A common misconception about what being transgender is about

[Tessa James]

I have to remind them that I'm just one person with one unique story.  But it's a start.

I am the Chairperson of our Q Center here in Oregon and work with many people who identify as LGBTQIA+, our allies, supporters, friends and family.  Social progress follows social activism that mostly consists of education and visibility is essential.  Social progress can mean improved civil rights and a larger circle of friends and supporters is part of that growth.  When we do presentations such as Transgender 101 we make a statement similar to Clara Kay's above.

There really is no single narrative about what it means to be transgender, transsexual, non binary and beyond.  That is the beautify and color of diversity that we can celebrate or try to define for ourselves.  Your life really is unique.  While we can have similar experiences and perspectives from our shared journeys as people who identify as transgender we remain a single human being.

Recall too that the word Transgender was coined in the mid 60s and people are free to create new words, terms and pronouns for their unique identities.  Whats wrong with that folks?  Clarity and simplicity may be desired but those are shortcuts, IMO, to understanding the depth of a single soul.

I would hope and expect that one person's self acceptance and defining adjectives about being transgender would not imperil or invalidate another person's gender identity.  This is a support site!

[xAmyX]

I don't ask them to respect me as a "regular" woman. I don't see myself as a natal female. The fact that you want to be viewed as woman surprises me. I'm proud to be transgender, and will gladly wear that title, even if it means wearing a t-shirt that says I'm proud to be trans, because I'm not trying to be a real anything. I'm happy with who I am. Even if I could go back and be a biological woman, I wouldn't. I would rather be a transgender female than a natal female. It makes me feel more unique.

If that gets in the way of your battle to be perceived as a biological woman, I'm sorry. I'm not going to change for you though. I don't need you telling me how I'm supposed to behave. Like I'm some kind of abomination to your agenda, and you see me as the enemy. I am trans. What are you? Does it make you that pissed off that I'm happy to be the way I am? I could use the same argument in reverse, and say it's people like you that cause me to get blown up in my inbox with people saying I'm trying to trick people. I'm not trying to trick anyone. I wear my logo proudly. I don't hesitate for a second if someone asks me if I'm trans. I happily say yes. If I could put transgender female on my identification card I would do it in a heartbeat.

The F under my avatar on the left has been getting at me. I would rather it say TF.

When I get involved in "our" community, I do it proudly! I love rocking the LGBTQ+ Flags, and the Transgender Flags, and celebrating Transgender Awareness! It makes me feel so special, and different, and I love that feeling! I would have it no other way. I feel a strong sense of belonging. I would have that any day over being another one of the ordinaries.

"Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself."

"Admit it. You aren't like them. You're not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the "normal people" as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like "Have a nice day" and "Weather's awful today, eh?", you yearn inside to say forbidden things like "Tell me something that makes you cry" or "What do you think deja vu is for?". Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others..."

I put my favorite part of that quote in bold letters.

RIP Timothy Leary

"Around three thousand years ago, a group of human beings in Athens, Greece, developed a new philosophy, a basic religion of humanity that is called humanism. Socrates said that the aim of human life is to know thyself. Create and design your own order from chaos. Socrates did not give commandments. Socrates did not impose order. Socrates asked questions. He encouraged his friends to speculate, design, to create, to interact their own versions of reality. Socrates said the way to perform philosophy is in small groups, raising questions, learning from each other, changing, changing your mind, growing together, thinking together."

The religious leaders said "You can't say that, Socrates. The gods are in control. Who are you to say you have a self? How dare you think you can know? The Gods determine. Sacrifice to the gods; obey the gods." Socrates said, "No. Look within." For that, they gave Socrates the hemlock, because he dared to tell people, "Think for yourself. Question authority."

Point put, I AM transgender! And that's EXACTLY who I want to be.

[Chloe]

Point put, I AM transgender! And that's EXACTLY who I want to be.

Couldn't agree more . . .
. . . but not all of us, due circumstances, are able to wear the tee shirt!!!

         "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

[Jessica_Rose]

Being transgender truly is a spectrum, probably one of the widest spectrums under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. There will always be those of us who want to transition quietly and start over somewhere new because our past was too painful, and then there will be those of us who can find joy in the journey and celebrate both our old and new lives. There will also be others who decide never to transition. It does not invalidate who we are.

Knowing you are transgender yet remaining the gender you were assigned at birth would be difficult or impossible for most of us, but there are some whose situation in life makes any other decision virtually impossible.

Knowing you are transgender and deciding to transition is also difficult. Whether you want to forget your past or embrace it depends or many factors, some reasons are personal and some are driven by the society in which we live.

