A common misconception about what being transgender is about

[bobbisue]

Sheila;
That's true.
Being from a place in which nobody that I knew ever knew what a transgender was probably was one reason why I grew up thinking I was a pervert. It was shameful and disgusting as I was told.
There was no way I could have shared any of my feelings with anyone.
But, thanks to the internet, now I found out many things I never knew about.
That should at least make trans issues more easy to learn about, among other things.
Have a good night.

   Dianne this also has been my experience the first time I ever heard of anyone transitioning was on Jerry Springer. Being a father of 6 the youngest being about 2 years old I buried any thoughts about this and tried to be the man I was supposed to be in the long run of course this failed

You are not alone in this experience

     Bobbisue 😀

   

[Laurie]

It is not shameful nor is it disgusting or perverted.

Sheila,

   Unfortunately these feeling are not limited to the uninformed or with a religion that teachs them these things. I am a product on my societal environment prevalent when I was growing up. These feelings are some of the deep seated issues that keep me from being able to accept myself. I grew up "knowing" what I did, liked and felt were "wrong". Boys did not behave like me. Research in libraries only served to enforce these ideas as in them I found out I was mentally ill, I practiced perverted and deviate behavior. For all my adult mind tells me I am normal and that I am transgender and that it's okay, deep down inside I "know" it's a lie. I feel it's wrong still and not just wrong but that it's responsible for all my life's failures.
   Yes, the internet is a great tool but first you need to overcome how people were raised, their learned prejudices and then instill a desire to learn new ides. Good luck with that.

[Devlyn]

Careful now kids. It is heretical, on this site at least, to suggest we're not all one happy rainbow unicorn family sitting under the big transgender umbrella holding hands and singing Kumbaya.

Just sayin'.

I'm always perplexed at what sort of anger drives a useless comment like this.

[Dianne H]

I think so much time has passed that the younger people today have no real idea of what life was like for us older people. They see what they are taught in school, on the internet and not all of that is accurate.

It wasn't just religion. The very lifestyles in some small conservative communities harbored passed down teachings and standards (for a lack of better term) which had been ingrained into them.

In our community unless you were straight and white you were subject to ridicule, banishment or worse. (I won't go into that) We didn't know blacks fought in the Civil War or what a transgender was. Some of us never heard that word until we were old. I never knew what a transgender was until 2007 on this site I visited.

Many lived through a very harsh and uninformed time before so much information was available.

Sure, some families probably went to libraries or read articles or maybe had the opportunity to see some things about gay and trans issues. Some of us were only taught that anything other than straight was evil or perverted. Some of us were so poor that we didn't have the luxury to watch a movie or attend a college where we might have heard about transgender people.

After all, one can't seek out what one doesn't know even exists. We were just taught men should be men and women should be women and crossing any lines was perverted, evil and shameful.

For years I struggled with feeling ashamed, evil, perverted and wondering what was wrong with me. It turns out I just never knew the word transgender, or even transgender people existed, even while having these feelings myself.

May all have a blessed day.

[DawnOday]

I may be wrong but I feel that so many wrong ideas about transgenders comes from so many issues.

Until the internet transgender people didn't come out or have any open forum non transgender people could read or view. The only information they would get would be from other cisgender people or self proclaimed professionals who may not have even known what they were talking about.

It would be easy for a straight person to think a gay person acts by choice if that was all they knew. After all, one wouldn't think a middle eastern woman living in a tent in the middle of the desert would understand what women in free countries understand.

Maybe now with the access to information from those willing to speak out and forums such as this people will gain a better understanding.

I can't say I feel like a woman. All I know is that envied them from my youth and would have liked to have been born female. But, since there is always the possibility their mind and train of thought is different from a male's I really can't say I feel like one. I can only say I feel like I think they would feel.

Anyway; maybe in time with more access to information, people will  learn more and the wrong ideas will cease or lessen.

The internet has been a Godsend. Without Susans Place to bring me into the light I would still be covering up. That's why I am so happy to contribute my little stipend. These resources must survive.

[Lisa_K]

I'm always perplexed at what sort of anger drives a useless comment like this.

Not anger. Frustration and bemusement at the restrictions and limitations of even having an open discussion about our differences, the absurdity of certain elements of "trans activism" and at the impression the one-size-fits-all mentality presented to the general public under the "transgender umbrella" applies to all of us when it clearly does not.

Specifically, my comments were in reference to the following:

I think they would have an easier time of grasping it if there was a clearer delineation in general discourse between transsexuality and other things under the umbrella.   

This I very much agree with.  Much of the confusion is due to an ever-expanding mixing pot of identities and ideologies being put under the single banner of "transgender".

Understand now? I wouldn't want anyone to break the rules or be subject to arbitrary or capricious enforcement because they were being divisive. I thought I was being helpful?

