Simple flirting vs Attraction/interest: Difference between men and women??

[CMD042414]

Yes. And I personally could not be close friends with a woman who had romantic feelings for me but I only see as a platonic friend. It would make me very uncomfortable.

[Lady Lisandra]

I believe she's not just playing with you. Maybe her feelings for you are sincere, but she just doesn't have to courage or the strength to face a divorce. She'd rather continue with her unhappy but stable life than breaking everything up to make space for something better.

[Lady Sarah]

There have been a couple of very masculine trans women that I was friends with. Their sexual intentions were enough to end friendship. If there is no sexual attraction, their can only be friendship. Another problem is that women are expected to always be nice. Being nice can easily be misinterpreted as being interested.
For guys, trying to understand the difference between nice and interested can be confusing. Many like to assume she is hot for him. I tend to assume a guy is just being nice, until he commits sexual assault. Fortunately, that is rare, but it has occurred.
In the event a guy is interested in a woman, and thinks she is being flirtatious, it is best to politely ask. Then, accept her answer. If you have been friend-zoned,  then decide if just a friendship is good enough. If not, go your own way, and look for someone else.

[Kylo]

Another problem is that women are expected to always be nice. Being nice can easily be misinterpreted as being interested.

As an aside topic that's a very good point. Anyone can be prone to fall into behaviors that get positive reactions from other people whether they really want to do them or not. I've fallen into doing it myself at one point out of sheer fatigue of  being told to smile all the time, so I smiled more. And it did get better reactions so it became a habit. Not a big one, but more than not doing it at all. Women are expected to be nicer and friendlier, although not really to flirt I suppose... but men will probably respond positively to that a lot of the time.

But from the first few posts, this definitely sounds more full on than just being nice.

[CMD042414]

I suspect the same but I have to take her word for it and proceed accordingly. I must now begin to detach and remove her from my life. It's just not healthy for me to continue being "friends" with her. It is devastating to lose someone I have such genuine, deeply rooted feelings for.

Thanks to everyone who chimed in.

[Lady Lisandra]

Sometimes it's the healthiest thing to do. If you are going to leave, you could be sincere to her about it, tell her she needs to decide wheather she's going to follow her feelings or continue her previous life. Maybe an ultimatum is the push she needs to change her life...

[MeTony]

I have a friend who's been used as a "trampoline". The women make him feel special and when he is caught, they use him to boost their own ego. Efter a crashed relationship or other things making them have low self esteem. When they are up and going they trampoline back upp and leave him devastated and depressed. "Because there was not really love involved" or "we grew apart" (in two years). Right. Or "it was just friendship".

He is a very caring person and has been used and abused several times. He does not trust women anymore.

Be careful. She is married. She blames her bad relationship. She says it's only friendship. Be careful you don't crash and burn.


Tony

[CMD042414]

It's one of four things:
1. She's outright lying or being misleading at best about how she feels for me
2. She has been essentially using me to make her feel better about herself for 4 years now. Possibly unintentionally.
3. She has a complete lack of self awareness and does not realize how she comes off
4. She is just one of those women that thinks this is how men and women interact and it is harmless fun

None of those options reflect well on her and they all are to my detriment. I keep thinking that me being trans may be a factor in this for her. She has always been supportive and the moment I told her I am transitioning is when we became close friends. She is super open minded and would always tell me I have nothing to worry about in dating. But maybe it is part of what keeps her from being able to admit she has feelings for me.

[Julia1996]

I hate to say it but some women totally use guys. One of my mom's friends is really beautiful. She goes after older or unattractive guys and then uses him for whatever. Free meals, free vacations, gifts of jewelry, etc. She even got one poor guy to make her condo payments three times and buy her a huge flatscreen. Then when she has what she wants or is bored with him she dumps the guy and starts hunting the next one. It's not like she needs financial support.  She works with my mom and she makes a lot of money. Once when she was bragging to my mom about the necklace the latest guy bought her I couldn't hold back. I asked her how she could do that to someone and that it was totally ##& up. She just laughed. She told me that I was becoming a beautiful young woman and that when I was a little older I would find out how easy it would be to get anything I wanted from men. She told me when that happened I wouldn't think it was so wrong.

I'm sorry but I would NEVER think it's ok to lead a guy on to get stuff from him. Yes, my boyfriend pays for everything when we go out. But he is the one who wants to do it. I would never just expect that from hIm. Leading a guy on to give you gifts and money and then just throwing him away because you've gotten what you could from him and breaking his heart is absolutely despicable and totally evil!

[DeniseGrace]

I think personally, that women in general are "conditioned" while growing up to be more flirtatious. That's an observation, not criticism.

Someone mentioned women being user's, paraphrasing here I think.

From experience with my own female relatives and some acquaintances, I do know there is some truth to this.

By the same token, males can be user's as well. There's no absolute. People of any sex, identity, ethnicity, social status etc can real creeps. :-)

Denise