Kathy's journey

[Jayne01]

Feeling some dysphoria today over my moustache.  A while back, I did several sessions of laser, the last one being 14 months ago.  I stopped over concerns that E was making my skin light-sensitive and that the laser was causing new freckles.  But, for the last year, I have been coasting with essentially no dark hairs on my face: when I grow it out for electrolysis, the white hairs haven't been terribly noticeable.

Until now.  As we all know, laser is not permanent, and the dark hairs have finally woken up again.  For the last few weeks, the shadow on my upper lip has been getting darker, even with the closest shave I can manage.  So it's time to get it zapped again (electrolysis).  Which means growing it out for three days, when it is already uncomfortably visible.  Aargh!

I've been doing electro for nearly a year and a half, probably close to 75 hours now.  I so wish it was done!  We are making progress.  My cheeks and neck are about a 180 grit instead of a 60 grit.  But there is still quite a way to go.

You and I are at the same stage with electrolysis. I am at approximately 75 hours also. The moustache and goatee area are the worse. There is so much hair there, and it's also the most sensitive area to zap, especially the middle upper lip. The good thing with electrolysis is that it is permanent. Whatever gets zapped won't be coming back, so hang in there.

I learnt something interesting about electrolysis at my last session. Apparently there is a technique to remove grey hairs without killing the follicle and the hair grows back with colour. My electrologist has a client she has been treating 2 or 3 times a year for years. She zaps the grey hairs on her head with a reduced power setting and the hair grows back with colour. This client is a cis woman in her 60's without a grey hair on her head and no hair dye.

Hugs,
Jayne

[KathyLauren]

The moustache and goatee area are the worse. There is so much hair there, and it's also the most sensitive area to zap, especially the middle upper lip.

I have a very understanding dentist, so I actually like getting my lip done, because I feel nothing!

Apparently there is a technique to remove grey hairs without killing the follicle and the hair grows back with colour.

OK, that's weird!  I know that's not what's happening here, because she cranks up the wattage to max for that area, to the point where she has to be careful not to cook my skin.

[LizK]

Feeling some dysphoria today over my moustache.  A while back, I did several sessions of laser, the last one being 14 months ago.  I stopped over concerns that E was making my skin light-sensitive and that the laser was causing new freckles.  But, for the last year, I have been coasting with essentially no dark hairs on my face: when I grow it out for electrolysis, the white hairs haven't been terribly noticeable.

Until now.  As we all know, laser is not permanent, and the dark hairs have finally woken up again.  For the last few weeks, the shadow on my upper lip has been getting darker, even with the closest shave I can manage.  So it's time to get it zapped again (electrolysis).  Which means growing it out for three days, when it is already uncomfortably visible.  Aargh!

I've been doing electro for nearly a year and a half, probably close to 75 hours now.  I so wish it was done!  We are making progress.  My cheeks and neck are about a 180 grit instead of a 60 grit.  But there is still quite a way to go.

I have run out of money for Electrolysis at the moment but I have very little left anyway. I did buy a facial epilator that I used with excellent results to remove the small amount I currently have. The majority is vellus hair with the odd second or third growth beard hair. I had a great result with laser and have found a certain amount of the dark stuff has never returned but I still have a few hairs left that I treat every once in awhile.

I will go back to Electrolysis to just finish off the stragglers. The grow out for me was always the hardest part but you will get to the point that even with a three or 4 day growth it will be very difficult for anyone to see any beard growth. It was taking me 7 days to get it long enough when I finally finished up with my electrologist.


I am not sure what 180 grit or 60 grit is but 120 difference sounds like a real improvement? Hang in there and I am sure it will happen for you. Dysphoria sucks no matter what the cause and it never a good day when you are feeling it.


Take Care

Liz

Liz 

[KathyLauren]

I am not sure what 180 grit or 60 grit is but 120 difference sounds like a real improvement?

Grades of sandpaper.  Yes, there is a real improvement, but it's still sandpaper.

I was at the electrocutioner today, with a fresh dental block for the pain.  I actually fell aslepp during the electrolysis!  She said she has has clients fall asleep before, but never while doing the upper lip.  We were having so much fun that we went half an hour over my appointment time.

The 'stache should be good for another couple of months.

Now I'm sitting here with an ice pack on my lip to bring the swelling down.  On the way home from my appointment, I stopped for gas and a much-needed bathroom break.  If anyone had mentioned my fat lip, I was all set to tell them that my boyfriend smacked me.    Well, I probably wouldn't have, but the thought occurred to me.

[Jayne01]

Nice going with the falling asleep, Kathy. The dental block sounds like it works well, how long before it wears off? 1.5 hours sounds like a long time. I can't wait to be done with the electrolysis. Now that I am starting to see real progress, with an end in sight, I want it to be finished already!

Jayne

[KathyLauren]

Nice going with the falling asleep, Kathy. The dental block sounds like it works well, how long before it wears off? 1.5 hours sounds like a long time. I can't wait to be done with the electrolysis. Now that I am starting to see real progress, with an end in sight, I want it to be finished already!

