I don't hate male cis me, just HAVE to be ME, anyone else?

[Allison S]

Very insightful Sara!...

In hindsight, despite my best efforts throughout my life to bury and ignore who I truly am,  I think my entire life... I was moving towards my female life and making preparation for all that was to come in some way.... Our true path in life always patiently awaits but also firmly demands attention when the time is right!

Onward we go

Ashley

My professor used to always say "onward and forward" or something like that. Your comments remind me of her emails [emoji4] very encouraging and motivational. I've been needing that a lot lately

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[bobbisue]

     Something my daughter said the other day got me to thinking She said " you really raised us mom had nothing to do with us " between this time 12 years and 20 years of single parenting yes I have had children at home for 32 years  not a failure to launch they all were on their own by 19  but I ramble I realized I have been a mom for all these years and I think it helped me cope before In came out to myself


    bobbisue

[Becca Kay]

Count me in on this! It is very much about what I want to be rather than what I am/was.

I had the same feelings about my male names, I actually always liked them. They just don't work for female unfortunately. (And while there are some slightly feminine versions of my first name, but I just don't like the sound of them. My middle name literally has no female variant to begin with, which is really rare.)

LOL do we have the same names?

I have done a million google searches of " -------- as a girls name"  but all I get is baby forum threads where parents are arguing about using a male family member's name for their daughter that everybody warns them not to use.

[Becca Kay]

I like that the new Star Trek series named their lead female character "Michael."   

I wish I was bold enough to keep my male name and transition with it.  But it would only misgender me.  At the same time i'm paranoid about choosing a new first name that doesn't fit me. 

[Roll]

LOL do we have the same names?

I have done a million google searches of " -------- as a girls name"  but all I get is baby forum threads where parents are arguing about using a male family member's name for their daughter that everybody warns them not to use.

Haha, yeah, I've ran into that with my middle name. The only options anyone ever offers are just tacking an -ia/-ie/-y on the end, which doesn't really make a new name in my book, I'm just too traditional.

[Complete]

. I was once asked the question if l hated who l was before I transitioned. It took me a minute to think about that because while I did not like, (barely even recognized who l was then), l never hated that facade. It was not who l was, but wearing that facade,  enduring that complete and total disconnect, allowed me to become who l am now. An aging yet proud, blissfully happy, and still beautiful woman.
Eventually the memory of your old self will fade. At least it did with me. Even if l try, l cannot remember who l once pretended to be.

[Amie June]

Dysphoria is like that: it's not all about hating who you are.  Being male just wasn't me: that was dysphoria.  I wanted to be feminine: that was dysphoria.  I envied women: that was dysphoria.  I disliked having to pretend to be macho: that was dysphoria.  Cross dressing felt right and I didn't want it to end: that was dysphoria.

I love this discussion! And KathyLauren you crystallized some things that I've been wrestling with over the past few days. It's so easy to get lost in a while trying to sort out too much info that may or may not be pertinent to understanding oneself. The simplicity of your statements really really helped on this chilly morning (28 degrees outside!). I put a check mark next to each of them and can now go have another cup of coffee with more clarity. Thanks