Time to make a decision to fully transition or detransition?

[Dena]

My wife often says to me that once I let this out of the bag there's no going back.  Perhaps this more than anything is causing my indecision.  Who knows.  I just a bit of a mess right now.

Your wife is living in the past. The cat was let out of the bag the day you decided to come out to her. It has been living in full view for a while now and what she is asking is to put the cat back into the bag.

[Paige]

Your wife is right. If you let your repressed self out you won't ever want to go back.

Hi krobinson,   I often wonder if we here on Susans is a true representation of all things trans.  I've heard similar comments many times.  The dysphoria will get worse.  The only real solution is to transition.  Once you've tried E it's a slippery slope to full transition.  I feel 99% confident that this applies to me, but there's always a thought in my mine that these ideas don't represent the complete transgender population.  Could there be a silent group not represented here that have had a different experience.

Maybe I'm just grasping at straws.  Thanks for the input.

When faced with this sort of decision I ask myself: 5 or 10 years from now what decision will I wish I made today?

Hi Kendra,

Yes I can see the regret I'll have in 5 or 10 years but will my family be happier if I just try to survive.  I know many say that sort of existence isn't good for your family members either but I've been doing it for 55 years and they seem no worse for wear.

Yes, there's guilt if you do.  But don't ignore the guilt if you don't.  What will it do to your wife to be married to that broken person?

Hi Kathy,  that's one of the million dollar questions.  As I said to Kendra, my family has had a pretty good life with me being pretty broken up until this point.

Exactly!  That is what is so damn hard about the whole thing.  Wanting things to just stay the same way they were, but to get to live as a girl now.  But at the same time, knowing that is not an option.  For too many of us, it's one or the other.  No way to have both.   And it sucks losing family, but our personal well being is far more important than family connection.

Hi LaRell,  I wish I could believe that.  I don't think I could ever convince myself that my needs should supersede theirs.  One thing I have considered is that by staying hidden I may make my family's lives easier but I'm also denying them the experience of learning about the real me.   Is that important?  Not sure.

I'm also not there for the larger transgender community.  I would think that the more people who come out, the better it is for us.  Should I worry how my closeted life affects trans people in general?

I lost my family to keep myself. We make these changes if we have to; to keep ourselves happy and healthy so we can then support others. It's not selfish to put your health first. X

Hi Megan,  No I wouldn't consider this a selfish thing to do at all.  I just don't like the idea of the chaos that this will cause.  I also am scared to death of the attention this will attract from friends and extended family.  I really don't like being the center of attention and I know one of my daughters is exactly the same.  My wife is also extremely concerned about the attention.

Your wife is living in the past. The cat was let out of the bag the day you decided to come out to her. It has been living in full view for a while now and what she is asking is to put the cat back into the bag.

Hi Dena, Probably but she's known for almost 30 years now.  Unfortunately I don't think this is one of those things that can be solved with logic.  It's all emotion with my wife. 


Thanks again everyone, your support is extremely helpful.   
Take care,
Paige

[Amber42]

Hi Paige,

This thread hits home for me.  Been on Spiro since March and started low dose E in August.  Since I started E, I've had very quick breast growth. Even my Endo is surprised.  This has given me great pleasure but the whole point of the low dose was to ease into it because I really don't have the full game plan.

My wife is less than thrilled about the whole thing but the breasts caused an even more negative turn for her.

She really wants to stay together but is having a hard time with it.

Having kids (young teens) in the equation makes it tougher.  They suspect something is weird, but don't know yet.

I too need to make a decision soon, so I know how you feel.  It's that constant mental battle... Can I just figure out a way to continue without transition.  It sure would prevent a lot of anguish and potential pain for others...or do I take the leap and hope that things will fall into place.  Never having been a reckless type person, everything inside me is telling me not to take the leap, yet I want to so badly.

I think there really is no right or wrong answer and there are so many factors to consider.


For now...I just take it day by day... Enjoying the feeling that the E is giving me and seeing ever so slight changes.

[emoji847][emoji847]Victoria