Faith's Progress

[JudiBlueEyes]

My lips are sealed. 

[Dena]

I am reading but just not saying very much. Whenever you have issues with your figure, go to the store and look around. So many women are carrying far more extra weight than you are. Besides that, you have a pretty good figure and it may get better as HRT moves stuff around. I found over about a year after resuming HRT that some of my belly ended up elsewhere. That was a good thing because I am not overweight so I couldn't lose it by diet.

[Faith]

Michelle!! I've been reading through your make-over thread. Looking good. I hope it changes enough for you but not too much. I got used to how you look and I'd hate to see a picture and scratch my head wondering who is it. YES! it's all about me!!  no seriously, I hope it matches, or close to it, your minds eye. Watch out for that Laurie person, I hear she preps fridge tops when no one is looking. Maybe a pie trap? She'd look pretty good wearing whipped topping.

I have to paint my thumb green, it doesn't help btw, and Lori dried up a cactus once.

Judi, relative newcomer to my thread and already I look for your replies and comments. I have some lip-unsealer here somewhere ....

Cindy, I think I've mentioned panic cans before somewhere. Get one. Next time you have to scream, hit the button. People will know.

Dena, I'm working on that 'move around' bit. Lori says it's working. I felt like covering up last night so I wore loose jeans and a large t-shirt. She said it didn't hide anything. I guess that's progress

Thanks to all. I've looked better, no question. That belly really did a number on me. Lori didn't notice until she saw the picture. She said if that if she had she would have had me change and save it for another day. Not by being critical, she doesn't like it when her belly does the same thing and wants requires that I tell her so that she can change. We try to look out for each other on what looks good.

I am definitely my worst critic, I see the flaws and focus on them. Some of it relates to my lack of self-confidence and esteem issues. Same as with my postings here. When I don't see activity or responses I start to wilt and think about bailing out of the forum. Kind of hypocritical since I am one of the worst about being able to reply to others.

Enough of that, it's too early in the day to keep on with the self-analysis.

Take care everyone and thanks for just being here.

Faith

[LizK]

.....I have to paint my thumb green, it doesn't help btw, and Lori dried up a cactus once...,...

Take care everyone and thanks for just being here.

Faith

We were given this small plant with some claim on an attached card from the grower claiming that even the worst gardener in the world could not accidentally kill it, some kind of bamboo I think...they hadn't met my Meryl or obviously your Lori.  Although I can't really talk I have destroyed my fair share of perfectly healthy plants...between the two of us they don't really stand a chance  My thumb isn't green its more insipid yellow

Take care

Liz

[KathyLauren]

Faith, I too have a love-hate relationship with dresses.  I like how they look on other women; less so on me.  Most dresses don't look good on me.

Us trans women have some body characteristics that dress designers don't take into account.  For example, I take a Large in tops, but a Medium in bottoms.  There aren't too many dresses in those proportions.  And, despite losing weight, I still have a blob of belly fat that is emphasized by tight, straight dresses.  I have several dresses in my closet that I bought after listening to the encouragement of my wife, where really my own judgement ought to have prevailed.  They don't get worn much (or at all).

What I need for a dress to look right on me is a loose top, a loose, flowy skirt, and a defined waist.  These days, I am really picky about dresses.  I have a wedding to go to next week, for which I found a dress that doesn't look too bad, if I can keep my gut sucked in.  I might have to get some shapewear.  (Will post pics eventually - of the dress, not the shapewear!)

[Angelic]

I am glad it's going well for you.
Yes, I would find it harder to talk to a male doctor.  I am just more comfortable around women.  Always have been.

Women, anthropologically speaking, are the sex that stays in the village and nurses the wounded. So it makes sense, that you feel more comfortable around female doctors.

When you are around a male doctor, there is this subconscious ancient feeling, that you are either out in the battlefield, being nursed to health by male tribesmen, or all the female doctors are unavailable, due to some cataclysm. So being around a male nurse would imply, to the ancient mind, that something is amiss.

[steph2.0]

Women, anthropologically speaking, are the sex that stays in the village and nurses the wounded. So it makes sense, that you feel more comfortable around female doctors.

When you are around a male doctor, there is this subconscious ancient feeling, that you are either out in the battlefield, being nursed to health by male tribesmen, or all the female doctors are unavailable, due to some cataclysm. So being around a male nurse would imply, to the ancient mind, that something is amiss.

And yet, the ARNP I go to is one of the most intelligent, well-informed, understanding, and warm caregivers I've ever had, man or woman. I had always been more comfortable with women doctors, also, until I came out to him. He helped me understand that I need to be careful about assigning roles to anyone based on gender.

You'd think that we, of all people, would naturally understand that, but the societal "norms" we all grew up with are hard to overcome. That's also a lesson in understanding those who have a hard time getting used to us. None of us are immune.


Stephanie

[JudiBlueEyes]

"I am definitely my worst critic, I see the flaws and focus on them."
You are certainly not alone in this regard!  Women all tend to fixate on what we don't like.  I understand now what my wife has been saying for years!  Even my mother "counseled" me that women get a little tummy as we age.  No, Noooo!

