Faith's Progress

[sarah1972]

Ha! Thanks for the reminder. I have not even recorded a new announcement on my desk phone for work. We mostly use Teams or Skype for work and I really forgot. A few days ago I utterly confused one of our HR ladies having my old name on my voice mail.

Also a good reminder to finally change my name on my phone display. Never really thought about it. I work from home but we do have a full PBX phone system at home, all based on Polycom IP phones. The phone system also runs on CentOS. Easy for me to change.

Since you all posted your gear, here we go:
iPhone, 2 MacBooks (one for work one for personal), a nice high end Win10 desktop, one VM server which is running mostly email and the phone system along with a bunch of systems for work, another server for miscellaneous stuff and a ton of IoT devices. For the most part all this was a giant training ground where I acquired knowledge I could use in my main job and even more in my side jobs.

I used to be all into these gadgets but since I have a kid, this has really taken a backseat. Aside from the money which now is going Into things like diapers and day care, it is also a time factor. I am seriously thinking of de-complicating my life and environment. I may get rid of a lot of the toys and gadgets. They still need maintenance and a lot of them have to be replaced due to age soon.

[TonyaW]

He started to say "he understood" paused and changed it saying, "No, that's not right, I can imagine but I don't really know. No one can unless they're going through it".



He said, I don't think it's unfortunate. Yes, some people can do minimal and be OK but no one else knows who they are. With you (meaning me), you get to let out the real you for everyone to see and get to know. It's not unfortunate at all.

These are my favorite parts of this. Both show your coworker to be a true ally.

I'm hoping that people like the real me better.

minor update. New phones at work:

I like it.

They changed something about the program that distributes the calls at work and thankfully it happened after my legal name change so Tonya is listed on my phone and shows up on others if I call them. I had been at my job for 4 years before they did this and my phone still had the name of the guy that used it before me.  Hate to think how long it would have taken to fix again if the recent update had been before my name change.

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[Donica]

I decided to be a bit dressy for work today. While I feel it, I don't think I quite look it.

Oh Faith. You have some of the cutest tops. Please share where you get them. Hey look at that! The new phone has your name in it. Yay Faith!

Donica.

[KathyLauren]

I decided to be a bit dressy for work today. While I feel it, I don't think I quite look it.

Faith, you look great!  I like the top!

[Faith]

Faith,

You look wonderful, I like your top. Nice to see your name on the company wide phone system [emoji16]

Nicole

Thank you Nicole. (psst, my full chosen name is Faith Nicole)
Have you been in my deep dark pit of darkness before? It is filling in. Occasionally some of the sides fall in and hit you in the face. Got to brush myself off and try again.

These are my favorite parts of this ....

mine too

Oh Faith. You have some of the cutest tops. Please share where you get them. Hey look at that! The new phone has your name in it. Yay Faith!

Donica.

We are strictly thrift store/goodwill shoppers. Pot luck. Sometimes nothing, sometimes a cartful
Another gal here at work (I had to ask her name, Been here for years and I didn't know it. She knew mine though, strange .. oh, I digress .... ). Another Gal here was talking to me and told me that I always wear the cutest things. Must be a compliment

Faith, you look great!  I like the top!

HiYa Kathy. Thank You. Lori likes it too, she's threatening to steal wants to borrow it.

[KathyLauren]

Lori likes it too, she's threatening to steal wants to borrow it.

Luckily, Wendy and I are not close to the same size.  She often threatens to shrink some of my clothes, though.

[Faith]

small note.

After reading the positive comments, I went back to take another look at the picture. I looked too long, teared up, and had to close the page. Something is just wrong. Why can't I see what others do?

Pitiable Faith

Luckily, Wendy and I are not close to the same size.  She often threatens to shrink some of my clothes, though.

I enjoy being able to talk about and share clothing. An acceptance ritual, plus it's cool. Size minimizes how much cross-sharing that there is.

[Northern Star Girl]

small note.

After reading the positive comments, I went back to take another look at the picture. I looked too long, teared up, and had to close the page. Something is just wrong. Why can't I see what others do?

Pitiable Faith

@Faith
Dear Faith:   Come on now, please believe what your friends and followers are telling you.   
When I look at your recent photos I see a beautiful woman with lovely hair.... 
.... and what is it with your sign-off salutation.... "Pitiable Faith"

You have come too far and have read the very positive and affirming comments about your appearance from all of your followers, and heard good things from your friends and also your wife Lori  @DiLoris ....
PLEASE start accepting the fact that you do indeed look amazing, and in the last several weeks I have been thinking that you were past all of this self-doubt....   

