconds and when i get back we have boobage and girl voices all happening...Good for you Faith. 

I read with interest your comment about how Lori spoke of you to her colleagues. My wife has never told her work colleagues and continues to refer to me in male terms. So I understand what a delicate situation this can be.  Having said that I understand that "whos that woman...thats Faith" is far simpler and less distressing response as it needs no further explanation.

Congrats on doing so well with your voice...that can be quite nerve wracking in public.

As far as the Avatar goes if it causes you distress then you do whats best for you. Keep taking pics until you find one you like.

Take care
Liz

[Faith]

Hey Liz

I don't have any problem with Lori calling me her husband. I am her husband, I have been for 36 years. I will be until she decides otherwise, or not. I'm OK with that. I mentioned it to her as an option, not because it bothered me. There's no question that people she works with knows, she's not trying to hide it.

The voice was a surprise to me, I wasn't trying. I'd probably screw it up if I tried it on purpose.

The current avatar doesn't distress me like others did/do. I still cannot look at the others. This ones fault is that all I see is a man when everyone else sees a woman ... I want to see the woman.

More boobage!! .. WOO They are the one thing that I consciously wanted even when in denial and hiding from myself. I don't want huge, nope, I do need some more though.  Sizes vary dramatically in my family, there's no telling where I'll end up.

Anyways, off to bed.
Faith

[Faith]

On to something I don't normally share, but I need to get it out. I will generalize though.

Lori and I didn't go to sleep right away last night. Sex for her waned some time ago, way before transition started. I slowed down as well and for the past year or so we've been on the same libido level. Well, something changed for me at least. I wouldn't call it libido, I still don't have a strong desire to do anything ... except .. when she kisses me. I'm not much for idioms but OMG. Recently one kiss ties my stomach into knots. Thinking about kissing her has the same intensity. We were hugging last night and she kissed my neck (she's short, it's an easy target), my knees almost gave out.

I hinted at maybe doing something about it, she avoided it. I managed to get out that she had no interest in the, shall we say, full act. I reassured her that I had no interest in that direction either, this was different. In not so many words, we found an outlet and upon .. um .. completion .. OMG again. Intense doesn't describe. To top it off (yep, more), I started crying immediately with no chance to hold it in, it just burst out. That is a 'never happened before' scenario.

I won't say anything further, no need for elaborate descriptions. We keep our private life (such as it is) private but in this case, I had to express myself.

Faith

¿Where's the spoiler code?

[KathyLauren]

Wow, sounds great, Faith!  I'm just a bit jealous. 

[Faith]

Thanks Kathy, but jealous?
I think I was too descriptive and scared people off.

Last night Lori and I went to her Mom's (actually her oldest sister's who is housing her). I think I surprised her because she was talking about it the night before that and I told her to wait for me and we'd go together. Old me would never have gone in the first place or I would have lumped myself in the corner and waited to leave. It was a rather pleasant sit down visit.  Things are changing, I think.

It was a nice end to a long great day.

Today I'm at work, new skirt & top. Still not sure about showing my lower legs but I am getting compliments and hugs. I guess I need to not worry about it so much.  I am very comfortable in skirts/dresses otherwise which surprises me considering my aversion at the start.

[Laurie]

Hi Faith,

  You haven't scared me off. In fact I very much enjoyed your last two posts. Besides being a bit envious maybe, it was good to read. Hopefully it is the start of change for you that many of us have been waiting to see in you. She is there in you and struggling to come out. We are all rooting for her Faith.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

[Northern Star Girl]

Thanks Kathy, but jealous?
I think I was too descriptive and scared people off.

Last night Lori and I went to her Mom's (actually her oldest sister's who is housing her). I think I surprised her because she was talking about it the night before that and I told her to wait for me and we'd go together. Old me would never have gone in the first place or I would have lumped myself in the corner and waited to leave. It was a rather pleasant sit down visit.  Things are changing, I think.

It was a nice end to a long great day.

Today I'm at work, new skirt & top. Still not sure about showing my lower legs but I am getting compliments and hugs. I guess I need to not worry about it so much.  I am very comfortable in skirts/dresses otherwise which surprises me considering my aversion at the start.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
This is such good and exciting news... dressing at work, new skirt and top....  I am certain that the entire outfit and presentation of the new you was on display in a good way... and you recieved compliments and hugs. WOW 

All those things should be a confirmation to you that your transition journey is moving along quite well....  and there is nothing wrong with showing your legs... and a little skin elsewhere in a respectable way.   

Women's clothing is so very much different that what you were accustomed to... tighter fitting tops and bottoms, showing more curves, showing shoulders and legs.... oh and the shoes too!
 
Thank you so very much for keeping your avatar/profile picture up.... you are very beautiful ... and your hair is terrific.  When seeking your postings it is very nice to find your picture!!!

Keep us all updated with the good and with the bad...  we will rejoice with you in the good reports and support you and hug you in the not so good reports.   We are your biggest fans.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Faith]

minor update to thank certain people for putting up with me and my tendency to over-react in a negative way.

Danielle, The only reason that my profile picture is still up is because so many have asked me to leave it there. I am really having trouble with seeing it all the time in my postings. If there were a way to remove it only from the top of the page, it wouldn't be quite so bad. I have to scroll down really fast on every page load/refresh.

referring to pictures. I deleted some faceapp pictures in one of my 'over-react' moments. I like these pictures because they still look a bit like me. If the time ever comes to fix my nose (deviated septum) I'm going to ask them to tweak it a bit while they are in there (up there?). I know I'll never get to look like what the pictures depict, I just think that they are good reference photos for the direction that I'd like to go ... not that it'll ever happen, I hate being realistic. So, for the person that got a glimpse of these pics before I removed them .. here they are for everyone to see.

1st up, this is the picture currently used for my work ID badge. I call it my younger self even though I never looked like that. Most every ID badge at work is their original photo from when they started. I started 10 years ago so who's to know?


The other two I keep for wishful thinking
 

One of these photo's is likely only if the stars align, all three are most unlikely .. but I can dream .....
The last one is closest to what I look like now (albiet, much better) except that I have a lot more hair now.

[JudiBlueEyes]

I think the face app stuff is interesting but as you can see it's not reality.  That said, I think you can learn something from the photos.  The few that I see are that bangs work well with your face and that shoulder length looks flattering.  Maybe not actually cutting bangs but combed hair over your forehead.  I Had hair down my back but after coloring the silver away, I got it cut.  After several cuts I decided a bob, cut just above but not touching my shoulders works well for me.  It's also more fem looking. 

The other thing I see (which I have used to my benefit too) is the softness the app provides.  After trying too hard, I have gotten so much better with make up.  I try to go as light and natural as possible.  I don't do my eyes unless its an event (wedding, etc).  Getting a nice arc at the brow is feminizing too!  I see a different person when I get made up, even just for grocery shopping.   

As others have said you are maybe being a little too critical of yourself.  You look good.  Believe in yourself!!  We do.
Judi