Faith's Progress

[Donica]

Love the boots Faith. Long day but well worth the effort for your name change. Congratulations Mrs. Faith (Wasn't sure if I should use your last name?)

[Faith]

Ruin a day with a few words. Today it was, "Thank you, sir".

I am not dressed like a man
I do not have my hair styled like a man
I was not talking like a man
and yet,
"Thank you, sir"

I guess I need a new face

[Jessica]

Ruin a day with a few words. Today it was, "Thank you, sir".

I am not dressed like a man
I do not have my hair styled like a man
I was not talking like a man
and yet,
"Thank you, sir"

I guess I need a new face

I'm sorry there are ignorant people in the world.

It might be he needs glasses or he is just has no manners.  If someone is obviously presenting as a woman, that should be the end of the debate.

[Linde]

Ruin a day with a few words. Today it was, "Thank you, sir".

I am not dressed like a man
I do not have my hair styled like a man
I was not talking like a man
and yet,
"Thank you, sir"

I guess I need a new face

I think you ran into a semi blind idiot!  I have seen your face often enough right across from me, and am not able to see any male features in it.  I asked Audrey, and she, too said you look as feminin as they come!

[sarah1972]

Ruin a day with a few words. Today it was, "Thank you, sir".

I am not dressed like a man
I do not have my hair styled like a man
I was not talking like a man
and yet,
"Thank you, sir"

I guess I need a new face

Oh no Faith!! So sorry.

This was me yesterday...  out in a clearly female top, breasts showing, female hair cut ....

Waiter called me "sir" three times.
And for the worst: I did get a "excuse me Sir" in the ladies room of the restaurant while changing my kids diaper. Seriously?

I need a new voice....

[Linde]

Oh no Faith!! So sorry.

This was me yesterday...  out in a clearly female top, breasts showing, female hair cut ....

Waiter called me "sir" three times.
And for the worst: I did get a "excuse me Sir" in the ladies room of the restaurant while changing my kids diaper. Seriously?

I need a new voice....

Do you think it is the voice?
Can you find a cis female who can shadow you and tell you the truth what gives you away?  I think it is very often the movements, and less the voice.  I know a few cis women who have voices so low, they could easily sing Bariton or even Base Bariton, and nobody doubts their femininity because they move like women.

I live solely among women only for many years now, and have hardly any contact to the male world anymore, and I can see how different the average man moves compared to the way I move.

See, if you can get an honest opinion on what gives you away?

[KathyLauren]

Oh, Faith, that hurts, I know.

It is not just that you are going to take on a burden about whether or not you pass that bothers me.  It also bothers me that there are people out there that will deliberately choose to hurt you just because they think they can. 

[TonyaW]

Your face is fine, they need new eyes and manners.

Thank you ma'am.




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[Faith]

Thank you all for you consolations. I am not going to try to dissect the why. To do so would drive me down into the pits and I'm close enough already. I am not going to 2nd guess myself on each little thing that I do. I am already self-critical enough without that.

I have had lengthy conversations with other gals without giving myself away. Also strictly visual. True, it could be that they are clueless on social cues.  fyi, I am up to two whistles while out walking so something is is changing for the better. It is dark out when I walk so there is that. I just need to turn the sun down a bit (a lot).

Kathy 'taking on the burden of passing' .. well, I didn't choose to. The longer I am in transition the worse it gets. Yet, it's not about passing, it was the wrongness of it. It was a huge electric jolt then I had to fight the tears back. I can look in the mirror and know I don't pass. I also know I am a her. HE is wrong SHE is right. That sir was just wrong. I felt it with every fiber of my being.

Maybe someday I won't be so sensitive.

[KathyLauren]

Yet, it's not about passing, it was the wrongness of it.

That was what I meant.  The guy was just WRONG to address you as "sir".  Period. 

And you shouldn't have to de-sensitize yourself to it, to accommodate the wrongness of idiots (not my first choice of words, but one that I can post).  Their wrongness shouldn't be accommodated.

[Faith]

so, yeah, uh-huh, I'm still internally stressing. I think it's a good thing that I don't have any jeans (they still seem to be missing )

That aside, I cannot remember my last shared photo. I could scroll back, yet, what's the fun in that? So, here's a today, this moment, right now .. not really, it was 5 minutes ago.

