Kathy's journey

[KathyLauren]

Looking good, Stephanie!  You've also got trans flag colours in your hair and earrings.

Here's me at work on the set build at the theatre.  That's me in the red top.  Not a particularly flattering photo.  In fact, it's more of a flattening photo!  Still, even though I am in the shadows, I AM visible.  My trans flag pin is just above where my left boob would be if you could see it!

[Donica]

Looking cis to me Kathy. Yes I can see the pin.

[KathyLauren]

Ow, ow, ow!  I just got back from the dental surgeon. 

I had one fang that stuck out from the rest of my teeth in a most unflattering way.  As a guy, I didn't care that much about my appearance, but now I was finding that I was pretty self-conscious about it.  My dentist referred me to a dental surgeon for an extraction.

Today's appointment was supposed to be a consultation.  But he took a look at it and said, "Oh, that's an easy one.  Let's do it now!"  He was not as good as my own dentist with the freezing shots.  Hers are almost painless; his hurt like a SOB.  But it only took a couple of minutes.  A couple of stitches, and it's done.

He warned me that it's going to hurt in about two days.

But I'll have a nicer smile now.

[KathyLauren]

Rather than hijack another thread, I thought I'd respond to @Steph2.0's comment here:

Exactly, Randi! I did some pretty cool things in the past that the new friends I've been making (who only know the new me) would be interested in hearing about. Most of them are safe because there aren't too many records online that they can check that would "blow my cover," so to speak. But there are things that are off limits that have me editing my conversations in real-time. For instance, I almost told someone the other day that as an Eagle Scout, I was taught to always be prepared. Whoa, girl, you can't say that! There were no girl Eagle Scouts in the 70s!

Another interesting thing is that lately as I think about the things I've done in the past, my brain is committing some revisionist history. I remember myself doing them - as my new self. My brain is slowly editing "him" out of my memories. I'm perfectly okay with that!

I participate in a Facebook group related to my flying experiences 40-ish years ago.  For the most part, members there accept me as Kathy, no questions asked.  But my dates are from a time when women were not allowed to fly military aircraft, so there is always the chance of someone catching the anachronism and questioning it.

I deal with it by ignoring it unless it becomes an issue.  But sometimes people from my era show up.  I had one guy mistake me for the actual first female pilot and ask on the group page if I was she.  I responded to him by PM, to keep the discussion off the page, but I told him the full story.  He was fine with it.

Another guy that I worked and flew with showed up one day.  I thought I'd try a bit of subtlety.  On the group page, I posted: "Hi, D, nice to see you.  We were contemporaries in A flight, though you won't recognize me with this name."  I then went on to relate an unforgettable incident that would certainly identify in his mind who I had been.  His reply had to be the smoothest acknowledgement ever: "Hi, Kathy.  Yes, that was a memorable weekend," confirming that he remembered the incident and therefore my old identity, but accepting my new identity.

I have also had the actual first female pilot "like" a story of mine that predated her training, pretty much acknowledging my background.

It is a fine balance between enjoying the reminiscences of an interesting past, avoiding public discussion of my transition, and outing myself when necessary.  So far, it is working.

[Jessica]

Rather than hijack another thread, I thought I'd respond to @Steph2.0's comment here:
I participate in a Facebook group related to my flying experiences 40-ish years ago.  For the most part, members there accept me as Kathy, no questions asked.  But my dates are from a time when women were not allowed to fly military aircraft, so there is always the chance of someone catching the anachronism and questioning it.

I deal with it by ignoring it unless it becomes an issue.  But sometimes people from my era show up.  I had one guy mistake me for the actual first female pilot and ask on the group page if I was she.  I responded to him by PM, to keep the discussion off the page, but I told him the full story.  He was fine with it.

Another guy that I worked and flew with showed up one day.  I thought I'd try a bit of subtlety.  On the group page, I posted: "Hi, D, nice to see you.  We were contemporaries in A flight, though you won't recognize me with this name."  I then went on to relate an unforgettable incident that would certainly identify in his mind who I had been.  His reply had to be the smoothest acknowledgement ever: "Hi, Kathy.  Yes, that was a memorable weekend," confirming that he remembered the incident and therefore my old identity, but accepting my new identity.

