Faith's Progress

[Linde]

My name and drivers license is changed, my dead name and gender is gone!

[TonyaW]

My memory is getting a little hazy now, as I had mine changed over a year ago. I'm in a different Florida county, but my court hearing was presided over by a magistrate, and the final order had to be counter-signed by a judge, which took a few days. Then I picked up my copies (from a very nice lady, as everyone was in my dealings), went to the SS office, and after a short wait, got that done. They were extremely nice there, too. A few days later I took my SS receipt to the DMV and got my driver's license. I distinctly remember the lady saying, "You can smile if you want to." Oh yes, I wanted to! She brought it up on her screen, and said, "Oh, I think you're going to like this!" She printed the card and gave it to me, and I broke into tears. Yes, I like it a lot...


Stephanie

So there's the thing, they stick an extra layer on you with the magistrate.

At my hearing there were three people in the courtroom; me,  the judge, and the clerk that typed everything up and printed it out for the signature.

Doesn't make sense to me to have a magistrate approve it if that needs approval.

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[Laurie]

  Congratulations Faith!! I am very happy for you that your chosen names are officially changed.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Faith]

Had a great day visiting two wonderful ladies, Sarah(1972) and Jayne(01). Lori and I had to make a trip to Virginia which coincidentally coincided with Sarah's surgery date. We arrived in the morning after her surgery. While you could tell she was tired and hurting, she still managed to be cordial, friendly, and welcoming.

Jayne was quite surprised. While Sarah knew I was coming, we did not tell Jayne. Very nice big smile greeted me when she saw me. I guess I look enough like my photos to be recognized.

We spent the day there chatting about everything and nothing. I wasn't ready to leave yet we still had to get to Virginia.

So, about 7 pm we head out on our way. Roughly 2 hours of driving ahead of us. Well, we only made it an hour and the car broke down . I did get it moving, however, it cannot be trusted. I believe a recently replaced wheel bearing failed.

Here we are sitting in the parking lot of an emergency medical facility awaiting a rescue.

You know what? No anger, no frustration, no tears. It is what it is and I'm ok. Old me him would have had smoke coming out of his ears.

I had.great day, car trouble is not going to ruin it.

Oh, pics? I don't have any. Ask Sarah or Jayne.

[Laurie]

 I was surprised but pleased to see the picture of the three of you. I was pleased to hear that "he" did not make an appearance with your car troubles and that "he" let her take care of the issue. Good job girl. Say hi to Lori for me.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Donica]

Wow Faith! I'm glad the wheel bearing didn't fail on the road. I was great seeing the three of you together. I'm completely surprises that they let Sarah get out of bed so early. I hope the rest of your trip to Virginia goes well with no more issues.

Hugs!

[Faith]

We got the car trailered to the shop today. They won't be open until Tuesday. That normally wouldn't be a problem except I'm hoping to make another visit to Sarah, and Jayne of course. I can't do that without a car.

I had a bout of what I call 'triggered depression' .. little things added up until one final straw that started the spiral. I couldn't get out of it and at the same time caused embarrassment for me and those around me. Plus the fact that they felt bad and hurt for me yet didn't know what to do.  I managed to talk to them about it a bit today. With luck, they'll see the spiral start and try to intercede should it happen again .. I hope not.

Today was better. Lots of running. I got a few introductions where the response to me was .. I'll be nice .. abbreviated. Lori and I went through one checkout line and the cashier asked if we were sisters.

Not much to add to that, just day to day details of visiting family.

[Rachel]

Hi Faith, I am sorry about the depression. I know how hard that is to battle.

There were three points in my transition that once it was over my depression went form life threatening to managable as each of the three major life issues were addressed.

I do know I learned a few tools that helped me greatly. An SSRI at my deepest abyss, exercise, community, sleep and my greatest tool. The greatest tool was from a therapist that at one time headed one of the groups I went to. We were friends. He started to transition and later left the group to later return for a visit. I asked how his transition was going, his child and wife. We chatted. He asked how I was doing. I said I was being divorced and having FFS and GCS. I was scared and very depressed. He knew my past. He said you have been through much worse.

That one statement, you have been through much worse rang true. I would say it to myself over and over when a challenge would present itself.  I think I could feel the power of the issue deflate in the presence of the statement.

I still have depression but it is much less and manageable.

I wish you never have depression again.

[Faith]

a small update as we continue our mini-vacation leading up to a wedding.

first on the list .. an apology to my online friends. Most of the threads that I avidly followed I cannot now. I skim quickly until I trigger then I quickly close the page. So much seems to trigger me these days. On the positive side of things that means that your life and times have reached a good place or milestone ... CONGRATULATIONS! I wish I could share it with you.

The wedding day is fast approaching. We've been helping with home prep (wedding/reception by the pool) which is why we came up early. They are off work starting tomorrow so can pitch in more.

She has two dresses lined up for me to try .. my first wedding in a dress!  woooo   We are also supposed to try to get my nails done .. much manual labor, they broke short on a couple fingers requiring nail extensions to look nice. I wanted to re-color my hair, doesn't look like I'll have time for that with all that's going on. Probably won't get my nails done either.

so, that's about it

oh, Lori's (and bride's) Mom will be here. I don't want to be a spectacle at someones wedding, it's their day. Lori's Mom is .. mmm .. 'less then enthused' about my life change. It's insisted that not only am I to wear a dress, I am to stand with them as part of the wedding party. Well, I did give her away (bride) at her previous wedding many years ago (as him). She asked if I'd do it again. I don't know that this ceremony is conducive for much fanfare, we'll see how it plays out.