[staciM]

I'm always perplexed at what sort of anger drives a useless comment like this.

I think it's incredibly unfair to suggest that someone that doesn't agree with you is automatically coming from a place of anger or that a contradictory view to your own is "useless". 

I'm not afraid to express my personal view, regardless of what I'm told I should believe. 
Do I believe that gender fluidity and a third gender is a valid classification ?  Yes, sure it is.  However, my opinion is that this has nothing in common with myself as a transsexual woman who wants nothing more than to be seen as female...period....with zero ambiguity.  The only broad similarity is that we both don't identify with our birth gender in the strict sense.

[hiddengirlsheila]

Being transgender is essential to who we are, regardless of what our biological body shows on the outside. Is it a social construct like Viktor had mentioned? I can't go into details about that because I don't really have no idea. That would seem to indicate that who we identify ourself as being is influenced by the social values of society in some way but nothing had influence me to be the girl I am and it would suggest that we are in fact not born transgender. This is just my opinion, feel free to correct me.

As far as what was mentioned people being ignorant, yes people are ignorant, ignorance isn't bliss at all. Knowledge is power, the more you know, the better off you are so you don't fall into delusions, hypes, and lies.

Transgender, gay, bisexual, and lesbian is not perverse and evil but many people were taught that these things are for such a long time that they will not change their views. Anything outside of the box is seen as something harmful when it is really being inside the box that it is harmful because you see everything in black and white with no shades of grey.

[Cindy]

 

Deep breath and calm down everyone.

There is no reason for provocative remarks to be made.  We are a gender diverse community let us   celebrate and discuss it.

[hiddengirlsheila]

Yeah, please don't make them lock my thread i'd be sad.

[Dianne H]

How about that Walt Longmire finally getting his cell phone?

Seriously, the last thing we need to do is argue among ourselves. We all have more than enough people that hate us for one reason or another.

Let us keep in mind "automobile" is an umbrella term. Ford, Chevy, Dodge and such. "Military" is another one. Marines, Army, Navy and Air Force.

They all have one thing in common. In time of need they help each other. We need to lay aside or quick tempers and do the same.

We need to find common ground and help one another.

That's all now that I have been the prime example of the pot calling the kettle black with my past outbursts.

May all have a good night or day.

[hiddengirlsheila]

I completely agree with your sweet statements Dianne.

[hiddengirlsheila]

The crux of my thread was to point out there are some things that are simply beyond a person's control, being transgender is one of them so don't feel like you are a bad person for being trans, you are who you are. It is no one's business to tell you that you are someone you are not so women stay true to your woman self. I know i will and when i get the money most likely after i become a graphic designer...and find out that my insurance covers transition procedures and HRT, i'll gladly carry through with it. How my dad will treat me when i come out in the open, well maybe a therapist can tell me a way to resolve this so that he will not hold any anger or biased against me and will instead be delighted that i finally came out in the open. He has nothing against gays, if he realized i was born this way as a transgender like gays are born the way they are maybe he won't have a problem with me. I believe he has an open enough mind, hes not extremely rigid in his beliefs to where he cannot be convinced of something new to think about.

[hiddengirlsheila]

There are many factors that determine one's gender, not just biologically being born with the physical body of a male or female as the old argument claims and science is studying this topic very good.

I hope maybe my dad can offer me some money for transitioning too, he makes a lot being an over the road truck driver...wish me luck please.

[Sarah_P]

    Unfortunately these feeling are not limited to the uninformed or with a religion that teachs them these things. I am a product on my societal environment prevalent when I was growing up. These feelings are some of the deep seated issues that keep me from being able to accept myself. I grew up "knowing" what I did, liked and felt were "wrong". Boys did not behave like me. Research in libraries only served to enforce these ideas as in them I found out I was mentally ill, I practiced perverted and deviate behavior. For all my adult mind tells me I am normal and that I am transgender and that it's okay, deep down inside I "know" it's a lie. I feel it's wrong still and not just wrong but that it's responsible for all my life's failures.
   Yes, the internet is a great tool but first you need to overcome how people were raised, their learned prejudices and then instill a desire to learn new ides. Good luck with that.

I was much the same way. I always felt like wanting to be a woman, and dressing as one in private, was terribly wrong and shameful. I really don't know where that came from, just a general absorbing of midwest society? Hard to say. I'm just glad I've finally overcome it.

One thing that I think about the whole acceptance by the public thing, is that while most people know the terms Transgender or Transsexual, they don't know anything about the malady behind it: Gender Dysphoria. If more people understood this term (not that anyone who hasn't gone through it can truly understand it) and what it means for us, maybe they'd be more understanding of us in general.