[Michelle_P]

My gender preferences regarding doctors are largely influenced by some bad experiences growing up.  I wish I could get past these, but it is very difficult, so I will likely stick with an obvious gender bias in my preferred medical care providers.

I definitely have a bias, and I think I understand why, but it is very uncomfortable for me to push past this in the intimate patient/doctor relationship.

[Faith]

I'm not sure that I have a Dr gender preference. I thought I might some time past and questioned it. Right now my GP is male and my PP Dr/practitioner is female. I am comfortable with both. I suppose it might change were I to require a more female gender specific care. My wife uses the same GP so is unlikely I'll ever have a problem unless he creates one (also unlikely).

My mood is on the upswing again as my 'week' winds down. I will really need to pay attention at the beginning of each month, no point making things worse than they need to be.

More compliments today about my outfit yesterday. I can look at the picture now as an overall rather than focusing on the flaw(s) .. except my face, I still have to ignore my face. I received lots of "you have better legs than I have" comments. Isn't that a trans give-away!! 

I guess that I need to accept the fact that I looked pretty OK yesterday.

A supportive co-worker with a long list of health issues, that I'll not get into, suffice to say, she has a lot of clothes and shoes that no longer fit and are in my size range. She offered them to me. As to when I'll see them, who knows, but at least the offer was presented.

I haven't lost much in my chest and shoulders so, unfortunately, I am still an XL or 1X on top and typically a medium on bottom ... darn that nasty masculine figure!!!

Oh, this weekends plans. Well, we have little things coming up so this weekend is set aside to get things presentable for Tia and Debi to grace us with their presence. Hopefully the catastrophe that is our home won't scare them away.

Well, that sums up my thoughts for now .. one more hour to kill and I can go home for the day.

[Faith]

Something that I've noticed about myself. For some time really as I've mentioned it before but now it's really having an effect. One of the things that twists my thoughts up so that I can't post anything. No matter how bad or awesome someones news is and how much I want to commiserate or congratulate and share, most of the words that come out are about me. I twist everything into 'about me' comments. I don't like it, I don't know what to do about it. I just want to share peoples joy without me getting in the way.

I'm going to go mow the yard, at least doing that I stop thinking.

[Jayne01]

Something that I've noticed about myself. For some time really as I've mentioned it before but now it's really having an effect. One of the things that twists my thoughts up so that I can't post anything. No matter how bad or awesome someones news is and how much I want to commiserate or congratulate and share, most of the words that come out are about me. I twist everything into 'about me' comments. I don't like it, I don't know what to do about it. I just want to share peoples joy without me getting in the way.

I'm going to go mow the yard, at least doing that I stop thinking.

Hi Faith,

What you describe is not uncommon. I do it myself. It is a way of relating to others. I have been trying to cut back on the number of times "I" and "me" is used in my own posts. It's not as easy to do as I'd like it to be. My literary skills are not that good.

I was about to say that one thing you could do is to try and phrase your words to not include the words "I", "me" or "my", but looking back through this short reply, I didn't do a very good job of that myself. So I will finish by saying that I understand what you are saying because I do the same thing. It doesn't bother me. I like reading your posts however you write them.

Hugs,
Jayne

[KathyLauren]

I have been trying to cut back on the number of times "I" and "me" is used in my own posts. It's not as easy to do as I'd like it to be. My literary skills are not that good.

What Jayne said.

I too am painfully aware that I do this too.  The best I can do is to rationalize it by telling myself that my own experience and my own opinions are all that I have to offer.

When I read someone else's posts, it is their experiences and their opinions that I want, so maybe this is okay.

[TonyaW]

Something that I've noticed about myself. For some time really as I've mentioned it before but now it's really having an effect. One of the things that twists my thoughts up so that I can't post anything. No matter how bad or awesome someones news is and how much I want to commiserate or congratulate and share, most of the words that come out are about me. I twist everything into 'about me' comments. I don't like it, I don't know what to do about it. I just want to share peoples joy without me getting in the way.

I'm going to go mow the yard, at least doing that I stop thinking.

I totally understand this.

I have deleted so many posts before sending because of this.  I'll re-read a post before sending and realize it looks like I'm making it about me when that's not my intention. Then I have a hard time finding a way to say I can relate or sympathize or whatever it is without sounding generic or bland or insincere. 

But this is your thread so it's quite alright to make it about you.




Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[Michelle_P]

Actually, in posting, the "I" and "Me" sort of language often comes across better than other alternatives.  With these pronouns we are speaking from our own experiences or feelings on the topic.

This is very different from the phrasing that results from "You/Your" language.  When you use 'You' phrases, you are being proscriptive, imputing meaning onto others, and often telling them what they are doing or should be doing.  (See what I did there? )

Language is funny stuff.  I try to be supportive rather than proscriptive, and adjust the pronouns I use accordingly.