[LizK]

so, yeah, uh-huh, I'm still internally stressing. I think it's a good thing that I don't have any jeans (they still seem to be missing )

That aside, I cannot remember my last shared photo. I could scroll back, yet, what's the fun in that? So, here's a today, this moment, right now .. not really, it was 5 minutes ago.

Hey Faith

Looking FAB....U...LOUS.....where oh where could your jeans have gone....good fairy??

[KathyLauren]

You look great, hun!

[Faith]

thank you both .. I wish I didn't have to force the smile

[TonyaW]

thank you both .. I wish I didn't have to force the smile

You look nice and I like that top.

You're smile doesn't look forced so much as posed.  Spontaneous smile is hard to get in a photo, especially a selfie.

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[Linde]

Faith, I think you look really great in this picture.  But as you know, I feel you look great all the time anyway!

[Northern Star Girl]

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Thank you for feeling led to sharing your latest photo.   
As all the other members commented, you look fantastic.... and of course your hair is terrific.

Thank you for treating us all to your picture update.
Hugs,
Danielle

so, yeah, uh-huh, I'm still internally stressing. I think it's a good thing that I don't have any jeans (they still seem to be missing )

That aside, I cannot remember my last shared photo. I could scroll back, yet, what's the fun in that? So, here's a today, this moment, right now .. not really, it was 5 minutes ago.

[Faith]

Dietlinde ... I know what you think, you're blunt enough about it
psst, in case you didn't notice the smilies ... that was in fun.

Danielle, Always nice 'seeing' you pop in. Yeah, the infamous hair. Nothing like a nice plume to draw attention away from the sharp beak Seriously though, as bad as my dysphoria gets, I am so glad to have my hair to help ease it. So many gals here struggle with that one

[Linde]

Dietlinde ... I know what you think, you're blunt enough about it
psst, in case you didn't notice the smilies ... that was in fun.

Faith, I just tell the truth, when the truth needs to be told (and I don't even talk about your hair!)

[Faith]

Last night was a good night .. until. I'm going to copy/paste my Facebook rant:

Anger. At least it would be if only I could still get mad.

I opted to go to Gilchrist park tonight and play music. It was a very good night .. until the end. I was rusty, still played ok. Those that spoke to me tried real hard to call me by my name, my real name .. until the end.

I approached Fred to discuss the name since I'd know he had heard it, his response? Nope, John, just can't do it brother. Then professed to 'love me but can't' ... seriously? This is MY name, who I CHOSE TO BE - BY NAME; WHAT I CHOOSE TO BE CALLED. You don't have the right to deny me who I am. To do so shows blatant disregard and disrespect FOR ME.

I will not be going back there so long as Fred is there. We've already been avoiding their play dates. I don't get to see/hear my own brother sing and play because it's Fred's band and 'he' doesn't approve.

If anyone knows those that go to Gilchrist park on Tuesdays, tell them I am sorry. I won't be back. I have no way to tell them myself. I wish to thank them for showing me kindness and acceptance and for their willingness to try, even if they didn't understand.

Faith <<-- that's me, you can't take it away!!!!!!!!!

I have no words, no actually I have lots of words, for people so arrogant in their own opinions and beliefs that nothing else matters. No one .. NO ONE .. has the right to judge how you live your life, how you perceive yourself, what you wish to be called. The only time that you in the wrong when in pursuit of 'self' is if that pursuit interferes with another person's right to do the same.

as an extreme example:
Murder.  Sure, you can claim to have the right to be yourself by killing other people because "it's who you are". Except!! doing so interferes with their right to live their life .. by living. That makes you wrong.
Another example:
Impaired/distracted Driving. You can claim to have the right to drive no matter what, well you don't. Driving impaired, leading to a crash with possible injuries or death, is not within anyone's right. You stole their right for (reasonably) safe travels from them with your selfish disregard for the risks and consequences.

How does using my chosen name and gender interfere with your right to be yourself, to use your name and gender?
It doesn't.
How does the way I dress interfere with your right to how to dress?
It doesn't

If what you are doing interferes with another person ability to do the same .. YOU ARE WRONG.

I could keep going, I'm not. Even though the thoughts are screaming through my head I simply cannot type them all and have them make sense. The gray zone of ethics and morality and decency is hard to define and impossible for some (since they have none).