Faith's Progress

[KathyLauren]

I am sorry that the depression is still getting you.  I admire your strength in looking for the positive.

But I don't think you should "shut up" when the going gets tough.  That is when you most need to post, and when the members here can be the most supportive.  It is easy to cheer and congratulate in the good times, but what is most rewarding and most helpful is to help someone through the rough times.

he didn't know me, just saw a woman that he thought he recognized. Well he did, sort of.

No "sort of" about it, Faith.  He saw a woman he thought he recognized.  Period.

[Faith]

I am sorry that the depression is still getting you.  I admire your strength in looking for the positive.

Thank you, I really am trying to stay upbeat and positive .. I fail (flail?) a lot still ....

But I don't think you should "shut up" when the going gets tough.

Hey now, be nice!  OH, I'm the one that said Shut Up .. nevermind ..

No "sort of" about it, Faith.  He saw a woman he thought he recognized.  Period.

I know, I know. Keep repeating it, someday it might sink in the rest of the way.

Had an odd moment today and almost depressed myself. We all know that not only do others need to learn to gender us correctly, we need to learn to do it for ourselves as well. I've gotten to the point where I avoid self-pronouns in my head and sometimes use the right ones. Today, I'll not describe the why (unless you ask ) but my response to Lori was, "Hey now, don't do that. They'll blame me" and in my head I said, "They always blame the guy". ARRGGGHH .. I wanted to yell at myself .. in fact, I did *sigh*

I got an email from the therapist asking if I could reschedule my appointment .. to today. Yuppers. So I clocked out early, got home, met with Lori (she was off today), primped a little more and away we went.

It went OK but not as well as I'd hoped. She said she never received my email of the stuff I wanted her to peruse to help with the session. That blew a whole lot of the reason for going right out the window. There was way too much to cover in one hour without prior information. I know her time is valuable but reading it is much faster then describing it.

I covered what I could. It was religion based and she admitted straight up about being personally biased. I knew that, that was the reason I wanted her input. She treats and supports trans clients despite it being against her beliefs. Oh well, maybe in another 6 months.

We did cover some of the GD/BD issues, etc, etc. Overall, I think I could have saved the fee and just talked to Lori some more. Although, I think some of what I said sunk in and solidified a bit more for Lori as I talked to the therapist about it even though I didn't recount anything that Lori hadn't heard before, multiple times.

After that, we retail therapy'ed a bit, treated ourselves to dinner, went grocery shopping. Multitudes of smile, friendly smiley conversation, a few ladies and sweeties. Yes, I was in a good mood this afternoon and still am.

I don't know if it was leaving work early, spending another day with Lori, partly the therapist, the shopping and so on or all of the above. I know I feel a lot better when Lori is around.

There's more I could fill in about the therapist visit. Time for a walk, no time to type. You'll have to wonder and imagine and make up your own stories.

Faith

[Jayne01]

Had a bit of setback yesterday after a mostly good day. I've been very sensitive lately, takes very little to push the 'depression' button. How would that label read? "Depress now to Depress" ??

Faith, I'm sorry you are feeling you are having more setbacks. However, I am living the way you are holding on to your sense of humour. You will be fine! You've got this girl!!!

I'm pretty sure it's due to lack progress but I have no where to go. The only thing that we can afford is the monthly meds. Holding pattern. Why can't I be satisfied with what I have? I already have more than a lot of people get to have.

Feeling stuck due to lack of progress sucks. That's when you have to think beyond your emotions and remind yourself of how much progress you have made in a relatively short time. You are still taking your meds, so progress has not stopped. As long as you keep taking your meds, progress will continue to happen. You will continue to physically change, becoming more and more feminine every day. Stay strong and dig deep to find those positive thoughts to get you through the harder times. And don't forget your Susan's fan club is here to help lift you up when you feel down. We have a unique understanding of what you are going through.

hmm, a positive moment, we need one.  Let me think ... Oh yeah,

We stopped by Lori's store to do a bit of shopping, she needed to use the restroom (why restroom, you don't rest in there .. do you?). I waited outside with the cart. One of her co-workers came by, one that knew me, and struck up conversation starting with, "You're Lori's friend, right?" .. Why, yes I am

Lori talked to him later, he didn't know me, just saw a woman that he thought he recognized. Well he did, sort of.

