Quote from: Christy Lee on December 31, 2017, 07:45:00 PM
we'll why do i need it? what do i keep getting these feelings? why cant i just be ok with being a guy?
Those are questions many folks, myself included, spend copious amounts of time trying to find answers to. Satisfactory answers. I can only speak personally here, but for me, every time I would ask myself any of those, I would only come up with more questions.
I equate it to picking at a loose thread in a garment and slowly unraveling it, pulling at it more and more until I look at what I'm left with and all I see is a huge pile of loose threads. The answer I finally came up with which gave me peace was: "I need to start over and look at the garment." In other words, the only answer I ever came up with which stopped all the questioning and the threads of my mind unraveling was: "Because it's who I am. Inside. It's my sense of self."
I think other people will feel differently, and have their own perspective and answers to some, or all of those questions. Which is as it should be, I think. It's something you really just have to examine how you feel yourself.
What I will say is that again, speaking personally, I've found my mind to have two layers. The rational, analytical, obsessive, often annoying layer... and a deeper, intuitive, emotionally driven layer. I've learned to trust the latter more than the former. To listen to it more, and what it's trying to whisper to me over the ranting and screaming of the other.
Quotei look kinda feminine, but it makes me look like a freak
i sound kinda feminine, but i hate it, i should sound masculine?
Sweetie, the above links somewhat to the following:
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if they made me look this way, feel this way talk this way, why wasnt i just born female?
If it's who you are, then you
were born female. Just not anatomically. I say "if" because that's ultimately something for you to find out on your own. But if so, then that's what transition can help with. To allow you to be more yourself.
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Ive suppressed it for so long would even like doing female things, why did i feel the need to suppress it? why do i want to be isolated? alone? not deal with it? it feels wrong but it feels kinda right.....
Whether you'd like doing female things isn't as important as you think it is, Christy. There's no law which states that if you're a woman, you have to pursue activities seen as feminine or attributed to being undertaken by women. You enjoy what you enjoy. Sweetie, you aren't becoming someone else, you're becoming you. Finding out who that is on a core level. It doesn't have to, and probably won't be like a personality and attitude transplant.
There are a whole lot of reasons why you'd want to suppress it and not want to deal with it. Examining yourself is hard, Christy. Asking questions like the ones we do is a hard thing and deals with some very deep issues. Taking the path of least resistance is often preferable, and easier. But not necessarily right.
QuoteHow do i explain it to the psychologist/gender therapist im planning to see? ive been so disconnected from myself, am even sure? is this real? ....... if so then WHY? how do i explain it to mum? she didnt take me liking guys so well, or didnt believe it
You don't explain it, Christy. You just talk about how you're feeling. You talk to them like you've talked to us. They're people, hon. There to try and help you understand yourself better. Not judge you.
QuoteIve tried to cope with it by using escapism ie watching copious amounts of TV, gaming, over eating (unfortunately) which has worked up until now but ive become slightly agoraphobic tbh
ive never let myself feel all that before since i first tried on girl clothes, and make up all those years ago, i really tried to disconnect from it, but the more i tried the more ive become disconnected from life in general .........
Have a read around here, sweetie. You'd be surprised how common that is. You're not alone with this, okay?
*extra big hug*