When I think back to my understanding of transgender people before I acknowledged my own transsexuality, the misconceptions I had are too numerous to list. I suspect a lot of people today share many of the same misconceptions. Where these notions originate from is interesting. Movies play a huge role in shaping peoples attitudes about transgender women. It's hard to find a movie that projects transgender women in a positive way. Then, there's the internet porn sites that depict trans women as primarily sex objects. They always seem to be pre-op transsexuals. I guess that's what fascinates many men. TV sensationalists like Jerry Springer have done their share of damage in shaping the public's perceptions of trans women, too. I say trans women because, with only a few exceptions, trans men are of no real interest to the public.
When I came out, the first reaction of people was to assume I was gay. I joined a transgender support group the membership of which turned out to be 90% male cross-dressers. I came to understand that most transgender people do not identify as the opposite sex. In a world where self-identified male cross-dressers outnumber transsexual women 10 to 1, it shouldn't surprise anyone that the public is confused about what it means to be transgender.
Most people cannot separate gender from sex. You can be 100% woman, but if it's learned that you were born male-bodied, you are immediately reclassified as either a male by religious types, or a third gender by everyone else. I do it myself. I have my female friends, my male friends, and my trans friends. I relate to each group differently. My trans friends will ask me questions that my natal women friends wouldn't think to ask. If I want to be treated like a cis woman, I'd better not disclose my past. Once it's found out, the relationship changes overnight. Why should that be? I'm the same person after the revelation as before, but people can't completely separate gender from sex, even if sex and gender have been aligned.
If a friend or relative knew me before my transition, they cannot expunge the image of my former self. It doesn't matter how accepting they are. I'm hoping that in time they will form a new more relevant mental image of me. It takes a long time, but I see signs of it happening. For distant friends and relatives it's that much harder. That's why I make sure they see lots of pictures of me on social media as I am now along with evidence of my unfettered female personality. I never show pictures of me in old photo albums, or talk about my past life. That person is dead to me, and I prefer others to think the same.
Those who have had the opportunity to get to know me as a woman have said how much they've learned about transgender people. I have to remind them that I'm just one person with one unique story. But it's a start.
