A totally awesome day

[Allison S]

That's the truth Danielle. I have a metal ice chest with bear claw and teeth marks from a camping trip. It got it open and ate everything. Lol

Yikes that's scary...

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[Northern Star Girl]

Yikes that's scary...

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@ Allison:  A lot of us that live where I do put some of our cold storage food outside in sturdy metal boxes with child-proof / bear proof latches on them.... and we have to anchor them to the ground so they can't tossed around by the critters trying to get what is inside....  of course, we can only do this in the winter.
Danielle

[BrianaJ]

Costco would not take my card on the weekend until I showed them my drivers license had the same name and picture on it.

Costco can be quite the pain about that sometimes.  I get protecting membership privileges etc  but sometimes they get a little extreme. 

I have a metal ice chest with bear claw and teeth marks from a camping trip.

Bears, pumas, even 'lil raccoons.  We've fed many of those critters on camping trips.  LOL  When I see commercials for "bear-proof" coolers I chuckle.  Where there's a bear...there's a way. 

[krobinson103]

Well, yesterday was my definition of a good day. I had my appointment with the new Doctor. She is personable and was willing to double both spiro and estradiol along with only wanting a blood test in a year! So the dose is now in line with what I wanted. We discussed an orchie and She has added a diagnosis of gender identity disorder to my records which will help, now I need to find a physiologist and get a few sessions down so I can get my second diagnosis. With those I can then find a surgeon. Health wise everything is getting better each appointment.

Transition wise my wife has settled somewhat and now has some acceptance and is even willing to discuss surgeries.  Body is tracking along nicely and my weight has dropped to 211 pounds. Looking at mirror I think 208 will be just right. So almost there! Size 16 is now a slightly loose fit, I think I may even manage 14 if I really wanted to. Breasts keep getting bigger and my waist and frame are reducing nicely. Last week I measured 46 36 44 at six foot two I look female just tall and thin which is actually the best outcome for me anyway. Hopefully time might help a bit more there. Facial hair is waving the white flag and reducing at a good pace. Socially I feel more like a women and less like an imposter and don't have any anxiety presenting full time. I'm getting the gist of makeup and fashion now if the compliments are anything to go by.

So now the bucket list includes

Earrings
Orchie
SRS in the future
Finally kill the facial hair to the point I don't need to shave for 2-3 days at a time with no visible shadow
Grow my hair to twice its current length.
Hopefully at some point get past the current c cup and land on d.

Give me another six months and most of the things I wanted to achieve will be achieved.

Today is a very good day. I can see the future path and it is bright.

[Cassi]

Yikes that's scary...

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Big Foot

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped:

Well, yesterday was my definition of a good day. I had my appointment with the new Doctor. She is personable and was willing to double both spiro and estradiol along with only wanting a blood test in a year! So the dose is now in line with what I wanted. We discussed an orchie and She has added a diagnosis of gender identity disorder to my records which will help, now I need to find a physiologist and get a few sessions down so I can get my second diagnosis. With those I can then find a surgeon. Health wise everything is getting better each appointment.

Transition wise my wife has settled somewhat and now has some acceptance and is even willing to discuss surgeries.  Body is tracking along nicely and my weight has dropped to 211 pounds. Looking at mirror I think 208 will be just right. So almost there! Size 16 is now a slightly loose fit, I think I may even manage 14 if I really wanted to. Breasts keep getting bigger and my waist and frame are reducing nicely. Last week I measured 46 36 44 at six foot two I look female just tall and thin which is actually the best outcome for me anyway. Hopefully time might help a bit more there. Facial hair is waving the white flag and reducing at a good pace. Socially I feel more like a women and less like an imposter and don't have any anxiety presenting full time. I'm getting the gist of makeup and fashion now if the compliments are anything to go by.

So now the bucket list includes

Earrings
Orchie
SRS in the future
Finally kill the facial hair to the point I don't need to shave for 2-3 days at a time with no visible shadow
Grow my hair to twice its current length.
Hopefully at some point get past the current c cup and land on d.

Give me another six months and most of the things I wanted to achieve will be achieved.

Today is a very good day. I can see the future path and it is bright.

@ krobinson103:   Wow, this is really a very good report and update.   
I am very happy for you.
Danielle

[somme_girl]

when i came out i made the promise to never wear male clothes ever again.

its so damn worth it.

best of luck!

[Cassi]

when i came out i made the promise to never wear male clothes ever again.

its so damn worth it.

best of luck!

What kind of clothes?

