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[Daspin93]

Hi everyone,
I would like to get the opinion of some of the lovely people on here

I have lived my whole life without questioning my manhood. However, ever since puberty, I have always had sexual fantasies about being in a womans body in sexual situations. So basically when I masturbate I tend to imagine myself as the woman in the porn I am watching or even having sex with my girlfriend, I sometimes as I imagine myself as her. For a really long time I thought those fantasies meant that I was gay. However, I am not attracted to men, and I am definitely attracted to women. So I really don't see these fantasies meaning I am gay. So recently I posted in a facebook group dedicated to sexual fantasies asking if people thought my own fantasies were weird, and a handful of people suggested that I was trans and didn't realize it. Others suggested it would be damaging to my mental health for others to inform me I am trans because I have been having these fantasies my whole life, because gender identiy is a completely seperate entity than sexual orientation. For the latter reason, I don't want to jump into assuming I am trans if it is not necessarily the case. However, without jumping to conclusions, I am trying to be as open minded here as possible, So I have a few questions for you all!


-What kind of things do I need to be asking myself(or possibly experiment with) to allow me to discover whether or not I am trans? I don't know where to start which makes it extremely hard for me to explore this.

-Has anyone else had a similar fantasy that eventually led to them realizing that they were trans?

-If I we're trans, would I simply know it? Is the fact that I am unsure a sign that I am not?



I have OCD, and part of that is obsessing over things that I may or may not have (sickness usually, but in this case people suggested I was trans and I haven't been able to get it out of my head for like a week now), so I just want to make sure I am exploring things in a healthy way.

Other random things you should know about me:
-I hate my chest hair, and shave it off very often
-Aside from video games, I am not into most things that would be considered "masculine" or whatever
-I have always been jealous of the role of women in dating and general social roles, and wish I could have their social role (although this is something I might be able to chalk up to being shy because i have initiating conversations with women i am interested in)
-I have always been captivated by movies/books/shows that involved body swaps (ex: freaky friday, ranma half)
-Although I am definitely not gay, because I know I am not attracted to men, I have never found myself particularly attracted to vaginas like most men seem to be. But like I said, not attracted to guys, very attracted to women. When I masturbate, it is rarely to the thought of being <not allowed> by a man, but more like blowing a man.
-Although my sexual fantasies are now of me being in a womans body while having sex, when i first hit puberty, I would masterbate exclusively to the thought of just being a women in non sexual situations

At the same time, I just cherry picked what made me suspicious about being trans. I could also probably come up with a whole list of stuff that would reaffirm that I am not trans.

There is so much stuff that may be able to be chalked up to being shy or just being a feminine guy and nothing more, and other stuff I am not so sure, so i just wanted to get thoughts from you all.

Thank you for taking the time to read

[hiddengirlsheila]

I have had similar fantasies, but i am a transgendered girl and not transitioned physically yet. I fantasize about making love to men all the time in my transitioned state and do picture me as being other girls making love to a man. I have had some fun with males in my teen years in a male body, but i am bisexual. I like women all the same and equally even though it makes me feel awkward having sexual encounters with them because of what i still have in between my legs. It is painful to have something you know doesn't fit with who you are, such as what private parts you have. I didn't even let the males i had fun with touch me down there but the females i did let touch me and other things...can't say i like it because i get a massive uncomfortable feeling despite it physically being pleasurable maybe. I'm not sure i am a fan of that feeling being who i truly am as a girl...it's complicated for me to talk about it.

Being transgendered has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, its what gender you identify yourself as starting from a very young age that you acquired from inherently and naturally being born that way. Science, psychology, and medical fields plays roles in being transgendered.

edit: meant transgender, not transgenderer! That's not a word and i keep messing up my spelling for some reason, sorry.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Transgender means you are uncomfortable in your current gender. This could mean you are uncomfortable with your body as it appear or your roll in society and you desire to change it. This is a self diagnosed condition however a gender therapist can aid you in making this decision. For now, I have two links for you to explore. The first is our WIKI where you will get a better idea what it is to be transgender. The second link is "the transition channel" where you can explore some of the questions that will come up in therapy. Feel free to ask addition questions as it helps us understand what you need to learn.

