Faith's Progress

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped:

Thanks Laurie. I think my photo detracted from the post before it, or I've said similar so many times that no one has a response. You and Liz were the only two to directly reference it.

It is coming together, slowly. I read of people that are going through worse and it makes me feel .. I don't know, I can't think of the word .. like I should just smile, move on, pretend that I don't feel it, wait for it to pass. I've been so lucky overall that I should just be grateful and keep quiet.

I think I'm another step closer to full self-acceptance. It's hard when you see the nonacceptance in other peoples eyes. Just yesterday I went to a new place, for work, that our company had acquired. There's ~12+ existing employees. Well when I got introduced several eyes went wide and then back to normal. Yeah, they saw a guy. Even make-up and a nice outfit couldn't hide it.

This past week or so was rough. I looked at the calendar .. yep, 1st week of the month *sigh*. A little better today but  I can tell that everything I felt is just hiding in the back of my thoughts ready to jump out at the least opportune time.

There are many posts on here that really trigger me, one of the reasons I am not posting much. Besides, my opinion(s) is/are just one more in the noise of the world, keep it to myself.

More to say, can't express it. Time to wander off ......

@Faith
Dear Faith:
My oh my...  I really hope that you start believing in yourself that you are going to make it to your goals. 
I read every posting of yours with great interest but there are times that when any of us "vent" that there is nothing that can be said in reply to make everything better... so that could be the reason for limited responses...  but the "venting" itself is great personal therapy that helps us to mentally process our thoughts and current issues that we are dealing with.. 

.... and NO, your picture DID NOT detract from the post before it....  combined, your postings that chronicle what you are feeling in addition to your posts with your photo(s) makes for a very informative "picture" of you and your transition life as you are feeling it.  Always feel free to let it flow, your followers are always most interested in what you have to say and want to also see some of your photos as you feel comfortable posting them.

Please know, that none of us here have been immune to non-acceptance...  I prefer to look at those "less than successful" moments that I have as learning times that I can formulate ways improve my acceptance.

Oh, and as a final note, I am truly sorry that if my postings are included in the one's that tend to "trigger" you I desire to make any changes necessary to help you focus on your journey and end goals.
Please write me a PM and let me know what I can do to eliminate those triggering moments for you....   I want you to be happy, and I am glad that you are going down your transition road with apparently good results.... ignore the bumps in the road!!! We all have many of the very same bumps.

I eagerly check your thread every time that I log in....  after all, I am one of your avid followers, that is what followers do, they follow!!
Hugs and hugs and well wishes..  [emoji173]
Danielle

[Laurie]

 My dear friend Faith,

  One of these days two things are going to happen for you. They may have at the same time or one may happen before the other in no particular order. They are:

1. You will realize that there are only two people that matter about you being the woman you are. Of course those two are Lori and you. You are half way there now. Lori know who you ar. Everyone else doesn't really matter and you will come to believe that. Only you and Lori are allowed to have an opinion that matters. You will cease to be bothered by others.
2. You will come to accept who you are inside as the person you need to be on the outside. You will see her wherever you look and she will make you happy as Lori fulfills you soul and heart. You will like your self and be at peace with yourself.

  Faith mark my words. You will be whole and happy finally in your life. And so will Lori. It will be beautiful. You are on your way there now and you will reach your goals.

Love and hugs to you both,
  Laurie

[Faith]

Well after many months I went and did it. I made a new appointment with my therapist. I need some external face-2-face help getting my head clear. I also forwarded her an certain email for her consideration (Laurie, you know which one) for my first/next appointment.  I also linked her to this thread. I thought it might provide a bit more background information without the hunt-n-search question/answer normally required.

Hopefully she's actually read(ing) it ... 

shh .. no comments, all angels here ... 

[Donica]

Hello!! Yes, Faith is really a sweet lady. We just need to convince her of that.

Hugs,
Donica.

