A totally awesome day

[Donna]

Your story sounds surprisingly similar to mine in a lot of ways.  I talked with my wife last night and really got serious into it. I disclosed that I had contemplated ending it all. She wants Doug back and I can't tolerate him being back.
We have come to a realization and an agreeent that we are starting over again as best friends, girlfriends and companions. I am asexual and she is not interested in sex so we are a good fit. Rather than divorce and all that goes with it we are going to redefine what our marriage is. I only hope that you are able to find an amicable solution in your situation as well. I am getting some great help and advise from way counselor and she from hers and this really started our turn around.
💕💗 Donna 💕💗

[krobinson103]

Today was... interesting. One of the student's parents saw me, but didn't recognize me for at least 4 minutes. Then She blinked and said "so that's why you were losing weight last year" and that was that.

Me today. I like my $2 op shop blouse.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3i1XPm

The semi transparent material is quite fun to play with in terms of layering under it.

[krobinson103]

Couldn't have had a better start to the day. 97.6kg (215 pounds 5 from the goal) and, I noticed that after 24 hours (ie before my morning shave) I COULD NOT SEE any facial hair in bright light. In fact, concealer makes it worse. The battle of the facial hair is almost won. I just need to keep to going so I don't feel it either. I also think that the goal of 210 pounds is good, yes there will be a slight amount of belly fat, but, my shoulders and my hips are the same width at this point and I like that. lose much more and that will be gone. Should get down to about 46-35-46 and while not perfect its pretty good.

Experimented today. Mens clothes, not overly fitting, no makeup. Go into one shop don't think about voice, get sir. Think about voice in another shop, get ma'am. Its that I need to focus on next.

[krobinson103]

Well I had to move my classroom yesterday. I discovered something I had expected.. but perhaps not to the degree it has happened. Even 4 months ago I could carry a desk easily alone. Not so anymore. I had to go get some help. Oh well, there is a cost for everything.

[Northern Star Girl]

Well I had to move my classroom yesterday. I discovered something I had expected.. but perhaps not to the degree it has happened. Even 4 months ago I could carry a desk easily alone. Not so anymore. I had to go get some help. Oh well, there is a cost for everything.

@ krobinson103:
I fully understand your dilemma about strength seemingly leaving us as we transition.   Before I started my 2nd year of HRT I really became quite aware of my own loss of muscle and bulk... I love working on my car but then I started having difficulty loosening very tight bolts and lifting and positioning fairly heavy parts.... Now after 3 years of HRT, and living full time for 16 months, it is certain that my car repair abilities are quite challenging now... especially with more loss of muscle and bulk, and with longer nails and my long hair that gets in the way.  I also have difficulty, like many others here have mentioned, with opening jars lids and other simple tasks that require the strength that I once had... and that I no longer have.
 
Well, in collusion, I will tell you, it is all worth the trade-off... I am enjoying myself as a woman who is accepted by virtually everyone I now meet.  I trust that you will find final success with your transition.

I much enjoy reading your frequent updates and following your transition...  I am trusting that can solve your home issues with your family and that a reasonable compromise can be achieved...  I am rooting for you.
Please keep the updates coming.
Best Wishes,
Aspiringperson 

[krobinson103]

@ krobinson103:
I fully understand your dilemma about strength seemingly leaving us as we transition.   Before I started my 2nd year of HRT I really became quite aware of my own loss of muscle and bulk... I love working on my car but then I started having difficulty loosening very tight bolts and lifting and positioning fairly heavy parts.... Now after 3 years of HRT, and living full time for 16 months, it is certain that my car repair abilities are quite challenging now... especially with more loss of muscle and bulk, and with longer nails and my long hair that gets in the way.  I also have difficulty, like many others here have mentioned, with opening jars lids and other simple tasks that require the strength that I once had... and that I no longer have.
 
Well, in collusion, I will tell you, it is all worth the trade-off... I am enjoying myself as a woman who is accepted by virtually everyone I now meet.  I trust that you will find final success with your transition.