Jayne

The dentist was finished with me at 1:55.  I was at the electrologist by 2:20, and we finished at 3:45.  So it lasted at almost full strength for nearly two hours.  There was one patch under my right nostril that was starting to wake up, but still numb enough that she didn't have to stop.  It took until about 7:00 for all the freezing to come out.

The hard part is synchronizing the appointments.  The dentist is doing this on the side, at no charge to me.  So she tries to fit me in between paying appointments.  There is no guarantee that she can see me when we plan to.  I need to give her enough time to freeze me up good, which takes about 15 minutes, and leave enough time to have a bathroom break (not optional; thanks, spiro!) and then drive 20 minutes to the electrologist.  But I can't leave too much time between the appointments or the freezing will start to wear off in the most sensitive areas before the end of the electro session.  It got a little dicey today, and I was 5 minutes late for the electro session.

Still, having that hair gone, even if it is only for a few months, is worth the effort.

[Donna]

Nice Kathy. One day the last little pesky hair will die and you will be free of them. Hope the lip feels better soon

[Jayne01]

I have been lucky enough to cope without freezing my face so far. I will keep pushing the envelope until I can't take it anymore. Although, my last session was much less sensitive than previously. Maybe the new growth coming through is easier to kill.

Still, having that hair gone, even if it is only for a few months, is worth the effort.

Yeah, it's a nice feeling to feel fine sandpaper instead of the course stuff. One of these days it won't be sandpaper at all.
You and I are at about the same stage with our progress. I'll race ya to the finish line....[emoji12] (just kidding!)

Jayne

[KathyLauren]

On Friday, we are going to the town where my wife's parents lived, for her father's memorial service.  (He died in January, but the burial of the ashes was delayed until spring.)  There will probably be about 50 people there.  My wife is not close to all of them, so some will know about me and some won't.  Some are serious church-goers, and some aren't.

It's going to be interesting.  From looking over my wife's "cheat sheet" on who is who and what they're like, there's probably only one guy I need to be careful of.  I'm sure no one will be overtly rude (she said hopefully).  We are invited to a cousin's house afterwards, so I'll have to be sociable.  I don't do well in social settings of more than four people.

We both want to wear skirts, but the weather may make slacks more practical: it's supposed to be cool and showery.  We aren't wearing all-black, which is a relief.  I like being colourful.

I'm a bit nervous, but I am optimistic that all will be fine.  Worst case, we'll mess with a few people's heads, which can be fun.  Of course, I will report back on how it went.

[Northern Star Girl]

On Friday, we are going to the town where my wife's parents lived, for her father's memorial service.  (He died in January, but the burial of the ashes was delayed until spring.)  There will probably be about 50 people there.  My wife is not close to all of them, so some will know about me and some won't.  Some are serious church-goers, and some aren't.

It's going to be interesting.  From looking over my wife's "cheat sheet" on who is who and what they're like, there's probably only one guy I need to be careful of.  I'm sure no one will be overtly rude (she said hopefully).  We are invited to a cousin's house afterwards, so I'll have to be sociable.  I don't do well in social settings of more than four people.

We both want to wear skirts, but the weather may make slacks more practical: it's supposed to be cool and showery.  We aren't wearing all-black, which is a relief.  I like being colourful.

I'm a bit nervous, but I am optimistic that all will be fine.  Worst case, we'll mess with a few people's heads, which can be fun.  Of course, I will report back on how it went.

Kathy:   Wishing you well on Friday....   seeing hometown people that have known you as your old male self can be quite nerve-wracking for sure.    Just ignore any rudeness, hold your head high and move on.   Having your wife with you will be a good thing but be certain that you can be aware if she is getting any rude comments directed at her because of you....   that would not be good for the rude person.... being punched by a trans-woman in a dress.
Hugs,
Danielle

[KathyLauren]

Kathy:   Wishing you well on Friday....   seeing hometown people that have known you as your old male self can be quite nerve-wracking for sure.    Just ignore any rudeness, hold your head high and move on.   Having your wife with you will be a good thing but be certain that you can be aware if she is getting any rude comments directed at her because of you....   that would not be good for the rude person.... being punched by a trans-woman in a dress.
Hugs,
Danielle

Thanks, Danielle. 

It is not my home town.  While I have met a couple of these rellies as my old self, most will be strangers to me.  They will know that my wife married a man, and will find out that that is no longer the case.

As for doing any punching, my wife is a bit of a dragon lady.  She has nice fangs, and can take care of herself and look out for me without working up a sweat.  You are right, it would not be good for the rude person!

[KathyLauren]

I have gotten the impression that people here, being so polite, are afraid to talk to me about my transition.  So I've been kind of on the lookout for conversational opportunities to raise the subject myself.

