I went through the same kinda thing. I hide myself from the world til I was 30. And one day I saw someone acting the way I want to act, and said if they can do it, then I can to. Before this I was quiet, emotionless, and went through two depressions. I got through them by myself. I used exercising as outlet for stress and whenever I had a negative thought I would take one big deep breath to block out the thought and kept doing it if they kept coming. And over loaded my life with happy stuff, comedies, good feeling music, pics of baby animals, w/e can make you smile, i only or a moment. But what got me over all this completely is just letting go completely. If I feel like singing, I don't care if i'm in a doctor's office I do it anyways. I feel like wearing shiny chap stick I go for it, if they give me a funny look, I smile at them and say hello. They make fun of me, I hit on them. That kind of stuff.
You do need to work through all your emotions and memories, but you gotta be calm for it to do anything. Once you can calm down a bit, do some soul searching. Figure out what you want. and then tell someone close to you that you trust all the details. It will be such a relief to get it all out. You're not gonna get figure out everything all at once. If you can't get their on your own, ask for help. It doesn't have to be some professional. It can be a friend, family, complete stranger. Sometimes just telling someone your lost can help you figure it out.
And don't look bad at what you were hiding from yourself and others. It's actually pretty helpful, you know who you aren't, and now you have a chance to start all over again, and do things right.
