emotionally draining day yesterday.
At Lori's request, I dressed down for an event last night. I never realized just how bad that could be now, I felt like I was undoing myself one piece at a time. I was choking back tears by the time I was ready to go. I'd like to point out, I was still all in feminine clothes (I don't have any of
that other kind anymore) so it's not like I dressed masculine. It sure felt like it though. I picked the most androgynous combination that I could find. Trust me, I saw
him head to toe.
She did apologize, after seeing how it affected me, multiple times. Said she'd never ask it again.
I've been very fortunate in my presentation, wearing what I feel is right. I knew it would bother me, read posts of others that had to switch gears for one day/night/event. Until it happens you just don't know what it's going to do. I don't want to go through that again.
My son treated us to late dinner/breakfast. Daughter and her children there as well. I had to use the restroom when we got there, Lori disappeared somewhere, so I used the men's room. I've never felt so out of place, I felt like I was in a dark alley at night. I couldn't stop looking around for trouble. I was alone with myself in a strange place. I've never felt that before either.
I had to keep choking back tears during the meal, I was afraid of a full meltdown. (3 different times) My wife knew ... my older granddaughter noticed (asked if I was alright) ... my daughter asked then said, "Oh this is the first week of the month" ... Older granddaughter heard her.
1st Week probably did contribute to what I was feeling, I suppose, maybe
All in all that part of the evening went well. No joking or poking fun, they understood. With older granddaughter I think it's finally sinking in to her the reality of what I am doing and going through.
The waitress, older lady, did a good job juggling us 6 plus the other groups. She was the only one there (aside from the chef). We gave her a good tip. On the way out I asked her if I could give her a hug, which she accepted with a smile). I don't know why, I just felt that she needed one/deserved on and I wanted to do it. Odd feeling for me, turning into a hugger ... I never liked hugs.
Well, that seems long but is a brief description of last night. Today is a new day.
Faith