[Donica]

Actually, in posting, the "I" and "Me" sort of language often comes across better than other alternatives.  With these pronouns we are speaking from our own experiences or feelings on the topic.

This is very different from the phrasing that results from "You/Your" language.  When you use 'You' phrases, you are being proscriptive, imputing meaning onto others, and often telling them what they are doing or should be doing.  (See what I did there? )

Language is funny stuff.  I try to be supportive rather than proscriptive, and adjust the pronouns I use accordingly.

Oh dear! I just realized I do that for the very reason of not trying to make this about myself. It is hard to help someone with out putting my foot in my mouth. I keep a shoehorn handy for that very occasion. As you all probably know all too well, my shoehorn gets a lot of use.

Faith! I'm not sure I understand? I think you look fine. I think the picture Lori took of you at work would be a great avatar picture. I was surprised and confused why you took your other avatar picture down.

Lots of hugs Faith!
Donica.

[Faith]

close but not quite what I'm getting at. Tanya is closest on how I feel about it (welcome to my thread, btw).

I have a hard time finding a way to say I can relate or sympathize or whatever it is without sounding generic or bland or insincere.

I'll post and what I post would lend people to answer or respond to me rather than the OP. So, I try to rephrase, fail, and don't post it.

I don't know what I'm saying, don't mind me. I ran out of brainless things to do and now my brain is trying to think again.

Oh dear! I just realized I do that for the very reason of not trying to make this about myself. It is hard to help someone with out putting my foot in my mouth. I keep a shoehorn handy for that very occasion. As you all probably all too well, my shoehorn gets a lot of use.

Faith! I'm not sure I understand? I think you look fine. I think the picture Lori took of you at work would be a great avatar picture. I was surprised and confused why you took your other avatar picture down.

Lots of hugs Faith!
Donica.

Donica, hey, have you been here before? I've seen you around

As for my looks, that is definitely all me. I've had several avatars that people like and don't quite get why I removed them. I can't look at them, my brain does not like them, and they show up too much staring at me from the top of every page and every post that I make. They have to go, or I have to go. I could put up a profile picture and not come back?

[steph2.0]

Is it really that wrong? I know I'm comforted when someone answers on my thread to say they've been there, too. It makes me feel not so all alone.

Isn't everyone's personal insights what we're looking for if we aren't sure of what we're doing? Anyone can quote reports and "experts" but facts and figures can only get you so far, and it can all get so clinical when what we may really need is some human warmth.

Narcissism is one thing. Helping a friend through our own experiences is quite another.

My two cents...

Stephanie

[Sephirah]

Something that I've noticed about myself. For some time really as I've mentioned it before but now it's really having an effect. One of the things that twists my thoughts up so that I can't post anything. No matter how bad or awesome someones news is and how much I want to commiserate or congratulate and share, most of the words that come out are about me. I twist everything into 'about me' comments. I don't like it, I don't know what to do about it. I just want to share peoples joy without me getting in the way.

I'm going to go mow the yard, at least doing that I stop thinking.

Sweetie, that happens a lot. It's not just you. I'd venture about 90% of the posts made here are exactly as you describe. People can only speak about what they know. And most often that is something which draws on the experiences of the individual. Quite often it's hard to empathise with someone without going into detail about what you yourself have been through.

But that's how threads end up. With a dialog. A collection of people's experiences as they talk about how a common theme has affected them. And in that, people can take away a myriad of viewpoints. Of shared experiences and perspectives. Some of the most insightful threads here have been because each contributor has spoken about their own experiences around a common theme.

And it's not really just that. Everyone wants a voice. It's sort of a side effect of the condition we share. A desire to be heard. For who we are. A desire to just talk to someone about how we're feeling. Sometimes we go weeks, months... years without having any sort of outlet to be able to discuss these things. We have a vast reservoir of feeling, emotion, and a choir of voices all waiting just to speak up and be heard. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.

Often we get it drilled into us in life that stuff isn't about us. That we should stop being so selfish. That no one cares what we think. It becomes a mantra we live with and recite day after day. And when we dare to speak out we feel guilty and ashamed. For daring to voice our individuality. For daring to say "This is what I feel, what I think, and what happened to me."

It's not wrong for wanting to be heard. For wanting to talk about yourself. Your experiences, thoughts and feelings matter. And sometimes, in a thread where someone is unsure, scared, hurting and not knowing where to turn... they matter a hell of a lot more than you think they do. If for no other reason than to know that they're not the only one feeling something, or dealing with something, and that it may be possible to deal with it.

*hugs*

[Faith]

I appreciate the comments and I'll try harder to allow myself to express my .. um .. self

My mood is on an upswing, I felt good all day. Thank God this week is over, 3 weeks before the next one .. eww ..
Lori and I went out to eat tonight, we got a 'good night ladies' ... WOOT ... I made a 'you look fabulous' post to commemorate.

I don't know if I dare do anything else tonight, might all go downhill  (j/k)

thanks again everyone!
((HUGS)) to all

Faith