Things that you should read

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[echo7]

Almost everything you have written describes what I felt like before my transition, and before I realized I was transgender.  Now, I am a fully transitioned woman who is attracted to men.

I think that your jealousy of women's social roles is the biggest 'red flag' that you are trans, more than the sexual red flags.  I suggest that you see a therapist as a next step.

[Daspin93]

Almost everything you have written describes what I felt like before my transition, and before I realized I was transgender.  Now, I am a fully transitioned woman who is attracted to men.

I think that your jealousy of women's social roles is the biggest 'red flag' that you are trans, more than the sexual red flags.  I suggest that you see a therapist as a next step.

Sorry if I am forcing you to respond to a lot of different points here if we have (had) a lot in common, but what did you have in common me before you transitioned? And more importantly, if we were in the same scenario, what was your realization that led you to realizing you were trans? Also, you weren't attracted to men before your transition, but you were afterwards? Could you elaborate a little bit on that? Thanks!!!

[tgirlamg]

Hello Dauspin and welcome to the forum...

I think you should read this and see if you identify greatly with the group 3 classification

http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

Ashley 😀

[Daspin93]

Hello Dauspin and welcome to the forum...

I think you should read this and see if you identify greatly with the group 3 classification

http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

Ashley 😀

Hey Ashley! I read most of that paper, and I definitely think if I am in fact transgender, the group I identify with the most would be group 3. The fact that I am very unsure, rather than the answer screaming out to me, means I am definitely not a group 1.

[tgirlamg]

Hey Ashley! I read most of that paper, and I definitely think if I am in fact transgender, the group I identify with the most would be group 3. The fact that I am very unsure, rather than the answer screaming out to me, means I am definitely not a group 1.

Hey Dauspin..

Many of us here, including myself, spent a lifetime burying who we were inside and putting up the male... and often ultra male exterior we thought was expected of us... it doesn't take much of doing that to make yourself believe that what you are projecting is the real you...

The fact that you are here with a feeling that mabe something doesn't quite add up is telling and deserving of further exploration in my opinion... I would advise looking at the WPATH website and finding a therapist in your area that works in the field of gender and they can help you explore things a bit more... you also have a wealth of experience here on the site to draw on!

Wishing you all good things as you explore what lays ahead in your life!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀

[Daspin93]

Hey Dauspin..

Many of us here, including myself, spent a lifetime burying who we were inside and putting up the male... and often ultra male exterior we thought was expected of us... it doesn't take much of doing that to make yourself believe that what you are projecting is the real you...

The fact that you are here with a feeling that mabe something doesn't quite add up is telling and deserving of further exploration in my opinion... I would advise looking at the WPATH website and finding a therapist in your area that works in the field of gender and they can help you explore things a bit more... you also have a wealth of experience here on the site to draw on!

Wishing you all good things as you explore what lays ahead in your life!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀

Although I did feel like group 3 would be the group I would most fall under if I do turn out to be transgender, the fact that group was described as being overly macho is why I am unsure. I am definitely not overly macho. For instance, I hate sports. When I go to the gym, I only do cardio, to lose weight. I have absolutely zero interest in body building. I hate my body hair, and love shaving it off. So part of me is unsure whether or not I am just a feminine guy who doesn't adhere to normal gender roles, or if I am actually transgender. But then there are the fantasies of wanting to be a girl which truly made me suspicious about being trans. I'm coming here mainly to be as open minded as possible. I wouldn't even go as far as saying I "think" I am trans yet, I just want to see what other transgender people have to say. If tons of other people were like "yeah i felt the same way then realized i was trans, I would strongly evaluate the desires related to my gender. I absolutely think it is a very real possibility, I just don't know yet, and do not want to jump the gun. I have a girlfriend who although is very LGBT friendly, is straight and is not interested in dating a woman, and would not be with me if I come out as trans. So I need to be 1000% sure if I were to come out. Also, I wouldn't want to start something like hormone therapy only to realize I am not trans after all, I think that would do pretty bad psychological damage to be honest. So in short, i'm keeping my options very open, because if I am trans I have no intention of repressing it, but I need to know for absolute sure before I could be open about it and come to terms with it.