[krobinson103]

Today was interesting and rather sad. Our cat got run over. RIP Peter the Cat. The outcome however is that I can actually cry now. I didn't even cry at my Mothers funeral. However, this entry isn't about Peter so on we go.

I had some important parent teacher meetings with people who have known me for a number of years now, but don't know about my transition. I basically threw a shirt on over my feminine t shirt to just be safe in terms of no surprises at this particular meeting. No issues and the meetings went well. One of the parents liked my pink t and pink mouse.

I had to go home and sort out the dead cat issues, so I dropped by my daughters school and had to identify myself as their Father clearly looking like a women. Again, there were no issues other than me being annoyed at having to out myself!

Then, I went to the supermarket cosmetic shopping adding a top that hides not very much, and again no strangeness at all. People just accept me as a women. Even the old dude behind me couldn't tell. Picking up my child at school I was able to interact with women as a member of the 'club' and I'm sure I saw one man looking at me in an... interesting way. So I looked right back into his eyes and sure enough he looked away pretty fast. I'm pretty sure I know what he was thinking! I was actually thinking myself that he wasn't half bad to look at.

Quite a day...

[krobinson103]

I've made fairly big decision. Since I got one gender identity disorder diagnosis I have contacted a psychologist for an appointment to get another. I a setting a time line of one year as a goal for getting an orchie done and dusted. At that point I consider myself 'done' in terms of surgeries. I don't want FFS or SRS as I pass pretty well as is and I don't feel I need a vagina.

This new dose must be effective. My breasts hurt 24/7 now.

[KathyLauren]

Congratulations on the decision! 

[krobinson103]

Congratulations on the decision!

Thanks the next steps have been on mind for a while lately. On other fronts one part of my transition plan is now complete. I have reached my target weight of 210 pounds and I have to say that while there might be room for a 2-3 pound drop I feel and (in  my opinion) look great! the numbers still point to 'overweight' but that's always been the case for me transition or no.

[krobinson103]

This afternoon I had an interesting encounter. Out shopping at a discount store. I was dressed feminine but not overly so. We see this odd looking fellow. He tries to talk to my 11 year old daughter... this isn't on! So I say I'm her Dad she is 11 lay off. He backs off then says there is no way you are old enough to be the father of this child. I say I most certainly am and despite how old she may look she is 11.

Then he looks at me and says you know you look a little .... at which point I stare him right in the eye. He looks at me properly, then says oh yeah, I get it and goes away. Apart from the creepy aspect of a 40 year old stranger talking to an 11 year old unsolicited I learned something.

I don't look my age, and I obviously don't look like a Dad anymore. This may cause some issues in the future...

[Megan.]

This afternoon I had an interesting encounter. Out shopping at a discount store. I was dressed feminine but not overly so. We see this odd looking fellow. He tries to talk to my 11 year old daughter... this isn't on! So I say I'm her Dad she is 11 lay off. He backs off then says there is no way you are old enough to be the father of this child. I say I most certainly am and despite how old she may look she is 11.

Then he looks at me and says you know you look a little .... at which point I stare him right in the eye. He looks at me properly, then says oh yeah, I get it and goes away. Apart from the creepy aspect of a 40 year old stranger talking to an 11 year old unsolicited I learned something.

I don't look my age, and I obviously don't look like a Dad anymore. This may cause some issues in the future...

Ewww creepy person!

I'm still 'dad' to my kids. When I'm with them I tend to tone down the femme, but it's always casual female. Not a clue what others think when they call me dad, and frankly I don't care [emoji16]

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[Donna]

That is very creepy. Glad you were close by to intervene. There are creeps out there.

[krobinson103]

Oh yeah! 94.8kg. We be UNDER the 'final' goal that seemed impossible. :p Still a tiny bit of flab left on my hips though so I think I'll push for 93.5kg and see what that gives me. I also think I'm getting really close to a 33-34 inch waist as some of my old 36 inch shorts are at least 3 inches too big now. That means I can get 46-34-44 which is enough of a difference to be obvious. YAY!

Though, if I get much lighter I'm dropping fat from my upper body and breasts which I definitely don't want to do so the end of the weight loss journey is close now. I think there will be a tiny bit of a belly fat left but not enough to really matter.

[Northern Star Girl]

Oh yeah! 94.8kg. We be UNDER the 'final' goal that seemed impossible. :p Still a tiny bit of flab left on my hips though so I think I'll push for 93.5kg and see what that gives me. I also think I'm getting really close to a 33-34 inch waist as some of my old 36 inch shorts are at least 3 inches too big now. That means I can get 46-34-44 which is enough of a difference to be obvious. YAY!

