Kathy's journey

KathyLauren · April 22, 2019, 04:19:45 PM

Quote from: Donica on April 22, 2019, 02:44:21 PM
Well I'm glad he didn't have any issues with the new you. I have to police my thoughts before engaging my mouth. I do tend to blurt things out now and then. So far my negative reactions score is 2 against the rest of the world.

During one of the FFluid meeting, we discussed the possible reasons why some folks these days have more issues than others. The outcome of the discussion seemed to be that age played a roll, among others, with youth facing more negativity than older folks?

But then the FFluid moderator, an elderly trans women with 10 years over me, said that she thinks, at least for her, it's because she looks like someone that would hurt them hahaha 😮 Piss Grandma off and pay consequences. I didn't argue with her

Hugs!

I have wondered myself why I am so lucky. My scope is zero negative reactions against lots of positive or neutral ones.

I think it has something to do with the values of the society one lives in. The default behaviour here is that, if you don't know what to make of someone, be nice. (I know, what a concept, eh?) There is no shortage of rednecks here, but they have all been surprisingly tolerant of me.

I aim to fit in. I dress like my mother would have. I do things in the community, and those things didn't change when I came out. In all respects but one, I am just like them.

And you are probably right: age helps. No one has to worry that I am out to snare their spouse.

steph2.0 · April 22, 2019, 04:48:28 PM

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 22, 2019, 04:19:45 PM
I have wondered myself why I am so lucky. My scope is zero negative reactions against lots of positive or neutral ones.

I think it has something to do with the values of the society one lives in. The default behaviour here is that, if you don't know what to make of someone, be nice. (I know, what a concept, eh?) There is no shortage of rednecks here, but they have all been surprisingly tolerant of me.

I aim to fit in. I dress like my mother would have. I do things in the community, and those things didn't change when I came out. In all respects but one, I am just like them.

And you are probably right: age helps. No one has to worry that I am out to snare their spouse.

Or worse, out to snare them. Some guys are terrified of going out with a woman and getting his hopes up, only to find they've been hitting on someone they perceive to be a "man." After all, until recently their ideas of who we are came from unflatteringly written roles on TV shows and in movies.

I wish I could find the article so I could give attribution to the author, but it pointed out that trans roles in entertainment were always about a man pretending to be a woman to fool people for his own gain. Even in popular movies Dustin Hoffman played Tootsie to get a job, and Robin Williams played Mrs. Doubtfire to get custody of his kids. In so few cases were we presented as people just trying to get by and live our quiet lives authentically with no intentions of fooling anyone.

[/soapbox]

KathyLauren · April 24, 2019, 07:55:23 AM

Yesterday, I was writing up a brief bio for myself to go with a public talk I will be doing late this summer on astrophotography. They wanted to know how I got into astronomy, and that kind of stuff.

Naturally, I was writing it in the context of me, Kathy, so I wrote, "She got her first telescope at age seven. A few years later, she saved up her allowance to buy a better one." Suddenly, I got a whole new awareness of myself as a nerdy little girl.

One of my earliest trans memories, in hindsight, had been of me, also as a seven-year-old, but as a boy wishing I were a girl. My experience writing the bio was totally different. Suddenly, I was a little girl, and had always been one.

It felt amazingly right and whole! 🙂

CynthiaAnn · April 24, 2019, 08:14:59 AM

Nice, the power of contextual language, and how writing really can be therapeutic.

Have a wonderful day Kathy

C -

steph2.0 · April 24, 2019, 08:28:55 AM

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 24, 2019, 07:55:23 AM
Yesterday, I was writing up a brief bio for myself to go with a public talk I will be doing late this summer on astrophotography. They wanted to know how I got into astronomy, and that kind of stuff.

Naturally, I was writing it in the context of me, Kathy, so I wrote, "She got her first telescope at age seven. A few years later, she saved up her allowance to buy a better one." Suddenly, I got a whole new awareness of myself as a nerdy little girl.

One of my earliest trans memories, in hindsight, had been of me, also as a seven-year-old, but as a boy wishing I were a girl. My experience writing the bio was totally different. Suddenly, I was a little girl, and had always been one.

It felt amazingly right and whole!

Isn't it wonderful? I suppose some might see it as delusional revisionist history, but I see nothing at all wrong with it. In fact, I've been noticing the same thing as I think of myself doing all the things I've done in the past. As you've noted in the past when asked, "what's it feel like to be a woman?" I still feel like me, and my brain knows that it was me back then, too. But I'm a woman, and really always have been even if I couldn't let it show, so it's perfectly logical that my psyche casts my current presentation onto my past experiences.

I haven't explicitly written things as you have, and I'm not sure I'm to that point yet, considering the number of people who knew me as I did those things, and might scratch their heads over it, but I do hope to get there some day.

Congratulations, Ms. Kathy, on your girlhood and womanhood.