[tgirlamg]

Although I did feel like group 3 would be the group I would most fall under if I do turn out to be transgender, the fact that group was described as being overly macho is why I am unsure. I am definitely not overly macho. For instance, I hate sports. When I go to the gym, I only do cardio, to lose weight. I have absolutely zero interest in body building. So part of me is unsure whether or not I am just a feminine guy who doesn't adhere to normal gender roles, or if I am actually transgender. But then there are the fantasies of wanting to be a girl which truly made me suspicious about being trans. I'm coming here mainly to be as open minded as possible. I wouldn't even go as far as saying I "think" I am trans yet, I just want to see what other transgender people have to say. I absolutely think it is a very real possibility, I just don't know yet, and do not want to jump the gun. I have a girlfriend who although is very LGBT friendly, is not interested in dating a woman, and would not be with me if I come out as trans. So I need to be 1000% sure if I were to come out. Also, I wouldn't want to start something like hormone therapy only to realize I am not trans after all, I think that would do pretty bad psychological damage to be honest. So in short, i'm keeping my options very open, because if I am trans I have no intention of repressing it, but I need to know for sure before I could come to terms with it.

Hey Again!

I think it sounds like you have plenty of time to explore things and please... worry not!!! What you want and need in life will make itself known to you! Many of us here came to a point where we felt that we had tried to make it work the other way for a lifetime and living like that was no longer tolerable and so we transitioned seeking a life that was truly our own!

I will say that much of my fantasy life was like yours... I never felt gay as a man but my fantasies were almost always about being the girl... I had a lifetime of relationships with women and always felt my attraction to them was a "normal" one but here I am now... married to a very manly guy... the further into transition I got... my attraction to women just slowly faded away and I realized that my previous attraction was, in a very real way, more hero worship... at some level, all the women I had loved the most were the ones that I wanted to be the most... but at the time that was not apparent to me at all...

Life is funny and self exploration is often the last frontier

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀

[Daspin93]

Hey Again!

I think it sounds like you have plenty of time to explore things and please... worry not!!! What you want and need in life will make itself known to you! Many of us here came to a point where we felt that we had tried to make it work the other way for a lifetime and living like that was no longer tolerable and so we transitioned seeking a life that was truly our own!

I will say that much of my fantasy life was like yours... I never felt gay as a man but my fantasies were almost always about being the girl... I had a lifetime of relationships with women and always felt my attraction to them was a "normal" one but here I am now... married to a very manly guy... the further into transition I got... my attraction to women just slowly faded away and I realized that my previous attraction was, in a very real way, more hero worship... at some level, all the women I had loved the most were the ones that I wanted to be the most... but at the time that was not apparent to me at all...

Life is funny and self exploration is often the last frontier

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀

Ok, you are now the third person to tell me you had fantasies extremely similar to my own but did not initially think you were attracted to men, and eventually realized you were a woman that was actually attracted to men. If there was something you could tell past self to make yourself realize you were attracted to men, what would that be? I mean, I really don't see myself as being attracted to men. But neither did you and the 2 other people who had the same fantasies as me... lol

[Dena]

That link has appeared several times in the past and I haven't added it to my collection because I feel it overly stereotypical. Every time I see doctors trying to define a specific description of what a transgender is, they leave something out or have something extra. To be honest, I was not a good fit for any of the description however the best decision I have ever made was to transition.

The fact that you are here and you are questioning is a strong indication something isn't right in your life. Where you fit and what to do about it isn't simple to answer. While I knew for sure what my future would be at age 13, others in therapy may take a good deal longer to work it all out.

