A totally awesome day

[krobinson103]

Really crappy day today. Manager at work introduced me to a new co worker and used 'he'. In fairness She probably didn't do it on purpose but it hurts when then are new people. Then I got a letter from the hospital it said, you have been accepted but have to wait four months for initial consultation and oh by the way your case has the lowest possible urgency - thanks. I know from talking to others it can take up to four months after consult for surgery so thats a further EIGHT months to wait.. arrrggh!

Then dysphoria hit me out of the blue. I don't know why but I just feel totally sick of fighting for my rightful place in this world. Why does it have to be so difficult to just be you? Why do I have to alter myself to even feel like I fit? Why can't I be happy without having to fight every little step to get there? Today is not a good day. Tomorrow will be a good day, but right now I just don't see it...

Dysphoria BEGONE!

[Donna]

Sorry to hear that KR. It does suck having these wait time. We all feel for you and can understand. Look at it this way, it shouldn't be any longer and they may get a cancelation and move you up. Getting on lists can be the hardest part. I'm sending you anti dysphoria smoke and I hope it helps. Love you girl

[krobinson103]

The light is darkest before the dawn.

This year I've probably had my lowest lows and highest highs. But the trend has been constant. Life is getting better. Yesterday did something I thought I would NEVER be able to do. I went to an all women support group. No one knew me there. I walked in, and was simply... accepted. No questions, no odd looks. During the intro I felt I should be honest. So I told them exactly where I came from and where I'm going and you know what? No one cares. They accepted me... for me.

Work is coming together and the evidence I've collected and have been collating shows that you know what? I'm meeting standards. My family situation is beginning to stabilize with my wife and I coming to a resolution, new possibilities on the horizon, and my kids accepting me as me as much they can at this time.

Surgery will happen. It might take 8 months but it will be free and it is going to happen. I have no more dysphoria bar waiting for surgery and the useless extra bits. But the knowledge they have a target painted on them makes it bearable. I like what I see in the mirror and apart from almost constant breast pain (but... that means stuff is growing) I have no complaints about my body. I've tamed facial hair to the point that a full day doesn't make any difference in how people perceive me.

I just feel... at peace with the world.

Its darkest before the dawn... and dawn is just around the corner.

[pamelatransuk]

I am so glad that you are appear to be feeing great and happy and at peace with the world.

You have achieved so much and your comments are an inspiration to so many of us.

Hugs

Pamela

[KathyLauren]

If this is the "darness before the dawn", then you have a bright future indeed, because your present is sounding pretty bright!  I am so glad that everything is going well for you.

[krobinson103]

MAJOR TRAUMA!

I <GULP> had my hair tidied up a bit not much loss in length but I definitely don't like cutting any part of my hair chaotic and messy or not... 

[Northern Star Girl]

MAJOR TRAUMA!

I <GULP> had my hair tidied up a bit not much loss in length but I definitely don't like cutting any part of my hair chaotic and messy or not... 

I know that was probably quite traumatic for you as it was for me when I first started growing out my hair.... but we need to have it appear neat and tidy also..
Now, years later I can have several inches cut off, like I do for most summers without a 2nd thought, then I will let it grow out to just below shoulder length again. 
Hugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

Very happy!

I needed new bras. Went to the store and tried some on (first time to do that in a store) and found that d cup is the most comfortable fit. In addition I got a letter from the urologist to contact to arrange an appointment time so I should be able to know when my appointment is on Monday or Tuesday next week. That puts surgery potentially in sight by the end of the year! The light at the end of the tunnel is getting really close.

[Northern Star Girl]

Very happy!

I needed new bras. Went to the store and tried some on (first time to do that in a store) and found that d cup is the most comfortable fit. In addition I got a letter from the urologist to contact to arrange an appointment time so I should be able to know when my appointment is on Monday or Tuesday next week. That puts surgery potentially in sight by the end of the year! The light at the end of the tunnel is getting really close.

@krobinson103   
This is double good news:   

First, finally feeling comfortable trying on women's garments in the store's women's fitting/dressing rooms... chalk up another right of passage for your transition journey.

Second  This is great news about your appointment... and a scheduled surgery by the end of the year... fantastic news.

The other good news is that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train!!!

Thank you for sharing with your followers...
Hugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103   
This is double good news:   

First, finally feeling comfortable trying on women's garments in the store's women's fitting/dressing rooms... chalk up another right of passage for your transition journey.

Second  This is great news about your appointment... and a scheduled surgery by the end of the year... fantastic news.

The other good news is that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train!!!