Stephanie

Michelle_P · April 24, 2019, 12:34:28 PM

Kathy, I've had this experience in writing as well. One of the more interesting things that has arisen for me, is that the oddities in my life growing up suddenly are not odd at all, but just part of a nerdy young girls childhood.

All those subtle social roles everyone is supposed to adhere to now look correct instead of odd or shameful, and I feel better about much of my childhood experience.

Donica · April 24, 2019, 03:05:30 PM

This wonderful Kathy. It's not that it becomes more natural, it's because it's true. We have always been little girls. Even when I was bad, I was a bad girl. We used to wear guy clothes because they made us.

Hugs!

KathyLauren · April 30, 2019, 11:50:58 AM

Yay, good news! I went for my annual HRT checkup and prescription refill. All my levels are good, including my cholesterol, which is still the best the doctor has ever seen.

I complained about the effects of spiro: the constant dehydration, trying to balance drinking enough water to function with having to pee inconveniently often, the low blood pressure (110/55). I also asked about progesterone, since I have had no breast growth for over a year.

Well, it seems that, in the two years since I started going there, they have become a lot less risk-averse. It used to be only estradiol and spiro, take it or leave it. Today, my doctor decided to switch me to androcur (cyproterone) as a blocker for the (hopefully) few months until my GRS. She isn't going to prescribe progesterone yet, since that would involve two changes simultaneously, but in a couple of months when I go back to get a followup on the cypro, we will talk about it. Yay!

And she filled in the remaining paperwork for Dr. Brassard's clinic, so I will be able to sent all their forms off as soon as I can get a printout from the pharmacy of my new prescriptions.

I don't mind driving in to the city when it is that productive!

Northern Star Girl · April 30, 2019, 11:57:47 AM

@KathyLauren
Dear Kathy:
I was very happy to read your report regarding your HRT checkup and doctor visit.
It is wonderful that your doctor may be changing your HRT regimen until your GRS...
Yes indeed, well worth the long drive when you can get good news and good results from your doctor.

It is good that you are getting your paperwork and forms completed and soon mailed off for your upcoming visit to Dr Brassard. I am rooting for you....

Thank you for sharing,
HUGS,
Danielle

steph2.0 · April 30, 2019, 12:26:47 PM

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 30, 2019, 11:50:58 AM
Yay, good news! I went for my annual HRT checkup and prescription refill. All my levels are good, including my cholesterol, which is still the best the doctor has ever seen.

I complained about the effects of spiro: the constant dehydration, trying to balance drinking enough water to function with having to pee inconveniently often, the low blood pressure (110/55). I also asked about progesterone, since I have had no breast growth for over a year.

Well, it seems that, in the two years since I started going there, they have become a lot less risk-averse. It used to be only estradiol and spiro, take it or leave it. Today, my doctor decided to switch me to androcur (cyproterone) as a blocker for the (hopefully) few months until my GRS. She isn't going to prescribe progesterone yet, since that would involve two changes simultaneously, but in a couple of months when I go back to get a followup on the cypro, we will talk about it. Yay!

And she filled in the remaining paperwork for Dr. Brassard's clinic, so I will be able to sent all their forms off as soon as I can get a printout from the pharmacy of my new prescriptions.

I don't mind driving in to the city when it is that productive!

Excellent news all around! I'm trying getting off the blockers completely (spiro) since I'd cut my dosage in half and my T still went down. And I took my first dose of progesterone last night. Today I'm going to a compounding pharmacy to get a quote on making progesterone cream to apply to my breasts and face, as recommended by Dr. Will Powers.

I hope it's only a few months until your GCS, too! Maybe we can coordinate with my September 25th appointment!

KathyLauren · April 30, 2019, 01:49:23 PM

Thanks, Danielle and Stephanie!

Quote from: steph2.0 on April 30, 2019, 12:26:47 PM
Maybe we can coordinate with my September 25th appointment!

Even my wildest dreams are not that optimistic! It is possible that a cancellation could open up a spot that soon, but it is unlikely that I would be first in line to fill the opening. In my more realistic dreams, I am hoping for some time in late 2019. But 2020 is more likely. I'll be happy if it happens before my new prescriptions run out.

Dr. Brassard and his assistant, Dr. Belanger are still the only surgeons that the provincial health plans in Canada will send trans women to. So they have one heck of a waiting list!

I am envious of your rapid progress.

Donica · April 30, 2019, 05:36:48 PM

That's good news Kathy. My previous Endo said she wouldn't prescribe progesterone until after my GCS if at all. Kaiser doesn't like to prescribe it. They follow WPATH. It sucks because everyone around me is taking it and their doing better than me.