We love you Faith......  please have faith in the words that we are all telling you.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

[KathyLauren]

small note.

After reading the positive comments, I went back to take another look at the picture. I looked too long, teared up, and had to close the page. Something is just wrong. Why can't I see what others do?

Oh, sorry that happened, Faith!

When I look at a face, I am not dissecting features.  I am looking at a whole, and, in particular, I am looking for the emotions expressed there.  When I look at your photo, what I see is, "That woman looks happy."  And, yes, "woman" is part of that impression.

I have learned to see myself that way.  I look in the mirror, and I see, "She's cute."  Or whatever.  I seldom look to see "Is my chin too big?" or "Is my nose too long?" or even "What is it that looks feminine?" because I can't identify anything at that level.  When I try to dissect my facial features, all I see is what's been there for 60+ years.  Yet I can see Kathy if I don't look at details, and she looks different from that guy.

It works the other way, too.  Sometimes, just for giggles, in a crowded public place, I will look around at women's faces in the dissecting way, rather than in the first impression way.  And I notice that I am seldom the ugliest woman in the place.  Often, I do not even have the most masculine face in the place.  It can be quite affirming.

When you look at pictures, just take a quick glance and investigate your first impression.  First impressions are often more accurate than analysis.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Faith
Dear Faith: 
Read over again the reply by @KathyLauren and all the other reply comments.

Basically a lot of your self-doubt is the result of what most of do, "we are our own worst critics" ..... we know ourselves and our flaws and what you may be doing instead of looking at your picture as a whole, you are zeroing in on minute details and flaws (that we all have) instead of looking at the big beautiful picture. 

Please believe all of us, you look terrific.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[Faith]

Danielle, I am accepting of what Lori and others see and say. I am/was heartened by going out and passing - never thought it would happen .. ever. Me looking too long in mirrors or at pictures has not changed. I should say, it has changed. Before I could not look at all. Now I can look, then it sinks in and I fall apart. I'm improving, slowly.

Kathy, you were responding as I typed. I'm sorry it happened too I am not trying to dissect, it is the whole picture (dissecting would be much worse!!).

I'm not letting it get me down (well, mostly). My mood is still good, I am going to party tonight and have a great time ... as me ... with my loving wife (she's playing hooky from work) and my brother. hmm, is he my date since Lori wasn't supposed to be there? HEEHEEheeheehee 

Tonight  will be different from last Saturday though, there will be a lot more people that know me and have known me for years. I expect some level of avoidance from the intolerant ignorant.

jeez Danielle, slow down the typing already I think I answered you in my response to Kathy.

I'm posting now before more replies show up

Faith

[Susan Baum]

Dear Faith,
As Danielle and others have said, we are our own worst critics - and if I were to suddenly decide to compare my mirror image to that of those barely legal models and "stars" that currently grace social media and pop culture, I would probably commit sewer-pipes.
The fact is, I am happy to be a lady of a certain age and if "he" sometimes peeks back at me as I do my eyeliner (as happens every now and then) I power back asking myself if I would rather be shaving.

Now about this... Lori likes it too, she's threatening to steal wants to borrow it.
My bride and I swapped or blatantly stole each others clothes all the time. Since I didn't have the opportunity to swap clothes with my friends as a growing girl, I made up for it later. (Gotta say it was a kick to see my sister swap some of my hand-me-downs with some of her friends; would they have done so had they known?)

Susan

[SarahFehrman]

I decided to be a bit dressy for work today. While I feel it, I don't think I quite look it.

Faith, you're beautiful! You've come such a long way. You inspire me, like so many other ladies in here do. Be happy - feel it, sweetie!

Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown


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[TonyaW]

small note.

After reading the positive comments, I went back to take another look at the picture. I looked too long, teared up, and had to close the page. Something is just wrong. Why can't I see what others do?

Pitiable Faith

I enjoy being able to talk about and share clothing. An acceptance ritual, plus it's cool. Size minimizes how much cross-sharing that there is.

I think it's the eyes.  I can't ever seem to get them right on my selfies either. I cant seem to look at the camera instead of the shutter button. The ones I like usually come when I've taken about 12 random in a row and happen to catch me eyes right and with a decent smile.