Thank you for sharing with your followers...
Hugs,
Danielle

Never thought I'd never get any where near D cup either and stuff is still growing.

[Northern Star Girl]

Never thought I'd never get any where near D cup either and stuff is still growing.

@krobinson103
Oh yeah, a D cup is great progress in your HRT journey....  there is definitively no doubt about your appearance now, passing should be very easy and not a problem.   Hopefully the boob growth will slow down a little soon or do you want bigger and more???   
How about your female relatives and parents... what kind of boobage do they have that you might be getting???
Hiugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103
Oh yeah, a D cup is great progress in your HRT journey....  there is definitively no doubt about your appearance now, passing should be very easy and not a problem.   Hopefully the boob growth will slow down a little soon or do you want bigger and more???   
How about your female relatives and parents... what kind of boobage do they have that you might be getting???
Hiugs,
Danielle

I don't want more to be honest. D is just about exactly where I want it. It doesn't seem to be slowing down though. My mother is DDD... so hopefully it stops soon. Passing isn't an issue these days if I shave once every 24 hours.

[krobinson103]

https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/XCMfe2

Being silly with my daughter... more for timeline purposes than anything else.

[Northern Star Girl]

https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/XCMfe2

Being silly with my daughter... more for timeline purposes than anything else.

@krobinson103    
Wowzers...  a terrific picture of you, you are looking wonderful... and I am not seeing any of your old-self in that photo....   Passing should be a breeze for you lately.
Thanks for treating your followers to snapshots of your journey and your life events.
Hugs,
Danielle

[mm]

Great, you feel comfortable in getting fitting in person, that is best way to get a good fitting bra as different styles and manufactures bras fit differently.  For your figure a D is a good size for you, much larger and they will interfere with some activities.  Good surgery is moving along with possibly having it this year.

[krobinson103]

Well relationships seem to be settling.

Wife is adjusting to the new normal. We actually hugged this morning. First time in 6 months at least. Never be a couple as such again though. Girl friend initiated video chat and we talked for 40 minutes and the word love sneaked in there for the first time. I am feeling cautiously optimistic on the relationship front.

[Northern Star Girl]

Well relationships seem to be settling.

Wife is adjusting to the new normal. We actually hugged this morning. First time in 6 months at least. Never be a couple as such again though. Girl friend initiated video chat and we talked for 40 minutes and the word love sneaked in there for the first time. I am feeling cautiously optimistic on the relationship front.

@krobinson103 
You now have your readers and followers attention... especially with your latest picture and your good news report about your breast growth and body apperance, etc...

I am happy for your sake, your wife's sake and for your daughter's sake that her mom and dad are at least still talking with each other and will both be there for her.   
It is interesting about your new girlfriend however, I take it that your wife is aware??  How does all of that play out??
Wishing you well with your important life decisions and relationships that are apparently changing.

Thank you for you update, please keep us posted about you continued transition progress and some of your other life events, but only as you feel comfortable doing....   
We are your biggest fans here and we only want to wish you the best.

Hugs,
Danielle

[Sonja]

Well relationships seem to be settling.

Wife is adjusting to the new normal. We actually hugged this morning. First time in 6 months at least. Never be a couple as such again though. Girl friend initiated video chat and we talked for 40 minutes and the word love sneaked in there for the first time. I am feeling cautiously optimistic on the relationship front.

@krobinson103

Hi Kelly,

That sounds like doubly good news! Congratulations, things are moving along nicely for you!
Is your girlfriend in NZ ie able to visit etc? Good luck!

Sonja.

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103 
You now have your readers and followers attention... especially with your latest picture and your good news report about your breast growth and body apperance, etc...

I am happy for your sake, your wife's sake and for your daughter's sake that her mom and dad are at least still talking with each other and will both be there for her.   
It is interesting about your new girlfriend however, I take it that your wife is aware??  How does all of that play out??
Wishing you well with your important life decisions and relationships that are apparently changing.

Thank you for you update, please keep us posted about you continued transition progress and some of your other life events, but only as you feel comfortable doing....   
We are your biggest fans here and we only want to wish you the best.

Hugs,
Danielle

Yes she is aware of these developments. Keeping it on the low burner till next year and work stuff is resolved. I really put some thought into it and this way wife gets her space, I get to be happy, and kids have parents who don't hate each other.

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103

Hi Kelly,

That sounds like doubly good news! Congratulations, things are moving along nicely for you!
Is your girlfriend in NZ ie able to visit etc? Good luck!

Sonja.

She lives in New Zealand just quite far away. Good for now. She will HRT soon and it will be an interesting ride - one where having her own space is important.