The time between finding out that not only was transition possible, but that I wanted to do it, and actually doing something about it was 2 1/2 years. The final push to do something about it came when one day, I found myself sitting on my bed with a bottle of pills in my hand and wanting nothing more than to swallow the entire bottle and just end it all. Instead of taking the pills, I told myself "six months, if nothing has changed in six months, then that's it, I'm ending it." It was when I put a literal deadline on my life that I realized I had to do something, that sitting in limbo was no longer an option. It pushed me to seek out a therapist and a support group and get transition started. I had read other people's stories before that about how they had reached a point of transition or die and I never thought I would come to that point, but I did. I have wanted to die my whole life, but that was the first time I had ever actually planned it out. And I am really glad that instead of going through with suicide, I started transition. Because now, for the first time in my life, I actually want to live.