I much enjoy reading your frequent updates and following your transition...  I am trusting that can solve your home issues with your family and that a reasonable compromise can be achieved...  I am rooting for you.
Please keep the updates coming.
Best Wishes,
Aspiringperson

I love the loss of bulk etc. I've always been big, strong, rather hairy, and err.. male. I enjoy not being any of those things. I can't have longer nails because I do a lot of hands on feeding, changing etc but my hair is doing quite well in getting longer. I suppose I put updates here so that I can go back and reflect on the fact that I've gotten past many obstacles and all those things that seemed impossible not so long ago are in fact not difficult at all. Also I've read the journeys of others here and found motivation to continue. If anyone can draw strength from this rather lengthy narrative I'm happy to share those issues.

As for updates. I've decided on the new challenge. Jewelry! Some on the way so I can wear it next week. Lately I've been feeling... under decorated with the low necklines etc.

[krobinson103]

https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/7v7KQt

That little girl forced to be a boy by bad timing is almost free.

[Northern Star Girl]

https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/7v7KQt

That little girl forced to be a boy by bad timing is almost free.

You are LOOKING GOOD ........ thanks for sharing your pics

[krobinson103]

Well that was successful. Playing airsoft fem. I got a range of responses. Mostly indifferent. Some teen boy with a compliment for my finger nails had to give him a response there... very forward for a 13 year old! A "give it to her um him (shouting and fem voice is hard for me), and a few interesting names from people I don't know, pretty one of them... I'd take offense but it proves a point. Its NOT my body that gives me away its facial hair at the end of the day and voice (airsoft involves wearing a mask)

[krobinson103]

A good start to the day. 213 pounds yes, just three pounds off the initial goal and my bra is too small! This makes me a happy camper. Grow babies grow! and... I was right 39-45. That means my frame size has reduced a little and breasts have grown in the last 3 weeks since I last measured.

[krobinson103]

Lol, I got pulled up by the fashion police at work for being TOO curvy today. Fortunately I had a looser top as I suspected that might happen. What it does prove is that there is no mistaking me for man now! That is good. That is VERY good.

[Northern Star Girl]

A good start to the day. 213 pounds yes, just three pounds off the initial goal and my bra is too small! This makes me a happy camper. Grow babies grow! and... I was right 39-45. That means my frame size has reduced a little and breasts have grown in the last 3 weeks since I last measured.

Krobinson103:  this is a very good report... congrats to you for working so hard on your weight loss and seeing that the HRT is doing it's intended job with your body.  Keep the good reports coming!
Aspiringperson

[Northern Star Girl]

Lol, I got pulled up by the fashion police at work for being TOO curvy today. Fortunately I had a looser top as I suspected that might happen. What it does prove is that there is no mistaking me for man now! That is good. That is VERY good.

Krobinson103:  yes... very, very good indeed
Aspiringperson

[krobinson103]

Its best not to internalize bad feelings. Thus, I shall put them down here in the hope that reading them may suggest an option. The atmosphere at home is polarized. Its 'us' and me. 'us' hates everything I do. Today I got an interesting comment.

"You caused all this..."

True, but only because I had no choice if I wished to remain sane or even alive. How then can it classified as a choice at all? Of course I choose life. Life takes me away from my family and yet I have no choice but to transition because it is unstoppable and in the end the right thing to do.

I'm sick of being told 'you can't do this, men don't do this, men should...' I am not, and never have been a man. The decision becomes clearer and clearer that perhaps the only way forward now is to ensure the family is supported and simply leave. Its clear that I can never be happy living here, and they will never be happy with me.

If a choice is forced upon me then there really is no choice. I will go on alone and they can keep their snipes,, and condemnation and suggestions I should be feel guilty and ashamed. For what? For being born in the wrong body? For not wanting to live with self loathing forever?

I've said it before and I'll say it again, no sane person would EVER choose to be trans. No sane person would say 'well I really want to suffer from dysporia for my whole life, it sounds like fun!' No sane person would want to look in the mirror and say EVERYDAY "I hate what I see."

The statement "you choose to do this" is true only in the fact that it was necessary to want to continue living at all. Being trans sucks some days. But, if I must I will make that hard decision and tomorrow WILL be a good day... for all of us.

[Allison S]

Its best not to internalize bad feelings. Thus, I shall put them down here in the hope that reading them may suggest an option. The atmosphere at home is polarized. Its 'us' and me. 'us' hates everything I do. Today I got an interesting comment.

"You caused all this..."

