A totally awesome day

[krobinson103]

Well finally some potential closure. I've thought deeply, and asked my wife what she wants. She wants to be happy. She doesn't mind if we separate amiably, and since its over between us she doesn't care if I meet someone else. In addition, once I get through the full registration process at work this year there is nothing to hold me here except the kids who will be better off without fighting.

I've decided to give it a year to clean up the loose ends of this life, set up my wife and kids with the family home with the understanding when it sells I get half, and start again far from here. Its time to accept that a new phase of life must begin.

[Donna]

Wow. Big stuff. I hope this works out for everyone involved.
It's got to be so hard after hoping it would work out.
All you can do is what's the best. Wishing you well and hoping for the best

[krobinson103]

Well we made some real progress today.

I told my wife about my girlfriend and my plans for the next few years. She agrees its the way to go as long as the kids are supported and She has a place to live. So the plan is to let her and the kids live in the house and figure out the logistics over the next year or so. A big relief!

[krobinson103]

MASSIVE PROGRESS!

My request for surgery has been approved by the gate keeping team and has been passed onto the surgical team. That means another wait (of course) but its a gonna happen. In addition I have a recommendation for vocal training all for free.

Happy me.

[Northern Star Girl]

MASSIVE PROGRESS!

My request for surgery has been approved by the gate keeping team and has been passed onto the surgical team. That means another wait (of course) but its a gonna happen. In addition I have a recommendation for vocal training all for free.

Happy me.

@krobinson103
Agreed, "Happy You" ....
....and all of your readers and followers are very happy and jubilant to hear your good news.
Of course you will keep us all updated frequently as you have been doing on your thread!!!
Thank you so very much for posting this great news.

Hugs and well wishes...
Danielle

[Donna]

That is great and massive news. Way to go and this wait will very likely fly by.
I can't imagine how over the top happy you have got to be

[krobinson103]

Yay! My hair is actually long enough I can tame it a little and not look like a castaway. Things are getting better.

[krobinson103]

https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/8V6j5S

Today I put a fear to rest. Wearing a swimsuit in public. No one even looked twice. If I can pass in a swimsuit I can pass anywhere. I did decide to compare my 'before' picture to this one and err... yes things have changed!

[krobinson103]

This is a time of... waiting. Its given me a chance to really reflect on what I have achieved in the last 10 months. Last October/November I was ready to check out. Now I look back and realize that;

Legally everything is done
My relationship status has at least come to a point where I know what the future will look like
Physically I have almost everything I wanted
I've at least subdued facial hair to a point it doesn't annoy me too much
Surgery (orchie) is approved and now I just need to wait
I have plan to make srs happen
I have a plan to keep supporting my family and live a life in which I can be happy
I 'pass' if that matters most of the time

But most importantly I've realized that gender isn't binary. Yes I like being a woman, but I realize that part of me is masculine as well. I spent so many years running away from that I forgot that its ok! I look in the mirror and don't say "omg I'm too...." rather I say "I like being me"

Perhaps, at the end of the day that's what is the most important. I like being me. I don't have to hide, or try to be something I'm not. I think in fairness that's all you can really ask out of life.

Life is awesome and every day has potential.

[Northern Star Girl]

@krobinson103   Thank you for wonderful posting your brief transition summary for the last 10 months.

Here are your last several sentences.... very well written expression of your thoughts that many of your readers and followers will agree with:

"But most importantly I've realized that gender isn't binary. Yes I like being a woman, but I realize that part of me is masculine as well. I spent so many years running away from that I forgot that its ok! I look in the mirror and don't say "omg I'm too...." rather I say "I like being me"

Perhaps, at the end of the day that's what is the most important. I like being me. I don't have to hide, or try to be something I'm not. I think in fairness that's all you can really ask out of life.

Life is awesome and every day has potential"

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us....

Oh, and I read in the previous post that you have passed the swimming suit test!!!! Very affirming for sure and does wonders for your self-confidence!  The swimming suit gauntlet is an important right of passage for most transistioners...  CONGRATULATIONS

Hugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

OK! Now we are getting some progress.  Letter from the hospital asking for ID to confirm if the govt will pay. That means orchie is in the system and will happen! Not sure how much more waiting there is but I it will happen probably this year.

