Quote from: Laurie on October 16, 2018, 01:29:31 PM
Hi Faith,
Alright I will join the choir in telling you that the encounter in the lunch room was a big deal. Very affirming. You are doing well and more and more people are seeing the You you are. It's working whatever "it" is.
I hear you about those nagging thoughts that keep creeping in. I deal with them almost constantly. But I move ahead. And so will you Faith.
Hugs,
Lauroe
Lauroe, my doubts are my own .. you can't have them!!
Your thinking, in your thread, got me thinking. At this point, are our doubts about
being transgender? About really
being a woman inside coming out? About just
being? Or are they really simply about a huge life change? I think the latter.
Big changes in life is always full of questions and doubts and wondering and second-guessing. I
know I'm transgender! I
know I'm a woman inside. My doubts do not stem from that, it stems from the security of a stable life-long existence of wrongness ... not a wrong life, there's a difference. I would not trade my life, my children, my grand-children to have had this existence any earlier.
It a huge life-upturning event.
Take employment. You work a mediocre job, mediocre pay .. stable. Then, you get an offer for the dream-job. A big increase in pay, in life-style, in everything. You have to uproot, disrupt your whole life, your family, your friends.
The uncertainty .. You have to risk it all in the hope that it'll turn out as great and wonderful as you thought. Big irreversible steps into uncertainty for the possibility, the hope, that it'll be right at the end.
That uncertain destination resonates with the doubts we've held on to since that first mind-blowing realization that I am not living as who I am. All the 'am I nuts' 'am I crazy' 'am I .. the list goes on. It stirs those doubts up to the top where they try to take root, to turn back to that mediocre but stable existence.
Well, my existence prior was not mediocre or unfulfilling not even undesirable. It was leading me to disaster. I took the steps that I had to do to preserve myself .. by becoming me.
I think I'll be OK
Faith