No matter where you fit along the spectrum, we are all equally transgender and share many of the same struggles.

May we all one day find peace within ourselves.

[Miss Clara]

If your belief is that we are never truly woman, but instead always a "transgender woman" how are people living outside the process ever going to properly accept us as woman?

I agree this is a problem for those of us who want to be accepted as women independent of how we came to be women.  The transgender qualifier carries a lot of baggage that gets in the way of that goal.  It's not a matter of being ashamed or proud of being transgender.  Personally, I'm neither.  What matters to me is where and how I'll integrate into society.  At this time, a substantial segment of society doesn't accept me as a transsexual woman.  And from my perspective even those that say they do, view me as an oddity to a greater or lesser degree.  If that reality impacts my quality of life and happiness, I see nothing wrong with casting off the trans label by transitioning to (being reborn as) a female woman.  It isn't a matter of semantics either.  To decree that my sex was forever determined in the first 12 weeks of gestation is a simplistic and arbitrary standard that science has debunked.  Still, people in their misguided ignorance have a hard time shaking that belief.  The only way things will ever change is for young children to be taught that gender is not tied inextricably to one's chromosomes and genitals.  Will that day ever arrive?  I'm skeptical.  Surely not in my lifetime. 

[hiddengirlsheila]

I personally am not too keen or thrilled on the term "transgender" as it would have one who is ignorant about us believe we switched or transitioned our gender, changing it, when we were naturally and innately in a deep seated way the gender we identify ourself as since birth. Science says there is much more to someone's gender than what ignorant and superficial people believe that your gender is based on your chromosomes and private parts and how your physical body is perceived. The only thing we change and fix is our physical body, as that was a natural mistake or accident that occurred, which our innate gender is natural as well but point is there is more than just the physical body. Chromosomes don't really matter in the long run, science says a whole lot more about what would demonstrate and determine our gender.

Flaunting around that you're transgender isn't healthy either, but it's okay to be happy and positive about it. However, it is not supposed to be a publicity stunt or for drawing attention. That only seems to add fuel to the fire for the bigots in their mockery and slander of us.

It might not be fully possible for society to view us as actual cis women or in the same way it views cis gender women but that doesn't mean we are not authentic women. Society is superficial and it's perceptions and attitude regarding things that are outside of the box are not handled properly. What society deems different or disgraceful in it's eyes is often shunned by most people. I want the world to know me as the female i am on the inside and on the outside not just someone who is seeking attention. That way i can live life to the fullest and adequately being who i truly am. I hope someday society changes and reforms it's skewed views about transgenders and accepts us as our actual gender.

If it surprises you that i'm not a huge fan of the term transgender...well maybe it's because i just don't like being labelled something. I don't know.

[Devlyn]

I personally am not too keen or thrilled on the term "transgender" as it would have one who is ignorant about us believe we switched or transitioned our gender, changing it, when we were naturally and innately in a deep seated way the gender we identify ourself as since birth. Science says there is much more to someone's gender than what ignorant and superficial people believe that your gender is based on your chromosomes and private parts and how your physical body is perceived. The only thing we change and fix is our physical body, as that was a natural mistake or accident that occurred, which our innate gender is natural as well but point is there is more than just the physical body. Chromosomes don't really matter in the long run, science says a whole lot more about what would demonstrate and determine our gender.

Flaunting around that you're transgender isn't healthy either, but it's okay to be happy and positive about it. However, it is not supposed to be a publicity stunt or for drawing attention. That only seems to add fuel to the fire for the bigots in their mockery and slander of us.

It might not be fully possible for society to view us as actual cis women or in the same way it views cis gender women but that doesn't mean we are not authentic women. Society is superficial and it's perceptions and attitude regarding things that are outside of the box are not handled properly. What society deems different or disgraceful in it's eyes is often shunned by most people. I want the world to know me as the female i am on the inside and on the outside not just someone who is seeking attention. That way i can live life to the fullest and adequately being who i truly am. I hope someday society changes and reforms it's skewed views about transgenders and accepts us as our actual gender.

If it surprises you that i'm not a huge fan of the term transgender...well maybe it's because i just don't like being labelled something. I don't know.

It seems you have a misconception about what transgender is, too. We haven't all identified as a certain gender since birth. Open your mind, expand your horizons. 

I'm not sure what you mean by flaunting that youre transgender is unhealthy? That doesn't even make sense as written.

Hugs, Devlyn

[hiddengirlsheila]

 

It seems you have a misconception about what transgender is, too. We haven't all identified as a certain gender since birth. Open your mind, expand your horizons. 

I'm not sure what you mean by flaunting that youre transgender is unhealthy? That doesn't even make sense as written.