Why are things so hit-n-miss?

Well, too many people have it worse than me so I'll shut up now
Faith

Great positive moment with Lori's coworker.

You're doing great Faith! Hang in there and keep your updates coming. Happy or not so happy posts.....you have a strong following here at Susan's and we want to know how you are going.

Hugs from down under.
Jayne

[Faith]

... Hugs from down under ...

um, you're huggin' my butt. could you flip right-side up please?

oo .. or eww, your choice ... that doesn't sound right at all .. Ima leaving it typed in there anyways. You can laugh at my poor choice of words
...
...
...
well, I hope you laugh in any case

[Jayne01]

um, you're huggin' my butt. could you flip right-side up please?

oo .. or eww, your choice ... that doesn't sound right at all .. Ima leaving it typed in there anyways. You can laugh at my poor choice of words
...
...
...
well, I hope you laugh in any case

Yes, I am laughing. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

[Faith]

It's a new week. I took my Monday-Morning-Selfie .. yeah, ick. So much for that ......

So today is a new day and even the crappy morning drivers that added 15 mins to my drive in to work can't ruin it .. I hope. That said, I am revisiting my 'Monday-Morning-Selfie' and have decided to post it. We are not all about the best moments but about our worst ones as well. Yesterday was far from the worst and ended up great. Never judge the day by the morning.

Here's my 'Monday-Morning-Selfie' from yesterday with a couple bonus pictures from a few minutes ago today.

   

I'm sure you can see why I didn't like yesterday's photo.

that's it.  I have nothing to add yet today, it's too early.

Faith

ps
HI STEPH!!!!
hmm, Steph looks weird in all caps.
STEPHANIE!!!
yep, that looks better. Always yell the whole name.
.
.
.
.
oh, I suppose I should say hi to that upside-down person. She's batty but what can you do.
.
.
.
Oh and HI to .. well, crap, there's too many names.
HI EVERYONE!!

[KathyLauren]

OK, all together now: HI, FAITH!

Thank you for posting your pics.  The one on the left looks a bit hesitant, but quite feminine.  I love the smile on the one on the right.

[BrianaJ]

Hi Faith, I think you look great in both.  You smile is better in the other two but still, you're lookin good. 

[Faith]

Hi Faith, I think you look great in both.  You smile is better in the other two but still, you're lookin good.

Hi Briana, welcome to my roller-coaster corner. As noted, I have trouble seeing much good in my own pictures, they mock me I do try to accept other peoples opinions and views on the matter (apparently mine can't be trusted) so ... Thank you for your nice compliment(s).

[steph2.0]

OK, all together now: HI, FAITH!

HI, FAITH!

Looking cute!


Stephanie

[Donica]

HI FAITH!

Very cute! love the tops too. And no I don't understand why you didn't like yesterdays picture.

Hugs,
Donica.

[Michelle_P]

That umber/orange top looks great with your skin tone and hair.  Nice choice! The black w/sequins top looks like a classic holiday item.

[LizK]

There she is [emoji16] and looking fabulous..you be careful talking about your upside down friends, we know where you are!!


We better watch this one Jayne...lol....you never know, they all come from.....up there....(queue spooky music)




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[natalie.ashlyne]

So today is a new day and even the crappy morning drivers that added 15 mins to my drive in to work can't ruin it .. I hope. That said, I am revisiting my 'Monday-Morning-Selfie' and have decided to post it. We are not all about the best moments but about our worst ones as well. Yesterday was far from the worst and ended up great. Never judge the day by the morning.

Here's my 'Monday-Morning-Selfie' from yesterday with a couple bonus pictures from a few minutes ago today.

   

I'm sure you can see why I didn't like yesterday's photo.

that's it.  I have nothing to add yet today, it's too early.

Faith

ps
HI STEPH!!!!
hmm, Steph looks weird in all caps.
STEPHANIE!!!
yep, that looks better. Always yell the whole name.
.
.
.
.
oh, I suppose I should say hi to that upside-down person. She's batty but what can you do.
.
.
.
Oh and HI to .. well, crap, there's too many names.
HI EVERYONE!!