Today at community coffee, the conversation drifted to how having kids at a later age was not a good thing, and some wished they had had their kids at a younger age.  (We were at the women's end of the table, so an all-female discussion.)  After everyone but me had voiced their agreement, I dived in.  I told them that, when I started on hormones, the doctor had warned me that it would make me sterile, and was I okay with that.  I told them that my response was, "At 62 years of age, believe me, I am SO okay with it!" 

A mildly amusing anecdote that fit in with the subject.  But, more to the point, it let them know that I am okay with talking about my transition if they have questions.  They immediately wanted to know how estrogen affected me emotionally, commented on how nice my skin was, etc.

It felt good.  I don't want to feel like I am hiding any more, and I don't want others to think that either.

[Donna]

Kathy you just keep On being you. You don't have any reasons to doubt yourself or your reasons. It's just great to be natural about the whole thing. Enjoy the chats and if you help even one more person understand it's a win all around

[Anne Blake]

I have gotten the impression that people here, being so polite, are afraid to talk to me about my transition.  So I've been kind of on the lookout for conversational opportunities to raise the subject myself.

........  I told them that, when I started on hormones, the doctor had warned me that it would make me sterile, and was I okay with that.  I told them that my response was, "At 62 years of age, believe me, I am SO okay with it!" 

A mildly amusing anecdote that fit in with the subject.  But, more to the point, it let them know that I am okay with talking about my transition if they have questions.  They immediately wanted to know how estrogen affected me emotionally, commented on how nice my skin was, etc.

It felt good.  I don't want to feel like I am hiding any more, and I don't want others to think that either.

Kathy, good move in bringing up the topic, especially in a woman's only group discussion. In the three years of transitioning that Deb and I have been journeying through, very few friends are open or risky enough to ask for specifics. While I definitely don't want to dominate conversations focusing on myself and appreciate their sensitivity on such a touchy subject, I am surprised that so many folks aren't willing to express their curiosity about such major changes going on in our lives. I hope that you have opened the door enough with these ladies to allow them to continue the dialog and their education. Please keep us up on any progress on this front.

Tia Anne

[Donna]

I have found the opposite. I've had lots of questions from a true willingness. I have had three questions that flat out were offensive but I'm too happy to care about those people hurting my feelings

[KathyLauren]

On Friday, we are going to the town where my wife's parents lived, for her father's memorial service. 

...

I'm a bit nervous, but I am optimistic that all will be fine.  Worst case, we'll mess with a few people's heads, which can be fun.  Of course, I will report back on how it went.

Well, it was a good service.  It poured with rain right up until the end of the ceremony.  There was a social gathering afterwards.

I met a whole mess of my wife's cousins, a couple of whom I'd met before as my old self.  Everyone was polite, most were better than polite.  The pastor was a young-ish fellow and seemed happy to chat with me. 

Nobody mentioned my transition in any context.  So, a total non-event.  Nothing to report.

[JudiBlueEyes]

So, a total non-event.  Nothing to report.

Great!  Isn't that the way it's suppose to be?
Judi

[KathyLauren]

Great!  Isn't that the way it's suppose to be?
Judi

Absolutely!

The boob fairy may have been sparing in her physical gifts to me, but she has been generous with the ease of my transition, a much more valuable gift.  I feel like I am leading a charmed life.

[HappyMoni]

I have gotten the impression that people here, being so polite, are afraid to talk to me about my transition.  So I've been kind of on the lookout for conversational opportunities to raise the subject myself.

Today at community coffee, the conversation drifted to how having kids at a later age was not a good thing, and some wished they had had their kids at a younger age.  (We were at the women's end of the table, so an all-female discussion.)  After everyone but me had voiced their agreement, I dived in.  I told them that, when I started on hormones, the doctor had warned me that it would make me sterile, and was I okay with that.  I told them that my response was, "At 62 years of age, believe me, I am SO okay with it!" 

A mildly amusing anecdote that fit in with the subject.  But, more to the point, it let them know that I am okay with talking about my transition if they have questions.  They immediately wanted to know how estrogen affected me emotionally, commented on how nice my skin was, etc.

It felt good.  I don't want to feel like I am hiding any more, and I don't want others to think that either.

Kathy,
   Hi Hon! I have found that I no longer want to talk about my transition as I once did. After all the time of secrets, it was once all I wanted to talk about. Now I am more comfortable leaving it an unemphasized topic. The only downside to this is, if someone knows or suspects I am trans, it is isolating and stiffling to conversation. People don't ask any questions for fear of asking the 'wrong' question. I also don't throw it out there for people since if they think I am cis, I don't get freakin misgendered. My patience for that is at an end. Good to see you doing so well.
Moni

[Jayne01]

Hi Kathy,

I'm just catching up on everyone's threads after being away for a few days. I'm glad the memorial was a non-event with regards to you being trans.

I know what you mean about people being so polite that the are often afraid to ask questions. As you know, my wife is from around your part of the world and every time we go back to visit, we are surprised at how polite (over polite?) people are. Especially coming from a big city. Nice work with helping to break the ice to make others more comfortable talking about your transition at the community coffee.

Hugs,
Jayne