Hugs, Devlyn

Hehe, i don't know everything there is about transgender even though i am one. I'm learning a lot on this site though from other people and how it helps me and gives me some solace that there is people who are like i am. I initially created this thread for it to be more informative to others with the emphasis transgender people not choosing to be the way they are. I'm not alone on this and the more i learn about why i'm transgender is very beneficial to me especially before i seek a therapist or coming out in the open to my dad about me being trans which i haven't done so yet.

I've always known i was trans, but i didn't understand why or what made me feel the way i do so i've done a lot of digging deeper into what it means.

Hmm about the flaunting...that is pretty much people who go around showing off and bragging that they are gay in parades and stuff making it seem like spectacle, the only thing i hear from other people is bigotry towards them when the parades start. It is good to be happy and positive, show the world who you truly are but it might make people become more bigoted and that can hurt you. I personally don't care even if it makes me feel awful, i am happy being who i am.

[Devlyn]

Wow. I'm out and proud and go to Pride events. I never suspected it was unhealthy.

[Ryuichi13]

You also seem to forget, dear hiddengirlsheila, the fact that not all of us are women. [emoji6]

I've known I was male from some of my earliest memories, yet not everyone that fits under the "transgender umbrella".has come to that conclusion.  Some people had to search themselves, sometimes for years or even decades before they realize why they may be angry/depressed/hate their bodies/etc.  And some of us are lucky and knew from a very early age.

I went for 54 years presenting as female.  I was pretty decent at it too.  But some people I've met were 40, 50, even 60 years not knowing or in denial or trying to fit into the role that Society threw at them. 

Chromosomes DO matter to some degree, but I think that how you feel about yourself is the defining factor.  Sure, my chromosomes are female, but my brain and my soul are both male, so being able to present as male is what I'm transitioning into.

May we all find our authetic selves, be they male, female, agender, nonbinary or something I've yet to find out about.

Ryuichi

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[Devlyn]

Exactly  my point about who has the misconception. 

A very narrow view is being presented by the O/P.

[Ryuichi13]

Exactly  my point about who has the misconception. 

A very narrow view is being presented by the O/P.

That may be true, but it is probably what they feel. 

Hopefully, this site will teach them otherwise. [emoji4]

Ryuichi

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[Miss Clara]

It seems you have a misconception about what transgender is, too.

I think we will continue to have difficulty understanding and communicating what it means to be transgender as long as we refuse to acknowledge the difference between gender identity and sexual identity.  When I say sexual identity, I'm not talking about sexual orientation (attraction), but rather where a person falls on the biological sex spectrum. 

Gender identity exists within a cultural context.  You are not born with a gender identity, you grow into one beginning as a toddler based on the sex you were assigned at birth.  Your gender identity is mainly determined by how others perceive you with respect to the way you dress, act, your name, and your gender designation on official documents.  I changed my gender identity from man to woman on day 1 of my transition.  A cross-dresser or drag artist will change his gender identity from man to woman and back again in the span a few hours.  Although one's sex usually determines gender identity, there are innumerable factors beyond one's sex that influence it. 

Sexual identity is different.  It is not culturally defined, it is biologically defined based on genetics, reproductive anatomy, secondary sex characteristics, sex hormones, and the sexual differentiation of the brain.  Everyone is born with a sexual identity.  For some people, the various elements of one's sexual identity are ambiguous or conflict.  I was born with a male body but my brain was not sufficiently masculinized.  The gender identity that I developed having been raised as a boy didn't mesh with my female brain.  Nor did my female brain function well within a testosterone dominant body.  In the broadest sense of the word, I was born intersex, not transgender or transsexual which came later.

My struggle has been to bring my gender and sexual identities into alignment.  Today, I'm transgender having changed my gender identity from man to woman, and I'm transsexual having undergone hormone therapy and surgeries to match body and brain.  Today, I can live comfortably with the small amount of gender dysphoria that remains.  Long story short, for all intents and purposes, I'm a woman.  My struggle to become one is not germane to the rest of the world.

[Julia1996]

Hehe, i don't know everything there is about transgender even though i am one. I'm learning a lot on this site though from other people and how it helps me and gives me some solace that there is people who are like i am. I initially created this thread for it to be more informative to others with the emphasis transgender people not choosing to be the way they are. I'm not alone on this and the more i learn about why i'm transgender is very beneficial to me especially before i seek a therapist or coming out in the open to my dad about me being trans which i haven't done so yet.

I've always known i was trans, but i didn't understand why or what made me feel the way i do so i've done a lot of digging deeper into what it means.