[Laurie]

  I'm don't know how it was in the midwest when you were growing up but that societal attitude was everywhere in the 1950s and 60s on both coasts when I was a kid. Yeah I'm that old. born in the early 50's This kind of thing was just plain wrong and everyone knew it.

[hiddengirlsheila]

I just want to live life as the woman i am, i don't care what society thinks of me. Society is superficial in it's way of handling and viewing things and most people of society are superficial.

[Kylo]

Well, Viktor, you put "genderbending as a pastime or anything like that" on the table, would you care to elaborate? I'm genderfluid. It changes, I have no control over when. Are you insinuating that other people do this as a game?

Hugs, Devlyn

When I say genderbending as a pastime, I mean people who genderbend their presentation as hobby, or possibly as a profession. I'm not referring in this instance to genderfluid people or genderfluid identities. Some people do indeed "genderbend" their appearance/dress for fun or political purpose, and that's usually where the term genderbending arose from, in popular culture, as I understand it.

[hiddengirlsheila]

Viktor, you are very smart reading your well thought out posts. I am not half as smart or knowledgeable than most of you. I even dropped out of high school and had to get my GED.

Viktor I'll reply to your private message soon, my friend.

Anyways, i'm really glad that no one has come into my threads and said anything bigoted or hateful towards me or other people. I'm sure there might be some guests or private visitors on this forum that might be bigots as much as i don't want to just blindly assume even if much information about transgenders is right at their finger tips being on this forum and the internet itself. Does this forum tolerate hate mongering/speech and bigotry? I wouldn't think so.

Seriously though, we don't "want" to be women like we are obsessed with women as much as we ARE women and it's not a mental illness either, that would suggest that our thoughts, feelings, natural tendencies, our attitude as the women we identify ourselves as being is nothing more than an illusion or fantasy but science does not say this and psychologist and therapists don't say this either. They truly say we have a female mind (and dare i say a female spirit or soul) and they say we are female. Some therapists are more biased than others but that's because of personal beliefs, their attitude, ect.

Anyway some of us, especially asian people can look very much like a biological woman, and with the right medical treatment you cannot tell we once had a male body. Sadly I'm not asian, i'm native american and german, but luckily i'm not russian because russians can be very masculine as biological men.

We do not look masculine as women when transitioned if it's done properly, since a lot of people judge by physical looks because as i said they are superficial. There are biological women who are more masculine than others. You can't lump all transgendered women together into all being manly women physically as i sometimes hear people say, not on this forum, but in general. Transgender aren't effeminate men either, we don't consider ourselves men. We simply were assigned male at birth due to biologically being one but science now knows there are more things that indicate what gender a person really is. Cross dressers might be a different story since they do not transition or consider themselves women, they just wear woman's clothes sometimes.

I'd only be a "cute" woman though physically once i do transition, i would never be supermodel sexy or anything like that...at least i wouldn't think so. Even my coworker at the convenience store i work at said i look very cute, and i'm physically look like a male right now with some feminine features, mainly my face and hair. He doesn't know that i am a transgender though.

Not everything is based off how you look though. Humans will always be superficial and vague in their interpretations of the deeper meaning to everything that exists whether that be in regards to transgenders, religion, philosophy, ect. Point is, we can be led to a conclusion and clarity if we seek wholeheartedly for the answers without letting personal biases and other things cloud our judgement and reasoning. It's called being prudent.

No one is perfect though, people do erroneous things and make mistakes. Just have to strive to learn from the mistakes and improve yourself and do what makes you happy without it hurting anyone else.

[hiddengirlsheila]

Ugh, i keep double posting. Sorry about that, i guess i just don't want my thread to die but could someone maybe Viktor clear up my confusion in regards to being transgender and mental illness? I don't believe it is, our experience as transgender are far too real to be merely a mental problem or delusion. A mental illness would be bizarre in that, we weren't born this way and our gender is just all in our heads but gender is a real thing and there are two of them, trans men and trans women don't associate themselves with what their physical bodies say. It could be a medical problem, like Viktor mentioned too, hormone imbalances, ect. I don't feel like i have a mental problem, it feels natural and normal to me.

Either way, we were born this way, so no need to hate us for it, most of us probably would have liked to be the gender our physical body represented but that's not the case for us. We can't escape what is deeply ingrained into us since birth.

I personally feel happy knowing i am a girl, i've known since i was a kid and i like being one. It is kind of like a blessing to me but some of us may feel cursed for being trans. Consider it a blessing in disguise, as you feel cursed by all the rejection you receive but blessed too.

My thread probably will die though. If it's informative, it could possibly be stickied. It's up to the mods though.

edit: Viktor answered me in a PM, transgender is a combination of scientific, mental, and medical reasons. The mental part is called dysphoria. I was unaware of that.