THANK YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[PurpleWolf]

Okay, I just have to thank you again,  .

Special thanks to all who helped me with that name thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how you did that guys - but I was actually feeling BETTER after it than before!!!!!!!!!! You really DID help me a lot!!! So I'm glad I shared after all.

I don't know how that was possible - I was really feeling crushed - but don't even remember it anymore  !!! Life goes on!!! I can't believe that but it doesn't bother me at all anymore.

So, thanks friends! I'll figure something out! I won't let that setback stop me!!!

I'm actually starting to see a future for myself,  . Pretty much all my self-hatred is gone by now. I'm actually starting to look forward to getting T. I'm actually excited by the idea that I might start to look like a guy in the mirror  !!! I mean like... I can actually achieve this dream!!! Suddenly the world & my future is starting to look really bright for me  !

You are making me see I'm not that failed at being a guy after all...!

I could actually stop continuing to look like this & stop having to accept my miserable faith and existence.

Thanks to you all guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I actually pretty much gave up on being trans......................! It crushed my world when I couldn't transition back then. And pretty much destroyed my life. And now I'm starting to see I could actually do something with it!!!

I've felt this massive incongruence with my body & mind...... I felt like my life was cut in half back then. I've had two options: suck it up or die. I chose that sucking up. With you guys I'm starting to see I don't HAVE to accept this. And I can actually do something about it.

You were able to see the 'real me' behind all this!

I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel....

So, yes, I do endorse giving treatment to minors.

You guys are a proof that people are able to accept me. I feel so empowered.

Yes, I'm a new man - You made me live again,  !

- This is not the end. This is the new beginning. -

PS. And no, I'm not doing a survey  ! I'm getting my life back on track.

[Laurie]

Mr PW,

    You are who you are and always have been. Being trans is not something we are able to chose, you are no able to give it up and stop. You can fight against it , compromise to a point, or accept it. It's that first one that a lot of us  try when these strange unacceptable feeling and leanings become apparent to us. It causes us so much anguish before we begin to try to find some sort of compromise with it. For some that works, for some it is only another step in the process. The last is why we really become the person we have felt inside all those years of struggle. For some it is short and for some it never comes. For some like myself, you outwardly proclaim it and try to be that inner person on the outside but still struggle against old issues and learned attitudes and prejudices.
   Here at Susan's you are among friends (for the most part) that are working, or have worked, through their own struggles and were and are being helped by the good folk here just like yourself PW. They are our lifeline and life preservers. They help us through the rough places and share our highs. And yes it is addictive as you say. I don't want to think of where I would probably be by now if I did have the folks here to help me through my personal dark places that you have seen your self.
  So suck up all the good vibes you can get from Susan's denizens and bask in the knowledge that you are not alone in your struggles. We are here to help and support you. And we are glady you found us so that we can.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[HappyMoni]

Hi Wolf,
   It does my heart good to see you give up on  despair and  let hope enter the picture. I really love your enthusiasm. I think it is so important to face what transgender feelings mean to your life. I ran from my truth for so long, decades in fact. It made life very hard for me and those around me. I convinced myself that doing something, anything to move toward my proper gender was impossible. I told myself that I would be too embarrassed, I told myself I wasn't trans enough, I convinced myself that everyone would abandon me, hate  me. I thought my kids might be embarrassed and hurt. I was so full of pain. I would get so angry, go out in the back yard and scream til I was hoarse and throw things, break things, and I had no idea why I was like this. It really was a lifetime of frustration and I couldn't take it any more. So, what am I saying here? For one, you are not alone. Also, I cannot urge you to take any particular course of action for your life. You have your circumstances and your decisions to make. People handle being trans in different ways. Some transition, others are non binary, others make compromises. The thing from my experience in life that is most sad is when people run from themselves. I hope you will face this and figure out the best path for yourself. Seek a happy existence. Don't settle for living a life of low grade miserableness because it is safe or comfortable. Also, if you decide to change things, don't pressure yourself thinking it is too much. Things can be done a little at a time.
   So, how did things turn out for me? I no longer rage. I am one who found out I must transition and it has made me very happy. I tell you this because I want you to know that good outcomes are possible. It was important in my process to realize this. It helped to know it might just be okay.
Moni
Oh, by the way. This Laurie person who writes you. If she ever manages to get my name right in a post, watch out. This is when she is most dangerous. As long as she gets it wrong, all is okay. She came clear across the country earlier this year to make sure I ended up in the hospital. lol Take care there, Sir!

[PurpleWolf]

Thank you so much for your kind words, both of you!

You are dangerously fueling my addiction...

It's just... I've really heard more kind things said to me hear now than I have for a loong time...!

[Julia1996]

I enjoy your posts a lot. You always ask really good questions.  And there are differences in the way males and females write just like the differences between how males and females speak. I'm not talking about voice either. The way males and females say things and the words they use are different. Your style is definitely male.

[PurpleWolf]

Don't settle for living a life of low grade miserableness because it is safe or comfortable.

Especially that hit home so bad..... if you only knew......!!!

I could quote so many of your sentences, Moni, and thank for them individually that I don't bother!

Your post was so very encouraging, you can't believe!
Thanks! For real!

[PurpleWolf]

I enjoy your posts a lot. You always ask really good questions.  And there are differences in the way males and females write just like the differences between how males and females speak. I'm not talking about voice either. The way males and females say things and the words they use are different. Your style is definitely male.

Omg are you saying that just to make me happy, Julia  ?!
If you are - you succeeded!!!!!!!!!!

That was one of the weirdest & best compliments I've ever had!

[Laurie]

Psssst Mr PW, Don't listen to that Meenica person. She frequently suffers from delusions. Did you knows she has this invisible six foot tall rabbit she talks to? No? Let me caution you about something... Don't ever ask about Clyde.