I have also had the actual first female pilot "like" a story of mine that predated her training, pretty much acknowledging my background.

It is a fine balance between enjoying the reminiscences of an interesting past, avoiding public discussion of my transition, and outing myself when necessary.  So far, it is working.

Aida de Acosta Root Breckinridge (July 28, 1884 – May 26, 1962) evidently channeled herself onto the internet.  And Kathy, you don't look your age girl!

[steph2.0]

It is a fine balance between enjoying the reminiscences of an interesting past, avoiding public discussion of my transition, and outing myself when necessary.  So far, it is working.

What a cool story about your cohort who acknowledged the old and new you. He must have been Canadian. [emoji16]

I have a friend who was in the submarine service when women weren't on subs. She actually showed up at the first group support meeting I'd ever gone to. She'd transitioned long ago, and when she came in I wondered why a ciswoman was at a trans support meeting. She had the same concerns about how to deal with the past.

As I learned more about her I found that she is actually very open about it on Facebook, and is now quite the trans activist in Washington DC. I also found out that she's the mother/father (she uses the terms interchangeably) of the therapist who was running the meeting. I think she attended just to grease the wheels for the rest of us and get the meeting going for her daughter. I know I was terrified way back then, and she was so nice and complimentary to me, telling me repeatedly that I looked great and would do really well with transition. I needed that so badly then.

Later I made a connection and we ended up going out to dinner together. She was so helpful to a newly transitioning girl, and we still keep in touch.



Stephanie

[KathyLauren]

I have also had the actual first female pilot "like" a story of mine

Aida de Acosta Root Breckinridge (July 28, 1884 – May 26, 1962) evidently channeled herself onto the internet.

LOL    I didn't mean the first ever.  But she was the first female military pilot in Canada, and went on to become one of the first two female F-18 pilots in the world.

And Kathy, you don't look your age girl!

Aw, so sweet of you to say so! 

What a cool story about your cohort who acknowledged the old and new you. He must have been Canadian. [emoji16]

Hee-hee, how did you know?

Nice story about the former submariner.

[Donica]

Rather than hijack another thread, I thought I'd respond to @Steph2.0's comment here:
I participate in a Facebook group related to my flying experiences 40-ish years ago.  For the most part, members there accept me as Kathy, no questions asked.  But my dates are from a time when women were not allowed to fly military aircraft, so there is always the chance of someone catching the anachronism and questioning it.

I deal with it by ignoring it unless it becomes an issue.  But sometimes people from my era show up.  I had one guy mistake me for the actual first female pilot and ask on the group page if I was she.  I responded to him by PM, to keep the discussion off the page, but I told him the full story.  He was fine with it.

Another guy that I worked and flew with showed up one day.  I thought I'd try a bit of subtlety.  On the group page, I posted: "Hi, D, nice to see you.  We were contemporaries in A flight, though you won't recognize me with this name."  I then went on to relate an unforgettable incident that would certainly identify in his mind who I had been.  His reply had to be the smoothest acknowledgement ever: "Hi, Kathy.  Yes, that was a memorable weekend," confirming that he remembered the incident and therefore my old identity, but accepting my new identity.

I have also had the actual first female pilot "like" a story of mine that predated her training, pretty much acknowledging my background.

It is a fine balance between enjoying the reminiscences of an interesting past, avoiding public discussion of my transition, and outing myself when necessary.  So far, it is working.

I agree! Especially if we decide to go stealth, we really can't talk much about our previous lives. I find myself just keeping my big mouth shut when topics I've experienced in the passed are in discussion.

[KathyLauren]

I was pushing a cart around the supermarket yesterday.  At the end of one aisle, I was just starting to turn the corner when another woman came the opposite direction with her cart.  We both quickly slammed on the brakes and avoided a collision.  A male shopper watching this commented, "Two women drivers!"  At least he got the gender right!

[steph2.0]

I was pushing a cart around the supermarket yesterday.  At the end of one aisle, I was just starting to turn the corner when another woman came the opposite direction with her cart.  We both quickly slammed on the brakes and avoided a collision.  A male shopper watching this commented, "Two women drivers!"  At least he got the gender right!

Yay!

