another day, another dip. I'm so messed up, I don't know what to do with myself. How can a few closed-minded hard-core religious types cause me so much mental troubles. Why can't they just accept that fact that I am different than them and leave it be. Why do they feel the need to point all all the reasons, in their minds, of why it's wrong and how I need to fix myself. If I try in any way to defend myself out comes the anti-trans propaganda that's posted on every hate-group site on the internet. I just want to be me ... leave me alone. When they say nothing it's even louder, it's like their thoughts and disapproval are laser-boring out of their eyes.
Add to that my GD/BD flareup. I thought it was on a decline, today I'm barely holding on from breaking down. Maybe I should just have a meltdown at work and get it over with. I did lurk mode 1st thing this morning on the forum to silently catch up. I kept reading the 'surgery coming' 'surgery here' .. beautiful posts everywhere, progress being made. Here I am, an old guy wearing women's clothes, glop on my face, voice to scare little children with ... why do I bother? Life made sense as him, everything lined up, wife, children, grandchildren, friends, social activities.
Now what am I? Stuck in my own head trying not to pound it on my desk.
This is why I try to stay away from the forums. Nobody needs this crap. I shouldn't even be here now, I don't know why I am.
I just want to be me .. why can't I be me? ARRGGH, here I go tearing up again. I should go clean the glop off before it smears everywhere ...............