[Faith]

5 days? feels longer .....

the wedding happened. due to weather and a few other unplanned twists, there wasn't much 'ceremony'. So, while I did wear a nice dress, there were no attendants except the young flower girl/ring bearer. I wore a 'just below the knee' polka-dot dress and a light shawl (weather!).  I don't have any photos, someone might. I tried some full length selfies ... I deleted them all. You'll have to use your imagination, I'll look better that way anyways.

3 brothers in attendance (including the groom). Overall in this trip, name and gender has been correct. There were some slip-ups. I finally got them to stop apologizing every time, it's exhausting. 1st brother (groom) slipped up in a store check-out once. I slapped his arm .. I got a 'what's that for?' eh, at least I vented

2nd brother has been accepting as well. as I walked up to him to chat he said, "You clean up pretty well". High praise from my family I mentioned finally getting my judge-signed name change judgment. he said, "great. I guess I have to call you Faith now, I was waiting". Said in jest of course. I don't think he's ever said anything in a serious manner.

3rd brother is the one I haven't seen in ~15 years and who refused to meet a few months back. He came up and chatted a bit about nothing. 1st brother told me that he'd brought up about talking to 'John' then changed it to Faith saying he'd probably never get used to it. He likely won't since we may never see each other again. Still, he did correct himself.

I overhead Lori's Mom referring to me as 'she' .. that's a huge step. Most likely seeing me dolled up helped.

Oh, car is still broke down so we are still in Virginia. We managed about 20 miles into our trip home and it died. We got rescued at 2am .. blah!! .. we trailered it to a shop later that morning (Sunday), one that was recommended to us. put the keys in the drop box. I called Monday morning ... closed permanently :O !! They agreed to look at it anyways and I'm waiting to hear back.

Not much else .. I am getting fat. We've been eating out too much. No scale in the house, that's a good thing! I'll bet that I'm close to 174 now, my target weight is 165 ... grrrrr .....

Family outline
Father - deceased when I was 4
Dad - deceased - pre Faith
Mom - deceased - pre Faith

siblings, oldest first

sister - deceased, pre-Faith
brother - deceased, pre-Faith
brother - alive, 'as long as I'm happy' accepting. Will likely never call me Faith since he doesn't truly accept.
me
sister - alive, accepting
sister - alive, accepting
brother - alive, eh (he's 3rd brother from above)
brother - alive, accepting (2nd brother from above)
brother - alive, most accepting (1st brother from above)
sister/daughter - alive, very accepting (the bride). I say sister/daughter because she lived with us during her teen formative years. 12 - 18 .. the 'trial daughter'. Oh boy did she learn too much from me!!

Well, that sums up a lot of nothing. You probably didn't need to know all of that, you got it anyways. Now I'm sitting here alone waiting for the phone to ring. If the car gets fixed, we need to decide whether to trust it or leave it here and rent a car. probably the latter.

[TonyaW]

Hey Faith,

Great to see you back here.
Sounds as if things are going well, other than your car trouble. Hope you get that taken care of.

Safe travels home then


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[sarah1972]

Thanks for your update Faith! Glad most of your family is accepting.

Hope your car trouble finally gets resolved, this has been going on for a while now.

So glad you got to attend the wedding in a cute dress, hopefully one day you will be able to look at them.

Hugs,

Sarah

[Donica]

Oh my Faith! You have a large family. My X has a large family too. Between hers and my family, I have 20+ nieces and nephews, 4 grand nieces and nephews. No grand kids as yet. Christmas is alive with squeaks, squeals and screams with the pitter patter of little feet running throughout the house.

Both of my two brothers are excepting but only because we are family. It's not their thing. The parents on both sides have long since passed. My mother passed pre Donica but somehow she knew anyway. My father passed never excepting Donica.

It's hard for most siblings to learn they've always had a sister and not a brother.

[Faith]

... It's hard for most siblings to learn they've always had a sister and not a brother.

Oh, I forgot that moment. We were out getting the trailer to load the car on and my brother (1st) said, "And this is my sister, Faith" 

[steph2.0]

Oh, I forgot that moment. We were out getting the trailer to load the car on and my brother (1st) said, "And this is my sister, Faith" 

Now THAT is squeeeworthy!

[Northern Star Girl]

Oh, I forgot that moment. We were out getting the trailer to load the car on and my brother (1st) said, "And this is my sister, Faith"

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Wow Whee........ what a great feeling you must have had when you heard that!!!!
Make a note of these very affirming moments and remember them when you have times that are not so affirming!!!

Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and best wishes [emoji172]
Danielle

[Jessica]

Oh, I forgot that moment. We were out getting the trailer to load the car on and my brother (1st) said, "And this is my sister, Faith" 

This I'm sure lifted your spirits to the sky!
It shows love and respect 🌸🌸🌸

[Faith]

but it's so haaarrrd. One bad moment can out-weigh so many good ones. good moments last seconds, minutes. Bad ones last for weeks  even now I can feel the weight of the bad moments in the back of my head ready to spring to the forefront.

still, it was a very good moment that I felt head-to-toe

[Northern Star Girl]

@Faith
Dear Faith:
On your thread you are just a few post comments away from ending this first thread of yours, at 2000 Posts, 100 pages and soon you can start your new "Faith's thread"  with whatever subject title you wish.

You have lots of followers and interested readers that want to go along with you in your continued journey.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

*** NOTE:I will make a note to  @Jessica  to help you change over to your new thread if you wish to do so.  I hope that you do, I want to keep following your life story.[emoji172]

[Faith]

to borrow a term .. oof .. how could I possibly have more to say in a new thread that isn't in the old one already

I can try though