Girlfriend might be *trans, lesbian relationship

[kitkat070501]

My girlfriend told me that she might be *trans (not sure if nonbinary or ftm). I want her to be happy but I love and am attracted to femininity, I think it would be wrong to date her if she is trans because I would be more comfortable with a woman and even though I'd still love her I'd wish she was a girl...and I want to be able to fully support her. I don't think i can have that kind of intimate relationship with her if she did claim a trans identity. I support trans people, i have trans friends and family, and I'd support her and have her in my life still, but I just don't think I could still date her. She says that if I love her it shouldn't matter...I feel horrible about all this. Shes been wearing a binder too and it makes me uncomfortable. I wish I was Bi/pan or something, if I loved masculinity this wouldn't be so hard. Its so hard to bring it up though because the topic upsets me, and it upsets her, and I don't want to leave her, and I dont want her to not explore her identity and find what makes her happy because of me.

[LizK]

My girlfriend told me that she might be *trans (not sure if nonbinary or ftm). I want her to be happy but I love and am attracted to femininity, I think it would be wrong to date her if she is trans because I would be more comfortable with a woman and even though I'd still love her I'd wish she was a girl...and I want to be able to fully support her. I don't think i can have that kind of intimate relationship with her if she did claim a trans identity. I support trans people, i have trans friends and family, and I'd support her and have her in my life still, but I just don't think I could still date her. She says that if I love her it shouldn't matter...I feel horrible about all this. Shes been wearing a binder too and it makes me uncomfortable. I wish I was Bi/pan or something, if I loved masculinity this wouldn't be so hard. Its so hard to bring it up though because the topic upsets me, and it upsets her, and I don't want to leave her, and I dont want her to not explore her identity and find what makes her happy because of me.

Hi KitKat

Welcome to Susan's. Please don't feel like you should apologise for being attracted to femineity. We are who we are and that goes in your case as well. Being here is a tremendous start in learning how you can support them with their transition.

There are many people who are not bothered by wether their partner is male of female but for some it is "hard wired" I think saying "if you really loved me you would" is very harsh and not really the way it is. For most wether the attraction is same, either one or opposite gender is not something that many of us can change. As to wether you can support her that is a different matter.

Unfortunately many of the discussion around trans stuff are difficult for many people however honesty between you is paramount in navigating your way through this. You also need to do the right thing by you and your simply being here shows that you care enough at least to try.

Feel free to ask questions,

Hope you both can work your way through this reaming friends at the very least.
 

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[Charlie Nicki]

Hi Kitkat,

Welcome! The only thing I would like to say is to be honest with her and tell her your fears and what you really think. Your post resonates with me because I was also in a gay relationship and when I came out as trans my ex thought the same things you did except he made me feel like he would never leave me but then did it overnight. It was and still is painful. So just be honest with her and hopefully you guys can come to an agreement or have an amicable separation.


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