[Nicole70]

Hang in there Faith, I've just caught up, it's not easy this transitioning thing, you look great, hope you feel better soon.

Hugs,

Nicole

[Jessica_Rose]

Faith, this is by far the most difficult thing most of us have ever, or will ever do. The greatest obstacles I have encountered during this journey, the ones which scared me the most, were all in my mind. I admit that I have been luckier than many others, but I think most will agree that the biggest obstacle we have to overcome is ourselves. Just remember these two simple rules

1 - You are beautiful
2 - If you or anyone else thinks otherwise, refer to rule #1

You can get there, but you must defeat your most powerful enemy -- yourself. This is what all of us had to do to move forward.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Laurie]

Hi Faith,

  I read this last update and I think it is a good idea. Provided you are able to open up with them and let them help you. You may just be ready to do so now. I don't think it can hurt at least. Well except for the pocketbook. But Hon I am rooting for you to get some good from it. Best wishes and give Lori a warm hug for me.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Jessica]

Faith, I think starting therapy anew will always be beneficial.  I restarted a couple months ago and it has done me a world of good.  Nothing like having a conversation with someone that unjudgementally understands.

Another good way to help get your head clear is visits with Michelle (Laurie's girlfriend).
Having lunch with her today was the type of head clearing I needed.  I have personally known her from my first day to group therapy and am fortunate to have her as a friend.  It's so very nice to talk to someone that has gone through what may someday be my future.


Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Northern Star Girl]

Faith, I think starting therapy anew will always be beneficial.  I restarted a couple months ago and it has done me a world of good.  Nothing like having a conversation with someone that unjudgementally understands.

Another good way to help get your head clear is visits with Michelle (Laurie's girlfriend).
Having lunch with her today was the type of head clearing I needed.  I have personally known her from my first day to group therapy and am fortunate to have her as a friend.  It's so very nice to talk to someone that has gone through what may someday be my future.


Hugs and smiles from a California girl

@Faith
Dear Faith:
The advice from @Jessica is right on....  seeing your therapist again is an excellent restart for you.   Finding like-minded people to meet with is good too,

if unable to find anyone local... at the very least keep your conversations going here on the forums... we are you biggest fans and we are rooting for you.    Don't listen to that critic that lives in Faith's body......

Hugs and well wishes, looking forward to your postings and updates.
Danielle

[Faith]

It's a beautiful morning and looks to be an even more beautiful day. Lori and I both home at the same time. The past few weeks our schedules criss-crossed. I really start to lose it without her to ground me. She's at work now but this morning will carry me through.

How? well, we had a moment .. a huge moment. I knew something was missing and it was eating me up. Lori knew something was missing and it was getting to her as well. This morning it was there. A very powerful us moment. We both felt it, we both recognized it, we both cried. ....... no, you dirty minded people, it wasn't sex. It was better.

Take care everyone, it's a glorious day.
Faith

[KathyLauren]

You are a lucky girl to have Lori's support!

[JudiBlueEyes]

I really start to lose it without her to ground me.

This is important to understand.  I recall soon after I retired that I would really perk up when my wife came home from work.  Even if we weren't in the same room, I could feel her presence and it felt good to me. 

I'll chime in and agree restarting with your counselor visits is a good thing, if for nothing else than to have someone to vent to and bounce ideas off of.  I'm sure you'll make a good go of it.

[Faith]

You are a lucky girl to have Lori's support!

One of the few things that I don't need reminded of .. but you can do it any time that you want

I really start to lose it without her to ground me.

This is important to understand.  I recall soon after I retired that I would really perk up when my wife came home from work.  Even if we weren't in the same room, I could feel her presence and it felt good to me. 

I'll chime in and agree restarting with your counselor visits is a good thing, if for nothing else than to have someone to vent to and bounce ideas off of.  I'm sure you'll make a good go of it.

For years I was middlin', whether she was home or not, I was ok. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and did then as well, I just didn't 'connect' my feelings, thoughts, wishes with hers. That's not the right way to say what I mean but it'll have to do.