I took some friends out to dinner during Sun-N-Fun. I usually drive my RocketSkate, a 2003 Mini Cooper, but this time I was driving the Colossus of Roads, my F-250 diesel truck. As I herded it into a parking spot that would have been effortless with the RS, I commented that at least now I had a good excuse for not getting it between the lines, since no one expects too much from a woman driver. I received a tongue-lashing from my friend L, the only other woman in the truck. All in good nature of course. [emoji16]

[KathyLauren]

caller: This is <whoever> from <heating oil company>.  Is Kathleen there?
me: This is Kathleen.
caller: So you are speaking on behalf of Kathleen?
me: No, I am Kathleen.
caller: Oh, my, I've never come across that before!
me:    Now is not a good time to talk.  Goodbye.  [My wife was calling me for dinner.]

I guess my voice doesn't pass. 

[Faith]

caller: This is <whoever> from <heating oil company>.  Is Kathleen there?
me: This is Kathleen.
caller: So you are speaking on behalf of Kathleen?
me: No, I am Kathleen.
caller: Oh, my, I've never come across that before!
me:    Now is not a good time to talk.  Goodbye.  [My wife was calling me for dinner.]

I guess my voice doesn't pass. 

Thanks sucks 

My voice changes when I'm on the phone, all on it's own. Whether it passes or not, I don't know. I know that Lori doesn't recognize it. When she calls my phone and I don't answer, she refused to leave a message because "she doesn't know that person" .. um, yes you do! :-p

[Donica]

I hear you Kathy. I'm working on my phone voice. My voice therapist told me to practice by making prank calls until I start getting ma'amed on the phone. I don't know if my voice passes in person but for sure it doesn't pass on the phone. "Yes this is Donica!" (Hi sir! I'm soandso from whichamacallit's and I'm calling) "Wait, how can you call a lady named Donica sir?" (Oh I apologize ma'am. I was) Click! It was an unwanted call anyway.

[KathyLauren]

I am officially the luckiest girl in the world.  My wife remembered that today is my 2-year anniversary of going full-time and gave me a card and a present. 

We had both drooled over this necklace at the market a few months back, so she conspired with the vendor to hold it for her.  The next time we were at the market, she sneakily sent me on an errand back to the car so she could make the transaction.

[TonyaW]

I am officially the luckiest girl in the world.  My wife remembered that today is my 2-year anniversary of going full-time and gave me a card and a present. 

We had both drooled over this necklace at the market a few months back, so she conspired with the vendor to hold it for her.  The next time we were at the market, she sneakily sent me on an errand back to the car so she could make the transaction.

How awesome.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[CynthiaAnn]

That's very pretty Kathy ! and congrats on 2 years full time, wow !

Cynthia -

[JudiBlueEyes]

Your wife is so special.  Cherish her!

[LizK]

Yes you are....I Love it...and your wife deserves a standing ovation.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[KathyLauren]

your wife deserves a standing ovation.

She does indeed!

A funny thing happened yesterday on an astronomy forum.  I noticed that another member's location said "Nova Scotia".  His name rang a bell vaguely, so I PMed him to introduce myself and try to figure out where I knew him from.  By way of introduction, he told me the name of the community where he lives.  Suddenly, it clicked: I had bought a telescope from him five years ago.

So, I told him I had his old telescope and sent him a picture of it in its new home.  He wrote back:  "Oh, you must be married to Keith."  Oops, time for some 'splaining!   

So I told him that actually, I used to be Keith.  All is cool and he sent me some pictures of the telescope in its previous life.

It is not often that I have to come out to someone these days, but exchanges like this make it fun.  Encountering people from my former life is unavoidable, and I refuse to worry about it.  I am not embarrassed about who I am or how I got here, so if the subject comes up, I tell them.  Zero negative reactions so far!

[Donica]

Well I'm glad he didn't have any issues with the new you. I have to police my thoughts before engaging my mouth. I do tend to blurt things out now and then. So far my negative reactions score is 2 against the rest of the world.

During one of the FFluid meeting, we discussed the possible reasons why some folks these days have more issues than others. The outcome of the discussion seemed to be that age played a roll, among others, with youth facing more negativity than older folks?

But then the FFluid moderator, an elderly trans women with 10 years over me, said that she thinks, at least for her, it's because she looks like someone that would hurt them hahaha Piss Grandma off and pay consequences. I didn't argue with her

Hugs!