True, but only because I had no choice if I wished to remain sane or even alive. How then can it classified as a choice at all? Of course I choose life. Life takes me away from my family and yet I have no choice but to transition because it is unstoppable and in the end the right thing to do.

I'm sick of being told 'you can't do this, men don't do this, men should...' I am not, and never have been a man. The decision becomes clearer and clearer that perhaps the only way forward now is to ensure the family is supported and simply leave. Its clear that I can never be happy living here, and they will never be happy with me.

If a choice is forced upon me then there really is no choice. I will go on alone and they can keep their snipes,, and condemnation and suggestions I should be feel guilty and ashamed. For what? For being born in the wrong body? For not wanting to live with self loathing forever?

I've said it before and I'll say it again, no sane person would EVER choose to be trans. No sane person would say 'well I really want to suffer from dysporia for my whole life, it sounds like fun!' No sane person would want to look in the mirror and say EVERYDAY "I hate what I see."

The statement "you choose to do this" is true only in the fact that it was necessary to want to continue living at all. Being trans sucks some days. But, if I must I will make that hard decision and tomorrow WILL be a good day... for all of us.

I'm sorry you're going through this with family. I know how hard it is to not feel embraced when you share your most vulnerable side and how much more lonely that can make anyone feel... I liked what you said at the end because you're taking charge of your life. Everything that doesn't lead you closer to your goals is just background noise isn't it?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[krobinson103]

Today I asked the people whom work closest to me to stop using 'he' they agreed. Its started to bother me lately. I forgot to take my e this morning. A bit grumpy at first, but otherwise good till I got home. No breast pain for a change was actually quite good. I forgot what it feels like for them NOT to hurt.

[Northern Star Girl]

Today I asked the people whom work closest to me to stop using 'he' they agreed. Its started to bother me lately. I forgot to take my e this morning. A bit grumpy at first, but otherwise good till I got home. No breast pain for a change was actually quite good. I forgot what it feels like for them NOT to hurt.

@ krobinson103:  Wow, a bold move and the proper thing to do....  kudos to you.   Breast pain can just about be a normal thing for a couple years, at least it was for me.  The good news is that breast pain indicates something good is happening there!!!
Please keep your updates coming... I much enjoy reading about your trials, tribulations and successes.
Aspiringperson

[krobinson103]

Interesting. Its always been my theory that my success at losing weight is due to HRT being an appetite suppressant. This was proved yesterday when I missed a dose and I wanted to eat twice as much, including things I won't usually touch - they are repulsive (processed sugar and carbs).

[krobinson103]

Relatively event free week so far. Work is upside down and inside out, but that's pretty usual! My HRT doctor was a locum so he is leaving meaning I have to meet a new Doctor next week. Its a pity because I liked the old fellow. Headed off for the third round of blood tests this morning. I feel great so I suspect it will be the usual... healthy for my age. Weight loss has stalled this week. Not gaining, not losing despite my best efforts. If it follows the pattern there will be 1-2 pound drop all of a sudden in the next week or so. -5.6kg overall for the month though so progress is being made.

I'm going to ask about the requirements for an orchie at this meeting coming up. As other stuff changes the unneeded bits look... wrong! SRS would be at least two years away according to local requirements and I want the source of t gone long before that.

[Northern Star Girl]

Relatively event free week so far. Work is upside down and inside out, but that's pretty usual! My HRT doctor was a locum so he is leaving meaning I have to meet a new Doctor next week. Its a pity because I liked the old fellow. Headed off for the third round of blood tests this morning. I feel great so I suspect it will be the usual... healthy for my age. Weight loss has stalled this week. Not gaining, not losing despite my best efforts. If it follows the pattern there will be 1-2 pound drop all of a sudden in the next week or so. -5.6kg overall for the month though so progress is being made.

I'm going to ask about the requirements for an orchie at this meeting coming up. As other stuff changes the unneeded bits look... wrong! SRS would be at least two years away according to local requirements and I want the source of t gone long before that.

@ krobinson103:  I hate changing doctors, especially in the middle of a treatment regimen but perhaps you will the new doctor better???
...When I lost a bunch of weight I also hit plateaus .. just like a brick wall.  Don't get discouraged, keep on your diet and perhaps plan some additional exercising to get back to losing weight.
It is always nice to read your updates...
Best Wishes,
Aspiringperson