i don't want to be genderfluid

[mcdienalds]

it's just been really erratic lately relating to my gender identity. i think i have felt like this all my life, even when i was a child. i've felt like a boy on and off (i'm afab) and along with that my sexuality changes. i have no idea if it's just hormones or it's just a possible mood disorder or something like that. i just wish i could finally find my identity, because this doesn't feel exactly like genderfluidity. in the moment of feeling like a boy, i'm convinced it won't change and i'll stay like this forever which isn't normal with identifying as genderfluid. i just feel like you won't be taken as seriously as trans people. and you'll be the one that's most laughed at by transphobes. i've been feeling like a boy for a few months up until now. when i put on makeup today and walked out of the room and walked back in, i felt like it wasn't my face. and it seems like when i feel feminine it's just for attention or because i'm hypersexual. i just get so jealous of people who have found themselves out. and not only that, my two best friends don't believe in more than two genders (binary genders, anyways. one of them used to be trans.) and before anyone says, "oh it's okay to be genderfluid!" i really don't think i'm genderfluid, because it's missing that feeling of acknowledgement that you're genderfluid, where as it's like a spinning roller coaster that I Can't Get Off Of. also sorry if this doesn't really make any sense i'm autistic and it's hard for me to form words i'm just asking for help from people who had similar issues like this before and how they handled it. thx 

[KathyLauren]

Hi, mcdienalds!

Welcome to Susan's.  Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.

I can't really say if you are genderfluid or not.  Perhaps you are binary FTM.  We don't really have enough information to guess.  It certainly sounds like you are on the trans spectrum somewhere.

To help you figure out where you are, and more importantly, what you want to do about it, you should talk to a gender therapist.  They have experience unrevelling the confusion to help you focus on who you are.

Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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[Devlyn]

Really, though, it IS okay to be genderfluid.   

Hi, Mcdienalds, welcome to Susan's Place! There's TG people of all stripes here. Get busy posting and I'll see you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Ashley3]

it's just been really erratic lately relating to my gender identity. i think i have felt like this all my life, even when i was a child. i've felt like a boy on and off (i'm afab) and along with that my sexuality changes. ...  and before anyone says, "oh it's okay to be genderfluid!" i really don't think i'm genderfluid, because it's missing that feeling of acknowledgement that you're genderfluid, where as it's like a spinning roller coaster that I Can't Get Off Of. also sorry if this doesn't really make any sense i'm autistic and it's hard for me to form words i'm just asking for help from people who had similar issues like this before and how they handled it. thx 

Per KathyLauren, a good gender therapist is a great place to talk about this stuff.

All I can say is that I learned after much overthinking that our "spectrum" of boxes is a wonderful thing but also presented an obstacle for me... I started learning more about my identity when I stopped trying to answer the identity question and just started living life the way I wanted, or at least the way I wanted to experiment with to see how I felt. Stemming from the feelings and perspectives that came from simply doing what I wanted to do, dressing the way I wanted to dress, and letting the fluctuations come and go without (or with less) judgement, I started moving forward with understanding myself more. You might consider not agonizing what box you're supposed to identify with and simply be who you feel your are to the fullest each day. If you feel fem one day, be fem. If you feel masculine another day, be masculine... be one or the other or the right mix as you see yourself... I did this and overtime I started seeing more about how I wanted to be, dress, express and all that. We're not components that fit into a slot... we're human beings with feelings and fluidity of all kinds... fluidity is natural... even though fear to be a particular way amidst society is sort of natural, it's not our best as human beings... so I sort of feel the name of the game for me was not worrying about unreasonable fears of what others think, or to be willing to be myself even if others will reject me... when I got there, it was good... that was a path I'd missed long ago because I tended to be a follower. I don't know you, this is my experience... but what you were saying reminded me of it so I mention this fwiw.

Welcome and best of luck on your journey!

[Phoenix1742]

People have a hard time understanding grey areas. I've heard the same thing about being bisexual - "you have to be one or the other, you can't like both" - and the same tends to be applied to all aspects of being LGBTQ - gay makes sense because you are a guy that likes guys, trans makes sense because you are a guy that wants to be a girl, but once you fall in between the binary, people don't get it.

Whether that "in between" is fluidity, androgenous, wanting to be both genders or neither, people will still try and push you into a box. I've run into it - "what are you, transgender or a ->-bleeped-<-?" Well, I want to have a generally female body, but I don't want to erase my male self, so can't I just be both? But the answer you'll generally hear is "no". I don't think that's right - to me gender and sexuality are a spectrum, not a series of binaries, but not everyone sees it that way.

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[Elis]

Gender is a spectrum just like sexuality. Our brains don't work in black and white for anything;  so gender isn't any different. If you feel something it's real. I don't want to be nb; I've thought many times why can't I be just a binary trans male. But I know innately I don't feel male (at least 100%) I feel that I am more agender. It took me a while to find the right label for myself. I tried gender fluid but knew that didn't feel right as in no way do i feel female. Then I tried ftm but knew that never felt right.  Then I found demiguy and now I feel complete knowing that. Maybe you just haven't find the right label yet which is perfectly fine. It's more important to find out and explore what makes you feel comfortable within your own body.

Tumblr is a great resource for non binary people.  Also Beyond the Binary; an online nb magazine.

[VeronicaLynn]

This is a lot like how I am.

I feel like I am just a somewhat masculine trans woman most of the time and when feel like this I think I'll always feel like this. Except when I don't, and am OK with being a somewhat feminine guy, and feel like I have it all figured out.

I don't if it's gender fluidity either really, I sometimes call it that. For me, it's just I am not a stereotypical feminine woman, and am definitely not a masculine guy. The world tries to force me into one of these, but that's not who I am.

You should perhaps consider that this friend who thinks there are only two genders is forcing their limiting beliefs on you. Don't listen to them, if you can't ignore them, then you may be better off without them in your life.