[Jailyn]

Relax Daspin! We love to help here so no one is forcing us to answer including yourself. I had many of the things that are going on with you but, that doesn't mean you are transgender. As said if you feel yourself questioning then you should get some help for yourself. All of us as a trans community come to the conclusion we are under various reasons and some resonate the same but, it's not like you are diagnosing a cold or flu where there are specific symptoms to go off of. Generally gender dysphoria affects all us a little differently but, the overall feeling most of us have is that we were born in the wrong body. For me all of my issues always came back to that I felt I was a girl and couldn't express that freely because societally that is not acceptable. This is what I always came back to throughout my life is I wanted to be able to wear women's clothing, have breasts of my own, have long hair, wear make up, and everything! So I say it depends really.

[Daspin93]

That link has appeared several times in the past and I haven't added it to my collection because I feel it overly stereotypical. Every time I see doctors trying to define a specific description of what a transgender is, they leave something out or have something extra. To be honest, I was not a good fit for any of the description however the best decision I have ever made was to transition.

The fact that you are here and you are questioning is a strong indication something isn't right in your life. Where you fit and what to do about it isn't simple to answer. While I knew for sure what my future would be at age 13, other in therapy may take a good deal longer to work it all out.

Dena, sorry, a bit confused, which link were you referring to when you say "That link has appeared several times in the past"?

[Dena]

The three group classification.

[Daspin93]

The three group classification.

Gotcha. Thats something I kind of took with a grain of salt anyway. I doubt all manifestations of being transgender can be defined to 3 groups.

[tgirlamg]

All will be well Daspin!!!

You alone hold the steering wheel of your own life and, you are the only one who will say who you are and how you choose to live...

Life itself is in the process of it all... the exploration of who are...what we value... what we want to do with our time here... it is more the journey than any final destination... Enjoy the journey... enjoy the discoveries... enjoy each moment!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀

[jthomp.abslutebu]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Transgender means you are uncomfortable in your current gender. This could mean you are uncomfortable with your body as it appear or your roll in society and you desire to change it. This is a self diagnosed condition however a gender therapist can aid you in making this decision. For now, I have two links for you to explore. The first is our WIKI where you will get a better idea what it is to be transgender. The second link is "the transition channel" where you can explore some of the questions that will come up in therapy. Feel free to ask addition questions as it helps us understand what you need to learn.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Thank you for jumping in   he needs accurate information until he figures things out.

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[jthomp.abslutebu]

Sorry if I am forcing you to respond to a lot of different points here if we have (had) a lot in common, but what did you have in common me before you transitioned? And more importantly, if we were in the same scenario, what was your realization that led you to realizing you were trans? Also, you weren't attracted to men before your transition, but you were afterwards? Could you elaborate a little bit on that? Thanks!!!

I got so bad I mutilated myself. Now everyone is different but being uncomfortable says a lot. I was massively homophobic before I transitioned I see men like I used to see woman. I desire them I get excited talking to them.  That is what happened to me. My father was really homophobic because he was born in 1930, he passed on his disgust I think that's why I ended up like I did.  Disgust for myself and not realizing that I was bisexual..

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[jthomp.abslutebu]

Hey Dauspin..

Many of us here, including myself, spent a lifetime burying who we were inside and putting up the male... and often ultra male exterior we thought was expected of us... it doesn't take much of doing that to make yourself believe that what you are projecting is the real you...

The fact that you are here with a feeling that mabe something doesn't quite add up is telling and deserving of further exploration in my opinion... I would advise looking at the WPATH website and finding a therapist in your area that works in the field of gender and they can help you explore things a bit more... you also have a wealth of experience here on the site to draw on!

Wishing you all good things as you explore what lays ahead in your life!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley [emoji3]

Ashley I did a diy I was so bad. But that was me and never should it be done that way I risked my life because of my dysphoria.  The psychiatrist from my hospital where I was when I castrated myself deemed me sane with insane action.  I just simplify but that is how terrible it can get   

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