Misgendered

[StacyRenee]

Does anyone else take satisfaction in ignoring someone that misgenders you? Several times now a random store worker will "sir" me and I don't respond, react, or even acknowledge them. It gives me this incredible sense of satisfaction. As if to say "They must be talking to someone else."

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[Denise]

Funny you should mention this.  I was about to start doing that.  I'm not sure how to handle some situations like you're talking to someone "on the floor" about and ask "where is product x" and they respond - "right this way, sir."  I guess you could just stand there.  Suggestions?

[Jailyn]

I have been ignoring people at work that use the wrong name and yes, at another store yes I do the same. When I am I at work unfortunately I can't ignore them since my job is to help customers. I suppose I could initially when they try to yell at me down the aisle cause I don't like it any more than you guys.

[big kim]

Had some smarmy little prick say have a nice day Sir as I paid for my shopping so I said you too bitch. His mates fell about laughing, he wasn't as his manager said see me at shift change Paul

[Megan.]

I have yet (to my knowledge) to be deliberately misgendered. If/when it happens, I'll be certain to correct them!

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[Allison S]

I'm not full time yet but I've times when I'm presenting where guys will say I'm a "man" on the street. I had one guy on the subway notice me and blatantly act freaked out/move away. Even a guy on some dating/hook up app was insisting that I'm a crossdresser and not trans.

I don't react to anyone just on the street because that's their perception but not my reality. It's been very tough recently and makes me doubt if this is something I wanna do but what's my other option then?

Sorry don't mean to go off on a rant

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[StacyRenee]

For clarification, the getting "sir"ed is by someone that I'm not interacting with already. I was in Walgreen's buying alcohol and there was a bit of a line in the alcohol area. A woman running a register out on the main floor was standing idle and was offering to ring up my purchase (I've had this happen previously a few times). She called out "Sir!" three times and I didn't even look her way.

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[Michelle_P]

There are folks hanging out on street corners in San Francisco who hand out literature for various things I have no interest in.  One of the ways they try to get attention is to shout "Sir!" at transwomen that they clock.  Really annoying.

I've gotten to the point where I can ignore them even when shouting at me from inches away.

They're still annoying, though.

[jessica95]

Sad to hear you have been misgendered, You can wear extra makeup for it not to happen, or talking with a therapist about, i hope it solves itself.

[rainecloude]

It doesn't happen very often for me luckily. Not that I "pass" all the time but I think people are generally pretty polite in Australia. When I do get misgendered I do like the embarrassed look on their faces as I correct them and they scramble to apologize. Gotta take pleasure in the small things sometimes!

[Charlie Nicki]

Had some smarmy little prick say have a nice day Sir as I paid for my shopping so I said you too bitch. His mates fell about laughing, he wasn't as his manager said see me at shift change Paul

Loool! Good one. Calling him a bitch must have felt so good

[Kylo]

I preferred giving them the Elevator Smile.

A disconcerting stare and a grin that makes them wonder what on earth you find so funny. Named after the idea of turning around in a crowded elevator and grinning at everyone in there. Guaranteed to freak people out.

[Laurie]

Hmmmm I can't remembering this happening at all in my room. (nor anywhere else yet really, but then I don't get out much) Okay maybe once.

[jainie marlena]

Sorry this happened to you. I know how you feel. I remember being pissed a lot back then but I got my voice and began to speak up, not all the time just when I really felt it. It sucked the worst where I work at when I first started to transition. That has been over 7 years ago. It took a lot to get through that time frame of my life.

I figured out how to shift the paradigm there and when it hit critical mass it all just flipped in my favor and the people that would not change their mind gave in and started gendering me the way I wanted. I used the inflow of new people and started introducing myself to them and leaving my own impression in their mind and overtime my crew was mostly new people that were used to me and spoke to me with respect and the few that had not changed just gave in and went along with the crowd. Overtime this can empower you. I am amazed at how just being yourself can change the world around you.

[Allison S]

I have some clients that will say "man" or "bro". I try not to take it too seriously because it's slang anyway.

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[Miss Clara]

I think being misgendered should be looked at as feedback on your gender presentation, not as an insult to be angered by.  We are seeing many more non-binary transgender people out in public whose presentation is ambiguous.  It's asking a lot for strangers to guess your gender identity correctly if your presentation is a mixture of male and female characteristics.  Every misgendering incident forced me to reevaluate my presentation.  What's confusing people?  How can I do a better job giving off the correct gender cues.  People will not misgender you if you are sufficiently feminine in appearance.  Facial hair, Adam's apple, resonant voice, and male mannerisms are killers. 

Before I had facial feminization surgery, strangers were unsure of my gender preference.  Nice people tended to avoid gendering me out of concern of getting it wrong.  Of course there were always a few jerks who seemed to enjoy misgendering me.  That told me I'm not there yet.  After FFS, I was gendered correctly consistently.  If you've done all you can to pass as a woman or man, and still are misgendered by strangers, it's best just to ignore it.  It's who you are. 

[StacyRenee]

I think being misgendered should be looked at as feedback on your gender presentation, not as an insult to be angered by.  We are seeing many more non-binary transgender people out in public whose presentation is ambiguous.  It's asking a lot for strangers to guess your gender identity correctly if your presentation is a mixture of male and female characteristics.  Every misgendering incident forced me to reevaluate my presentation.  What's confusing people?  How can I do a better job giving off the correct gender cues.  People will not misgender you if you are sufficiently feminine in appearance.  Facial hair, Adam's apple, resonant voice, and male mannerisms are killers. 

Before I had facial feminization surgery, strangers were unsure of my gender preference.  Nice people tended to avoid gendering me out of concern of getting it wrong.  Of course there were always a few jerks who seemed to enjoy misgendering me.  That told me I'm not there yet.  After FFS, I was gendered correctly consistently.  If you've done all you can to pass as a woman or man, and still are misgendered by strangers, it's best just to ignore it.  It's who you are.

Thank you for your insight. I'm still very early in the process with many things yet to be taken care of. I just need to remind myself of that.

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[Zquence]

I hang out with stoners I don't know how hard it'll be to break dude, man, and bro.

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[Allison S]

I hang out with stoners I don't know how hard it'll be to break dude, man, and bro.

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I just got called "man" by the mailman when i let him in the building on my way out. I was like really just go in and hush. Lol he didnt mean harm by it but lately most ppl I've come across seem to avoid gendering me and then he comes along

And i didnt even get any mail! What a double bummer

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[Charlie Nicki]

I think being misgendered should be looked at as feedback on your gender presentation, not as an insult to be angered by.  We are seeing many more non-binary transgender people out in public whose presentation is ambiguous.  It's asking a lot for strangers to guess your gender identity correctly if your presentation is a mixture of male and female characteristics.  Every misgendering incident forced me to reevaluate my presentation.  What's confusing people?  How can I do a better job giving off the correct gender cues.  People will not misgender you if you are sufficiently feminine in appearance.  Facial hair, Adam's apple, resonant voice, and male mannerisms are killers. 

Before I had facial feminization surgery, strangers were unsure of my gender preference.  Nice people tended to avoid gendering me out of concern of getting it wrong.  Of course there were always a few jerks who seemed to enjoy misgendering me.  That told me I'm not there yet.  After FFS, I was gendered correctly consistently.  If you've done all you can to pass as a woman or man, and still are misgendered by strangers, it's best just to ignore it.  It's who you are.

I like this way of looking at things.