[krobinson103]

Some months ago I saw a flier for a woman's support group. I thought about it and in the end didn't go. I met the organizer on yesterday and she asked if I'd like to go. I said hang on, I'm trans surely that might be an issue. She said no. So I went and I have to say it was very helpful and I was accepted. Also turns out she literally lives next door lol.

The lesson in this one? Don't make assumptions of other peoples tolerance to different.

[Donna]

So glad the orchi will be happening for you. That had to be a stress release for you. I get my date this coming Monday and I will so happy to have it. Glad things are comming around for you.

[krobinson103]

Well my suspicions were right. I've gained an inch in bust size over the last few months with measurements of 46 38. Sadly hips are still stalled out at 44 inches. Though they do seem a bit wider.

[Donna]

Got to love the gain but not having to buy all new bras again. Love the new picture girl, your looking happier and the top is great

[krobinson103]

Got to love the gain but not having to buy all new bras again. Love the new picture girl, your looking happier and the top is great

Not quite new bra time yet. I'd need c 1/2 and they don't exist! Thanks I like that photo cause its me in public with the family...

[Northern Star Girl]

Not quite new bra time yet. I'd need c 1/2 and they don't exist! Thanks I like that photo cause its me in public with the family...

@krobinson103   ....  As you are already are aware, women's clothing sizes and bra sizes can vary a lot ... I am presently wearing a 34c but I have other bras that for me fit properly that are 32d, 34b, 36b, and even a 36c... the only way to know for sure is to try them on ... hopefully before you buy them or at least keep your receipt so that you can return them if necessary.

By the way... your new avatar profile picture is terrific... you look absolutely wonderful... your HRT is clearly doing it's job!!!
Thanks for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103   ....  As you are already are aware, women's clothing sizes and bra sizes can vary a lot ... I am presently wearing a 34c but I have other bras that for me fit properly that are 32d, 34b, 36b, and even a 36c... the only way to know for sure is to try them on ... hopefully before you buy them or at least keep your receipt so that you can return them if necessary.

By the way... your new avatar profile picture is terrific... you look absolutely wonderful... your HRT is clearly doing it's job!!!
Thanks for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle

Thanks. At the moment its the fact that facial hair is losing that makes a difference thats 6pm having shaved at 6am, a big improvement. Also getting a lot better at makeup so it looks more natural and quite fast to apply. I think changes due to HRT have really slowed down except for breast growth. Which by the constant tenderness despite a much reduced dose of e hasn't let up. Within the next 3 months orchie will happen at which point I expect more changes due to no source of t left except for the adrenal gland.

[krobinson103]

Just a small update. My wife and I had a chat after going to the movies with the kids and at least have a peace of sorts. She sees my position, but isn't ready to support herself financially or even socially. The kids may not like having a female dad but they prefer it to no dad. We will probably strive to live together in the same place but lead separate lives in terms of who we meet etc.

This means financially we can be stable but still be relatively happy. For now I don't want to turn over the apple cart. Girl friend agrees that for now such an arrangement is smart and besides she is hardly ready to turn her life upside down either. I don't think its ideal, but I think its smart and will lead to a far more amiable future separation / divorce with less impact on the children.

On more mundane matters I went to air soft for the first time in months. The reception lady looked at me for 30 seconds before identifying me and more than 70% of the people got my pronouns right despite wearing military gear and carrying a bunch of guns with a face mask on and yelling orders to the team. Can't get much more masculine than that. My load carrying capacity is much lower however. Had to pare down what I usually carry quite a lot. Better than the last time though where I didn't get through one game without running out of energy. Body is feeling a lot better and I lasted the whole day running etc with little sign of tiredness.  My pain sensitivity seems to have ramped up with hits hurting more than they used to.

The most important thing though was... even if people do misgender me I don't care anymore. After much consideration I've decided the reason I don't care is that I've accepted something quite profound (for me anyway). I don't actually identify as binary as such. 80/20 on the female side for sure, but there is a masculine side to me I don't want to let go and that's ok.

[Donna]

Fantastic KR. You are progressing so well. I think it's great you and the wife and family have found a compromise. It's the best someone can hope for over a complete break up and I hope it helps everyone remain best friends and family