Trying to help here!
Others might have better advice to give but I'll try.
Quote from: Mindfukd1 on December 03, 2017, 06:54:55 AM
I found more than I ever bargain for. I found many searches on youtube that included "SRS, Vee-String, Prothstetic vagina, Femskin, GinaClip"
First - take a breather! Don't know the whole picture but just searching for something might NOT mean your bf is actually transgender. He could be. BUT I've been searching for VARIOUS subjects - anything that comes to my mind or something I come across somewhere... that I have absolutely nothing personally in common with.
Quote from: Mindfukd1 on December 03, 2017, 06:54:55 AM
then i felt very confused and finally it hit me like a train!!!! . .. This is the browser history of the love of my life! I don't know what to do or how to even begin the conversation. I want to be supportive but also I want to know where I fit in or if I will even have a place in his life. I'm so lost and scared of the outcome.
Take another breather!!! Don't jump into any conclusions just yet, before having talked to him. You are in a panic mode if you are thinking things such as 'if I have a place in his life anymore'. Don't jump into the future what ifs just yet. Concentrate on the present moment and what you know:
That you noticed some weird internet searches by him. That's all. That might mean absolutely nothing. Or it could mean something.
As for talking to him: At first wait until you are in a more calmer state of mind. Find a relaxing time & place for this conversation. Don't make it an interrogation. Try to keep calm. If there's something behind all that he's not gonna tell you anything if you lose your temper, blame him, freak out, scream etc.
Just calmly casually bring up that you noticed some interesting internet searches the other day. You can mention you noticed he's been searching about SRS. In a calm everyday voice bring that up and ask 'I wonder about what made you interested in that' or something like that. You can state things like 'you can tell me anything' but don't come into conclusions about his sexual orientation/gender identity.
If you expect him cheating or being sexual with another person, that's a different story. Use 'I statements' and tell what YOU have been feeling: "I feel uncomfortable when I saw those texts. Who is this person? I wish you respect me enough to not have sexual conversations with other people. I don't feel comfortable with this." etc. You can calmly discuss about bounderies. State to him what you are okay and not okay with when it comes to your relationship.
Again as for his gender identity:
You can ask direct open questions, such as:
Have you felt confused about your gender lately?
Is there something you'd like me to know about?
Would you like to tell me what's been going through your mind?
I'm only bringing this up because I was very surprised to find what you've been searching for.
And you can state how YOU feel about everything (very powerful!):
I feel confused. I was scared when I came across those. I'm afraid you might not want to be with me anymore. I'd like to support you with this so I'd like you to open up to me a bit about this. Maybe we could search things together?
You already put it well in this forum:
Quote from: Mindfukd1 on December 03, 2017, 06:54:55 AM
I want to be supportive but also I want to know where I fit in or if I will even have a place in his life. I'm so lost and scared of the outcome.
That's exactly how you should state these things to your SO!
The more you use 'I statements' the less the conversation will escalate into an argument.
If that happens, though, just go to another room or outside. And bring this up again at a different point.