Now, I can't wait to see her, miss her when she's not around, make effort (which is no effort at all) to meet her for lunch, I jump at the chance to go places with her.

Everything I do is centered around 'us' now rather then 'me'.

[JudiBlueEyes]

I believe one of the nicer side effects of transitioning is we become much less self centered.  I know its made me a better person.

[LizK]

It's a beautiful morning and looks to be an even more beautiful day. Lori and I both home at the same time. The past few weeks our schedules criss-crossed. I really start to lose it without her to ground me. She's at work now but this morning will carry me through.

How? well, we had a moment .. a huge moment. I knew something was missing and it was eating me up. Lori knew something was missing and it was getting to her as well. This morning it was there. A very powerful us moment. We both felt it, we both recognized it, we both cried. ....... no, you dirty minded people, it wasn't sex. It was better.

Take care everyone, it's a glorious day.
Faith

I am so happy to see you and Lori make that connection, something you clearly both need and want. Beautiful....

Glad to hear of your earlier post's content regarding your therapist and sharing this thread.

I am sorry for my tardiness in replying to these two important events i have been a little distracted. 

Take care

Liz

[Faith]

I am so happy to see you and Lori make that connection, something you clearly both need and want. Beautiful....

Glad to hear of your earlier post's content regarding your therapist and sharing this thread.

I am sorry for my tardiness in replying to these two important events i have been a little distracted. 

Take care

Liz

Liz, you're not tardy. whenever you make an appearance, that's the right time. I can feel you hovering even if you don't post.

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to!" - Gandalf

As for Lori and I .. right at that moment of mutual tears, I Looked at her and said, "That's what's been missing'. She told me that what she thinking was, "There you are".

2 years of hanging out, 35 years of marriage. Then, after 1 year of the transplosion, we found each other again.

I hope that those of you struggling with marital stress and trying to stay together, find what we found for the first time, all over again.


does that say what I think it does, I hope so. I'm not sure I worded it correctly

[Jessica]

Liz, you're not tardy. whenever you make an appearance, that's the right time. I can feel you hovering even if you don't post.

As for Lori and I .. right at that moment of mutual tears, I Looked at her and said, "That's what's been missing'. She told me that what she thinking was, "There you are".

2 years of hanging out, 35 years of marriage. Then, after 1 year of the transplosion, we found each other again.

I hope that those of you struggling with marital stress and  trying to stay together, find what we found for the first time, all over again.


does that say what I think it does, I hope so. I'm not sire I worded it correctly

I pray I reach this moment....

[Donica]

Dear Faith! I am so happy for you and Lori. It is these emotional awakening moments between you both that warms the hearts and rekindles your relationship together. Cherish these moments. Keep them close to you heart. You are a beautiful person. Always remember that. You both are wonderful people.

Hugs,
Donica.

[Faith]

I pray I reach this moment....

we share your anguish and pray with you.

[Faith]

It's a new week. I took my Monday-Morning-Selfie .. yeah, ick. So much for that ......

Had a bit of setback yesterday after a mostly good day. I've been very sensitive lately, takes very little to push the 'depression' button. How would that label read? "Depress now to Depress" ?? I'm pretty sure it's due to lack progress but I have no where to go. The only thing that we can afford is the monthly meds. Holding pattern. Why can't I be satisfied with what I have? I already have more than a lot of people get to have.

hmm, a positive moment, we need one.  Let me think ... Oh yeah,

We stopped by Lori's store to do a bit of shopping, she needed to use the restroom (why restroom, you don't rest in there .. do you?). I waited outside with the cart. One of her co-workers came by, one that knew me, and struck up conversation starting with, "You're Lori's friend, right?" .. Why, yes I am

Lori talked to him later, he didn't know me, just saw a woman that he thought he recognized. Well he did, sort of.

Why are things so hit-n-miss?

Well, too many people have it worse than me so I'll shut up now
Faith