They look fine to everyone else but when we see our own we know it looks a bit off and makes us wonder what everyone sees.

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[Northern Star Girl]

Faith, you're beautiful! You've come such a long way. You inspire me, like so many other ladies in here do. Be happy - feel it, sweetie!

Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown


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@Faith
Dear Faith:
Listen to the advice and comments that @SarahFehrman  wrote in her comment reply to you...

   I agree entirely with what she told you!!!!  Please listen to her.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[Jayne01]

Hi Faith,

I love your photo. You look happy. Your earlier photos never showed the big smile you are now wearing.

I'm sorry you had a negative reaction when you went back to look at the photo. Try an experiment. Take a photo and then flip the image horizontally so it's a mirror image. Do you notice that you almost look like a different person? The most common image of our own selves that we see is the reflection in a mirror. The reflection is back to front from the way other people see us. None of us are symmetrical in our features so we look different in a mirror reflection than in a photo or the way others see us. I am wondering if the asymmetrical differences between what you see in the mirror and what you see in photos is throwing you off somehow.

Here is a hug (((((( )))))). I know you will bounce back. You have already mostly bounced back by the time I caught up on this thread I'm looking forward to more of your updates.

More hugs,
Jayne

[Faith]

wow, so much more to reply to, I don't know what to say.

Dear Faith,
As Danielle and others have said, we are our own worst critics - and if I were to suddenly decide to compare my mirror image to that of those barely legal models and "stars" that currently grace social media and pop culture, I would probably commit sewer-pipes.
The fact is, I am happy to be a lady of a certain age and if "he" sometimes peeks back at me as I do my eyeliner (as happens every now and then) I power back asking myself if I would rather be shaving.

Now about this... Lori likes it too, she's threatening to steal wants to borrow it.
My bride and I swapped or blatantly stole each others clothes all the time. Since I didn't have the opportunity to swap clothes with my friends as a growing girl, I made up for it later. (Gotta say it was a kick to see my sister swap some of my hand-me-downs with some of her friends; would they have done so had they known?)

Susan

Susan, hello again. I still shave every day .. someday though ... I really don't critique individual features of mine (other than my nose which is a lot bigger than it used to be). If I do a glimpse or peripheral vision glance, I'm Ok. Looking dead on, I'm OK for a short time, then I fall apart. I can't place what's doing it, it's something overall.

Faith, you're beautiful! You've come such a long way. You inspire me, like so many other ladies in here do. Be happy - feel it, sweetie!

Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown

Sarah
Thank you, thank you , thank you. I teared up. Here you are, someone I haven't associated with (seen a few posts of yours though), posting comments like that, I'm .. I don't know what I am .. amazed? crap, I have no words. Me? Inspire? I seem to hear that a lot. I don't know how, I'm just trying to be me. I see so many beautiful women on here, I don't place myself among them.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JAYNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You came down off of your cloud 9 to mingle with us normal folk, how gracious I don't think it's mirror vs picture flip that getting to me, I think it's my face *sigh* I don't have any problem looking at my hair

I do bounce back much easier it seems. It's only been a few weeks, could be a chasm up ahead.

I give up .. so many feelings flipping around in my head, I can't put words down.

I really appreciate all of your uplifting comments

hugs to all
Faith

psst
see that Jayne? I hug more than I used to ... and not just on the forums

[Nicole70]

Thank you Nicole. (psst, my full chosen name is Faith Nicole)
Have you been in my deep dark pit of darkness before? It is filling in. Occasionally some of the sides fall in and hit you in the face. Got to brush myself off and try again.
mine too

Hi Faith, I have been following with interest since the beginning, which was before I became a member, I feel bad now for not posting sooner, your transition timeline has been similar to mine and has given me hope. It's lovely to see your recent steps and growth in confidence, it's true this path is not easy and it can get dark at times, but even in the dark times now it's like sunshine compared to how things were before.

Well what a wonderful second name you have chosen[emoji5],

Hugs

Nicole

[Faith]

yesterday was a bad day. I had to stay off the forums. I'm better today but still have to shake things out of my head. Maybe I'll be on later to catch up.

Faith

[TonyaW]

Hey Faith,

Sorry to hear that.  Something in particular or just one of those days? 

Share (or not) when your feeling normal again. 

Take care

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