Hugs,
   Laurie

P.S. Moaany sometimes says some good things.

[PurpleWolf]

Psssst Mr PW, Don't listen to that Meenica person. She frequently suffers from delusions. Did you knows she has this invisible six foot tall rabbit she talks to? No? Let me caution you about something... Don't ever ask about Clyde.

What?!?!? 

Psssst Mr PW

And another compliment,  ! I did notice!

- Smile! You are at Su-san's!  [candid camera tune] -

[Laurie]

Psssst Mr PW, Don't listen to that Meenica person. She frequently suffers from delusions. Did you knows she has this invisible six foot tall rabbit she talks to? No? Let me caution you about something... Don't ever ask about Clyde.

What?!?!? 

Meenica or Moaany or whatever  goes by HappyMo or something like that. She's posted replies to you and bad mouthed me in some of them.

[Roll]

Psssst Mr PW, Don't listen to that Meenica person. She frequently suffers from delusions. Did you knows she has this invisible six foot tall rabbit she talks to? No? Let me caution you about something... Don't ever ask about Clyde.

Hey now, I know Clyde, Clyde's a good man-rabbit-monstrosity-thing. Some of his political views on immigration are abhorrent though.

(This is why I shouldn't post at 3 am.)

[Laurie]

Hey now, I know Clyde, Clyde's a good man-rabbit-monstrosity-thing. Some of his political views on immigration are abhorrent though.

(This is why I shouldn't post at 3 am.)

  Sorry Ellie, wrong Clyde. Her invisible rabbit is Harvey.
  Clyde was gutted and the remains sit on my desk. (she wanted no part of him once she harvest the parts she kept, so I rescued what I could of him during my hospital visit with her) I brought him home and preserve the remains and gave him a place of honer on my desk in remembrance. RIP Clyde
  Come to think of it Harvey may have met with foul play as I haven't heard her speak of him for a very long time now.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Roll]

  Sorry Ellie, wrong Clyde. Her invisible rabbit is Harvey.
  Clyde was gutted and the remains sit on my desk. (she wanted no part of him once she harvest the parts she kept, so I rescued what I could of him during my hospital visit with her) I brought him home and preserve the remains and gave him a place of honer on my desk in remembrance. RIP Clyde
  Come to think of it Harvey may have met with foul play as I haven't heard her speak of him for a very long time now.

I think this may be a case of identity theft, I'll have to report the "Clyde" I know to the proper authorities. Hopefully he isn't the vindictive sort and won't come for me when he gets out of prison. I'm thinking this is probably not the case, good thing I plan to change my name anyway.

[HappyMoni]

To Master Wolf and Ellie, before you think Laurie totally crazy, may I explain that, believe it or not she is quite sane. She does have a learning disability that prevents her from saying my name, hence you get Meanie, Moanie, Miney, Moe instead of Moni. As long as she gets it wrong, I know she is doing well. We serial harass each other because we have fun doing it. She came all the way across the country to see me in the hospital in June (and a number of other friends oo.) She did me a favor in taking my birth defect facsimile as far from me as possible. Ever hear of Moni and Clyde? (No, not Bonnie) Anyway a dear friend had named my birth defect Clyde. I know you may not care about all of this, but I couldn't stand by and let you think we are crazy. We are quite sane. Oh yeah, Harvey is easy to explain too. He is my 6 foot 3 1/2 tall invisible white rabbit. See no problem here.
Moni  (oh crap, or is in Mahoney?)
PS Laurie, Harvey had nasal surgery at the same time I did. He had a tougher time than I did and is resting, the big baby.

[PurpleWolf]

I feel like I have two silly aunts, auntie Moni & auntie Laurie  !!!
(Hope that didn't offend you or anything.)

You guys are really funny!

[Julia1996]

I feel like I have two silly aunts, auntie Moni & auntie Laurie  !!!
(Hope that didn't offend you or anything.)

You guys are really funny!

With their sense of humor they could be members of my family even if Laurie is a cheesecake hater.

[HappyMoni]

I feel like I have two silly aunts, auntie Moni & auntie Laurie  !!!
(Hope that didn't offend you or anything.)

You guys are really funny!

Okay Sir, now you have made me smile. You gotta remember not to forget Uncle Harvey though. Luckily he didn't see your post. lol

[Roll]

I feel like I have two silly aunts, auntie Moni & auntie Laurie  !!!
(Hope that didn't offend you or anything.)

You guys are really funny!

Or, and hear me out, time traveling nieces. I have nothing to add, so I guess that's not really a hear me out situation, more of let me say something arbitrary and nonsensical thing.

[Laurie]

 Careful Ellie lest I dub thee Ellie Mae and make you clamp it.

Mr. PW, Auntie Mynnica may take you for a nephew but I already have several, two I helped raise and they were more than enough for anyone. The curs even still call me Uncle. So I'm afraid you'll have to remain my young beau.

Did you take a look at the link to Clyde in my previous post?

Hugs,
  Laurie

P.S. Julia and many more here do not seem to understand that cheesecake in any flavor of form is unfit for human consumption.

[PurpleWolf]

Mr. PW, Auntie Mynnica may take you for a nephew but I already have several, two I help raise and they were more than enough for anyone. The curs even still call me Uncle. So I'm afraid you'll have to remain my young beau.

I'm laughing my head off for this one  !!!

young beau

Had to go check that up  ! I'm afraid I'm already taken...

Did you take a look at the link to Clyde in my previous post?

Oh, yes I did, Madam  !

P.S. Julia and many more here do not seem to understand that cheesecake in any flavor of form is unfit for human consumption.

What  ?!! Cheesecake is the best!!!

You two are too funny  !