Getting rid of shame

[Bari Jo]

Oh, more than I even know where to begin with.     Mental health issues, transgressions in the recent past, distant past, almost everything.  I'll just keep it to the trans-related stuff here.

My sexuality is a major factor contributing to worsening shame and self-loathing.  I've internalized so much homophobia/lesbophobia from many directions, and a combination of always having felt alienated from both mainstream life and culture as well as the 'LGBT community' because of my inclinations, the recent public backlash against transsexual visibility, and the vitriolic hatred for women like myself so prevalent among other lesbians has left me feeling intensely ashamed and isolated.  Being trans, non-op and lesbian makes me feel triple-marginalized with respect to sexuality, and it's reached the point where I've been increasingly turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as prescription drug (over)use and self-harm to cope with the internal disgust that accompanies having sexual feelings, thoughts, urges, etc.  I feel repulsive and honestly wish I didn't have a sexuality at all much of the time.

This is exactly how I feel too, only I do like men.  I feel now that my beauty years are over, I won't get a man to like me as Bari Jo now too.  It's such a vicious cycle of shame and intolerance and transphobia by both ourselves and our LGBT community.  I am seeing the LGBT community getting better though at least in socal.

Bari Jo

[AnnMarie2017]

My shame disappeared when the people who matter most acknowledged my transition on HRT.

I think this nails it. In my experience, shame is the result of internalizing the disapproval of others. In some cases, those others may be long gone.

I think the solution, as with so many other negative thought patterns, is not to focus on it (e.g., try to cure it, to reason with it, etc.), but to plunge ahead in spite of it. Brave the elements, so to speak. When you do this, and discover that the world didn't end, your confidence grows; and, as confidence grows, so does pride, and shame dissipates.