You and me both are hoping for GCS in January. I've been doing 4 hour bottom HNT sessions for the past few months in hopes to be ready by then. UGH!!! BLT seems to work a LITTLE better than Emla but not much 😮

KathyLauren · April 30, 2019, 06:26:45 PM

Quote from: Donica on April 30, 2019, 05:36:48 PM
That's good news Kathy. My previous Endo said she wouldn't prescribe progesterone until after my GCS if at all. Kaiser doesn't like to prescribe it. They follow WPATH. It sucks because everyone around me is taking it and their doing better than me.

You and me both are hoping for GCS in January. I've been doing 4 hour bottom HNT sessions for the past few months in hopes to be ready by then. UGH!!! BLT seems to work a LITTLE better than Emla but not much 😮

Yikes! Four hours of south pole HNT sounds like torture! Dr. Brassard recommends against bottom electrolysis unless it can be finished a long time before surgery. In my case, I won't have an "inside" to worry about having hairs in, if some survive the follicle scrape. So I am restricting my HNT to the face.

WPATH SOC doesn't say they can't prescribe progesterone, just that the jury is still out on whether the benefits outweigh the risks.

My doctor isn't an endo, just a WPATH-trained GP, but she does follow WPATH. She is prepared to prescribe progesterone on an informed consent basis. Assuming my liver isn't about to blow up on my next checkup, I'll have to sign off on all the risk factors, and then she'll probably prescribe it.

My insurance is fine with whatever the doctor prescribes, but I understand that your doctor has restrictions. 🙁

Donica · April 30, 2019, 06:40:44 PM

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 30, 2019, 06:26:45 PM
Yikes! Four hours of south pole HNT sounds like torture! Dr. Brassard recommends against bottom electrolysis unless it can be finished a long time before surgery. In my case, I won't have an "inside" to worry about having hairs in, if some survive the follicle scrape. So I am restricting my HNT to the face.

WPATH SOC doesn't say they can't prescribe progesterone, just that the jury is still out on whether the benefits outweigh the risks.

My doctor isn't an endo, just a WPATH-trained GP, but she does follow WPATH. She is prepared to prescribe progesterone on an informed consent basis. Assuming my liver isn't about to blow up on my next checkup, I'll have to sign off on all the risk factors, and then she'll probably prescribe it.

My insurance is fine with whatever the doctor prescribes, but I understand that your doctor has restrictions.

Yes I believe the surgeons require at least 6 months between your last HNT and surgery. My electrocutioner has cleared everything down below. She wants to wait one or two weeks to see what else pops up. In the meantime we're still doing 3 to 4 hour sessions on my face.

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Donica · April 30, 2019, 06:44:06 PM

Quote from: Donica on April 30, 2019, 06:40:44 PM
Yes I believe the surgeons require at least 6 months between your last HNT and surgery. My electrocutioner has cleared everything down below. She wants to wait one or two weeks to see what else pops up. In the meantime we're still doing 3 to 4 hour sessions on my face.

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Oh yeah, I'm arming myself with all the documentation on progesterone I can find. Are you meet with my Endo next month and will request an informed consent for progesterone.

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Donica · April 30, 2019, 06:44:50 PM

Quote from: Donica on April 30, 2019, 06:44:06 PM
Oh yeah, I'm arming myself with all the documentation on progesterone I can find. Are you meet with my Endo next month and will request an informed consent for progesterone.

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

*I meet with

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

KathyLauren · May 06, 2019, 06:59:19 AM

Well, I took my last spiro pill Saturday morning. Last night, I took my first cypro. Wow, what a difference! This morning was the first morning in a couple of years that I have not had a hangover. (I don't drink hardly at all, but the spiro gives me a hangover.) I feel like I actually have some blood pressure. Overnight, I only had to get up to pee once. Among my morning chores are making a fire in the fireplace and cleaning the cats' litter boxes, both of which involve squatting low. This morning, I can stand up from a squat without feeling lightheaded.

I already like cypro!

CynthiaAnn · May 06, 2019, 08:03:40 AM

Good for you Kathy. Spiro was hard on the kidneys when I took it. It messed with my electrolytes. I had sodium sensitivity after stopping that medicine for several months. Glad you have a better medication now.

Cynthia -

KathyLauren · May 06, 2019, 11:57:08 AM

Aargh! Our well pump quit! @#$%!!!! Maybe I jinxed it by celebrating not having to drink so much water now that I am off spiro. I'd have been in agony if it had happened last week. Waiting for the plumber....

Northern Star Girl · May 06, 2019, 12:39:16 PM

Quote from: KathyLauren on May 06, 2019, 11:57:08 AM
Aargh! Our well pump quit! @#$%!!!! Maybe I jinxed it by celebrating not having to drink so much water now that I am off spiro. I'd have been in agony if it had happened last week. Waiting for the plumber....

@KathyLauren
Dear Kathy:
Aargh is right...
I have a submersible pump in my water well and I had to replace the pump last year at a cost of about $1650 ... which included replacing the wiring going down into the well to the pump.

Hang on tightly to your purse!!!!

Hugs,
Danielle