Relief

[bridgermtns]

Hi everyone,  I am curious to hear what making the decision to go on hrt feminization hormones has been like for other transgender'?  I started spironolactone and estradiol 5 mnths ago, while I felt like it was the right choice I have not experienced the relief or comfort I expected.  In my mind and heart I really thought and even "knew" on a deep level that I am a girl in a guys body and that if I am ever to be happy and even not kill myself it was something I had to do. At 5 months I am still doing the same things in my life, I am not dressing up in the clothes (female) I'm comfortable wearing unless it's in my room alone being afraid my roomate might knock on my door at any moment, it is all the same except I take hormones everyday. I am afraid I made the wrong choice.. maybe I'm not trans or not enough of one to transition.  I did expect more relief frankly by now.. I have seen other mtf on hrt who just seem so happy like they finally feel right. I compare myself and don't think I feel that way.

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[Megan.]

In the UK, it tends to be we have to start RLE (living full-time) before starting HRT if we use the NHS.
I found a great deal of comfort just by living authentically for the two months before I started HRT. It resolved alot of my dysphoria.
For me HRT gave me three things:
-the blockers killed my male libido, which I'm very happy about.
-the E is slowly making the physical changes that make me look more female.
-E has made my emotions far more accessible, sometimes to the point I want to stop them but can't, though others report little effect in this area.

The effects (particularly mental) that HRT can have seem to vary widely, but for me it was living authentically that had the most beneficial impact on my mental health. X

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[Jessica_Rose]

The effects of HRT can vary greatly, especially the mental effects. For me relief started within a month or so of starting estradiol. I began getting calmer, my anger started to fade, and my emotions finally started to see some daylight after being locked away for four decades.

My biggest change came when I finally came out to a few people. Initially I was scared to death, but once I told someone it was like the floodgates opened. In general I am now almost always in a good mood, and I smile quite often.

Finally telling people about the secret I have hidden most of my life has had as much or more of an impact than starting HRT. I have set some dates for coming out to the rest of my family, then everyone at work. I look forward to the day when the woman inside me can finally live her life in the open.

[Dena]

You are either trans or your not. Now it is possible to be a member of the non binary but that is something you would have to determine. The answer to your question comes in several parts. HRT isn't effective at reducing dysphoria until you testosterone levels drop into the feminine range. I am assuming you are under a doctors care so you should be able to check you levels. If you are not, I suggest starting treatment with a doctor so you levels can be monitored.

Not everybody responds the same to HRT. It was only after surgery that my T levels were reduce to feminine levels however my dysphoria was reduce by RLE. This is because I had mostly social dysphoria and living socially as a woman filled that need. There are other examples of this as well. Young children pre puberty feel and voice their gender discomfort. They have never been exposed to their puberty hormone but yet they are aware of their difference.

It may be time for you to consider coming out so you can test you feelings outside your room.

[Pisces228]

You are either trans or your not. Now it is possible to be a member of the non binary but that is something you would have to determine. The answer to your question comes in several parts. HRT isn't effective at reducing dysphoria until you testosterone levels drop into the feminine range. I am assuming you are under a doctors care so you should be able to check you levels. If you are not, I suggest starting treatment with a doctor so you levels can be monitored.

Not everybody responds the same to HRT. It was only after surgery that my T levels were reduce to feminine levels however my dysphoria was reduce by RLE. This is because I had mostly social dysphoria and living socially as a woman filled that need. There are other examples of this as well. Young children pre puberty feel and voice their gender discomfort. They have never been exposed to their puberty hormone but yet they are aware of their difference.

It may be time for you to consider coming out so you can test you feelings outside your room.

Very true about the T dropping.  I had less anxiety after a few weeks on E but I didn't feel dysphoria decrease until my T dropped.  I still have bad days, but hey, I think a lot of trans people have bad dysphoria days occasionally even after years of transitioning, 

I agree that it may be time to come out. I'm was out to some people but was not living as a female for the first 9 months on hrt.  They knew I was on hrt and transitioning but I still lived as an androgynous gay man.  I am not an androgynous gay man, or androgynous period.  I am a woman and living as androgynous was a coping mechanism for dealing with being trans.  I started feeling more and more trapped in myself and presentation so I finally took the plunge and went fulltime at 9 months.  It immediately relieved any doubt, anxiety, and remaining social dysphoria.  I still get read as trans sometimes and that's fine.  Even if I'm in a situation where I dont pass I'm seen as transwoman not as a cis gay man and that's much better.

[Dani]

I am trans gendered from birth and struggled with my condition for over 50 years. I was given wrong advice as a teenager in the 1960's. I was trying my best to cope with my condition and life in general. All was fairly well until I started developing a prostate condition about 5 years ago. My doctors put me on Spironolactone and Finasteride and, lucky me, I developed a obvious case of gynecomastia.

I had a TURP for the prostate condition as recommended by my Urologist. It did not give complete relief and my Urologist said that is all he could do for me. I became depressed with the  unsatisfactory results of the TURP and  obtained some Estradiol, which I took sublingual.

OMG++ 

This was a new experience. I never knew I could feel so good. I was at peace with the world. I felt so right and proper. My marriage was less than satisfactory and other responsibilities were complete. I felt so alone and the Estradiol made me feel 100% better. I could now live a much better life. With help from Susan's Place, I discovered that there are many of us in the world. I saw a therapist and got GCS as soon as possible.

I did things sort of backwards, having CGS with only 1 year of HRT. I looked androgynous and not very feminine.  I am working on my appearance now.

Whatever. I am a late transitioner and I did what I thought I should as time and finances allowed. No regrets here.

[OCTrisha]

I echo the sentiments of the previous replies, although I'll add that I had a very bad reaction to Spiro when I started on a low dosage.  It just brought on a very heavy feeling of depression for me within just a few weeks.  I know that's not an unusual side effect for Spiro, so if this sounds familiar at all to you, talk to your doctor about using another form of a t-blocker.  I have since had really good effects on Finasteride, FWIW.