I have to say you are looking very pretty Faith

[Faith]

... no I don't understand why you didn't like yesterdays picture ...

It's all him

... Looking cute! ...

Cute? What am I, 9? I'm at least 15-16 thank you very much.
ps.
No, I have very few age inappropriate articles of clothing. I do eyeball them when shopping though.

...Thank you for posting your pics.  The one on the left looks a bit hesitant, but quite feminine.  I love the smile on the one on the right.

Oh, Hey Kathy. I did read your post. I didn't want you to feel left out. have some flowers 

That umber/orange top looks great with your skin tone and hair.  Nice choice! The black w/sequins top looks like a classic holiday item.

Thanks Michelle. The black top is actually two tops. a sheer one with sparkleies over a solid black.

There she is [emoji16] and looking fabulous..

awwww 

you be careful talking about your upside down friends, we know where you are!!

waddayagonnado? poke me in the toe? Maybe you will, but the big hug would come first.

We better watch this one Jayne...lol....you never know, they all come from.....up there....(queue spooky music)

I have to say you are looking very pretty Faith

HiYa Natalie, welcome back into my corner. Thank you for saying that. I don't think I can keep up with your selfies though. Us old people break cameras.



phew, that's takes care of catch-up replies, I think.

Last night we went to the park jam for a bit. We took a long walk around the water's edge first. When we got back, we just sat at a far table and listened for a bit. I did not have any urge to sing or play. I am still having trouble with being around one person, 'friend' that can't accept because it's against scripture. He caught Lori as we were leaving and told her something along the lines of, "we love you guys and miss you coming around". For me, sorry, I can't hang around people that claim to be friends but cannot accept who I am. I was already lightly bummed last night, it didn't make anything worse.

Another actual friend chased me down, she was like, "You can't get away without a hug". Very sweet lady. Her and I started singing in front of people around the same time at that same park. Shakes and sweats and forgotten words. Shared history

That's it. Too early yet for anything to happen today, give it 5 more minutes I think.

[Faith]

addendum.

I posted a new topic about shadow pictures. As with most new topics I try to start, it went no where. So I'm going to share it here. I really just wanted people to see my shadow picture from Monday, I should have just stuck to my own thread from the start.

I don't cross-post so here a link to the thread with the pic.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242437.msg2193988.html#msg2193988

[TonyaW]

The Monday selfies look fine Faith. 

I think we tend to look for flaws when looking at ourselves rather than the whole image, which is what everyone is seeing.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[Faith]

I do look at the overall, overall I see him. I tried to see her last night, it almost broke me. I held the wall for a little bit until my head cleared. It didn't help that I was already emotion heavy because Lori was watching a tear-jerker movie. Didn't bother me .. nope .. it didn't .. 


which reminds me of ...

... delayed reactions

How to approach this without detail ... hmm ... Lori and I aren't completely celibate, just long (sometimes very long) intermissions. Obviously with the turn of events of the past year it has created quite the learning curve along with acceptance.

My ¿problem? stems not from the act (uncomfortable physically but not impossible) in which I had no issue with certain bits. No, my problem was after. Seeing myself in a, umm, semi-state? really threw me for a loop. I had to lean my head on the wall for many minutes that time.

How do you come to terms?
**that's a rhetorical question!!**

Since any types of surgeries are not an option, I have to learn to accept myself as-is. I'm really struggling with that.

No no, I am not in a down mood. I actually feel pretty good this morning ... even though I'm stuck in jeans and shirt. No, I'm just trying to work out some of the things that irk me about myself.

...
...
work interruption TBC, maybe

[Faith]

... back, Work should be outlawed, just sayin'
...
where was I .. oh, good mood ... déjà vu, haven't I typed this before? Who cares ...
...
I tried to take a selfie. I thought, maybe if I change my profile picture on a daily basis as some are wont to do, that things might improve over time. Well unless something dramatically changes that won't happen. I am one of the least photogenic people I know and it's compounded, in a bad way, if I try to take the photo myself.

Maybe a silhouette with a text overlay:
<Insert Glamorous Photo here>
?? ??
I think I'll try that .....

... edit ...

I'm back, again. Tried it .. nope, It didn't improve things one iota. I don't even take a good picture all blacked out

[Faith]