Hmm about the flaunting...that is pretty much people who go around showing off and bragging that they are gay in parades and stuff making it seem like spectacle, the only thing i hear from other people is bigotry towards them when the parades start. It is good to be happy and positive, show the world who you truly are but it might make people become more bigoted and that can hurt you. I personally don't care even if it makes me feel awful, i am happy being who i am.

Myself I wouldn't participate in a gay pride parade. But that's totally me. If a trans person wants to go to a pride parade there's nothing wrong with that. You also have to realize that some trans people ARE gay. Some trans women are lesbian and some trans men are gay. So why not attend a gay pride event?  And some trans people have no one but the gay community.  They've lost their families and friends. I imagine they want to attend pride events because they involve the only group in society that accepts them. Sad to say that trans people are going to be the target of bigots and the ignorant no matter what they do.

In not sure what you mean when you say people want attention for being trans. From what I've seen most trans people don't WANT attention. They just want to be left alone, treated with basic respect and try to just live their lives like anyone else.

[xAmyX]

The spectrum is indeed endless. Personally, I've been accepted by the vast majority of people I've communicated with the past year and a half. My mom accepts me. My dad accepts me. My brothers and sisters accept me, and their wives, husbands and children accept me. My cousins accept me. Maybe 1 out of every 2,000 people have been confused, or negative about me being trans. I simply brush it over my shoulder and move forward with a positive mindset. Many times, those people immediately do an entire 180 degree flip and start accepting me and showing me signs of interest. That's because they see that I love myself, and that confidence and surety increases my attraction meter to them. If we would all be more happy with who we are, the future will be very bright for us. Fighting against it, and trying to hide who we are is not the answer.

[Kylo]

How do you define trying to hide who we are? Fitting in? Stealth? Not wearing an "I'm Trans" tee shirt?

[xAmyX]

Since you asked a question and started answering it yourself, I'll have confidence in your ability to think of other reasons.

[staciM]

Don't confuse wanting to live without a trans tag or lack of outwardly flaunting-it as not loving and accepting oneself, or that one must be hiding from an unaccepting life.  All my family, friends and employer are 100% accepting of me and my transition and I'm happier and more fulfilled in life than ever.  If I was ever asked if i was transgender, I wouldn't try to deceive anyone or lie, I would provide the simple truth about my process, explain my identity with a smile, provide any education if desired and continue on my way without conflict.     

I have no intention of waving a flag, fighting for a neutral X on a birth certificate, demanding special consideration or wearing a "I'm Trans" t-shirt.  My identity and what makes me unique and special in this world has absolutely nothing to do with being trans.....I'm simply a woman and don't need any special prefix, qualifier or classifier to feel unique and good about myself.  For me, being transgender is a means to an end, nothing more.  It certainly doesn't define me, nor do I need it to.

We obviously have differing views on the matter but I'm not interested in debating our life choices and identities.  Do what you will, but this is my epilog. 

[DawnOday]

 

It seems you have a misconception about what transgender is, too. We haven't all identified as a certain gender since birth. Open your mind, expand your horizons. 

I'm not sure what you mean by flaunting that youre transgender is unhealthy? That doesn't even make sense as written.

Hugs, Devlyn

Most are not flamboyant we leave that to the Rupaul's of the world. The best representatives don't go out of the way to overdo it. Janet Mock, Chaz Bono, Laverne Cox, even Carmine Carerra who presents as a beautiful woman are subdued, Heck I think Jazz Jennings is a great representative with so much maturity as such a young age. I assume the reference is to the danger of going out in public and being caught off guard by some red neck knuckle dragger. Hey, my opinion. I could be wrong.

[xAmyX]

I never said you can't love yourself, and keep your information about being trans to yourself. You immediately assumed that as the sponsored message. I'm specifically talking about people whom hate that they're trans, and wish they were a biological woman. They're usually depressed, borderline suicidal, and are very confused about who they are as a person, and what characteristics about themselves are valuable. They often look at themselves in the mirror with disgust. Unfortunately, they consist of a large percentage of transgender individuals evidently/subsequently evolving the vast amount of suicidal reports we hear about trans people, and how people use that for a reason to deem us mentally ill.

If you're happy keeping your identity to yourself, and are happy about who you are, then I am happy for you. Nobody has to wear a t-shirt. It's part, albeit a small part of what makes us grow. Much like the vegan community, and how vegan individuals flaunt their vegan logo around spreading awareness. Just think about all of the people out there that would benefit from learning that there are options. I personally learned about ->-bleeped-<- via Google & YouTube, and I am forever grateful to the people that showed me my new path. Philosophy is a team sport. What makes me happy has nothing to do with what makes you happy. Do what you gotta do, and do it with pride.