Though, if I get much lighter I'm dropping fat from my upper body and breasts which I definitely don't want to do so the end of the weight loss journey is close now. I think there will be a tiny bit of a belly fat left but not enough to really matter.

Krobinson:  A terrifically great report.   It is very hard work and determination to get to where you are now.  Oh yeah, you don't want to drop too much more and lose those curves that you have worked so hard to get.
Danielle

[krobinson103]

Krobinson:  A terrifically great report.   It is very hard work and determination to get to where you are now.  Oh yeah, you don't want to drop too much more and lose those curves that you have worked so hard to get.
Danielle

Thanks for the comments in that other thread though I don't think I'm all that inspirational. What I am doing isn't brave or exceptional its a necessity if I wish to get on with my life. I've always faced the issues that come up and dealt with them in the best way that I can. I find that unfailing optimism (even if you do have doubts) creates the possibility of success and you can build on that.

Is transition scary? Not anymore. It was. But, fear is only the impetus for change. If we harness our fears they become strengths and not weaknesses. I'm just an ordinary person doing what I must to stay sane.

[krobinson103]

The peace treaty was too good to last. Another fight, this time the truth came out. My wife feels like I 'lied' to her 15 years ago. If I did I was also lying to myself in the hope I might just be able to be what society expects. In a sense that man was a lie for the all the years I hid behind him.

Yet, he is also me because of him I'm where I'm at today able to transition. The photos of me and my wife have all been put away now and in a sense I am glad because when I look back I see someone who was struggling against an unbeatable adversary. Herself.

Of course this becomes an issue for the family because they built their house of cards on a foundation that was anything but stable. I can understand that in their eyes I will always be 'him' but I can't live with expectation that I somehow revert to that in the house. It would drive me insane.

The last two family outings have been pure hell. Somehow I try to give them someone they want but that person is gone forever. A few weeks ago we had a discussion. Her 'husband' is gone. In a very real way he is dead. Yet, a better version of him lives on. I said to her if that if she no longer considers me to her husband she has no right to expect me to play happy families with that discarded mask.

Tonight She suggested a combined family outing with her friends, of which I know she has said she is embarrassed to share this knowledge with. Happily I have lots if paperwork to do that negates the possibility of going. There has been an ultimatum. Come with me on this trip or its over. The thing is its already over.

A few bridges have been burnt tonight. Nothing unexpected but I suspect that there is a good chance that when She goes to Korea in 3 weeks She won't be back. It makes me sad for the kids, but, for me? I can't take this charade any longer but don't have the resources or the courage to end it.

I got an interesting lecture about 'choosing' this path. I wish I had! This was no choice, this was necessity driven by the sure knowledge that if I didn't I'd go mad. If I had a choice would I choose to be trans? Not a chance! Why go through all this for the fun of it? Am I being selfish? I suppose I am for the first time in 30 years. If that is a crime let it be, because I don't want to crazy or end myself...

Being trans sucks, but today is still a better day than yesterday regardless of the cost.

[Northern Star Girl]

@ Krobinson:  So sorry to hear about your apparently deteriorating family situation.  In the back of your mind I suppose you have been concerned about a negative outcome to your transition.   But, hang in there, it's not over until it is over....  for the sake of all of your family (and not just your wife), hang in there and try your best to make things works out.

Regarding the upcoming "combined family outing with her friends" that you are planning to skip... my thought might be to go to the outing with self-confidence... you already know that your wife said she is embarrassed in front of her friends, so if you skip the event you will just be confirming that in her mind and in her friend's minds....
...  if you do go, there is a chance that her friends may not have negative feelings about you and that may influence your wife to improve her relationship with you.  A slim chance is better than no chance.
IMPORTANT..... you obviously must do what you think is best for everyone... I am just thinking out loud and rambling with my thought process.

Now, for a change of subject:   Today is the FIRST DAY of SPRING.... a time for new life.   
..... "time for new life"....Perhaps that is a good sign for all of those that are transitioning.

I would never know it was now Spring here... last night it got down to 4 deg F, now this morning it is 19 deg F and snowing, and later today it is suppose to go up to 26 deg F. (A heat wave here. LOL) I am definitely not breaking out my warmer clothes yet.  Today I am wearing my newest and warmest Red Winter Coat as shown in my Avatar photo.....  along with boots, gloves, warm hat, etc. 
What is the weather situation for the First Day of Spring where you live? 

Concluding my reply here, I trust that you can handle this delicate situation with your family and come up with an acceptable plan or compromise.  I am looking forward to your next update... hopefully with better news about your family situation.
Best wishes as always,
Danielle