Todays topic - what is it to be female?
Yesterday at the support group a question came up "Why qualifiies you to be female?" The wording I think is a bit misguided but the intent made me think. So if you ignore the obvious physical differences which we all know about what makes a woman different to a man?
I think the influence of estrogen or testosterone on the brain is huge. So lets start with emotion.
Living under the influence of testosterone I had a very limited range of emotions and apart from anger or frustration didn't really feel any thing else. In face I could go so far as to say I could push emotion aside and be. Its a comfortable place to be but sterile and rather empty because emotion brings colour to the world. I could literally switch off feeling anything and simply think about the practicalities. People called me cold... suppose I was but I didn't know any better. I simply didn't feel the need to interact with people. I was very goal orientated. The goal was king... must achieve the goal no matter what!
With Estrogen in charge everyday is a roller coaster. Intense happiness, sadness, and all things in between. Life is full of color and flavor. Also means I sometimes overthink things, feel the need to worry about the small but important details in life and NEED social interaction. I feel pleasure talking about simple things or spending time with a friend. I notice a lot more details or changes in someone's appearance and usually feel the need to comment on it.
I find myself to be more reflective, less reactive and more sensitive to the needs of others. These days I have goals but they don't consume me. I take a more holistic approach to achieving them.
But most of all the question is flawed. There are no 'qualifications' to be a man or woman because gender is a social construct. Men do this, wear this, woman do this. It doesn't fit me. I don't think it fits anyone. If anyone asks me what gender I am I say female because for most people those binary definitions count. For those who understand my gender is... me and me is enough.
I think the term 'male to female' is also a bit misleading. I think my transition is not about trying to fit a particular stereotype rather to be the person I need to be. I am transitioning to the real me.
